Chapter 14: in which Vaughn finds that Jack Bristow was right about the
importance of precision in timing. Of course Jack was talking about
ballistics in that particular episode (at least Vaughn thought he was). And
Vaughn is dealing with a woman..But, wait. There's a difference?
They drove for more than half the way back to Lahaina in silence, interrupted only by Vaughn's occasional clearing of his throat. Weiss finally broke in and said, "I swore, SWORE, I'd keep quiet, but Vaughn, would you at least tell her something? Anything? I'm getting a little concerned that you might not surface from your dive tonight."
Vaughn cleared his throat. Again. Syd looked at him first in curiosity, then in disdain. Finally, she gave a huge sigh and said, "Okay, what is it that you are too nervous to say? And can I say that I don't understand how you can be so fearless when we've been on missions together and today you've acted like---"
"This is more important than a mission. And I don't want to screw up, because I think I've used up all of my chances."
"Oh," she said softly. And waited some more. She was getting this close to smacking him right upside the head. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe he needed some sense smacked into him. Grr, she didn't know whether to kiss him or kill him. Right now the latter option seemed slightly more enticing. Ha! 'Slightly?' How about FAR more enticing?
"Can I ask you a question?" Vaughn finally asked.
"Sure, I guess." Syd replied looking straight ahead.
"Umm. Well, it's about." Vaughn trailed off.
"I'm gonna kill you," Weiss mumbled in his ear while Syd looked ready to explode. Maybe Weiss was right about the volcano analogy.
The words just fell out of his mouth, "Okay! It's about Noah."
"NOAH?!" both Weiss and Syd exclaimed loudly. Vaughn winced. That name screamed in stereo? Great. What was next? Someone yelling, "Sark!"? Or perhaps, "Will!"?
He took a deep breath. "Here's the thing. I'm trying to figure out why I did what I did, aside from just plain old-fashioned stupidity. I know everyone's entitled to their stupidity quotient and clearly I've used up mine. But I think that answer's just a little too easy. And I need to talk about it to figure it out. And I don't know where to start and-"
"You're babbling, boy," Weiss warned.
"Vaughn, Spit. It. Out," Sydney said with her teeth gritted together.
"Forget Noah. That was just a distraction strategy. I think. Or maybe, I was hitting on the truth, no, maybe.." He stopped and said in answer to her look of scorn, "Yes, I am a worm. You're right - I can read that look of yours. I've been trying to ignore what I need to do because I honestly don't know the answer to the question." He fell silent again.
Finally Sydney said, "Well, we have several choices, several answers. Let me list them for you." She began ticking them off on her fingers. "One, you are a worm, plain and simple. Right now, I'm remembering seventh grade bio and the dissection lessons. Two, Weiss thought--"
Vaughn interrupted. "'Weiss thought'? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?"
"Hey!" Weiss protested.
"Well, Weiss, you've never given me any pearls of wisdom on the topic!"
"Ahem. You never asked." Weiss said in his ear.
"I had to ask? I had to ask! You've been poking and prodding and giving me unwanted advice on every topic on the face of the earth for how long? And I had to ask about THIS?" Vaughn said to Weiss.
"Hey, I wouldn't want to overstep my boundaries." Weiss said, while Vaughn gave a bark of laughter. With his voice snotty with sarcasm, Vaughn asked, "Boundaries? You've stepped so far over the boundaries of appropriate behavior that---"
Syd shook her head and interrupted him. "You know, I love Weiss, I do. But I really don't need or want a threesome. So, if you don't mind my saying, why don't you take that com unit out of your ear and perhaps the two of us could just talk this out?"
As Vaughn sat there stunned, he heard Weiss whisper, "Finally. Thank God. Talk to you later, buddy." And the com unit went silent. Syd reached out and pulled the earpiece out of Vaughn's ear and handed it to him. [And the audience goes, all together now: "Aww. Bad Sydney. We liked Weiss." Don't worry, he'll be back.]
Vaughn fumbled with the wire and said nothing for a moment. Finally he said, in desperation, "Syd, you know I suck at creative problem solving in the field. With you, when you are the field." When she raised both eyebrows, he groaned, "Well, that sounded terrible, didn't it? Sorry." Sydney was staring at him in shocked bemusement, mouthing "When you are the field?" She turned her head to hide her smile and then shook it as he looked over at her. She was pointing to the right. "In case it's escaped your notice, we're back at the hotel. We'll have to continue this discussion later. I think I'll take a few minutes to continue making that list on my Palm Pilot." She said as he pulled into a parking place. She leapt out of the car and headed inside, smothering her giggles.
He put his head on the steering wheel and groaned. What bad timing. Syd was right, he totally sucked at creative problem solving in the field. Weiss walked by the car and pretended to drop his keys so that he could stop and say, "You know, I've heard premature ejaculation is a problem in relationships. Or so I've been told. Wouldn't know myself, of course. But I've never known a guy with the opposite problem before. You need to work on your timing."
