o.O Did I really make Emiru THAT dislikable?! WOW! That shocked even ME! I
hadn't intended anyone to dislike her. well- not that much anyway! Well,
for those new- found Emiru haters ((I guess.?)) this chapter doesn't
necessarily make her look any better, but it gets her out of your hair!
Anyway, responces!:
YUUGILOVER3: [blink blink] The CD is called "Left of the Middle". and the artist is Natilie Imbruglia. -_-.
FIREDRAGON97: Yeah- Ryou is one strange dude- well- not THAT strange. I'm just one strange author ^_^. And there really isn't anything you have to understand about it. too much- there's a line in this section that tells why he did it- towards the end. Hopefully that answers your question!
RYOUBAKURAFAN013: I told you your review was fine! Woman, calm down! And Quatre and Relena DO NOT belong together. [haves a Trowa/Quatre flag around] Trowa and Quatre are so freakin' cute together. I used to write a lot of 3x4 fics, but I don't anymore. maybe I should again.? [taps her chin] get me back in the GW mood again! And about Tea living. well- it's not in Ryou's nature to have anyone want to die! He's too nice to let something like that happen- so of course the bitch lived. ((and don't call him a poor hypocrite because his attackers died- I think Bakura would have killed them no matter what, anyway)). And I can't blame you for having doubts about this story in the first place! I was a little unsure on how I was gonna write it since it was my first YGO! Fic and all.. [sigh]
ITSAME: Yeah- X/1999 is awesome [drool] KAMUI-CHAAAAAANNNN!!! ^_^. ((and I feel your pain on the manga and DVD issue. grrr...!))
ALYIA: I'm glad you agree that the last chapter sucked [frown] I really didn't want to write it at all!
MIRAKAI NO TENSHI NEKO-JIN: You downloaded all of the songs.? 0_0 that takes guts, man- that takes guts! I dunno. well- hopefully the songs reflect the mood of the story and everything! [smile] I actually like this track ((City)) a lot. Slow tempo, but still very good.
ANUBIS: Emiru liking Bakura. hmph. opposites attract I guess! ((not much can be said about Bakura's side though -_-.))
DARK LADY SETSUNA: Yeah- they stop ^_^.
RENEE THE RABID SQUIRREL: [sigh] shonen ai fluff. [blush] not this chapter, but in the conclusion! ((And yeah- I'm hoping to put some yaoi stuff in "Just Let Me Be in Love" soon- I KNOW I KNOW I've been putting that story off, but that one is currently in my "writer's block" category. grrrr!))
LITTLEST KITTEN: ^_^. Thanks for signing up for Malik-mail! The thing just pissed me off cuz it ruined my beautiful picture! It took me a while to mess with it, then it ruined the colors! ((okay- so I have PSP and it didn't take me THAT long- but still!)) DAMN THOSE .GIFs!!!
CRYSTALDRAGON98: Jumping up and down? Hmph. [taps her chin] honto? I don't even jump and down. I just giggle madly. oh well! Different strokes for different folks! And anyone between Ryou and Bakura? Yeah- I agree to some extent, but I really didn't want THAT many people to hate Emiru!
Um, um, ummmmm... what to say about this chapter. It took me longer to write than I thought- IT WAS SO HARD! But, I think it turned out pretty good. Bakura and Ryou finally admit to themselves their feelings and they know why it's sorta come down to that. BUT THE FINAL CHAPTER IS NEXT! I know, I know- that's sad and depressing- this was my first Yu Gi Oh fic and it was a success ((about 130 reviews during the time I wrote it?! JEEZE!!)), but sadly, it must come to some sorta close. Soooo... I'll be looking for input at the end of the story so at least I'll have some direction to work on for "Just Let Me Be in Love". I really have no idea where the hell I'm going so- HELP!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*.*: song lyrics '.': thoughts
Left of the Middle: City
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*Had a dream- had a drowning dream- I was- in a river of pain.
Only difference this time I wasn't callin' out your name, yeah.*
"Bakura-chan." Her voice rang softly through the darkness- a spot light fading into view. Bakura stood there- arms wrapped around a small female who sunk snuggly into his arms- the two obviously whispering into each other's ears.
"Bakura?" Ryou whispered- his silver haired yami ignoring him as he began to nibble on the young woman's ear- she was purring.
