DISCLAIMER: Characters not ours. OOC-ness unfortunately is….

A Yo-Yotan and Buki Wookie Production…

In association with College Edukashion and Utter Bhordomm…

Lara and Lilly Present…

Pass the Paint Thinner:

A Painting you gold parody

Chapter Four: "Did you know we have over twenty thousand channels on this thing?"

The next morning went relatively normally… with the exception of the Schwarz team enduring breakfast without the pleasurable presence of their stout leader.  Which was really a shame because he looked so cute when he was grumpy…well, that is, he *would've* looked cute if he didn't have a shiner the size of Detroit on his left eye.  It was so black Nagi swore Crawford could pass off for Farfie.

Needless to say last night's incident did not go over well.

The remainder of Schwarz went about their business: Nagi went to school, Schuldich did…whatever it is he does, and Farfarello got back to "updating" their alarm/ intruder eliminator system (::cackle::)

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Bradley lay in his own bed (for the first time in several weeks, Nagi's room being more comfortable and all…) contemplating his current dilemma.

He knew that something like this would happen to him one day.  He was clairvoyant, dammit, *of course* he knew!  He just didn't know it would happen so soon or manifest itself in this way.

Screw all of this, he thought to himself, with a sigh of defeat, I don't want to deal with all this crap anyway…


Why bother? He continued, it's just going to hurt me… (Yoyotan: *gushes* I love you Rivers!!!)

After a few more minutes of deliberation, Crawford rolled over on his side, resolute in his decision.

Then he did something he'd never done in his life. At eleven thirty in the morning, Bradley Crawford…took a nap.

- - - - - - - -

Nagi was anxious to get home, wanting to make sure that his dear Bradley was alright.

Last night Brad had been so upset he left to his own room to sleep.

Nagi bounded up the fronts steps of the Schwarz house after stopping the barrage of the knives that had been shot at him from both sides as he walked across the lawn.

Obviously Farfie had been bored enough to come up with a new type of intruder system.

Schuldich, having conveniently popped up after the knives were disposed of, followed closely behind Nagi and they both entered the house.  Schulidich called out in his bishounen voice: "Honey! I'm home!"

"I'm in here," they heard a voice call from the living room.

As they entered the living room, Schuldich instinctively reached for his gun.

There was someone in their living room, some being that none of Schwarz had ever seen before.  Some being clad in blue striped pajamas, covered partially by a red robe.  It had a bag of Doritos resting on one knee and the TV Guide on the other, while the remote was clutched possessively in its right hand.  The thing was lazily sprawled over their couch.

Nagi's jaw crashed to the floor, his eyes two blue saucers as Schuldich burst out laughing.

"B-Brad-kun?" Nagi whispered almost inaudibly over Schuldich's hysterical cackles.

Farfarello then entered the room to see what all the commotion was about. 

"Oh, so you found him," he observed calmly.

Nagi, a little more composed now, whirled to face the one-eyed man. "You knew about this????"

Farfarello just shrugged in response, "He bought me new knives. I figured it was alright." He proceeded to step over Schuldich (who was now rolling on the ground) and disappeared into the kitchen.

"Hey, did you guys know we have over twenty thousand different channels on this thing?" Brad called from the couch.

Nagi closed his eyes and rubbed his temples, trying to stop the migraine that he could feel taking a hold of his cerebral cortex.  (Now he knew why Brad did this all the time after going on a mission with Schuldich…)

--I'm too young to deal with this…-- he thought to himself.

"Yeah, but you're obviously not too young to be— " 

Nagi cut off Schu's air supply before the German had a chance to finish the sentence.

He reluctantly let the older man go and tried to make his way into the kitchen to collect his thoughts.

Nagi pushed the door open…

He pushed the door…

--What the…---

Finally, he gave the kitchen door a hard mental push when it gave way. Then he found that he could not get *into* the kitchen.

Open cardboard boxes littered the floor of the kitchen, taking up all available space and then some.

A more composed Schuldich poked his head in from behind Nagi.

"Oh man! How are we supposed to get to the food?!" he whined.

"I got it over here!" Brad called from in front of the TV.

Schu perked up. "Do you have rice balls?"

Brad tossed him the treat like a master would his dog. "There's more where that came from," he said.

