One Piece Playgirl Mansion - Chapter Four


Madness: *sniffles* Sick today... *slumps over counter in Party's Bar*

Tsurai: You deserve to be sick after what you put me through!!

Madness: No... *cough hack* I really AM sick today. Just wanna lie down.

Zoro: What? Then what are you still doing here??

Madness: *looks up lazily* Cuz the medicine I'm taking ain't helping me!! I need a drink or something to calm my nerves.

Makino: Sick or not, you're still a minor.

Tsurai: HA! *points at Madness* Haha!!

Madness: Dude, whaddya laughin' about? *sniffles* I'm all congested and can bar'ly speak...and you're younger than me anyway, so FEH.

Tsurai: NO, I'm 18.

Shanks: Sure you are.

Madness: Ah, it's my darling Shanks-samaaa....!

[In a pathetic attempt to glomp Shanks yet again, Madness's sickness unfortunately overcomes her strength and she collapses on Zoro accidently]

Tsurai: AHHHH, NO FAIR~!! *pouts*

Madness: Oh, sorry Zoro... *stands up straight* Huh, whatcha say?

Zoro: I didn't say anything...

Shanks: *laughs* You sound drunk, Madness!

Tsurai: Nah, she sounds more like she's high! You know how people get when they're high and they sound sleepy and stuff.

Shanks: Oh that's right. *nods with Tsurai simultaneously*

Madness: *chokes, sobs* SO MEAN! You'd think that people would treat a sickly person with r'spect.

Shanks: Not in this case, no.

Ben: It's not like you're completely out of it today. You made it here, didn't you?

Madness: Only b'cause I'm bored. *turns to Tsurai* What day is it?

Tsurai: Thursday. The 13th of February.

Madness: EHH? I thought it was Wednesday.... *sniffle* Anyway, what else can I ramble about today...? *cough cough* Oh yeah, Tsurai...?

Tsurai: *a bit worried* ...huh?

Madness: [long pause] Nah, I've got nothing on you. Dammit.

Tsurai: HA!

Zoro: How about answering some fanmail? [From out of nowhere, a bag of fanmail appears at Madness's feet]

Madness: *blinks* Since when did we start getting fanmail?

Tsurai: Since now, I guess.

Madness: There're questions in 'em? *shuffles through bag, randomnly tossing out a few letters labelled "I have a question for OPPGM!"]

Tsurai: Odd.

Shanks: You're telling me.... *opens one letter, and proceeds to laugh hysterically* Hey Ma-chan..!

Madness: Whutsamatta? *sniffle*

Shanks: This letter is empty!

Tsurai and Zoro: *blink, turn to each other, blink again, then starts laughing hysterically*

Ben: Just when you thought you were going somewhere.

Madness: *sobs* Yeah, I feel the love. *cough cough*

[Sanji enters with two humongous bouquets of roses]

Sanji: HI, MA-CHAN! TSU-CHAN! *gives one bouquet to Tsurai ever-so-dramatically*

Tsurai: *blushes like the psycho girl she is* I...I...I'm so touched... *begins to cry into the flowers* I didn't know you loved me so much....! (Oh, that rhymes!)

Sanji: Oh yes, my dear Tsu-chan! *takes her hand into his delicately*

Zoro: Oi. *glares at Sanji* What are you doing here?

Sanji: *ignores glare from Zoro pointedly* I heard Ma-chan's not feeling well! Of course she'll get better once I shower her with beautiful roses and sweet chocolates from her prince~!

Tsurai: Maddie's over there, though.

Madness: Like I said...much love for the sickly. *sniffle*

Sanji: Ma-chan! Please don't despair! Have some chocolates, my angel! [out of nowhere, Sanji hands Madness a big box of chocolates]. For you!

Madness: Now THAT'S love! *picks a chocolate and bites it* Mmmm, caramel~!! Thank you so much, Sanji!

Ben: *turns to Shanks* Is this some sort of way to make you jealous?

Shanks: Haha, sure it is! But don't worry about it!

Ben: ...?

Tsurai: Oh that's right...Shanks is always #1 on Maddie's inane mind.

Madness: *chewing chocolate after chocolate* Yeah, but what the hell. I love Sanji, too!