"Bakura-chan.." She whispered once again- Emiru moaning lightly. Ryou could feel warm tears streaming down his cheeks.
"How could you..?" He mumbled under his breath- his chest was burning. "How- how could you?" And then instantly- it seemed as if the couple finally noticed him- Ryou's eyes widening but not ending their tears.
"How could I?" Bakura nuzzled the woman's neck. "You were the one who made his possible." The girl giggled. "You wanted us together." Ryou took a step back- it was true. He'd shoved the woman into his yami's arms and now he felt empty and lost. He couldn't deny that his urge to push the woman aside was strong- he wanted her out of the picture to run freely into the man's arms. It was HIS dream.
Then the face of the woman smirked at him, mischievous smile playing curiously across her face, Bakura leaned in again, kissing the neck of the female- Emiru's face flushing a light pink.
"Let him go." The real Ryou whimpered- hand reaching out in an attempt to stop the pair. "Let him go! LET BAKURA, GOOOOOO!"
Has it ended before it's begun?
You hold on and I try to run but-*
His dark eyes flashed open, tears streaming down his face- he was crying uncontrollably and his entire body was shaking underneath the single cotton sheet. The vivid vision of his dream flashed in his eyes.
'Doshite.? Doshite.?!' He put his head in his hands, weeping silently into them. Ryou's body shook harder in his place in bed- silent night broken only by the whimpers he was chocking back. 'He was. he was holding. her-' His eyebrows contorted in anger at her face of approval and he hated it all.
But his expression of anger and frustration passed- and all he was left with was the empty feeling of regret and loneliness that seemed to be threatening to overwhelm him ever since Bakura and Emiru had begun to see each other. Well. since Emiru had started to be persistent about his yami. Ryou hugged his sheets to his chest, rocking forward and backward in his quiet room- eyes seeming to have glazed over in blinding tears that didn't want to fall.
He was jealous. He was jealous of how simply she talked to Bakura- jealous of the smile that she carried with ease around him- jealous of how she'd been accepted by the yami.
'Why am I like this..?' Acting like a zombie, he slid off his bed, opening the door of his room and slowly making his way into the kitchen. His pale white hands opened the refrigerator and pulled out several containers of leftovers- mashed potatoes, spaghetti, pot pies, roast beef, teriyaki chicken. The same question seemed to repeat in his mind: Why had Bakura betrayed him like that?
He felt empty- he felt alone- he felt as if his dream was reality while everyday life was the illusion. Ryou walked back upstairs- into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Sitting on the tile floor, he spread the containers around him, opening all of them neatly- lid underneath the Tupperware in an organized way. Ryou's internal emptiness not only filled his mind and heart- but it seemed to be bearing deeply into his stomach as well; he started eating it all.
His motions were automatic- he wanted to not feel alone or lonely anymore. Bakura had left him- Bakura had been with someone else- was kissing someone else- Ryou was alone- the food was filling- the food tasted good against his tongue- Bakura hated him- he was starting to dry heave- Bakura was happy- the feeling of the acid burning his throat was strong as he leaned over the toilet bowl.
'He hates me.'
"Ryou!" The sudden surprised tone hurt the young man's ears as he slowly looked up, wiping his bottom lip slowly of excess fluids. Chocolate orbs barred into him- flashes passed in front of the hikari's eyes. The rape- the hospital- the school- Tea screaming at him- explosions. "Ryou, why?!" Bakura yelled; the hikari couldn't see the tears threatening to slide down the yami's face- all he could see was how angry he was.
"Just." Ryou mumbled out, grabbing the container of mashed potatoes. "Just let me! YOU DON'T CARE ANYWAY!"
*Anybody headin' in my direction- away from the city.
Anybody wanna change the way they feel- step inside.
Doesn't really matter where you wanna take me-
Away from the city.
I wanna start again. I wanna start again.
I wanna take it back- I wanna start again.*
'He hates me even more now.' The young man walked silently through the spring morning on his way to school. The night had ended with Bakura storming into the bathroom, kicking the food containers out of the way and knocking him unconscious with a hit on the side of the head. Ryou really didn't know what happened to him. he'd been dreaming something horrible- he suddenly had to urge to.. Do that again; he hadn't done it ever since Bakura had actually started to remotely care for him. But the feeling had been uncontrollable- and he'd done it to try and make the dream disappear; it only made things worse.
