One Piece Playboy Mansion
written by yours truly

Nami: *points at title* Playboy Mansion?

Madness: Yeah! *beams*

Zoro: *raises an eyebrow at title* Why the interesting title?

Madness: Should I make it PlayGIRL Mansion? *stares pointedly at Zoro*

Shanks: It would make things interesting.

Madness: Not you too, Shanks!!

Shanks: Yep.

Madness: What is the world coming to...*sigh*. Fine...have it your way.


One Piece PLAYGIRL Mansion
written by yours truly

Shanks: Yours truly?

Madness: What?

Usopp: No one's gonna know it's you, Madness.

Madness: *deep sigh* It's staying that way. Hey, where's Ben?

Nami: Hiding from you.

Madness: *innocent smile* Now why would he do such a thing?

Shanks: *rolls eyes* As if you don't know.

Makino: He's afraid of the way you seem to enjoy yaoi and shounen-ai so much, particularly Shanks x Ben. And Luffy x Zoro.

Zoro: HEY!

Madness: *still smiling* Why dear Ben, where ever you are...I only read others' shounen-ai! Merciful heavens if I ever write one myself!

Ben: *peaks out* Positive...?

Madness: GOTCHA! *glomps Ben* Wahaha, you thought you could hide from me!!?

Ben: *winces*

Shanks: I really hope you leave me out of this...

Zoro: Be prepared to run. Madness's name isn't Madness for nothing.

Madness: hehehe...

Ben: *stares at the 15 year old girl with short messy hair clinging on to his shirt* Why won't she stop hugging me?

Madness: *shocked* I'm not hugging you!! *pushes away from Ben* I love Luffy! And Shanks! And...and...Zoro...a little bit...

Zoro: Keep me out of your sick fantasies...

Nami: You like both Shanks and Luffy? Shouldn't you just love *one* of them?

Madness: *whimpers* Leave me with my dreams!

Shanks: I really don't want to ask, but because the damn author is forcing me into this dialogue....*stares petulantly at Madness*....Where's Luffy?

Nami: *shrugs*

Usopp: *shurgs*

Ben: shurgs?

Madness: Can't a girl make a little typo now and then??

Nami: It makes you look...stupid as a writer.

Madness: *wince* Thanks for that. I'll probably hate myself later for it, once the reviews start rolling in and telling me that I need to work on grammar.

Zoro: When is this story going to have a plot?

Madness: I'm not good with plots....I mean, I get really great ideas, but getting them down on paper takes time and patience, both of which I have only when I'm drawing.

Shanks: You draw?

Madness: Lots. *starts to daydream* Hehehe

Shanks: *moves away from her* Well...that's nice...

Zoro: Don't tell me you're thinking about more shounen-ai?

Madness: Well, I...

Ben: I don't think anyone answered the question of where Luffy is.

Nami: Well, where is he, Madness??

Madness: Dude....just cuz I'm the author, I have to endure such abuse. I don't know. Eating at Party's Bar?

Makino: But I'm not at Party's Bar....

Madness: *blinks* Oh. Uh...

Shanks: (sarcasm quite evident) Very smart, Maddie. You're a genius, really.

Usopp: Then where are we??

Madness: We're...uh....we're at Party's Bar!

[scene is thereby set in Party's Bar]

Shanks: I thought it was a playgirl mansion! That doesn't make sense.

Zoro: Will it ever? This IS Madness, we're talking about.

Ben: *nods in agreement*

Makino: Damn...does this mean I have to go back to work?

Madness: Yep. Sorry, Makino...can you serve us some drinks!? Please!

Zoro: You're too young to drink, Madness...

Madness: *eyes blazing* It's MY SPAMFIC and I have a right to drink till I'm so tipsy....I...I....I dunno!

Ben: Very smooth.

Madness: Psh.

Makino: Zoro's right, Maddie...I can't serve you a drink until you become of age.

Madness: Poor Makino...if you only knew of the fanfic I read between you and Shanks the other day... *sigh*

Shanks: *blinks* I thought you liked shounen-ai.

Ben: Don't remind her.

Shanks: But it's my sexuality she's fantasizing about!!

Makino: Unless you're a virgin, Shanks.

Madness: *laughs so hard she becomes as red as Shanks's hair* Not in MY dreams!!!!

Ben: But how sure can you be?

Nami: *stares at Shanks*

Shanks: ...what?

Nami: Just wondering. Heh..

Shanks: Wondering what???

Madness: Um...I beginning to wonder where IS Luffy??

Usopp: You stopped laughing.

Madness: I'm a changeable girl.

Zoro: Changeable...as in...sexually?

Madness: *blinks*

Nami: *blinks*

Makino: *blinks*

Zoro: Damn author.

Ben: Why did all the girls have to blink?

Shanks: Probably a girl thing. Don't ask. Just back away.

Usopp: Also wondering...where's Sanji in all of this?

Makino: Maddie hasn't gotten to the episode where Sanji comes in yet. The computer she uses to download and watch the episodes isn't working.

Usopp: Oh. So...no Sanji?

Madness: I could...but he'd be horribly out of character.

Ben: Yeah...as opposed to the rest of us... *glare*

Nami: True.

Shanks: Who are you agreeing with?

Nami: Ben.

Madness: Wasn't he being sarcastic, though...?

Nami: I know!!!

Madness: Okay okay...just wondering.

Ben: When...is this story...ever going...to have a plot?

Shanks: Probably never. Hey, did Madness ask for drinks, Makino?

Makino: I don't serve to minors.

Ben: *smiles evilly* But it could be interesting...

Shanks: *also smiling evilly* Would you miss an opportunity....

