Ah! I hadn't expected such good responses so soon! (Considering my…. [cough] low self-esteem….) Anyway- thank you all who sent me a review, I'm happy that you all liked "Torn"- now hopefully this next part meets your expectations. Oh! Which reminds me- the focus changes every other story- so hopefully no one gets confused…
Anyway- hope you like- post a review- I like CONSTRUCTIVE CRITIZISM!
Disclaimer- read the first track!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*…*: song
lyrics '…': thoughts
Left
of the Middle: One more Addiction
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*First the good news-
It's gonna feel very nice…
Then the bad news-
You've gotta pay a heavy price… *
His eyes focused on the
gumble in front of him. He hated what he had just done- but Bakura would never
admit it. As it was, he hated even admitting it to himself. But he couldn't
stop- even if he tried and focused all his will. The abuse he poured over his
hikari was unstoppable- if it were to disappear, it would lift its heavy burden
and pain over the yami. But if it disappeared- his hikari would know once and
for all what he really felt; Bakura would be willing to hide that at all costs.
Bakura basically put out the
face of pleasure from the pain Ryou presented- while meanwhile falling apart
from the inside out. Not only was he hurting the one he loved physically- but
even listening to the young man crying at night only proved the psychological
damage as well.
"And you call yourself my
hikari." Bakura talked with a harsh tone in his voice, looking down at Ryou who
was sniffling, trying to wipe his tears away with at least a shred of dignity.
His dark eyes watched the younger man as he pulled his knees up to his chest,
shivering- his eyes brimming with liquid pain.
'Gomen nasai…' The man
turned on his heel, going into the hall; fist clinching at his own hatred.
Although he was managing to put up his most important front- and it seemed to
be working perfectly- Bakura knew that the one he held dearest was in pain. His
knuckles turned white as he walked up the stairs, going to his room, the door
softly shutting behind him. The yami hated himself for all of it. He'd probably
even kill the man he loved in order to keep his feelings a secret.
*Rip tide, we slide, we ride
on a deep forbidden sea.
Under we go- so slow,
And you're hanging onto me
And I say- *
It seemed that his knees
gave out, his body landing carelessly on the floor. Bakura was shaking still
from what he'd done; his ears could sense the turning on of the sink in the
bathroom, the wincing in pain as Ryou tried to clean his fresh wounds.
'Gomen, Ryou… gomen…' The
man was laying in the fetus position, apologizing repeatedly in his mind. It
seemed like every single moment he wanted to open up the door to his soul room,
plead and beg at the door of his hikari's- but every time he always managed to
stop himself. Why was it so hard to just go ahead and say something? Why did
the yami even love the young man so much? His hikari was weak- too kind- too
gentle for his own good. All Bakura wanted to do was somehow mold him into a
stronger person. Bakura felt as if maybe he could make his imprint long lasting
like a true person- he could salvage the young man as he deserved.
The yami needed to breathe.
Standing, he ran his fingers swiftly through his silver hair, shaking his body-
trying to calm it into the normal coolness he tried to constantly hold himself
in. He sighed, shoving his hands into his pockets. 'Ra… help
me through this…'
*Oh oh…
one more addiction in my world…
One more connection to let go…
Oh floating down the river-
Out of sight forever (from my world)-
It's the only thing I know how to do… *
His feet fell soundlessly on
the wooden floor as Bakura walked through the hall to the stairs. The open
bathroom door made looking inside irresistible- and his chocolate eyes almost
cried from what he saw. Ryou was bleeding uncontrollably from his forehead;
blood stained his pale skin and right shoulder as it slid down his body. Yet
the boy was silent- Bakura could tell that the task of cleaning it all up was
now viewed as a daily chore and unavoidable on Ryou's part.
Sighing inwardly, Bakura
produced a look of loathing on his face, looking down at his hikari. "Ha- you
look like shit." Ryou looked up- a blank expression in his features, then
eyebrows contorted in a hurt way and he looked back down; Bakura shoved his
hands back into his pockets, leaving the house in his own hatred.
Walking through the evening
hours of Domino might soothe his soul- the yami hoped desperately it would. His
light colored hair swayed in the light breeze- thinking of all that could
possibly be different had he never laid a finger on Ryou in he first place. Had
he never hit the young man at their first meeting, the connection would have
never had started with mistrust.
