One Piece Playgirl Mansion - CHAPTER THREE
written by Madness
Zoro: I'm assuming you saw Sanji, Ma-chan.
Madness: *hides her Sanji plushie behind her back* N-no! And don't call me "Ma-chan!"
Zoro: Ma.
Shanks: -chan.
Madness: Ahhh, Shanks!! I love you!!! *glomps Shanks, leaving her Sanji plushie to fall to the ground*
Ben: *picks up plush doll* Another obsession?
Madness: We-ell....yes and no.
Makino: I noticed that Tsurai went back to her world early. Was she sick?
Madness: Naw, just lazy. Waitaminute, I'M the lazy one!!
Shanks: She beat you.
Madness: Dang.
It's Friday, and Madness wants to vent out her frustrations on hugging her new One Piece plushies and Shanks. No, not a plush doll of Shanks....the REAL Shanks. And now that she's been watching a load of One Piece DVDs she bought off of eBay, she...found...Sanji.
Zoro: Meaning?
Madness: *sobs* I think Sanji is really cool!
Makino: *sweatdrop*
Zoro: Sanji??
Shanks: Fickle. And childish.
Madness: *pointedly* I AM fickle. But...I still looooove you, Shanks!
Shanks: I'm sure.
Ben: Wait, what's that eBay thing? How did you get those...little dolls of Luffy, Sanji, and Zoro?
Zoro: She has a doll of ME??
Madness:*snuggles Zoro plush* Yes, but I feel bad. Tsurai loves you, and I just think you're really....uh....really sexy! *smiles helpfully* And I like your deep voice! But I shouldn't be saying this aloud! *laughs maniacally*
Zoro: *takes a step away from Madness* Oi, Ma-chan...
Madness: HE-EY! Only Luffy calls me Ma-chan!!
Sanji: And me.
Zoro: *eyes widen* Where the hell...??
Madness: SANJI!! *sighs like the typically crazed fangirl* I'm not usually so ditzy. Fine. I'll be myself. [voice is pitched higher and squeakier than usual] Hi, Sanji! How are you doing!?
Sanji: Fine~, Ma-chan! *smiles at Ma-chan*
Madness: Awww, he's so sweet! *sniffle* But I still love you, Shanks!!! I even bought a poster of you and kid-Luffy offa eBay! So cute...
Zoro: What IS this eBay?
Ben: I'd like to know, too.
Makino: eBay is an internet shop that allows people from all over the world to buy, auction, and sell things.
Shanks: *blinks* How do you know so much about this eBay?
Makino: *hesitantly* Well...I was once caught in the eBay craze...
Madness: OH! Did you go to "eBayers Anonymous"??
Sanji: ...what the hell is that?
Shanks: If it's anything like "Alcoholics Anonymous"...count me out.
Madness: You're not a drunkard Shanks!!
Shanks: *shrugs* *smiles* It takes a while to get tolerant.
Madness: *wails* I still love you!!!!!! *sobs*
Shanks: Dammit.
Makino: Anyway....since now that you bring up that "eBayers Anonymous" thing....Madness...
Sanji: ?
Zoro: ?
Madness: Huh...?
Makino: I think you should go.
[Ben and Shanks turn to eachother, blink, and then start laughing hysterically]
Madness: I don't have a problem with eBay!!!
Zoro: *skeptically* Uh-huh.
Sanji: *also skeptically* Sure, Ma-chan.
Makino: Admitting you have a problem is the first step to solving it.
Madness: *glares at them all* I...don't...have...a...pro-..
[Four plush dolls fall from the sky and into Madness's lap.]
Voice from the sky: Special delivery for a Madness!
Madness: *gaping* TSURAI!! I'LL KILL YOU!!
Tsurai, the voice from the sky: Nyaaa~!
Madness: ZORO!!!!!
Zoro: What?
Tsurai, the voice from the sky: EEK! Onga. Derf. [apparently leaves to sulk]
Madness: Thanks, Zoro-san.
Zoro: ....
Sanji: Where's Nami-san? *looks around frantically* NAMI-SAN?
Ben: Sleeping. Courtesy of Madness.
