One Piece Playgirl Mansion - CHAPTER 6

Madness: *groaaan*

Zoro: Eh? What's wrong?

Madness: Nothing at all, actually! In any case, I'm 16 years old now!

Tsurai: Oh, PSHAW.

Madness: Yessir, I'm one year closer to my darling Shanks!

Zoro: And Sanji.

Sanji: And Zoro.

Shanks: And Luffy.

Madness: SHUSH!

Tsurai: Poligamer!!

Madness: That's not even a word!! *glowers*

Ben: But Madness...haven't you been 16 years old for about a month now?

Madness: Er...yes...well, a little less than a month or so, actually....

Shanks: You're late!

Madness: *sobs* I was stressed out! And very busy! And I had lots of rehearsing for a play I was in!!

Tsurai: Oh yeah, you were cool in it!

Zoro: "Play"?

Sanji: Which one?

Madness: It's called "Ten Little Indians" by Agatha Christie. A murder mystery. It was awesome.

Ben: What part did you play?

Madness: Dame Agatha Christie.

Ben: O_o;; Isn't she the author?

Zoro: *points at Madness and laughs* Bwahaha!!!!

Madness: *glares at Ben and Zoro pointedly* Well, YES, but I was the hostess....I had exactly 3 monologues, which was a chore to memorize, let me tell you....and I was given the lines late anyway, like 3 weeks before the play! *sticks out tongue at Zoro*

Zoro: Uh-huh?

Madness: Anyway, I was the hostess, Dame Agatha Christie, and had to say a monologue before the play, a monologue during intermission, and ANOTHER speech after the play. It was fun, though! I even had an English accent. Really cool.

Shanks: Oh, I believe you.

Madness: Thanks! I think.

Sanji: Oi, Ma-chan, what did you get for your birthday?

Madness: Nothing.

Sanji: WHAT!

Makino: Why not?

Ben: That sounds kind of cruel...

Madness: We-ell...actually, next year I'm going to Japan! That's like a gift from my parents.

Makino: But you're sixteen now!

Madness: I'm fine, though. I bought myself doujinshi. Hehehe~

Shanks: Oh? What about?

Madness: Lotsa shounen-ai. Particularly Zoro and Sanji.

Zoro: WHAT!?

Sanji: NO!!

Tsurai: Oh, yes. *sighs* I want to see them.

Sanji: Nooo, Tsu-chan!!

Madness: Oooh, yeah baby, lotsa Sanji x Zoro stuff...

Zoro: You and your stupid English accent.

Madness: I'm a New Yorker!

Tsurai: I wanna see the doujinshi!!

Shanks: *sighs* I'm gonna regret asking, and I really don't care, but...author-induced curiosity...

Madness: Yes Shanks-sama!?

Tsurai: NO!

Shanks: What?

Tsurai: No, don't ask her to marry you!!!

Madness: WHY NOT!??

Tsurai: Because...

Makino: It would be really cute if Tsurai had a crush on Shanks.

Shanks: No it wouldn't! I can't take any more fan-girl crushes!

Madness: Yeah, aren't I enough! *pouts* Besides, Tsu-chan loves Zoro-san!

Tsurai: But...but.... [struggles for a retort] ...Zoro sleeps too much!

Zoro: *twitches* Oi.

Madness: But he's so cool! AND he's good with a sword!! Besides, you sleep a lot too! Nice couple! Bwaha~!

Sanji: No!

Tsurai: Well,um...I have a cat!

voice from behind: COOL!!!

Sanji: Eh? Who's that...?

Luffy: ME!

Madness, Tsurai, and basically everyone else: WHAT!????

Luffy: *waves cheerfully* Hi Ma-chan!!

Madness: SEE!!? He calls me Ma-chan!!

Shanks: Uh..okay...

Zoro: But we call you "Ma-chan" too...

Madness: It don't count!

Sanji: Damn...where'd Luffy come from...?

Luffy: Eh? Oi Sanji...you're out of food...

Sanji: WHAT! LUFFY!! *runs to the kitchen*

Madness: Strange...isn't his kitchen on the Going Merry?

Tsurai: Welcome to...your world.

Zoro: Playgirl mansion...doesn't even have any playgirls.

Madness: Dude, don't get your hopes up. *smirks* Unless you count Tsurai here! *calls to Luffy* Hey Luffy!!!

Luffy: Eh? (A/N: cute little bug-eyed gomu-gomu boy! haha!)

Madness: Tsu-chan here has some meat for you.

Luffy: NIKU!!! [glomps Tsurai]

Tsurai: AHH!!!!!!~~~

Zoro: *evilly* What's wrong, Tsurai?

