Stars in the Darkness - Part Thirty-Three

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Obi-Wan's consciousness was buffeted about in the howling maelstrom of the Void that separated life and death and, just as had happened on Ahjane, he heard the voices of past Jedi calling out and urging him to stop and, just like before, there were also the voices of dark Jedi, goading him to call more and more upon the powers of the dark side.

__No longer will you be helpless!__ the voices cried. __You will be strong, powerful, able to protect those that you love. Give yourself to the dark side!__

Obi-Wan once again heeded those voices, fueled by his anguish. He could not lose Ben, he told himself fiercely. He would not! And it wasn't fair! Ben was his son, his only child, but he had done as the Force had bid him do and given him to another to be raised, just as he had given Onara to another to be loved, because he, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight, had done as he'd always done and followed the will of the Force.

Now, he was losing Ben, and would also, as a result, lose Onara. Because Obi-Wan knew in his heart what Ben's death would do to her. So he listened to those dark voices that had now blended together to become one terrible, evil voice, and he let the dark power pour into him. Bloated with it he became, burning like a dark sun in the emptiness of despair, and he swept after the whirling cyclone that was bearing Ben's spirit into the Abyss, the dark side energy fueling his pursuit.

__Yes, yes, that's it. Feel the power of the dark side. Use it to find your son's spirit and bring him back with you. Put life back into his body. He is powerful too, just like you. Very strong with the Force. Once he's alive again, you can then show him the way, show him the power of the dark side.__

Obi-Wan heard the words of that sepulchral voice, the promise it gave to him of Ben alive and at his side. But filled with the dark side of the Force, just as he would be.

NO! Obi-Wan's consciousness shuddered within the maelstrom, even as Ben's spirit sped away from him into the Void. Not that! Not that! That's not what he wanted; Ben an apprentice of the dark side, and Obi-Wan his master, the two of them servants to whatever vile creature was feeding its dark side power to Obi-Wan. No! Never!

__Fool! Better to have him alive in the darkness, then dead in the light. And you must think of her. Of your beloved Onara. If Ben dies, she will never forgive you. She will hate you forever. Even she would see the wisdom of this. Give in to the dark side and save your son!__

Obi-Wan howled, screaming, cursing whatever destiny had brought him to this horrible choice. He wasn't strong enough to do this on his own. Anakin had helped him the last time. Where was he? Someone help me, Obi-Wan cried out into the swirling darkness. Help me save my son!

__They won't help you. They're too afraid, Yoda and Windu. Yes, they're both here. But Windu is using his power to restrain Anakin, keeping him from helping you. He's afraid the boy will fall under my influence. And he would, if he came in here with you. He's so young, so strong, so angry. As for your precious Master Yoda, he's too busy trying to find out who I am to help you. But he will fail in that attempt, just as you will fail unless you listen to me. You are alone, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and only the dark side can save your son. Let it help you. Let me help you. I am your only hope, his only hope.__

Obi-Wan looked out with his awareness. Ben's tiny spirit was far away now, just a glimmer upon the horizon that was the Abyss. It would take Obi-Wan's complete and total surrender to the dark side of the Force to draw the power he needed to save him now.

Forgive me, my son, Obi-Wan wept, as Ben's spirit vanished into the Abyss. Forgive me.

__FOOL! You let him go! He's gone. You failed. And you've failed her. Now she'll hate you. Hate you for being weak, hate you for being too much of a Jedi to save her child.__

The voice raged on, but Obi-Wan no longer heard it. Then it left him, and he was alone, floating, senseless, empty, shattered, within the Void that was not only the border between life and death, but was now the hollowness of his own devastated soul.

Ben was gone, and that voice of darkness was right. Onara would never forgive him. Nothing mattered now. He had lost everything. Yes, he now realized, everything, for he had even lost that which had sustained him all the years of his existence.

No longer did he feel the Force, because he would not allow himself to feel it. It was the Force that had brought him to this moment and left him alone with this terrible choice. The Force had taken away his only son for some incomprehensible reasons of its own.

Qui-Gon, his master, had taught Obi-Wan well. The ways of the Force, he had said to him, are often beyond our understanding, but we must listen to the Force and follow it, wherever it leads us.

No, Master, Obi-Wan thought. Forgive me, but I will no longer listen to the Force, nor will I follow it. It abandoned me and it abandoned my son, therefore I will abandon it.