Shanks: Yeah? *smiles so sweetly at Madness, melting her heart*

Ben: Ah. Now I see.

Madness: My dear Shanks-samaaaa..... *sighs*

Sanji: I don't understand it.

Zoro: Don't understand what?

Sanji: Ma-chan! I give her flowers and candy and LOVE, and all that Shanks has to do is SMILE and Ma-chan's on the Stairway to Heaven!

Ben: I see your point.

Tsurai: But don't you love Nami?

Sanji: AH, NAMI-SAN! But she's sleeping right now...damn Madness...

Tsurai: Hey, what about ME!

Madness: What aboutcha? *cough*

Tsurai: *places a hand on her blushing cheek* I think I love Sanji, too!

Sanji: Really!?

Zoro: WHAT?!

Ben: Ah. I see where this is going.

Madness: Shanks-sama?

Shanks: Hm?

Madness: AH, you're so cute when you do that! *sniffles* I feel a little better now, thank you so much.

Sanji: No. Thanks to my chocolates! *pouts*

Madness: Oh, that's right! *turns to hug Sanji* Aww, thank you...

Shanks: *with a seemingly hurt tone* ...Ma-chan...?

Madness: *spins around to Shanks again* YES, SHANKS-SAMA? *glomps him* Love youuu...

Tsurai: This is getting real weird. ANYWAY, is there any fanmail that ISN'T blank??

Zoro: *picks up a letter, opens it, and shrugs* This one has something on it.

Madness: REALLY!? *jumps for joy* Ahh, what's it say, what's it SAAAAY???

Zoro: Uh. It's nothing, really...

Madness: Tell meeeee~!! *hugs Zoro and sobs into his shirt* Aiyaa, I'm really not feeling well....Sanji, what was in those chocolates....?

Sanji: E? I thought you knew...

Madness: *hiccup* I feel funny.

Sanji: Those are special LOVE chocolates!

Tsurai: Love chocolates...?

Shanks: What's that mean?

Sanji: *clears throat* love chocolates were specifically designed for a woman to feel allll better when she is in illness. The only thing is...there's always side-effects.... *trails off*

Ben: For some reason, it doesn't explain why they are called "Love Chocolates".

Sanji: Oh that? I made it up.

Tsurai: *a little too eagerly* What are the side-effects!?!

Madness: I feel funny.

Tsurai: Ah...me too....I shouldn't have eaten a chocolate...

Ben: Well, what are they?

Madness: Nausea? Nah...more like sleepiness.

Tsurai: Spinning little poka-dotted t-shirts? *stares at Zoro's white T-shirt with a new interest* Wow, that's cool....

Shanks: Hallucinations? *points at Tsurai and laughs*

Ben: It seems so.

Sanji: Well, hallucinations are only the beginning....

Madness: Hehe, that sucks...*holds head* So sleepy...!!

Zoro: *to Tsurai* Yes, it's a shirt, Tsurai. A shiiiiirt. [adds emphasis on the word SHIRT]

Tsurai: Pretty shirt. *hiccup* Polka-dotted and spinning~! Ooh baby, take it off... *tugs at Zoro's shirt*

Sanji: Er..."tendencies".

Zoro: MEANING!? *desperately struggles to keep Tsurai from pulling of his shirt*

Tsurai: You're so cool and....uh....cool... *glomps a very scared Zoro*

Zoro: I'm going to kill you Sanji, you bastard!!!!!!

Sanji: What makes you think I'm enjoying this!???

Shanks: Sexual tendencies?

Tsurai: *purrrs* Zoro, my minty-fresh bushido man.... *grope grope*

Madness: *cracks up laughing* AHAHAHAHA, she called you "Bushido Man", aahahaha~~!

Zoro: *whimpers*

Tsurai: Awww, he's so cute when he whimpers like that...purrrr....

Sanji: This is wrong!! You two are supposed to be...supposed to be...aw, damnit! [stomps off angrily]

Madness: Hey Sanji, don't go....ugh, I could barely keep my eyes open... *slumps over counter* The chocolates didn't help me at all...

Ben: *crosses arms and nods intelligently* Well, it seems as though the effects of the "Love Chocolates" took a reverse effect on Ma-chan.