But that was Bakura's
biggest problem- at least in his mind. He didn't trust the situation. He didn't
trust his feelings, they might betray even him. He didn't trust the longing for
a possible comfort he never had when he was a child. Mother dead; father always
drunk and wanting someone to employ his anger upon. All he'd ever had was
himself and his mentality of solitude and trusting one's own devises and that
alone. The man had molded himself into a hard image and he had to uphold that
for his own inner security.
The look on Ryou's face
though, was killing him. Why did he have to be so hard on the hikari? He was
only being a normal person… a kind one at that. Being home late even a few
minutes seemed reason enough to beat him, now-a-days… and even Bakura knew that
it was getting harder to hide the cuts and bruises. The thought to hold back
was urging him to stop, yet punches flew constantly and during the act he felt
secure.
Bakura was hiding his own
pain for even laying a hurtful finger on Ryou- and the pain of seeing himself
hurt the man he loved. His body stopped as he looked around him, the
surroundings playing tricks with his eyes.
"You're hopeless." A voice
said behind him, and as Bakura turned, he frowned. Malik with his arms crossed,
a smirk playing on his lips.
"What do you want?" Arrogance
spoke up this time.
"The only time I ever really
see you out this time of night is after you've done something to Ryou and have
Tea in mind." He casually stepped up next to him, facing the horizon. The sun
was setting and streaks of gold were tingeing the red and purple sky.
"Shut the hell up…" Bakura
faced the sunset as well, warmth filling his lungs as he breathed deeply. "I
don't want Tea."
"You'd be surprised how SHE
certainly thinks so… " Malik sighed, looking down. "…and how she acts around
Ryou when you're not around. She tries to rub it in."
"Figures…"
"Then why the hell did you
sleep with her in her in the first place. Now she's always got an attitude
about Ryou!"
"Why should you even be
concerned about Ryou?" Bakura's dark eyes shifted to he man next to him who had
a thoughtful look on his face.
"Why shouldn't I be?" Bakura
turned and faced him. "You don't watch him all the time- so I just make sure to
keep an eye out for what happens in his life." Malik shrugged nonchalantly, the
yami's eyes narrowing. "He's been doing worse at school now. Everyone is
noticing more scars. Yami is getting concerned." Bakura frowned, looking out at
the setting sun again.
"You think I give a damn
about the pharaoh?"
"I know YOU don't, but it
matters to Ryou. If Yami steps in, he'll do whatever he can to stop you from
hitting him anymore."
"Oh please…"
"Bakura- I know you don't
want to stop hitting him, but the least you could do is stop hurting him that
bad."
"Hmph…"
*I reject you- but I can't
follow through…
I'd forget you, but you'd end up tappin' on my back door.
Somewhere I lost myself in a tunnel long and black…
Somewhere, at the end, I pretend
There's a way of turning back*
"Oh Bakura- I'm so glad you
came over tonight. I was starting to think you wouldn't…" Tea held onto his arm
tightly as the two walked through the dark streets.
"Why wouldn't I pick you
up?" Bakura was talking in a distracted tone- he really hadn't wanted to see
her that night. But Malik was right- whenever he left at during the evening, he always looked for the same woman.
"Ah… because of what
happened the other night… I thought I had done something wrong again. You've
been doing that a lot lately. You're getting me worried." Tea rested her head
on his shoulder, the lights from nearby buildings reflecting on her face.
"Don't worry about me."
Bakura growled out.
"Fine,
baby." The two where now stepping
up to a hotel, through the doors, to the counter. The entire place seemed cold
to him. Tea had always insisted on nice places- even if they only stayed in bed
for only an hour or two. The marble floor was clean and shinny underneath the
two- and as Bakura looked down into his reflection, a feeling of resentment
arose. Why the hell did he even sleep with Tea? She was attractive in features-
but in everything else, she lacked any quality. She wasn't even that pleasing
whenever hey slept together.
The exchange of money and key card was quick
and easy; the manager knew who the two where, and knew that they wouldn't be
there the entire evening. The couple walked to the nearby elevator, the doors
closing in front of the two only made Bakura unsure of himself. Tea was pressed
up against him, kissing his neck as the man stared at his reflection in the
elevator's silver doors. Her lips upon his skin almost felt like cuts on his
skin. They weren't the same- they weren't from HIM.
As the two stepped into
their room, Tea started to undress. She looked pathetic in his eyes; always
rushing things with no consideration of gentleness and any sort of finesse that
made her a female. It seemed that the only thing she wanted was sex- and it
showed in how rough she tried to be. But
Bakura tried to always ignore her shallow-ness- after all, he was getting free
sex. It would only serve his needs physically, but emotionally he wanted only
one lover: Ryou.
