Ryou Bakura--Tomb Robber You Are NOT
By: Neko-chan
A/N: Am in weird/stupid mood. Have "You Can Ring My Bell" stuck in head. Will go insane and/or drag several characters into insanity as well. Also---Decided to actually FINISH something. *ducks objects thrown at her* Once again: Beware. Yami Bakura--though thoroughly and deliciously evil--is very, very stupid in this story. End of Warning.
DISCLAIMER: *hisses at readers*
PART TWO: In Which Bakura Takes On The Role Of A Hikari To Trick The PharaohBaka
I smell.
Really, I do.
I mean--let's see how well YOU smell when you walk around this Ra-forsaken island for at LEAST two days. This body has not seen hide nor hair of a shower, toilet, and WATER in those two days. I think that both hikari-twerp and I have forgotten what deodorant looks like.
Yeah.
It's THAT bad.
The only good thing about not hiding in my Soul Room like Pharaoh no Baka (HA! PharaohBaka, more like it!) is that I get full and complete control of hikari-twerp's body. MINE! MY BODY! HA! Mine mine mine mine~!!! Bad thing: Must still answer to its calls. (Yes, we didn't have toilets and showers and all in ancient Egypt... But I've gotten used to this century! I MISS MY BUBBLE BA-- Errr... I mean, I miss my showers. Yeah... That's what I meant...)
It's not just that, though. We're led by an idiot. True, PharaohBaka's hikari-twerp is stupid enough on his own, but most of the important decisions are made BY PharaohBaka. Why do I have the niggling suspicion that we've been wandering around in circles for the past day or two? I mean-- That tree looks MIGHTY familiar.
True, all of the trees look familiar.
We ARE in a forest, after all.
But I swear to Ra that we passed THAT tree an hour ago!
To top it all off, PharaohBaka's hikari-twerp's best friend went missing. Everyone thinks that he got lost. I happen to agree. (He is, after all, stupid enough to do just that.) But hikari-twerp has been clamoring in his Soul Room--he says that something else has happened to PharaohBaka's hikari-twerp's best friend. (Ha! Bet you can't say that five times fast!) So, yeah. Besides listening to the whole group go "Where do YOU think Jyounouchi went???" I also get to hear my hikari-twerp go, "But I just KNOW that he didn't get lost! I just KNOW it!"
Gee.
That's nice.
Like I _care_.
The only reason why I'm here is actually a very simple reason. I want the Sennen Items. PharaohBaka's hikari-twerp HAS a Sennen Item. PharaohBaka's hikari-twerp won't let me anywhere NEAR the Sennen Item if he finds out who I really am. Hence, I get to act like pansy assed hikari-twerp. Yes. You can tell how much fun I'm having, can't you?
Where does he buy his CLOTHES, anyway?
Hmmm...?
Cave?
Go in?
Sur--
WAITAMINUTE!!!
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!!!
Can't you see, you idiots? Cave = Trap! It's the oldest trick in the book! Don't go in, don't go in, don't go in, you aren't STUPID enough to go in-- Damn it. I hate being wrong. Why does no one ever listen to me? I mean, sure, I'm evil, psychotic, sadistic, maybe even a little insane... But they don't KNOW that!!! They think that I'm sweet innocent gag-me-with-a-spoon hikari-twerp.
Yes, hikari-twerp. I'm talking about you.
No, I will NOT take that back. It's true, so --insert tongue sticking out here--.
WHAT did you say to me?! No, I will NOT take back what I said to you because I'm evil and psychotic and you're not. Huh? Why? Because I AM. So HA!
I win~! I win~! I win~! --once again, insert sticking out tongue HERE---
ACK!
Feet!
Stop moving! Now! I said to stop moving!!!!
WHY AREN'T YOU STOPPING?!
STOP!!!
I wonder if my shifting gaze will alert them to the fact that I'm NOT hikari-twerp? ... Naaah. They'll just think that hikari-twerp is scared. See? I TOLD you that I'm always ignored and that everyone thinks that MY hikari-twerp is a pansy ass! Hmmm... Feet. Still walking. Deeper into the cave.
DEEPER INTO THE CAVE?!
Gaaah... Everyone around me are idiots. Idiots, I say! FOOLS!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
No, hikari-twerp. I am NOT insane.
Am still getting weird looks. Am now worried what they think of hikari-twerp's mental state. (No, Honda, hikari-twerp is NOT insane. I am! ... Did I just contradict myself again? Damn.)
Now, let's see, let's see. If I was hikari-twerp (which I a technically am, but still not-am, but then again--am, and yet if you look at it from THIS perspective...), what would I do?
Must now smack head against something hard for 'brilliant' ideas.
Ooowww... Said smacking into something hard for 'brilliant' ideas was NOT such a brilliant idea. Bad News: May have a concussion from running full tilt into the wall. Good News: Group's suspicions that I am NOT hikari-twerp have gone away. Like I said--They're all idiots, every last one of them.
Still pondering first question... Brain still hurts. Must remember not to run into walls quite so hard next time. (Yes, I DO learn my lesson, hikari-twerp. Now shut up before I MAKE you shut up. ... Was that attitude I heard from you? HA! Yes--it was. Don't make me go in there. ... Heh. Thought so, hikari-twerp.)
Hmmm... Still pondering the pondering of the pondering of the question. (Did that even make sense? Must be my superior intellect to all of yours! --insert sticking tongue out here--)
. . .
Answer has come!
Answer: If I was hikari-twerp, I would most definitely walk repeatedly into traps.
Commence: Operation Trick PharaohBaka With Hikari-Twerp Act
~Run around with a plastic skeleton attached to my back
~Run away as fast as I can from an inflatable boulder
~Jump at every shadow
~Jump into Honda's arms
~Act stupid
~Act like hikari-twerp. (Wait. Never mind. Numbers five and six are the same! Heh.)
~Randomly run around, screaming my head off.
~Fall over a lot.
~Walk right into traps I could have spotted a mile away.
Ra, how I hate my life.
~Owari~