Shanks: Overly-excited.

Ben: In heat, maybe.

Madness: BAHah, that's so evil! Nah...her cat is in heat, though.

Tsurai: THAT'S NOT WHY I'M SCREAMING!!

Madness: Hn?

Luffy: Eh? Where's the meat?

Ben: No meat on her bones?

Madness: She's as bare as a man's uterus.

Ben: Er...men don't...uh...that is...

Madness: I know.

Tsurai: WHAT ARE YOU GUYS IMPLYING!???

Shanks: Why are we guys implying?

Zoro: Why is Tsurai screaming?

Luffy: Maybe she lost her hearing! And she can't hear her own voice!

Madness: Yeah!

Tsurai: NO!!!

Ben: Then WHY?

Luffy: She can't hear us! [begins to shake Tsurai violently and comes close...very close...to her ear...]

Tsurai: *blushes* What...?

Luffy: CAN YOU HEAR MEEEE??????!!!!!!

[Tsurai falls unconscious from the shock]

Luffy: ??Eh? What happened?

Madness: I think you killed her.

Shanks: And what's worse, the author implied that Tsurai likes Luffy.

Madness: She does. Not.

Zoro: Jealous?

Ben: Yeah...Luffy was all over her...

Madness: HE WANTED MEAT! HE DID NOT WANT TO JUMP HER BONES!! HE WANTED TO EAT MEAT!! MEAAAT!!!!!

Shanks: Did you just imply that Tsurai was anorexic skinny? *gasps fakely* Shame on you!!

Madness: SHE'S NOT ANOREXIC SKINNY!!!! SHE'S PERFECTLY FINE!!

Luffy: *blinks* Ma-chan, have you lost your hearing too?!

Zoro: Well, not much like *your* figure, anyway...

Madness: *suspiciously* What do you mean...?

Luffy: You have a weird shape.

Shanks: Ha! That's true!

Madness: *seethes*

Luffy: You have a great upper body, but your legs are...

Madness: ...NOT FAT.

Shanks: You're perfectly right, Ma-chan. They aren't fat.

Madness: Thank you. *sighs*

Ben: ...but your thighs are.

Madness: DON'T LOOK AT MY THIGHS, PERVERT!! Besides, I like my body. It's CURVY and VOLUPTUOUS!

Luffy: Built like...a spoon!

Madness: WHAT!!! *sniffles* I like my body, you guys...stop being so mean...

Ben: Okay fine, you're body is fine!

Madness: *whimpers* Really...?

Shanks: Just say yes.

Ben: ....yeah.

Zoro: Let's talk about your clumsiness instead!

Madness: Er....

Luffy: *cheerfully* She fell down the stairs twice this morning!

Madness: Thank you for your attempt at sounding worried for me. *sighs* Yes. I fell down the stairs twice this morning. But that's cuz the first time I was only wearing stockings!!

Zoro: And your second pitiful excuse is...?

Madness: Icy roads!

Shanks: The STAIRS were icy?

Madness: On a bus, they were! Well actually, just slippery...

Ben: Ice is slippery.

Madness: Stop acting so smart!!

Ben: *smirks*

Madness: The point is this - I'm sore. Very sore. I fell really hard, and now I'm sore.

Shanks: So what's sore?

Madness: Surprisingly, my ankle.

Zoro: Baka. How do you get your ankle sore?

Madness: How come you have natural green hair?

Zoro: None of your business.

Shanks: Probably not even natural.

Ben: There're plenty of dyes...

Zoro: MY HAIR IS NATURAL!

Luffy: Eh? Zoro, I thought your hair was sick...that's why it's green, right!?

Zoro: WHAT!?

Madness: Zoro's sick in more ways than one, mind you.

Shanks: Is that why Tsurai likes him so much?

Madness: Tsurai likes green men. Oops, I mean green-haired men. Actually, she prefers white-haired guys.

Ben: Meaning she likes old guys.

Madness: Well not really, because they have to have LONG white hair. And old guys generally have...a loss of hair in general.

Shanks: Except for me! *beams*

Madness: Shanks-sama, you're only 37! You're still my young cutie!!!! You'll NEVER grow old!!

Zoro: What you have just portrayed was the image of an immortal being. Immortals don't have ages.

Madness: *GASP* SHANKS-SAMA IS IMMORTAL!??

Luffy: Shanks!! I didn't know you were immortal!!...uh, what's immortal mean...

Ben: Being immortal means having eternal red hair.

Luffy: Ohhhh~

Will Tsurai ever wake up? Will Tsurai return? Will Tsurai fall in love with Luffy? Or is she way too hooked on Zoro? Will Tsurai fall for Sanji?? Is Tsurai the legendary Playgirl of the mansion??

