Author's Note: ::cackle:: Kept you waiting, didn't I, my pretties? I see many updates in the future…I also see my obnoxious cousin Orion (yes, that's actually his name, he's five and has a degree in being annoying) in the future…and my uncle, Fred, and his girlfriend…who seems incapable of shutting up for a change…
Point is that the only way to escape them is to lock myself in my room. You get another update very soon if I get enough questions. ;) Record-breaking review numbers last chapter. Have a malt-covered strawberry, reader mine. ::gives::
Malt-Covered Strawberries for Reviewers:
Hyacinth! (Ah, strep…a friend of mine (no, not Les) messed up her foot for the fourth time a week or two ago.)
Eve of Mirkwood! (The fonts, the fonts, they steal my email, for I see this message not…)
Tp fan! (I sincerely hope that 'tp' stands for Tamora Pierce. Sorry, you'll have to wait seven episodes.)
Panda Perky! (Mmmm…sushi…nice name…no. I'll indulge myself here: TRIIIIIIIIIIIIS/BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAR!)
Mage Kitty!
Scribler! (For plot purposes, the characters are kidnapped after their last book ends, about three years. Can you give me a book ref for Rosie's age?)
Serpent Mage! (Spooky…)
Starlight!
Ladyknight! (Dedicates.)
Hayden's Super Hobbit! (And coal…and fabric…and pretty much everything…)
Angel Wings! (Unless you were formerly Angel of the Storms, I don't think you've ever reviewed before.)
Buri! (For the record, I'm the only person writing TTS. Les, as far as I know, is unaware of its existence. Thankfully, as she would kill me if she ever found out.)
Aimee! (Funny, I was almost named Aimee…but I was also almost named Billy-Bob. Yeah. ::shrug::)
Stormy Phoenix! (BMI with that name…)
Lord of the Rings luver! (No reason, but why, with your SN, are you reading in the Tammy fandom?)
Malt-Covered Strawberries for Pub People:
Caitlin! (Read a Rosie/Lark once. Was disturbed. AHAHAHA!)
Riona!
Lemonly!
Carbon-Based Biped! (Fanboys are even more of an endangered species here in 392.)
Malt-Covered Strawberry Disclaimers:
Oh tell me, tell me, own you Rosethorn?
No, that's Tamora Pierce.
Oh tell me, tell me, own you Emelan?
No, hers too.
Oh tell me, tell me, own you Les?
No, she's hers.
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I have a stand! Stand! Stand!
His name is Tim! Tim! Tim!
He likes to bite! Bite! Bite!
And fall off the rim! Rim! Rim!
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Voice: LIVE from a shower-curtain tent, it's THE TAMMY SHOW!
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Les: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! I KNEW IT!
Lia: Shut up. We're on. Making jokes about new fangirls is bad, except if I'm making them.
Les: Yes, oh mighty ruler of all.
Lia: Thank you. Wrong fandom, in any case. No point-eared people running about slaying their kin and then making a huge deal about it.
Les: Not a lot, anyway. And, ma'mie, the guest needs on.
Lia: True. Ladies, gentlemen, and sentient socks, please welcome…
Both: DEDICATE ROSETHORN, FORMERLY KNOWN AS NIVA! RANDOM LARGE BURLY MEN!
RLBM: ::stagger out with Rosethorn, rather impeded by large vines binding them::
RLBM 1: Urgh…::keels over::
Rosethorn: ::dusts hands:: That was easy. Are you the girls that kidnapped Lark?
Lia:…did we just try to surprise Rosethorn?
Les: ::faint:: I think so.
Lia: Remind me to-
Rosethorn: ::interrupting:: not do that again? Good idea. Now, aren't you going to ask me where I think I am?
Les: Yes. What d'you think this is?
Rosethorn: A tent.
Lia: True, but it's also THE TAMMY SHOW, where Les and Lia kidnap random Tamora Pierce characters…
Both: AND FORCE THEM TO REVEAL THEIR MOST HIDEOUS SECRETS! MWAHAHAHA…*chokes*
Rosethorn: That's pretty much what Lark said.
Lia: Ah, Lark…::looks at Les:: A little too close, mayhap?
Les: ::smirk:: Indeed.
Rosethorn: Green Man, I've had better insinuaters than you two try to insinuate that. No.
Lia: Back on the subject, Hyacinth asks, "Did you ever fall passionately in love with Chimbo the Talking Pie?"
Rosethorn: How did you find out I did? Oh, Chimbo, what did I do to have you stalk me? He would always call me from bakeries…
Les: Really. She also asks "And then did you eat him because of his calorie-infested lip-smacking goodness, and regret it afterwards when you got cavities and an enormous stomachache?"
Rosethorn: No. He walked in my garden. No one walks in my garden. ::evil eye::
Lia: I'll make sure to never walk in your garden…::shiver::
Rosethorn: That would be an excellent idea.
Les: Eve of Mirkwood was our 140th reviewer! Eve!
Eve of Mirkwood: ::runs on:: ::rubs hands together evilly:: Are you afraid of cheese like Porcupineyarn, AKA Lark, is?
Rosethorn: No, I'm afraid of apple cider. Can't…sleep…cider will get me…can't sleep…cider will get me…
Lia: I never thought to see Rosie brought so low…
Rosethorn: ::snapping out:: No. One. Calls. Me. ROSIE!