Schulich bounded over to the American freak who once had been the anal "there-will-be-no-food-in-the-living-room" Crawford, leaving Nagi to marvel at the situation he had stumbled into.

Nagi picked up the nearest box, to find it empty except for the thousands of foam peanuts that always accompanied something that was shipped.

He saw that all the other boxes were in the exact same condition.

Rushing into the living room, he focused on things he hadn't seen before.  A new DVD player.  A black Victorian lamp.

His eye then caught sight of something poking through the door of the closet. He opened it to find they now owned a sewing machine.

Nagi dashed from room to room in the house to find various items all other the place. A new shower head, a stereo in the bathroom, a genuine Salvador Dali painting in his room, and, of course, Farfarello's new knives.  Moving back to the kitchen, he looked at the return address on the boxes.  They all said the same thing: Home Shopping Network.  His stomped back to the living room in a state of disbelief.  He stood next to the couch, unable to find words to express himself.

"Nagi-kun! Look what Brad bought me!" Schuldich giggled, holding up a black leather coat.  (Yoyotan: *giggle* Chibi-Schu!)

"WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING ALL DAY???" Nagi finally yelled at Crawford. "AND HOW THE HELL DID THESE THINGS GET HERE SO FAST??"

Bradley moved his eyes from the television to look at the teenager, his glasses reflecting the glare of the TV.

"Two words: express delivery."

Nagi felt his jaw go slack (again) in absolute horror. WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON?????  "I got something for you, too," Bradley continued. "It's in your room, in a box by the closet."

Nagi right then had half a mind to…well…do really something bad!

But his curiosity got the better of him, and do he moved into his room. Said box was one he had not noticed before. He found it curious that it was open and fairly large. Intrigued, he moved closer and looked inside.

"Three…," Bradley murmured, counting down, "Two…one…"

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Schuldich's ears perked up as Nagi's horrified scream resonated throughout the house.

He turned to Bradley with a smile.

"I think he likes it."

Nagi stomped back into the living room and suspended his 'gift' in front of Bradley's face.

"Meow."

"You got me a cat?" the Japanese boy asked, indignation in his voice. "You got me a cat!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Actually no, I didn't."

"… Good, then this is all—"

"--Technically, that's a kitten."

"ARGH!"

The kitten mewled in complaint as he was shaken about in midair.

"What?" Brad asked casually, "Don't you like him?"

"Nagi's allergic to cats," Schuldich quipped.

Brad's eyebrows shot up as he looked at Nagi's fuming form. He hadn't known that.

This…could be bad…

"He thinks they're dirty, too," Farfello added, walking through the living room and exiting through the front door

Oh, this was definitely BAD…

The kitten flew into Schuldich's chest.  "HEY!" the German caught the soft body, glaring at Nagi.  "What's the big idea?"

"You need to take care of it!" Nagi said quickly, sniffling and squishing his face to avoid sneezing.  His face turned red and he began to wheeze.

Schuldich whined.  "But why me?"


"Because I CAN"T BREATHE!  And SOMEONE ELSE isn't being COMPETENT today!"

Brad couldn't decide whether to get up from his chair or not, since it was so comfortable and warm and all, and it vaguely registered in his mind that he didn't appreciate being called incompetent.  So he offered his concern from where he was. 

This happened to be his fault, anyway. 

"….Nagi."

"WHAD?!"

"Are you all right?"

"No I am not, dhanks do you!" he yelled as he stomped back to his room.  "Oh gread," he grumbled nasally, "Dow I'b begiddig do zound like Schu. "

Brad stood from his chair, attempting to go after the boy.  "Nagi!—"

The door slammed shut.

Brad sighed.  "I made a big mistake…"

Schuldich smirked.  "… That's the first time you've gotten up all day isn't it?"

"Yup."

"Bad head rush?"

"… Yup."

Schuldich examined the kitten as Brad plopped back into his seat.  "This one's actually pretty cute. Flawless black fur.  It's nice and soft.  We should call him Nagi," he looked up at Brad, "Y'know, so when that one leaves, we'll still have one here."

"Hmph."  Brad attempted to glare, but managed to only pathetically stifle a yawn.

"Meow."

"Yes, I know," Schuldich cooed, scratching behind Nagi-koneko's ears, "But you shouldn't say that in front of him.  He's apparently very sensitive about his weight…"

tbc