Notes: *bows* Enjoy

Pairing: Ran x Ken

Warnings: AU, Ran POV, yaoi, angstish

Disclaimer: Not mine. Why not? Too crazy. o.0

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Lightless Fire

Haze

1

I woke easily, the gentle rhythm of lapping water bringing the invigorating scent of salt to my nostrils. As I sat on the edge of my bed, facing the open window covered with a haze of billowing white curtains, the crisp, bright gold streaks were striking the ceiling of clouds as the sun climbed the horizon. The cool night air was warming with the coming dawn.

I stood, pulling on a pair of surfing shorts and leaving my room. The house was still dim, the dawn light not yet penetrating the windows in full. No one stirred except for me. Absolute silence reigned and I felt content as I rarely did. I walked silently down the stairs and turned as I reached the floor for the large, glass back door. I faced the dazzling display of plum and rose encrusted with gold as the sun made its debut appearance for the morning.

I took my surf board from where it rested against the wall on the porch. The sand of the beach stood out before me. Unmarred by ignorant humans and silent save the pounding of the waves. The white capped funnels were tinged by the display of color by the dawn as I ran easily out to the water, my board tucked under an arm.

As the first swell of water touched my feet, the cool clarity of beautiful water caressing my skin, I was fully content. The water swirled around my ankles, cooling the doubts, anger and regret that constantly plagued my mind. I was alone.

As I walked further out into the water, I placed my board on the surface of the great ocean and kept walking. As the water rose to my chest I laid on the board, paddling out, enjoying the feel of water meeting my fingertips. A wave rose before me, growing in size and speed. My mind was numb. Empty of the plaguing thoughts that haunted me every other moment. I turned the board, feeling the current catching me. I paddled for a moment and stood, riding along the wave in a century old tribute to the ocean. I was dancing along the white cap of the swell, caressing it with my outstretched hand.

Then I dove from my board under the wave. I moved with the current, unafraid and unfeeling. I was in the arms of my lover. I was simple ecstasy. Then it had to end. I had to keep living. My head broke the surface of the water as I stood, my board only a few feet away, beached by the shallow waters. The ocean had returned me to the shore.

The sun had truly risen now and a few people could be seen along the length of the shore. I sat on the sand next to my board, the water lapping at my feet. I gazed out at the horizon, wondering what it would be to just walk out there and never stop. To never come back to this life. To walk upon the water.

"Ran, why are you always out here so early?" It was Ken. Why did he have to end the only thing that brought me contentment. Solitude. But I realized that I wasn't angry with his intrusion.

"Ran?"

"What?" Didn't he understand that I wanted silence? His voice was drowning out the sound of the waves. But I realized that I was drowning in the sound of his voice.

"I said, why are you always out here so early?" Then the moment when his voice had exhumed all, it was gone. He was only Ken and I was only Ran. I didn't want to speak but knew inevitably I must.

"Why the hell do you care?"

"What's your problem?"

"Just leave me the fuck alone." I realized I had wanted Ken to be closer. For just a second I wanted to gaze at him with something other than anger. I didn't want change. I didn't want pain. I wanted to be alone. He had to leave.

"Fine Ran." His footsteps receded slowly as the sound of the waves eventually devoured the only sound that could penetrate my reverie.

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