Author's Note: MWAHAHAHA…*chokes* This one is some good bananas. Or rather pistachios… Yes, it is. Why, yes, it is. I need more salt. GO HERE! http://www.puzzle-piece.com …excellent way to waste time.
Wondrous Reviewing Yodelers:
Lady Sandrilene!
Kalika!
Lady Knight!
Cami of Queenscove!
Queen of Fluff!
Lady Alehanra AKA Medusagrrl!
Eve of Mirkwood!
Qui-ti!
Hayden's Super Hobbit! (I presume "Hayden" is Hayden Christensen?)
Cheshire cat! (WHEE! LEWIS CARROLL!)
Serpent Mage (Numair is scheduled for Episode Nine…You'll find out about Daine soon enough)
Lord of the Rings Luver! (I put your name in the reviewer list. I didn't give you a cameo; every 20th reviewer gets a cameo. TM stands for "trademark", but I tend to use it as a joke. No, I will not verbally worship you in my fanfic.)
A-----AND
Green Angel of Tortall!
Disclaimer:
O----------OH! I DON'T OWN TORTALL, BECAUSE TAMORA PIERCE DOES!
O----------OH! I DON'T OWN LES, BECAUSE SHE DOES!
O----------OH! I DON'T OWN "The _______ Show", BECAUSE HIKA DOES!
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Voice: LIVE from a shower-curtain tent, it's THE TAMMY SHOW!
I have a stand! Stand! Stand!
His name is Tim! Tim! Tim!
He likes to bite! Bite! Bite!
And fall off the rim! Rim! Rim!
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Lia: Today we have a very interesting guest. There is one small problem. I had to tie up Les, so, until our guest comes on, only I will host.
Les: (bound and gagged) Mmph mmph!
Lia: :: ignores her:: It's SQUIRE JOREN OF STONE MOUNTAIN! RLBM!
(RLBM drag Joren on)
Joren: WHERE ON THIS SIDE OF THE ROOF OF THE WORLD AM I?
Les: (her bindings have magically come untied and she is holding a giant "MARRY ME JOREN" sign) JO---------------OREN! I WUV YOU!
Lia: ::sigh:: Guess.
Joren: Insane Fangirl Land?
Lia: Close, but-
Les: MARRY ME, JOREN!
Lia: Goddess. –No cigar.
Joren: …Cigar?
Lia: Never mind. It's THE TAMMY SHOW, where we kidnap random Tamora Pierce characters…
Both: AND FORCE THEM TO REVEAL THEIR MOST HIDEOUS SECRETS! MWAHAHAHA…*chokes*
Lia: Lady Sandrilene wants to know what you saw in the Chamber, besides you losing to girls or being one.
Joren: I can't tell you, but lorem ipsum!
Les: ::drooling and staring vacantly at him: …What?
Joren: Dolor sit amet…so on.
Les: ::drool drool::
Lia: ::surreptitiously pokes Les::
Les: ::drool:: Oh…yeah. Kalika asks why you are such a stud-muffin, but so up yourself.
Joren: Maybe I was born this way…or maybe it's Maybelline. Since I am not "up myself", I don't know.
Lia: Why do you hate Kel so much?
Joren: Because when someone asks her "Are you a SIDHE?" she can look at them and be like "Yes, duh".
Les: ::drool:: She asks also if you bleach your hair.
Joren: No, this is like totally natural!
Lia: *gasp* Joren is a VALLEY SQUIRE!
Les: Don't say such things!
Lia: He is! Cami of Queenscove has seven questions. (1) Do you think that Kel is good in bed? (we all know that you have *something* going on behind closed doors)
Joren: Like, NO! She is totally too serious!
Les: ::drool::
Lia: Have a towel.
(Towel manifests)
Les: ::drool on towel:: (2) Did you know that you have the most *amazing* blue eyes I've ever known? *swoons*
Joren: Why, yes. Yes, I do.
Lia: (3) Do you have multiple personalities?