"I'm such an idiot." Ryou mumbled under his breath as his feet carried him slowly to school through the familiar streets. "I wish." He bit him bottom lip- he wished for a lot of things. That he'd never had the dream; that he'd never pushed Emiru into Bakura; that he'd never let Bakura see him getting rid of all that food like that.
It was draining; he wished all of those things so at least he could have the illusion that Bakura was there for him and not angry and upset.
*Funny how those friends forget you when you tire of their games.
You miss a show or a party that blows- and they've- they've forgotten your name, yeah.*
Ryou could feel the pair of eyes on his back; was Emiru starring at him? The last bell rang and everyone was gathering their things, leaving happily for their lives outside of school.
"Ryou." He looked up to see Emiru standing next to his desk; her face was serious and lacked any form of her usual self.
"Yes?" And pain spread through the flesh of his face- the woman's slap had been completely unexpected. In her eyes was anger and hatred.
"How dare you?! I really liked Bakura and then he dumps me because of you?!" Her castigating tone was scarring the silver- haired young man who sat frozen in his seat.
"Na- nani?" Ryou chocked out, hand going to his red cheek.
"He called me last night and told me that he couldn't see me anymore because he needs to take care of you! I would have normally just let it go- but I really liked him! How could you take him away from me, Ryou?" Tears were wheeling in her eyes, a single tear falling before she turned and ran out.
'WHAT?' He looked down at his desk, trying to hold back his own tears. 'He did that- for me?' His hands were trembling as Ryou slowly gathered his things in the empty class room; apparently events from the night before were going to remain on everyone's mind. He stood up, starring down at his pile of books.
Ever since the rape, things seemed to have skidded to a halt for Ryou. It still amazed him that Bakura no longer hit him and that there were tinges of concern in everything he did, and he seemed to love every minute of it. The way he'd taken care of him and helped him when he couldn't move, couldn't bathe- had barely started to eat normally again. And only now could he fully admit to it: He loved Bakura. It seemed foolish to skip around it for much longer. and Emiru being with him had only made him break down inside. But why had he pushed the two together? The question instantly appeared: he wanted to try and deny the feeling once again. do the same as when Bakura was with Anzu. Love him from afar- but this time it would be different. He didn't have to please his yami with blood and pain, but with human compassion that was actually starting to become mutual between the two.
But Bakura dumped her? It seemed the sinking feeling in his stomach had disappeared and it had been replaced with elation. The cold exterior on his yami wasn't the same. and only now could he be comforted. Yet he still felt any feelings he held had to be hidden.
*And you wonder what you've become-
They pull me back when you try to run, well-*
Bakura tapped his fingertips against the arm of the couch, music filling the entire house as he sat by himself; the sounds washing over him in its fast pace soothing waves.
He'd finally done it- he'd said "no" to that girl that Ryou had been persistent about. and now all he could concentrate on was his hikari: the young man that he'd finally started to care for, the one who always seemed so distant, the "weak" one, the one he'd caught throwing up on purpose the night before.
The yami sighed, closing his eyes while his fingers tapped faster in the rhythm. He had to push Ryou into unconsciousness because of how lost he was. Bakura could sense the troubles through their mind link- an imbalance. It was the only reason he'd even gotten up at night- the only reason he'd seen been able to see his young light place his face over the toilet in an attempt to "heal" himself. And Bakura had been afraid.
'He's doing it again.?' The thought had flashed instantly in his mind as he starred in horror at the young man gag and release everything he had consumed. Then he'd been defensive and harsh in his reply- it was obvious Ryou wasn't himself in how he'd yelled. so Bakura did what was necessary to control and ultimately benefit his hikari: hit him. But the strike wasn't in anger or held any type of hidden intention. The act of violence had been his response to Ryou's state and how he needed to rest and get well once again. right? His reasons still seemed hazy even in his mind.
Then he'd told the woman that he no longer wanted to see her- and she seemed upset, she let out a whimper of sadness, hung up the phone on him. and Bakura was happy. He didn't have her burden on him and he could think of no other than his hikari.
With his "freedom" restored, Bakura wanted nothing but to hold his other half and cradle him in his arms- telling him that his dream from the night before had been a nightmare and that they could sleep together buried in each other's embrace.