Tsurai: WHY THE HELL ARE THESE QUESTIONS REVOLVING AROUND ME!????

Madness: Everybody loves Tsu-rai.

Zoro: Legendary playgirl? *eyes Tsurai with peculiar intrigue*

Tsurai: IT'S A LIE!

Luffy: No, Tsurai can't still be deaf!!

Madness: Oh, she's deaf, Luffy. Very very deaf. Please help her again.

Luffy: Okay!

[Tsurai, in an incredible outburst of pure energy, speeds home before Luffy can even take one step towards her!]

Luffy: Sugoi!!! She's so fast!!!

Zoro: She has meat, Luffy! Go catch her!

Luffy: NIKU~~~!!!??

Is Luffy gonna get meat...hey, Luffy's here!! Hey everybody, didja see Luffy!! Hey! He's here!!!

Madness: FINISH THE QUESTIONS, STUPID!!

Shanks: Don't piss off the author.

Is Shanks immortal? Is Zoro's hair sick? Are Sanji and Zoro an item?

Shanks: Yes.

Madness: To which questions?

Ben: All of them.

Zoro: I AM NOT WITH THAT BASTARD! ARGH! *shudders* It's so sick!!! YOU'RE ALL SICK, I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE!! [Runs to the door in the background, opens it, runs in, and slams it behind him.]

Madness: Isn't Sanji in there?

Ben: Yep.

Madness: Good lord, I'm gonna miss the main course. Pun intended.

Ben: I don't get it.

Madness: I didn't think you would. Which makes me happy. ^_^

Ben: But it didn't make sense.

Madness: Pshaw.

Er...this is my cue! Luffy's here!! Luffy! *ahem* Anywayz...uh...done with questioning...oh yeah, will Madness stop falling down stairs anytime soon? Will she lose her spoon figure?

Madness: OI!! I don't have a spoon figure!! AND all I gotta do is not wear stockings, and then I won't fall.

Shanks: You can't wear shoes, either.

Ben: You'll fall anyway.

Madness: *sniffles* Shut up...

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A/N: I got to thinking...I really should thank my reviewers! Why, they're the ones that keep my engine running! So lemme give the names and make you guys feel special, too! =D

Enchantress Tsurai --- Dude, of course I gotta mention you! Best friend and partner-in-crime, we're the survivors of the Mansion! I'll keep ya posted on my crazy ways, and..er...I'll call ya to rant and rave about my new craving for...uh...actually, I'll call just to rant and rave....

Stacey --- =D I'm so happy that you of all people liked my [out of whack] story!! Thanks so much, you're such a better writer of comedy though, I adore your spam! THANKS!!!

Shino --- Thanks so much for your constant reviews and emails! You're such a nice person, and I'm so flattered that you think my work is awesome. ^__^ I won't be stopping this fic anytime soon, so don't you worry! ^_~ Still watchin DVDs, but I'm only up to the beginning of the Alabasta arc... u_u;;; I'll try to get more when I get the chance...

Hobo Joe --- Thanks for your review! And I get my DVDs offa www.ebay.com . I get my One Piece doujinshi offa www.jpqueen.com. And yes…very crazy, indeed…it's quite normal, actually…bwahaha….

Cook-Sanji-Ko --- Thanks so much for saying that my fic is hilarious!! It really boosts my spirits to know that somebody really finds it so funny~ And yeah, I didn't get to Sanji when I wrote maybe the first or second random chapter, but by the third chapter, when I get the Sanji plushie, THAT'S when I saw Sanji...and got hooked on him as well... ^^;;

Kian --- Haha, yeah...March 19th! The lucky day! I'm sorry I didn't get to say this earlier, but, for March 19th, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Even though lotsa people's birthdays are on the same day, you should always feel special!! Yeah, I'm glad you feel special now! XD Glad to oblige!

Lonely Angel of Sadness --- Thanks for your boost! I'm happy when people encourage me to continue! Ahh, and yes, dearie...I will continue for as long as I could stand...and that'll be a long while, I tell you. ^_^ My first long fic. Well...my first long *comedy* fic. I usually write serious stories. So yeah. Heehee! ^_~

Neotokyo9 --- ^^;;; Thanks for the nice, yet somewhat scary and threatening, review! XD Yup, I put Luffy in the fic, so then you'd enjoy it a bit more, right? XD My hopes are soaring!!! Anywayz, thanks for your review! Hope that you continue reading my stuff now that Luffy's in it. ^_^ Thanks again!!

*kisu!*