Madness: *whimpers* Why me...?

Shanks: I don't think it was all that bad. You sound a lot better!

Madness: *teary eyed* Thank you.... *starts coughing like crazy*

Shanks: Uh...guess not..

Tsurai: *begins to lessen in groping actions* Ah...what...am I doing...?

Zoro: Could you please...stop that...?

Shanks: *laughs* Aw, but this is the good part!

Madness: That's right! Tsurai is supposed to fall into a delicate embrace with Zoro, and then passionately and ever-so-dramatically fall into his perfect lips...

Shanks: Good idea. Go ahead, Tsurai!

Tsurai: What? WHAT? WHAT!??? OMIGOOOO~D!!? *faints, coincidentally in Zoro's finely toned arms*

Madness: Wait, did she say "Omigod" or "Omigood?"

Ben: "Omigood?" That doesn't make sense!

Shanks: "Omigod." Don't you see the "~"!? That obviously shows a repetition of some sort. Or a long emphasis, or something.

Madness: *in absolute awe* Shanks-sama is so smart!

Shanks: Yeah, I know. *smiles so sweetly*

Zoro: Uh...what to do with Tsurai?

Madness: Whaddya mean, "what to do?" *smirks* You go, Zoro!

Zoro: WHAT!?

Shanks: Aren't you going to take "advantage"?

Ben: Yeah, you know...

Madness: Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Zoro: SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!!! [drops Tsurai and storms out, extremely flustered]

Madness: AHHH, NOOOOO, he never told me what was on the letter!!

Ben: There are many other letters, Madness...

Madness: Yeah, but it's the PRINCIPLE of the matter! Zoro didn't wanna tell me what it said! What if it contained something that proves to be vitally important to the safety of chimpanzees in the Sahara Desert?!! Or the flamencos in Arizona!

Shanks: Flamencos...?

Ben: You mean "flamingos", don't you? Tell me you mean "flamingos".

Madness: Potato, potAHto.

Ben: There are no flamingos in Arizona.

Shanks: And there aren't any chimpanzees in the Sahara Desert, I don't think.

Madness: *gasps* You see!?? Now they're all gone!! ZORO, LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THE AMINALS!!

Ben: A-N-I-M-A-L-S.

Shanks: Stupid!

Madness: Tomato, TomAHto.

Ben: And that's besides that point. It sounds weird to say toMAHto AND potAHto.

Madness: You're biased! *el gaspo*

Shanks: I don't understand what the big deal is. They're fruits. Who the hell cares how they're pronounced!

Madness: Ahh, Shanks-sama is so right! But STILL, what about the kangaroos in Australia?

Ben: There are no....oh, waitaminute.

Shanks: What ABOUT the kangaroos in Australia?

Madness: They're turning GREEN! [dun dun DUN!]

Ben: Okay...the effects of the chocolates...hasn't worn off...

Madness: Green like Zoro's hair.

voice from the ground: That's SO COOL!

Shanks: *looks down* Tsurai? Why are you still collapsed on the ground?

Tsurai from the ground: Am I in Hot Boy Heaven, or is Shanks starting to look really sexy right now?

Ben: Damn Sanji and his chocolates.

Madness: SHANKS IS MINE, GOSH DARNIT!

Tsurai: Ooh, baby! [a loud BANG is heard, and Tsurai falls unconscious]

Shanks: ???

Madness: [innocently, holds frying pan behind her back] Wow, I wonder what happened...!

Ben: Gee. I wonder.

Shanks: ???

Will Tsurai ever admit her feelings for Zoro? Will the letter that Zoro is keeping from Madness keep the parakeets in Mongolia from mating with pigeons? And what about those kangaroos? Will Tsurai hit on Shanks to purposely freak Madness out??

Madness: WHAT WAS THAT!?? *flames surround her being*

Tsurai: Ehehehe... *sweatdrops*

Madness: MIIIINE~!!!

Tsurai: *hides* Ahh, Maddie's scary when she's sick and obsessive...!!

Madness: No actually, I'm okay!

Tsurai: Really?

Madness: Uh-huh! *cough cough* Zoro groper. *cough cough*

Tsurai: DON'T START!!

~~~
A/N: u_u;; Goodnight~!