Obi-Wan was well aware of the cost of his decision, because without the Force, there was no way he could bring his consciousness out of the Void, but he longer cared.

Then he felt a familiar presence in the emptiness with him; wise, compassionate, gentle. It enfolded Obi-Wan, like a father embracing a wounded son, and guided him back out of the Void.

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"Let me go!"

Anakin finally tore away from Mace's grip, not realizing it was Mace who had let him go. He ran to the recovery room and through the door. Once inside he froze, his throat swelling with grief. He could both see and sense that Ben was gone. Obi-Wan sat next to the bed, Ben's hand in his, his head bowed, his shoulders hunched. Anakin walked slowly over to him.

"Master?"

Obi-Wan turned his head and looked up at Anakin. The first time Obi-Wan had called upon the dark side to bring Onara back, the hair at his temples had been streaked with white. There was a little more white in his red-gold hair, but it wasn't that which made the blood drain from Anakin's face. It was the look in his master's blue-gray eyes. Bleak they were and filled with utter despair, a desolate landscape of pain and grief.

"My son is dead," he said in lifeless monotone. "My son is dead."

Tears filled Anakin's eyes. He reached over and put his hands on Obi-Wan's shoulders.

"Master, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

Obi-Wan turned away and looked back at Ben. Anakin followed his gaze and was startled. Although he knew Ben's spirit was gone, it looked as if he were only sleeping. There was even a tiny smile on his lips. Obi-Wan reached over and stroked Ben's dark hair, gently, tenderly. Then, Anakin heard a sound that suddenly made the blood surge in his veins. It was the clicking of Yoda's walking stick against the floor. He whirled around.

Yoda stood in the doorway, leaning upon his stick as if the weight of the universe was on his shoulders. The Jedi Master had always looked old to Anakin, but now he looked positively ancient, and there was a look in his eyes that bespoke exhaustion and weariness. Obi-Wan also turned and looked at Yoda.

"Why?" he rasped. "Why?"

Yoda walked a little further into the room, then he stopped. He leaned on his walking stick, releasing a heavy breath.

"The will of the Force it was."

Obi-Wan nodded. There was an intensity in his eyes that Anakin had never seen before. A kind of exact, heightened assessment, as if his master were weighing and examining the minutiae of Yoda's every word, every gesture.

"Of course, the will of the Force," but there was an edge to Obi-Wan's voice, a sharpness that sent a chill down Anakin's spine. "Then it should please you to know, Master, and the Jedi Council also, that I did my duty as a Jedi. I did not turn to the dark side. I faced the test, and I passed it. And, as a result, my son is dead."

"Obi-Wan---" Yoda began.

"Get out," Obi-Wan said, his voice low and throbbing. "I did not turn. What more do you want from me? That's why you and Master Windu came, is it not? To keep me from turning, or to kill me if I did. Well, now you can go back to the Council and report that I kept my honor and my vows as a Jedi Knight. I did my duty. I did not turn. And my son is dead."

"Obi-Wan, you must not---"

"Get out!" Obi-Wan roared. "Leave me! Leave me alone with my son!"

Yoda stared at the young Jedi for a moment, then, turning slowly, his head bowed, left the room. Anakin looked back at Obi-Wan, his hands still on his master's shoulders.

"Master---"

"Go, Anakin, please, just go," Obi-Wan said, but his voice was once again lifeless, devoid of anything but the ashes of his grief.

Anakin squeezed Obi-Wan's shoulders, then he turned and walked towards the door. But, as he went through them, he heard from behind Obi-Wan's voice, soft, but tortured.

"How will I tell her? How will I tell her?"

Anakin clenched his fist and walked out of the room, the doors sliding shut behind him. He looked over towards the waiting room. Padmé and Dormé were sitting next to Sinja-Bau, comforting her as she was now almost hysterical with grief. But Anakin's business was not with them. He strode over to where Yoda and Mace stood to the side.

"Why?" he asked, just as Obi-Wan had.

Yoda looked up at him, his leaf-green eyes shimmering with the ages of his long life. "The dark side---"

"The dark side, the light side," Anakin sneered. "None of that matters. There's only one dichotomy in the universe that does. Life and death."

He whipped his arm about and pointed to the recovery room. "Ben is dead. I could have saved him. I did it before. I helped bring Onara back. I could have done the same with Ben."

Yoda wearily shook his head. "No, Padawan Skywalker, not this time."