But it shouldn't be on his mind- at least that's what the yami forced himself to think. Ryou was lost and he needed to be found at all costs- and that woman Emiru hadn't helped him get any closer to the one he truly longed for.
*Anybody headin' in my direction- away from the city.
Anybody wanna change the way they feel- step inside.
Doesn't really matter where you wanna take me-
Away from the city-
I wanna start again. I wanna start again..
I wanna take it back- I wanna start again.*
The yami's eyes followed the thin figure walk in from the front door with a blank look on his face; expressionless features didn't suit him at all. The thin young man walked directly to the stairs- not stopping at all for anything- he just walked up the stairs. Bakura stood silently at the entrance of the living room, arms crossed over his chest, then the door to Ryou's room shut quietly, leaving the yami alone once again.
'He must have heard, then.' Bakura starred at the ground, not moving from his spot. 'I can't take him like this.' Weakness wasn't an issue- it was how much Ryou had managed to pull away. And Bakura blamed himself for all of it.
Ryou had been the center of his attention for the months after the "incident" and now the two spoke almost nothing to each other. His time with the young man was lost from the first time he'd taken the young woman on a date- and Bakura wanted that time back. He didn't care what Ryou would think anymore- he didn't even care what he thought of himself.
He'd seen what Ryou had done to himself, he'd felt the pain from their mind link the night before, he'd felt himself fulfilled whenever he did anything that might aid his hikari in his everyday life. It was the truth- no matter how heinous his intentions had been from the very beginning, he only really felt content and truthfully happy when Ryou was happy. Not happy in that it was fake. but in actual joy and acceptance- like it was alright if the two were together.
Bakura really did want that time back. and he would give up anything to do that. Grabbing a nearby set of car keys, he walked up the stairs to Ryou's closed door, knocking softly.
"Come in." A short reply answered back, Bakura walking in to see Ryou sprawled atop his single-size bed with his chocolate eyes closed in rest.
"Get a sweatshirt and hurry up- we're going for a ride."
*I left the me I used to be- I wanna see this through.
I left the me I used to be- if only you'd see it too.*
Bakura's eyes starred blankly at the rode ahead of him, his hands gripping the steering wheel lightly, maneuvering with ease through the cars on the highway. Ryou sat next to him, starring out into the countryside. Bakura couldn't help but notice the way Ryou was holding the Millennium Ring tightly around his right hand- almost protectively.
'I wonder if he knows why I'm taking him out here.?' A small smile passed over Bakura's lips, but it quickly faded. 'Can't he see that I care for him? I got rid of that woman so I can concentrate on him.' His dark eyes checked the rear-view mirror and then focused on the road once again. 'I can't back away from Ryou anymore. I've hurt him so much. he's been through so much. and last night?' He heard Ryou sigh. 'I need to bring him back to me. I'm not the same person he thought I'll always be- I love him.'
*Well I wonder what you've become-
You pull me back when I try to run, well.*
Ryou sighed, his hand holding the Millennium Ring in an attempt to figure his situation out. Where was Bakura taking him? It was somewhere he seemed at ease to go. Bakura didn't seem too nervous- but it was undeniable that he sat unbelievably straight and in concentration.
'He's changed so much.' Ryou's chocolate orbs scanned the open grasslands that seemed to stretch endlessly in all directions. They had been driving for two hours- and it seemed that it would never end. 'I want him to love me.' The thought appeared out of nowhere, but it felt right to him. 'He's changed so much, but I'm scarred.' He bit his bottom lip as his eyes slipped close; he could distinctly smell lavender from Bakura's hair. 'I might never know him like I want to- and he probably hates me after what I've done.'
His hand gripped the ring tighter. 'But even if he still hates me like before- even though he was so nice to me- it'll never change how I feel about him.'
*Anybody headin' in my direction-
Away from the city.
Anybody wanna change the way they feel- step inside.
Doesn't really matter where you wanna take me-
Away from the city.
I wanna start again. I wanna start again.
I wanna take it back- I wanna start again.*
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[sigh] one more chapter next- "Left of the Middle". The song is actually ALRIGHT. I mean- the tempo is a little blah, but the lyrics are actually sorta nice; I think they reflect both Ryou and Bakura's feelings pretty well. So- please don't get depressed over the next week ((roughly- probably less! I'm wanting to finish this up all ready!)) that I'm writing, just hold tight!
