Author's Note: Sorry for the delay. Life interfered. Quick poll- how many of you reading this have ever seen Mystery Science Theater 3000, a.k.a. MST 3K, the source of all MSTs? If you have, tell me! In a review, in an email (lia_s@cox.net), I DON'T CARE! I NEED to know! On a semi-related subject, my email address is lia_s@cox.net. If you haven't got email, just ask in the reviews. Don't forget to review too!

*Southern accent*

Reviewin' Soy Chitlins:

LadyKnight!

Eve of Mirkwood! (I wasn't trying to be mean to valley people. I live in Arizona, and a whole bunch of my family lives in California. Joren is representing ditzy shopaholic girls everywhere. No, I have a (music) stand, his name is Tim, and he falls down a lot. Yes, he does "bite" me. Biting music stands are a common problem, actually. That sounded…wrong.)

Lady Alehanra a.k.a. Medusagrrl!

Lynx wings! (Nice name; Lia speaks "Franglish" (a bizarre cross between French and English), like, oddly enough, me when I'm hyper.)

Dyana-of-Tortall! (I can sympathize.)

XetherealX! (Now, that is a cool name.)

Lord of the Rings Luver! (You were 81. She was 60. C'est la vie. Keep on reviewin'- try Drowning Rooster's idea)

Canabalisticdustbunny! (You win the Original Name Contest. Here's your plaque!)

Qui-ti! (I have NO idea. Since I've never played Final Fantasy, I can't say.)

Email-in' Soy Chitlins-

Queen of Fluff! (I acknowledge the geniuses of my category, in the tradition of Hika. http://hikaness.deep-ice.com/tps/main.htm)

DarkDracon0! (Les and I know what it feels like.)

Disclaimin' Soy Chitlins-

Ah don't own Les! She does!

Ah don't own Daine! Tamora Pierce does!

Ah don't own "The ___ Show"! Hikaness does!

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I have a stand! Stand! Stand!

His name is Tim! Tim! Tim!

He likes to bite! Bite! Bite!

And fall off the rim! Rim! Rim!

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Voice: LIVE from a shower-curtain tent, it's THE TAMMY SHOW!

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Lia: Today we have a very special guest!

Les: We had to tranquilize all her animals…

Lia:…Including that dude.

Les: *glare* She-----------------'s the WILDMAGE OF TORTALL-

Both: VERALIDAINE SARRASRI!

Lia: ::mumble:: Should be Salmalín.

Les: Whateva. RLBM!

(RLBM drag Daine in)

Lia: Yo.

Les: Quit the slang. It's lame. Now, Lia-

Lia: All right, Lesl-the-drooling-Joren-stalker. Mrs. Salmalín, I hope you enjoy your flight today. Please place your tray table in the upright and locked position and recline your seat.

Les: LIA!

Lia: ::grumbles:: FINE! Guess where you are.

Daine: …the Realms of the Dead?

Les: NO! It's THE TAMMY SHOW, where we kidnap random Tamora Pierce characters…

Both: AND FORCE THEM TO REVEAL THEIR MOST HIDEOUS SECRETS! MWAHAHAHA…*chokes*

Lia: It's the Realms of the Fanwriters. Worse than Gods and Dead by all counts.

Daine: Whateva.

Les: IT'S CONTAGIOUS, LIA! RUN FROM GHETTO SLANG DAINE!

Lia: I like ghetto slang!

Les: I like hosting. Well, actually, I don't. I like getting this over with.

Daine: When do I get out of here?

Lia: When you finish being kidnapped. Numero uno comes from LadyKnight! Do you have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?

Daine: No, no, no, no! Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam! Help, help! I'm being repressed! 'Tis but a flesh wound!

Les: MONTY PYTHON!

Lia: Dude. Eve of Mirkwood asks how you can like Numair, since he was 25 when you were 13. Eve, statutory rape doesn't exist in Tortall.

Daine: Ahem, but he was 27 when I was 13. And he's HOT! And RICH!

Les: Joren is better! Lady Alehanra AKA Medusagrrl asks what is with you and penguins.

Daine: How can you not WUV them? They take walkies around in their widdle tuxes…

Lia: Just like Numy. Also from Medusagrrl- if you had to choose, would you pick penguins or Numair?

Daine: Penguins are cute, but NUMY ALL THE WAY!

Les: You and Lia… Finally, what thing could you not live without?

Daine: ::sugary sweet:: Numair.

XetherealX (in audience): YEAH! YOU GO, DAINE! Wait…Lia doesn't know if I can even tolerate Numair! Or…KICK HIS BUTT! KICK IT!

Lia: Too...much...sweetness…*gags* lynx wings asks if you're evil. I am!

Daine: Of course.

Les: As am I. Also from lynx wings: is there any animal you hate?

Daine: Yes. I hate…DUCKS THAT EAT RICE PUDDING!

Lia: O-------okay. Third, do you talk to frying pans?

Daine: All the time.

Les: And finally, have you ever slept with Jonathan?

Daine: No. Why would I want to?

Lia: ladyknight (not LadyKnight) asks what the biggest animal you've ever talked to was. (probably Numair)

Daine: Numy is not an animal, and it was…hmm…an uber-mongoose!

Les: …What's that?

Daine: A mongoose a little bigger than a griffin. Scary.

Les: Ah. Queen of Fluff- ::waits for cringe::

Daine: *stares at her*

Lia: …Ask Alanna?

Daine: I don't much remember; I'm in so many fics most of them just get lookalikes.

Les: Ah. Well, she asks when you first started to like Numair.

Daine: I have no idea.

Lia: *whips out The Realms of the Gods* Page 176, chapter "Falling". You say: "I know I love you. Maybe I always have-"

Les: Get a hobby.

Lia: This is my hobby. Queen of Fluff also FEELS THE URGE to know what is between you and the felt tip pen.

Daine: Nothing! Nothing, I swear!

Les: Really. DarkDracon0 asks if Numair is any good in bed.

Daine: ::sly grin:: You have no idea.

Lia: And if he's ever had sex with you while you were in animal form. Ew, gross. Get that out of my head.

Daine: NO! It's disgusting and illegal!

Les: I seem to recall that, in your time, you were something of a lawbreaker, as was Numair…Are you ever going to marry Numair and have kids? When?

Daine: Maybe, but NO KIDS! I HATE LITTLE KIDS! ALANNA'S KIDS WERE EXCEPTIONS! In January. I always wanted to get married in January…

Lia: January? Qui-ti asks if, when you were a crazy wolf girl, you ate the bandits you killed.

Daine: No. They tasted bad.

Les: I always thought that…she asks also if sex with Numair is good.

Daine: It's excellent.

Lia: And finally, Qui-ti asks "Do you ever listen to animals in the mating season for kicks?"

Daine: No, but I'll go do it now! *tears out of shower-curtain tent to Realms of the Fanwriters*

Les: Why does that always happen?

Lia: Just because it does! And you know why it happens? Just because it does! Just because it does! And you know why it happens? Just because it do-

Les: *clamps hand on Lia's mouth* See you later, folks.

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Perverted people…next guest is NUMAIR! E-mail those questions, but still REVIEW! I FEED ON REVIEWS!

Email is in my bio with the Episode Guide. lia_s@cox.net

--Lia