Zoro: *nods* I wouldn't miss it.

Nami: Of course all the guys would agree on making Madness a drunkard just so they could manipulate her into letting them out of this spamfic and being evil with the girl characters...

Madness: Heh. No. The last time I had a drink was on New Year's Eve...I only had a martini glass of white wine, and it didn't taste all too good....but then again, I'll develop the acquired taste later.

Makino: Your point? You still aren't getting any drinks from me.

Madness: But it's just to warm my throat! On New Year's Eve, when I drank the white wine, that's just what it did -- it warmed my throat up and make me feel nice and tingly.

Nami: You're no role model!

Madness: *sighs* I'm fine with that, Nami.

Ben: Give her a drink, Makino!

Makino: No. I don't want to risk being sued by her folks.

Madness: If I get drunk, I'll just spend the night at Luffy's place. *evil grin* Right? I won't be drunk in the morning!

Shanks: You'll just get a hangover.

Zoro: Spend the night at LUFFY'S??

Nami: Yeah, she would. I know she would. *grins* Jealous?

Zoro: *pouts* Damn author. NO, I'm not jealous. I know they're dating and all that.

Usopp: Where IS Luffy??

Madness: I got it! He's sleeping!

Zoro: You must have been really desperate.

Madness: Thanks! And, uh...he should be getting up right about now...but then again, he should sleep. The boy has too much energy during the day.

Nami: I guess.

Zoro: *still pouting* So what's the plot of this again?

Shanks: Nothing. Leave it be. We won't get hurt this way.

Makino: *passes Shanks and Ben drinks*

Madness: HEY! What about me, Makino!?

Makino: I'm not saying it again, Mad.

Zoro: Who's mad?

Shanks: *points at Madness* She is. Give her a drink, Makino...a hard one.

Madness: *giggles* Really, now...

Ben: Ignore her. She's in that perverted-thinking stage.

Makino: I see.

Shanks: If you give her a strong enough drink, she'll pass out. I know for a fact that novice drinkers aren't as tolerant as they think they'd be.

Zoro: Maybe she'll get knocked out before Luffy wakes up.

Nami: Such an obsession with keeping Madness away from Luffy, Zoro...?

Zoro: *glares, unsheathes sword halfway* It's the author's fault, as I said.

Madness: It's not like I'm gonna corrupt him! I'm just in one of those moods...but I'm really not this bad! Maybe the liquor from the wine on New Year's Eve is still taking effect.

Shanks: *dryly* For two days?

Ben: Don't knock it, Shanks...remember it happening between me and Makino...?

Shanks: What?? *eyes wide at Makino*

Makino: The author, I bet. Just for that crack, Madness, I'm *definitely* not giving you a drink.

Madness: *pouts* If only you knew my power....hehehe

Makino: *cowers*

Shanks: *calmly drinks his beer* Okay...my bet is on Madness. Zoro, what about you?

Zoro: I dunno, Shanks...Makino sure puts up a fight when it comes to serving minors.

Shanks: But that's just because she's afraid of lawsuits.

Ben: Meaning she doesn't really care about Madness's well being.

Madness: Hm...I've never read a Makino x Ben fic before...that'll be fun, right, Shanks?

Shanks: As long as it's not me, Mad.

Madness: That's okay cuz you're nice to me now. Makino... *sweetly* May I please have a drink of one of your fine wines?

Makino: *sighs* Fine.

Madness: *blinks* Really? Dang. I would have loved a Makino x Ben fic.

Makino: *passes her a glass with a drink in it* There you go. Now you can't say I didn't give you a drink. Next time I'll charge you.

Ben: Thank god you finally gave her a drink.

Shanks: I, for one, am a little disappointed. It would have been interesting to watch.

Zoro: I'm still wondering....why is this spamfic called 'One Piece Playgirl Mansion'?

Madness: *chugs down drink* HEY! This is water!!!

Makino: No it's not. It's an alcoholic beverage that *tastes* like water, but in fact it's actually a very strong liquor.

Madness: Oh okay! *beams* Now Zoro...in response to your question...

Usopp: I'd like to know why, too!

Nami: Same here!

Shanks: *still drinking his beer*

Ben: *begins to drink his beer* Yeah...why?

Madness: Cuz....oh damnit...

Makino: What?

Madness: This first chapter is waaaaaaay too long. So it'll all be explained in chapter two!

Shanks: What??

Zoro: That's ridiculous...WHY go through this whole chapter without even a plot in mind, AND Luffy is nowhere to be found, AND without telling us what the hell the point of this fic is??

Madness: Cuz I'm tired... *snuggles up against Shanks* Good night.

Ben: Guess that drink helped. But hey, what would Luffy say if he saw you with Shanks?

Madness: *mumbling* But Shanks's hair is so nice and pretty...*mumbling*

Shanks: She's asleep.

Zoro: *evil grin* Time to go on with the plan...

Makino: You mean....hm....when she wakes up, she'll be her normal self...

Shanks: I just hope we find Luffy before she wakes up.

Nami: I don't know what you guys are talking about...

Usopp: It's the ultimate plan to scare Madness to the point of near insanity!

Nami: Oh. In that case, count me in!

Is Zoro in love with Luffy? Is Shanks really a virgin? What's going on between Ben and Makino? Will Madness tell us in the next chapter????

Zoro: Shut up or you'll wake her up!

Nami: And the plans will be ruined!

My bad. ^^;;

~~~
A/N: This fic was inspired by an online spamfic in Smutgarden. Next chapter coming soon! =D R/R if you want, or maybe you could ask some questions for Madness to *try* and answer! If she ever stops drooling over Shanks, that is....but heck, try to ask her!