Eve of Mirkwood: ROSIE! ::runs off::
Lia: Lark does. And she just did.
Rosethorn: Lark doesn't count. She's obviously like you two.
Lia: What, insane?
Rosethorn: I was thinking more along the lines of "lock me up so I can't hurt myself", but that'll do…
Les: MOVING ON…Panda Perky asks if you're secretly a sushi chef.
Rosethorn: How did you find- I mean, NO! Of course no! Whatever gave you that idea?
Lia: …and what you would do if there was no one left to gripe about…
Rosethorn: Gripe to my plants, about my other plants. Always plants!
Les: And finally, if you've ever hung someone in the well.
Rosethorn: Many times, but then Moonstream made me stop because it was bad for the water.
Lia: Mage Kitty asks if you've ever tricked anyone into walking a path surrounded by plants that you can't escape for 652 centuries?
Rosethorn: No, but I'll have to do that sometime…
Les: I like the number 652…Serpent Mage asks if you're related to her mother, whose maiden name is Thorne, first name is Rosemary, and has lots of plants.
Rosethorn: Maybe. I have a second cousin once removed named Rosemary. I haven't seen her in twenty years, though…
Lia: My great-great-aunt Laura is a hundred-four! Starlight asks what you were like as a child.
Rosethorn: I was the evil bane of anyone who crossed me. So, really, the same as I am now.
Les: She also asks what it was like dying.
Rosethorn: There were lots of people who wanted to measure my tongue so they could give me a speech impediment. They smelled like rye.
Lia: I hate rye bread. Ladyknight asks why you picked Rosethorn as a name, instead of just Thorn.
Rosethorn: Well, Lark was all depressed about the whole "Porcupineyarn" thing- never knew why she wanted that- and she said that I would need to have some kind of name that people could use to draw analogies to my personality with. I believed her, but that was the last time I followed her advice when she was emotional.
Les: For some reason, ladyknight also feels the urge to know what your favorite color is.
Rosethorn: …green?
Lia: HA! Pay up, Lesl!
Les: I hate you. ::flips eyelids::
Lia: ::rapt:: I love watching people do that. Rosie!
Rosethorn: Never call me that again. What?
Lia: Hayden's Super Hobbit asks if you find it disturbing that some people like fire, which burns plants?
Rosethorn: Not really…the kinds of plants I grow don't burn very well. I know that, at least, for a fact- Daja accidentally burned a bit of my garden once.
Les: Fiiiiiiire…
Lia: Daaaaja…
Les: ::snaps into 'reality':: Lia, wake up.
Lia: Wha'?
Les: Thank you. Buri asks "Is there some inside joke about the hanging in the well thingie?"
Rosethorn: Sort of. Henna was hanging about my garden and generally poking at my plants, and then she called me Rosie…so I hung her in the well. And Lark never forgot it, so I never bothered to either.
Lia: Trés amusant… she also asks "do you EVER get tired of fics proclaiming that you and that stuck-up-Crane-IDIOT are madly in love and completely oblivious until you coincidentally meet up in some anonymous orchard?"
Rosethorn: Very tired. Almost as much as the boy is about the ones with him and Sandry. Though not as much as I am about the Lark-and-me ones. I plan to skin the writers of those, then hang them in the well.
Les: ::sighs:: So predictable. Aimee asks if you would rather die or spend one week alone with Crane?
Rosethorn: As awful as Crane is, dying was worse. The week with Crane- I could kill him and make it look like an accident.
Lia: That's pretty hard…Caitlin's pertinent question is "You grew all of those plants, right? So... was there anything illegal in there? Be honest. I mean, you had to have the willowbark tea for something. Out with it!"
Rosethorn: No! Well…except the peppermint…but that has to be the worst law ever…and who can live without peppermint?
Les: Peppermints…Lemonly shouts "^__^ HI ROSIE! *glomp* Didja know you're uber-spiffy? BECAUSE YOU ARE! YAAAAY!"
Rosethorn: Why do you people call me Rosie so much? Yes, I did. I definitely did.
Lia: GO PUB! ::cheers:: Carbon-Based Biped pokes you and asks if you eat chocolate.
Rosethorn: Yes. Choooooocolate…no poking or I'll hang you in the well.
Les: Go chocolate. Riona asks "What exactly is going on between you and Lark? You two were MAAAAAAAADE for each other!"
Rosethorn: NOTHING! REALLY! We're just friends!
Lia: And I'm a flying pig named Elvis.
Les: Hi, Elvis!
Lia: Quiet, you. Caitlin has one last question. What's "going on" with you and Crane? Does he know about you and Lark? Does Lark know about you and Crane?
Rosethorn: That's three questions. The second: he can't because there is no "Lark and I". The first: I'm going to hang him in the well. The third: I'm going to go have her get me some rope. Right now, in fact. ::runs out of tent, with vines bearing her away::
Les: Ah, Rosethorn…she goes. The vines messed up the floor, though.
Lia: When vines mess up your floor, what do you do? You eat a peach! When vines mess up your floor, what do you do? You eat a peach and a plum! When vines mess up your floor, what do you do? You eat a peach, a plum, and an app- ::cut off by Les's hand on her mouth::
Les: Do we have a well around here somewhere?
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Questions now accepted at the Pub, too! ! 'Tis very spiffy. The next guest is… BRIAR MOSS! Yes, all you fangirls, that's right. Email, post, review! We're trying for ten pages!
--Lia