Pushing her onto the bed of
expensive linens, Tea started to unbutton his shirt. Her fingers were quick and
nimble as he began to softly kiss her neck. It seemed that the only way he
could truly imagine himself happy in the situation was if he imagined his
hikari. And so he did. Instead of her incapable hands, there were hands of
milk-white skin that unbuttoned his shirt slowly, leaning into the kisses of
Bakura's lips. Instead of a voice that only demanded pleasure, there was a soft
voice that was crying silently for genuine love. And every time it made him
finally feel pleasure. Instead of Tea- it was Ryou- and Ryou wanted to be loved
more and more.
Tea rolled on top of him,
starting to rock gently on his firm body, hands steadying herself
on his shoulders. But Bakura hated it all- he had to close his eyes and try and
avoid the spoils of his temporary elation.
'Ryou… Ryou… Ryou… ' Bakura kept repeating his hikari's name in his mind. But
then- she moaned. Her moaning caused him to finally flash open his dark eyes-
and the sight of Tea's sex-hungry face disgusted him. He couldn't do it
anymore. It wasn't Ryou- it was Tea. And he felt almost betrayed by the look of
pleasure on her face.
Pushing her off him, he
stood up, grabbing his clothes, pulling them on as he headed for the door.
"Bakura- where the hell are
you going?" Tea was on her hands and knees, one arm covering her breasts.
"I'm leaving." He didn't look
back at her as he spoke.
"Leaving?! Why the hell are
you leaving?!" She was angry, sliding off the bed and running to him, holding
onto his arm.
"Let go of me!" He pushed
her aside, opening the door and walking into the hall. Closing the door behind
him, he walked back to the elevator- then out of the hotel. It seemed he was
always sorry for what he did to Ryou.
*Take a breath- let it out-
All the things you frown about- are meaningless
Unless you're doing this for real, I guess
I meant to but- I don't know what-
Is in the way and could I say-
It's you I bet, I won't forget, maybe I'm not ready yet…*
The house was silent as he
stepped inside it once again. The entire place was dark, shadows from the moon
outside casting interesting shapes against the wooden floor.
'It's late… he must be in
bed right now.' Bakura slid off his shoes, leaving them neatly at the door, and
started to his room. He felt exhausted- and the situation with Tea hadn't
calmed him as he would have hoped. It seemed that now more than ever he was
starting to be irritated with the sight of her. And hearing that she was
causing problems with Ryou only really proved how little of a person she was.
He sighed, eyes closing as
he walked down the hall that held the home's two occupants- Ryou's door was
slightly open, moonlight pouring out from the sliver of space. He paused,
breathing in deeply next to Ryou's room.
Bakura could smell Ryou's
fresh shampoo and conditioner. A smile spread upon his lips- the fragrance was
pleasantly intoxicating- he loved to smell it on his hikari; any trace of the
scent always sent chills up his spine. Looking up, he bit his bottom lip, hand
reaching out to the door, pushing it open softly. A light breeze pushed past
him; the window was wide open, light flooding the room.
Bakura's chocolate colored
eyes narrowed as he looked around, Ryou was lying over his sheets, shivering in
his sleep; he was only wearing a pair of blue boxers and the millennium ring.
Slowly and cautiously, the standing man went to the window, shut it and then
made his way next to the single bed pushed up against a plain wall. Ryou's
chest was falling and rising gently, but the bruises painting his skin were
testaments of not-so-gentle treatment. Closing his eyes, Bakura grinded his teeth;
anger was threatening to show itself. There were bruises scattered along every
inch of Ryou's pail body; it seemed his skin was so frail that any type of
touch would produce the bruise. But Bakura knew that wasn't the truth. They
were all places that he had either kicked, punched, or had thrown his hikari
against something.
'Ra… Why did I do this to
him?' Bakura reached under Ryou and pulled the blankets over him. 'He doesn't
deserve to be treated like this…' He knelt down, index finger lightly tracing
the outline of the hikari's jawbone. But he stopped- finger about to reach for
the boy's lips. 'I'm sorry…' The yami stepped back, starring at the peaceful
face. 'I can't do this…' And he left the room, he closing of Ryou's room
painful in his mind.
*Oh oh…
one more addiction in my world…
One more connection to let go…
Oh floating down the river-
Out of sight forever (from my world)-
It's the only thing I know how to do… *
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Okay- send me some comments! This one wasn't so long… gomen!