Joren: Oui! Je suis aussi un francaise!*
*Yes! I am also a Frenchman.
Les: ::drool drool DROOL:: Frenchmen… (4) If you had to choose between sleeping with Cleon or Neal, which would you choose? SAY NEITHER!
Joren: Like, neither! But, if I had to, Cleon. Just to spite Kel.
Lia: They broke up. And I was a sad, sad banana. (5) If you had to choose between sleeping with Garvey or Vinson, which would you choose?
Joren: Neither. Garvey if I had to; he wouldn't remember.
Les: ::drool:: (6) If Kel was the last woman on earth and you were feeling really horny, would you get it on with her?
Joren: Like, no way! Gag me with a spoon! She is, like, way serious!
Lia: (7) Will you have an affair with Cami when Neal is away?
Joren: Is she, like, blond? Or serious?
Lia: How should I know?
Joren: Like, no.
Les: ::drool:: Our next reviewer was number sixty, so she gets a cameo! Welcome Queen of Fluff!
Joren: HIDE ME!
Lia: I can't handle the scarred Ask Alanna characters much longer…
Queen of Fluff: HI JOREN! How does it feel to be compared to Draco Malfoy, resident hottie of the Harry Potter series? Do you feel intimidated by his stature?
Joren: Like, no. He's a SHORT pistachio. Annoying.
QoF: Are you gay?
Joren: Like, totally no!
QoF: What is your favorite part of a woman?
Joren: Like, her hands! She can, like, help me do my nails!
QoF: What's your teddy bear's name?
Joren: Warbling Pistachio.
QoF: Does he have buttons for eyes?
Joren: Like, gag me with a spoon! He has pistachios!
QoF: Do you cry when you have to take a bath?
Joren: Like, no! I LURVE bubble baths!
QoF: Do you believe that people want you to marry Kel? Or at least love her?
Joren: It makes me so sad, but…yes.
QoF: Do you like to suck on bananas?
Joren: YES! YUM!
QoF: Am I annoying you? If so, how?
Joren: Yes. By talking about other people! Talk about MEEEEE!
QoF: What's with the ponytail? It looked good on Numair, but not you.
Joren: It's so stylish! I hate Numair.
QoF: Did you know that I hate you and that this is just an ingenious way for me to get even with you for being mean to Kel?
Joren: I thought so…
QoF: ADIOS! ::magically vanishes::
Lia: Lady Alehanra A.K.A. Medusagrrl asks if you like snakes.
Joren: Yes. Spiffarific snakes…
Les: ::drool:: I like snakes too… Eve of Mirkwood asks if you have bi-polar disorder.
Joren: No. Yes. No. Yes. No…
Lia: Qui-ti asks if you think her trademark "Chlorophyll" farewell is stupid.
Joren: I like chlorophyll!
Les: ::drool:: So do I! Serpent Mage asks why you had to die. WHHHHHHHHY? *sniffle*
Joren: My evil twin Jornen totally killed me!
Lia: …And why you hated Kel so much.
Joren: She, like, stole my pistachios.
Lia: Poor you.
Les: ::drool:: Drowning Rooster asks why you're here, since you're dead. You don't have to run it in!
Joren: I was kidnapped from the Realms of the Dead…
Lia: The tent's in an interval plane- not Living, Dead, Chaos, or Gods! It's called The Realms of the Fanwriters!
Joren: Scary.
Les: ::drool:: Why is your fief called Stone Mountain?
Joren: Gag me with a spoon! We have a stone mountain and my ancestors were uncreative!
Lia: How many times did you have plastic surgery?
Joren: Never! It's all-natural, and I'll ask a healer! ::escapes to Baird's::
Les: I'm so sad to see him go…
Lia: Never fear! Lia is here! And she says "Never fear"…
Les: Argh…
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Poor Joren. Next guest is Daine! That's right, the Wildmage of Tortall herself! Come on down to that little square! EMAIL QUESTIONS! You can review with them, though, but PLE----EASE don't.
--Lia