Sanji: *grabs Madness by the cuff of her sweater* WHY? WHY? What did you do to Nami-san!?? Ma-chan!!
Madness: *half-choking* Hey! Hey! I didn't do anything, she's just sleepin! Ben made it sound...*choke*...bad..!!
Sanji: Oh? All right, Ma-chan~! *politely places her on her stool* I made those cakes you like so much, Ma-chan! Like some?
Madness: *childishly* Yes, please!! *smiles like crazy* Thanks, Sanji-kun!!
Zoro: Ma-chan.
Madness: *stares pointedly at Zoro* You see how nice Sanji is to me and how nice you aren't!??
Zoro: Sanji is like that to all women.
Shanks: "Women."
Ben: Guess Madness is an exception?
Madness: I'm a young lady! *pouts*
Makino: Even your friend Tsurai is older than you are.
Madness: *turns to Zoro* Oi, Zoro...?
Zoro: What?
Madness: Would you ever date a younger girl?
Zoro: By how much...?
Madness: You're 19, right? Well...would you date an 18 year old?
Zoro: I guess.
Madness: 17?
Zoro: ...I suppose.
Madness: How about 12?
Zoro: ????WHAT??
Shanks: What is the point of this...?
Ben: Trying to see if Zoro is a pedophile?
Voice from the sky: Blasphemy!!!
Madness: *screams at sky* GO TO SLEEP, TSURAI!!
Tsurai, the voice from the sky: I'll get you back, MA-CHAN!!
Madness: Bad girl! No Sanji for you!!
Tsurai, the...whatever: I have Zoro! *gasps to self* I mean...!!!
Ben: Too late.
Tsurai, T.V.F.T.S.: NOOO!!! [apparently leaves]
Makino: I'd say Madness knows her friend too well.
Madness: So, Zoro? 12? 13? 14?
Zoro: What the hell is the point??
Shanks: Pedophile.
Zoro: *glares at Shanks* You're one to talk!
Shanks: *sticks tongue out at Zoro*
Madness: Well, Zoro?
Ben: He'd probably go as low as you, Madness.
Madness: I'M GONNA BE 16 IN MARCH!! THAT'S LESS THAN TWO MONTHS AWAY!!
Shanks: That's it....?
Madness: *begins to mope* March 19. And I know what I want for my birthday! *glomps Shanks*
Ben: I don't wanna know.
Makino: If it's another plush...I'd give you the closest address for the "eBayers Anonymous" thing.
Madness: *sniffle* I don't have a problem. I only bought 4 One Piece plushies, 2 pencilboards of One Piece (specifically Sanji), a One Piece poster of Shanks and little Luffy, and...some other things that are really cute...
Shanks: Didn't mention the DVDs you used to discover Sanji's voice.
Madness: EE! I love Sanji's voice!!! So smooooooth~!
Zoro: So let's see...you like Shanks, Luffy, me, and Sanji?
Madness: .....that's right. But I LOVE Shanks!!!!! Haha!
Makino: Eh...right...
Zoro: So what do we call people like you, Ma-chan?
Madness: Normal?
Shanks: Pervert.
Makino: Ecchi.
Ben: Definitely abnormal.
Madness:....what's that supposed to mean? So WHAT if Tsurai calls me a poligamy-er.
Ben: There's no such word.
Madness: You understand, though?
Shanks: Strangely enough, I do. Though...it doesn't make too much sense.
Madness: *sighs* Tsurai is...psychotic.
Shanks: I see.
Madness: Hehehe~.
[Sanji returns with a plate full of chocolate cupcakes]
Sanji: Tadaima, Ma-chan~!
Madness: Okaeri nasai, Sanji-kun!!
Shanks: Finally learning Japanese?
Madness: I've been going to Japanese school! *beams* For quite some time, too!! Haha! Ogenki desuka, Shanks-sama?
Shanks: Okagesamade, genki desu. Ma-chan....anata wa ecchi desu.
Madness: NO, I'm not a pervert, Shanks, but I'm glad you're okay.
Makino: I don't think you should speak Japanese here, Madness. It'll confuse some people. *points towards YOU READERS*
Madness: Oh. Sorry. I'm not thinking straight....
