One Piece Playgirl Mansion - CHAPTER TWO
written by madness

Shanks: Still no plot.

Zoro: And that's a good thing to me.

Synopsis from last chapter - Madness tends to bother the One Piece gang with random craziness and threats of placing them into embarrassing situations. But before the last chapter ended, Madness fell asleep, and the gang wanted to get even with her for putting them through such insanity....

Ben: We can't. We couldn't find Luffy in time.

Usopp: I'm so bored...when is the plot going to unfold?

Makino: Who knows. We'll have to force her to tell us the plot of this story.

Shanks: Do we really want to know?

Nami: Yes and no. Yes, because then once we have a plot, this story will finally GET somewhere and will eventually end. No, because I fear Madness's plans for us.

Ben: *nods* Well put.

Zoro: When the hell is she gonna get up?

Usopp: Poke her.

Shanks: Yeah.

Zoro: *pokes Madness*

Nami: More! Don't be cheap.

Zoro: *scowling, he continues to poke her* Get up, get up. Hey, why don't we just let Shanks do this?

Ben: Once she sees Shanks she'll just start...you know...being that crazed fangirl again. And start fantasizing about him again.

Shanks: It feels wrong,though....I'm 22 years older than she is.

Makino: And a virgin.

Shanks: Not.

Makino: Prove it.

Shanks: Can't you take my word for it?

Makino: No, now that the author has brought it up.

[Madness wakes up finally, sees that Zoro is poking at her, and begins to poke at him back. He scowls at her, which doesn't phase her a bit.]

Madness: I'm awake again! HEY, IT'S SHANKS! I LOVE YOU!!!

Shanks: *flatly* Yeah. She's back to normal.

Madness: *cheerfully* Not necessarily! *glomps Shanks* But I still looooove you!

Nami: And Luffy....?

Madness: *sobs all of a sudden* I know!! I love him too!!

Ben: I'm sorry, but I have to ask...why the heck is she in love with LUFFY?

Zoro: You had to get her started. That wasn't smart.

Ben: HEY, I have the highest I.Q. of all the One Piece characters! *crosses his arms* And you're just a kid.

Shanks: *sticks tongue out at Zoro*

Zoro: *glares at them both* No wonder there's so many doujinshi fics with you two as a pairing.

Makino: As long as it's not me.

Usopp: Hey, I haven't said much in this fic!!

Nami: Me neither!!

Madness: *waves hand, mumbles a few words that sound strangely like 'Ook, ak, uck' and suddenly Usopp and Nami fall asleep* It's a trick I learned from Smutgarden. It's easy to get rid of people. *laughs diabolically*

Shanks: Smutgarden?

Ben: I've heard of that place...

Madness: It's where I found you guys. Vivi's not here, though. I sent her to sleep earlier on.

Makino: What about Sanji?

Madness: Dunno. Maybe I'll introduce him to a friend of mine.

Ben: So you're going to bring him into the torture?

Shanks: Seems like it. But how are you going to bring her in?

Madness: Who?

Shanks: Your friend.

Makino: I thought it was a Nami x Sanji thing.

Madness: I don't think Sanji OR Nami would mind. Besides...Nami's asleep. *points to the sleeping Nami* I'm gonna ask her over my cell phone.

Shanks: What...?

Madness: Technology kicks hard ass. *proceeds to phone her friend Tsurai, asks her a series of questions, and then turns her phone off*

Shanks: *stares at Madness in confusion as she tucks her cell phone away after a quick conversation* Why did you ask her if she liked both Sanji AND Zoro?

Madness: For fun. And just to let you know, I'm not the only fickle one.

Ben: *dryly* All right, I'll bite.

Shanks: *smirks, but quickly shakes it off* That was wrong, author.

Ben: I MEAN that I want to know why Madness wants to bring her friend into this mess.

Madness: Mess? Why thank you for calling my spamfic a mess!! You MEANIE!! *buries her head into Shanks's blouse and "cries"*

Ben: ......anyway, this *is* a mess. No plot, no point, no romance scenes...

Zoro: Romance scenes??

Ben: Author induced dialogue.

Makino: I know...I thought Madness also read a Makino x Shanks fic.

Madness: *still clinging to Shanks, who in turn doesn't bother to shake her off anymore* Yeah, but I like shounen-ai the best. Unless you really want to be with Shanks!! FINALLY, an unforced coupling.

Ben: Actually, he's mine.

Makino: *blinks*

Madness: Can't you guys just humor me?? I mean, it's my spamfic, and I.... *pauses*....wait, WHAT?

Ben: Shanks is mine!!

Makino: *stares at Madness* What did you do to Ben?

Madness: Actually....nothing. That could only mean....

Tsurai: How the hell did I get in here?

Madness: Welcome, friend! *hugs her friend*

Shanks: Welcome "friend"?

Zoro: I'm assuming so that we know that this Tsurai is the friend she was talking to on her phone earlier.

