Title: Nothing Left of Me...
Author: the weeping willow
Chapter: 10- "You Made Me"
Rating: PG-13 for implied nudity, sex, female homosexuality (not really noteworthy since this is Willow and Tara, but I'm putting it anyways), violence, etc.
Spoilers: Up until the end of season 6 (and possibly a bit from the beginning of season 7 later...)
Setting: Summer between seasons 6 and 7.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy or any related items. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy do.
Description: Willow writes letters to her (deceased) girlfriend Tara, to try and overcome her grief; at Gile's suggestion.
Distribution: Not without asking. I'd prefer you link back to this please, or get my permission first.
Contact: queenofthebandgeeks@hotmail.com
Author's Notes: Yay, thank you so much for the reviews! :) I'm glad that people are reading (and liking!) my story. Sorry it took so long to get this out- I've been busy with school. :P

Nothing Left of Me...

letter 10:
July 10, 2002


Tara,

I was almost gone. No, I was gone. I was past gone. I was so gone I don't think anything could've brought me back. Anything but Xander. It was almost too late for him, too. It was almost too late for everything.

And this probably makes no sense at all. I'm babbling. My hand is shaking so hard, I'm sure this is almost illegible to you. Let me start over, at the beginning. Well, not really the beginning, but- oh, you know what I mean. I hope. Goddess, I sound like I'm drunk.

I was sick, so sick of being alone, of them hating me, ignoring me. I wasn't thinking. All I could feel was the pain, the loneliness. So I tried to summon you. I think. I'm not too sure about all of this: it's all still fuzzy. I dunno if I'll ever remember for sure. I dunno if I want to, either.

Anyways, Drusilla showed up. Maybe I really meant to have her come. Maybe she came anyways. Maybe the magick messed up. But Drusilla was there. And fortunately, or unfortunately, Xander came into my room just then. He says that he knocked several times, hearing no answer, but he heard a cry of pain and came in anyways, thinking I was hurt.

I didn't know that Xander was going to show up. Giles had arranged it secretly, as a suprise for me. He thought it would do me some good.

Obviously, Xander screamed (y'know, 'cause he's Xander and all) when he saw Drusilla. Probably profanity, but there's no way to be sure. (He denies anything of the sort.) And Giles came running into the room, weapons in hand. Much to my disaste, he staked her without a second thought. They were more worried about whether or not I had been changed.

They say that I was "quite mad" (Giles-speak). I let Drusilla touch me, stroke me. I kissed her. She was in my bed. She bit me, and I didn't care. She was inside of me, and I begged her for more. Somehow I thought she could replace you. Never could that ever happen! I'm ashamed, Tara. I hope you can forgive me, forgive what I've done. This is so much worse than when I killed Warren. I let Drusilla violate me, violate what was yours only.

Right now I'm not allowed to be out of the sight of Giles or Xander. I'm watched constantly. In fact, both of them are sitting in the room right now, along with two of the coven members. No privacy here, folks. Ugh. Overprotective, controlling. They ignored me before. Now they won't leave me alone. Xander doesn't want to leave yet- not for a long time. Anya'll get mad, I bet.

Goddess, I miss Sunnydale!Why can't everything be the way it was? Why did this have to go so wrong, so terribly wrong? Now look at us, at me. Where did we fall apart? And who is left to pick up the pieces?

Willow