Zoro: Not unusual.
Ben: True. By the way....you DO realize that you haven't mentioned Luffy at all in this chapter. Are you ever going to include him in this mess?
Madness: Pshaw. He's sleeping. And you know what..? I should be doing the same! I'm TIRED! I just came home from taking a History midterm!! *munches on cupcake* Delicious, Sanji-kun!!!
Sanji: Ah, thank you.
Makino: Midterm? I see...how was it?
Madness: Sucked. But I think I'm okay.... *stops munching on cupcake and stares sullenly at the counter* ....I think I'm okay..
Shanks: You've made her depressed.
Madness: No. *cheerfully* I'm okay now! It's over with, and now it's Friday!!
Ben: Okay...
Madness: *munches even more* You guys have to try these!!
[Zoro reaches for Sanji's plate, but Sanji pulls it away]
Sanji: These are Ma-chan's! Yours is in the kitchen!
Zoro: YOU..!!
Madness: *quickly* ANYWAY, I don't wanna get caught in the middle. I don't wanna have to choose between you guys...cuz I love you both!! *sobs into Shanks's shirt*
Makino: Pointless crying, Ma-chan, isn't getting you a plot.
Madness: NO PLOT. I've been permanently inspired by SmutGarden, which taught me that sometimes a story without a plot...is the BEST!!! Though the Playgirl Mansion can't compare with SmutGarden, I'm still HAPPY with NO PLOT.
Makino: *cowers* Then when will it end...?
Ben: Never.
Shanks: Possibly.
Zoro: But knowing Madness, who never finishes what she starts....it might end on this chapter.
Madness: It WON'T!!! *continues to munch on cakes*
Sanji: Like the cakes, Ma-chan?
Madness: You know it! *winks*
[Shanks pauses for a moment, then smirks slyly. He turns to Madness.]
Shanks: He-ey, Ma-chaaan~?
Madness: YES, SHANKS-SAMA?! *over-eager*
Shanks: Don't you need to relax...? You know...take a break from this chapter and all?
Madness: You're right, Shanks-sama! I need to drink some more Nestle's Quick at home and.....finish my Japanese homework for tomorrow. Man...almost forgot about that.
Shanks: *with a straight, honest face* A young lady like you needs rest to grow up to be a beautiful woman, you know.
Madness: YEAH! Goodnight, Shanks-sama! Zoro! Sanji-kun! Ben-san!! Everyone..! *paused, blinks* I don't think I'll be saying Ben-SAN anymore. It sounds too close to "Benson". [skips merrily off]
Ben: No comment.
Makino: She forgot her "eBayers Anonymous" address. I swear, that girl is gonna get worse.
Zoro: She also forgot her Sanji doll. *lifts doll with disdain*
[Sanji snatches the doll away from Zoro eagerly]
Sanji: Ma-chan's so sweet!
Zoro: *mutters* Is that author-induced...or is it really Sanji?
Shanks: Doesn't he hit on all the girls?
Zoro: You're right. Pity...I gave him the benefit of a doubt...
Sanji: Atleast I'm not a pedophile...
Zoro: Ma-chan is 15!!
Sanji: Isn't Tsurai 12?
Zoro: ...??
Shanks: She said she was 18.
Makino: I don't know anymore....and I don't care.
Ben: I think Tsurai is15. She should be about Madness's age, most likely even younger.
Zoro: Hn.
Sanji:......he's still a pedophile...
Is Zoro really a pedophile?? Is Tsurai ever going to reveal her true feelings for Zoro, or will Sanji sweep her off her feet?
Shanks: Who cares??
Ben: Is the author talking about a sexual relationship between Tsurai and Zoro?
Makino: Let's hope not.
Tsurai, the voice from the sky: MADDIE!!!!!!!!
[Madness, who is currently wrapped in three blankets while snuggling with her One Piece plush dolls, hears Tsurai's desperate and lethal scream.]
Madness: Kukuku.
~~~
A/N: I LOVE SMUTGARDEN!!! If you even *remotely* like my spamfic, you absolutely ADORE Stacey's Smutgarden. So…go read it!!! R/R my fic, if you wanna. =D