"How do you know?" Anakin shouted. "You didn't even let me try. You didn't trust me enough, you didn't trust my master enough. And because you didn't, a sweet, loving child, as full of the light as any I've ever known is lost. As is my master, as will be Onara when she wakes up and finds out her child is dead. But you didn't think of that, did you?"

Padmé had risen from her seat and was now at Anakin's side. She touched his arm. "Ani, don't."

Anakin angrily shook her off. He was too far gone in his rage now. He even imagined he could hear, as if from a great distance, but close enough that if he only concentrated, he might sense who it was, someone laughing, but it was a dry, malevolent laughter, like the scraping of bones across rocks.

"Look at you. The great and powerful Masters Yoda and Windu," Anakin snarled. "You think you know everything. You think you're so wise, so powerful. But you're not." Anakin shook his head, his lips curling. "What do you know about love, hmm? Do you know what it's like to love a woman the way Master Obi-Wan loves Onara? To love a child, the way he loved Ben? Do you? Do you? No, of course you don't. Why? Because a Jedi shall not know anger, or hatred, or love."

Anakin moved closer, his eyes flicking back between Yoda and Windu. "Look at me, Masters. I'm a Jedi. And I've known love." He glanced over at Padmé who was watching him with wide eyes. He turned back to the Jedi Masters. "And if I know love, then it also means I can know anger and hatred."

"Anakin, don't," Padme cried.

"It wasn't just Ben who died in there," he raged. "I promise you. There will be more deaths, more sorrow, more grief."

Then Anakin stopped, for he was suddenly overcome with an image in his mind, He'd had dreams before, and some of them had come true, but this was different. This was a vision, unbidden, but as sharp and real as a moment in time. He saw the Jedi Temple, and it was in flames, and he heard screaming and wailing, the voices of the dead and the dying, the crying of the innocents, and behind it all that dry, evil laughter. He closed his eyes, wanting to deny what he was seeing, but unable to.

"Ani?"

Anakin opened his eyes. Padmé stood next to him, her hands on his arm. The vision misted away, and all he could see was her lovely face, looking tenderly up at him.

"Padmé," he whispered. And, for a moment, he imagined himself losing her, the way Obi-Wan had lost Ben, and he wondered what he would do if offered the same choice Obi-Wan had faced; to turn to the dark side to save someone he loved.

Then he heard a voice, and his heart lurched in his chest. He looked up and saw Dalan, along with Keria, running down the hallway. He'd forgotten about the Dynast.

"Onara, where is she?" Dalan asked, his dark blue eyes bloodshot, his black hair mussed, a day's growth of beard on his face.

Padmé moved away from Anakin and over to the Dynast. She took his arms.

"Onara is fine, Dalan. She's unconscious, but the physician said she'll recover."

"Oh, thank the gods," Dalan cried, tears spilling down his cheeks. "And Ben?"

Padmé squeezed Dalan's arms, her throat working as she looked up at him, her dark eyes fixed on his. Dalan stared down at her, his face crumbling, his body trembling.

"No, no, no, no, no," he stuttered.

"Dalan, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Padmé whispered.

Dalan twisted away from her, a wild look in his eyes.

"Ben, Ben," he shouted. "Where are you, son? Where are you. Papa's here. He's here!"

He ran down the hall, Anakin in pursuit. He grabbed the Dynast.

"No, let me go," Dalan cried, "I have to find my son. He needs me. He'll be afraid if I'm not there."

Anakin struggled with him, then he shook Dalan hard to get his attention. "I'll take you to him. Please, Dynast, come with me."

Dalan stared at him for a moment, then nodded, slumping against Anakin. Guiding him towards the recovery room, Anakin saw Yoda and Windu were gone. Padmé was now comforting Keria, the young blonde girl crying in her arms. He reached the recovery room and, his arm still around Dalan, activated the door. Dalan looked inside.

"Oh, gods, no," he groaned. "No, gods, no."

Obi-Wan, who was still sitting next to Ben's bed, rose at the sound of Dalan's voice. The Dynast was now thrashing in Anakin's arms, and, for a moment, Anakin feared he was having some kind of seizure. He struggled to hold him.

Then he felt Obi-Wan next to him. His master reached out and placed a hand on Dalan's arm. At his touch, the Dynast suddenly calmed. Anakin stepped away. The two men looked at each other, then Obi-Wan put his arm around Dalan, who was now sobbing, and helped him into the room, the door sliding shut behind them.

To be continued...