"Tell me about it."
They drove for more than half the way back to Lahaina in silence, interrupted only by Vaughn's occasional clearing of his throat. Weiss finally broke in and said, "I swore, SWORE, I'd keep quiet, but Vaughn, would you at least tell her something? Anything? I'm getting a little concerned that you might not surface from your dive tonight."
Vaughn cleared his throat. Again. Syd looked at him first in curiosity, then in disdain. Finally, she gave a huge sigh and said, "Okay, what is it that you are too nervous to say? And can I say that I don't understand how you can be so fearless when we've been on missions together and today you've acted like---"
"This is more important than a mission. And I don't want to screw up, because I think I've used up all of my chances."
"Oh," she said softly. And waited some more. She was getting this close to smacking him right upside the head. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea. Maybe he needed some sense smacked into him. Grr, she didn't know whether to kiss him or kill him. Right now the latter option seemed slightly more enticing. Ha! 'Slightly?' How about FAR more enticing?
"Can I ask you a question?" Vaughn finally asked.
"Sure, I guess." Syd replied looking straight ahead.
"Umm. Well, it's about." Vaughn trailed off.
"I'm gonna kill you," Weiss mumbled in his ear while Syd looked ready to explode. Maybe Weiss was right about the volcano analogy.
The words just fell out of his mouth, "Okay! It's about Noah."
"NOAH?!" both Weiss and Syd exclaimed loudly. Vaughn winced. That name screamed in stereo? Great. What was next? Someone yelling, "Sark!"? Or perhaps, "Will!"?
He took a deep breath. "Here's the thing. I'm trying to figure out why I did what I did, aside from just plain old-fashioned stupidity. I know everyone's entitled to their stupidity quotient and clearly I've used up mine. But I think that answer's just a little too easy. And I need to talk about it to figure it out. And I don't know where to start and-"
"You're babbling, boy," Weiss warned.
"Vaughn, Spit. It. Out," Sydney said with her teeth gritted together.
"Forget Noah. That was just a distraction strategy. I think. Or maybe, I was hitting on the truth, no, maybe.." He stopped and said in answer to her look of scorn, "Yes, I am a worm. You're right - I can read that look of yours. I've been trying to ignore what I need to do because I honestly don't know the answer to the question." He fell silent again.
Finally Sydney said, "Well, we have several choices, several answers. Let me list them for you." She began ticking them off on her fingers. "One, you are a worm, plain and simple. Right now, I'm remembering seventh grade bio and the dissection lessons. Two, Weiss thought--"
Vaughn interrupted. "'Weiss thought'? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?"
"Hey!" Weiss protested.
"Well, Weiss, you've never given me any pearls of wisdom on the topic!"
"Ahem. You never asked." Weiss said in his ear.
"I had to ask? I had to ask! You've been poking and prodding and giving me unwanted advice on every topic on the face of the earth for how long? And I had to ask about THIS?" Vaughn said to Weiss.
"Hey, I wouldn't want to overstep my boundaries." Weiss said, while Vaughn gave a bark of laughter. With his voice snotty with sarcasm, Vaughn asked, "Boundaries? You've stepped so far over the boundaries of appropriate behavior that---"
Syd shook her head and interrupted him. "You know, I love Weiss, I do. But I really don't need or want a threesome. So, if you don't mind my saying, why don't you take that com unit out of your ear and perhaps the two of us could just talk this out?"
As Vaughn sat there stunned, he heard Weiss whisper, "Finally. Thank God. Talk to you later, buddy." And the com unit went silent. Syd reached out and pulled the earpiece out of Vaughn's ear and handed it to him. [And the audience goes, all together now: "Aww. Bad Sydney. We liked Weiss." Don't worry, he'll be back.]
Vaughn fumbled with the wire and said nothing for a moment. Finally he said, in desperation, "Syd, you know I suck at creative problem solving in the field. With you, when you are the field." When she raised both eyebrows, he groaned, "Well, that sounded terrible, didn't it? Sorry." Sydney was staring at him in shocked bemusement, mouthing "When you are the field?" She turned her head to hide her smile and then shook it as he looked over at her. She was pointing to the right. "In case it's escaped your notice, we're back at the hotel. We'll have to continue this discussion later. I think I'll take a few minutes to continue making that list on my Palm Pilot." She said as he pulled into a parking place. She leapt out of the car and headed inside, smothering her giggles.
He put his head on the steering wheel and groaned. What bad timing. Syd was right, he totally sucked at creative problem solving in the field. Weiss walked by the car and pretended to drop his keys so that he could stop and say, "You know, I've heard premature ejaculation is a problem in relationships. Or so I've been told. Wouldn't know myself, of course. But I've never known a guy with the opposite problem before. You need to work on your timing."
"Tell me about it."