Tsurai: I didn't think I'd actually...come here... *stares at Zoro almost longingly*

Zoro: *blinks* What?

Madness: That's just her way of saying "I love you".

Tsurai: NO IT'S NOT!

Shanks: Another crazed fan. This'll be fun to watch.

Makino: No it won't. Maddie's getting off topic here.

Ben: There's no topic at all.

Makino: Damn.

Madness: That's only cuz I don't want to think of a plot right now.

Shanks: Meaning never.

Tsurai: *still staring at Zoro while blushing insanely*

Zoro: This is getting scary.

Tsurai: *squeaks at Zoro's voice*

Zoro: *smirks at her*

Madness: Oh that's right...I gotta go introduce her to Sanji. I mean, that's why she's here.

Zoro: Why Sanji?

Tsurai: Ee!

Shanks: A pitiful attempt to make you jealous of Sanji, Zoro.

Makino: Doesn't explain why Ben is professing his love for Shanks.

Tsurai: I, uh...think Ben x Shanks is funny.

Shanks: *stares* You DO, now? And playing with sexual peferences amuses you?

Madness: *giggles*

Tsurai: Male hormones being raging off at the same sex is hilarious.

Zoro: You say that with a smile!!

Tsurai: *squeaks* Tchii.

Makino: I don't think we'll heard full-fledged sentences from Tsurai when Zoro speaks.

Shanks: So where's Sanji, then?

Makino: More than that, where's Luffy?

Madness: *grabs at her hair* OMIGOD, I forgot about my Luffy!!

Tsurai: Heh...YOUR Luffy.

Madness: Zoro!

Tsurai: *glowers, blushes* I don't love him!!

Shanks: Sure you don't, kid.

Tsurai: What are you implying...that I'm short, or something...? I'm not mature enough to be qualified as an adult? Is that it??

Shanks: Short, yes.

Tsurai: What!??

Ben: You're an adult?

Makino: Old enough to drink, even?

Tsurai: YES I'M AN ADULT! I'm 18 years old!

Shanks: I'm 37. *sticks tongue out at her* Beat that!

Tsurai: I'm more mature than you!

Makino: That's something we can all agree on...Shanks is a virgin.

Shanks: NOT.

Tsurai: *laughs* That is embarrassing for a 37 year old man!

Madness: *glowers* He's not an old man. Ben loves him all the same. Me too!

Zoro: *turns to Tsurai* How old are you?

Tsurai: Tchi. Eep. Donk.

Madness: *laughs hysterically*

Shanks: The author's doing again.

Makino: Atleast I'm safe...

[Ominous pause]

Makino:...though I'm the only one who really knows how to tempt Shanks into bed. *evil grin*

Tsurai: Maddie, you can so tell that the author made her say that.

Ben: Yeah. Real inconspicuous of you, author. *stares at Shanks seductively*

Tsurai: No wonder Maddie likes shounen-ai so damn much.

Makino: Since you're 18, Tsurai, what type of drink would you like? It's on the house.

Madness: *evil grin* Yeah Tsurai...what type of drink?

Tsurai: Oh, uh....I kinda get a little crazy when I drink...

Ben: We've already seen an insane kid drink.

Shanks: Yeah...it really makes no difference...

Tsurai: But didn't Maddie drink water!?

Madness: It's not true!! It was a water-tasting alcoholic beverage that's REALLY strong!

Tsurai: Oh that's right. *smirks at Shanks*

Makino: Which drink?

Tsurai: I'd like a Shirly Temple with a twist of dry root.

Ben and Shanks: MINOR! She's a minor!!

Tsurai: Don't tell me you never had no Shirly Temple before, Shanks.

Ben: Why are you asking him particularly?

Madness: She's just messing with my head that way. She knows I adore Shanks.

Shanks: If you insist. Yeah, I've had a Shirly Temple before.

Zoro: *blinks* That doesn't sound...very masculine...

Tsurai: EP. *squeak*

Madness: Oh that's right!!! I forgot about the Shanks x Ben thing!

Tsurai: Hehehe. If you're wondering why Ben said that Shanks was his....that was my doing.

Madness: *gasps fakely* No!

Shanks: *sighs* Not surprised at all....

Will this story EVER get a plot?? When will Luffy and Sanji come in? Will Madness ever make any sense in writing a story? Is Tsurai going to be sexually intimate with Zoro?

Zoro: Not at this rate.

Tsurai: Damnit!

Shanks: You stopped squeaking in front of Zoro!

Tsurai: That's cuz I wanna kill the author for writing that last line up there! Sexually intimate with Zoro!!!??

Madness: Hehehe.

Is Shanks a virgin or can Ben prove otherwise??

Ben: How would I be able to prove something like that?

Shanks: Don't think about it. Please.

Makino: So you ARE a virgin!

Shanks: NOT!!

~~
A/N: This is what boredom does to you.

R/R, if you'd like. =D