Oh! And thanks to ksya_chan, I have a livejournal account! I MAY put some info relating to my fics in there ((maybe- probably- a little here and there)) so if you have any questions that you'd like answered- or have input for future fics or anything, leave me a comment- or e-mail me or something! ((I prefer e-mailing for fan fic suggestions and all!)) Anyway:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/fy_sanctuary
Anyway, responces!:
YUUGILOVER3: [blink blink] The CD is called "Left of the Middle". and the artist is Natilie Imbruglia. -_-.
FIREDRAGON97: Yeah- Ryou is one strange dude- well- not THAT strange. I'm just one strange author ^_^. And there really isn't anything you have to understand about it. too much- there's a line in this section that tells why he did it- towards the end. Hopefully that answers your question!
RYOUBAKURAFAN013: I told you your review was fine! Woman, calm down! And Quatre and Relena DO NOT belong together. [haves a Trowa/Quatre flag around] Trowa and Quatre are so freakin' cute together. I used to write a lot of 3x4 fics, but I don't anymore. maybe I should again.? [taps her chin] get me back in the GW mood again! And about Tea living. well- it's not in Ryou's nature to have anyone want to die! He's too nice to let something like that happen- so of course the bitch lived. ((and don't call him a poor hypocrite because his attackers died- I think Bakura would have killed them no matter what, anyway)). And I can't blame you for having doubts about this story in the first place! I was a little unsure on how I was gonna write it since it was my first YGO! Fic and all.. [sigh]
ITSAME: Yeah- X/1999 is awesome [drool] KAMUI-CHAAAAAANNNN!!! ^_^. ((and I feel your pain on the manga and DVD issue. grrr...!))
ALYIA: I'm glad you agree that the last chapter sucked [frown] I really didn't want to write it at all!
MIRAKAI NO TENSHI NEKO-JIN: You downloaded all of the songs.? 0_0 that takes guts, man- that takes guts! I dunno. well- hopefully the songs reflect the mood of the story and everything! [smile] I actually like this track ((City)) a lot. Slow tempo, but still very good.
ANUBIS: Emiru liking Bakura. hmph. opposites attract I guess! ((not much can be said about Bakura's side though -_-.))
DARK LADY SETSUNA: Yeah- they stop ^_^.
RENEE THE RABID SQUIRREL: [sigh] shonen ai fluff. [blush] not this chapter, but in the conclusion! ((And yeah- I'm hoping to put some yaoi stuff in "Just Let Me Be in Love" soon- I KNOW I KNOW I've been putting that story off, but that one is currently in my "writer's block" category. grrrr!))
LITTLEST KITTEN: ^_^. Thanks for signing up for Malik-mail! The thing just pissed me off cuz it ruined my beautiful picture! It took me a while to mess with it, then it ruined the colors! ((okay- so I have PSP and it didn't take me THAT long- but still!)) DAMN THOSE .GIFs!!!
CRYSTALDRAGON98: Jumping up and down? Hmph. [taps her chin] honto? I don't even jump and down. I just giggle madly. oh well! Different strokes for different folks! And anyone between Ryou and Bakura? Yeah- I agree to some extent, but I really didn't want THAT many people to hate Emiru!
Um, um, ummmmm... what to say about this chapter. It took me longer to write than I thought- IT WAS SO HARD! But, I think it turned out pretty good. Bakura and Ryou finally admit to themselves their feelings and they know why it's sorta come down to that. BUT THE FINAL CHAPTER IS NEXT! I know, I know- that's sad and depressing- this was my first Yu Gi Oh fic and it was a success ((about 130 reviews during the time I wrote it?! JEEZE!!)), but sadly, it must come to some sorta close. Soooo... I'll be looking for input at the end of the story so at least I'll have some direction to work on for "Just Let Me Be in Love". I really have no idea where the hell I'm going so- HELP!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*.*: song lyrics '.': thoughts
Left of the Middle: City
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
*Had a dream- had a drowning dream- I was- in a river of pain.
Only difference this time I wasn't callin' out your name, yeah.*
"Bakura-chan." Her voice rang softly through the darkness- a spot light fading into view. Bakura stood there- arms wrapped around a small female who sunk snuggly into his arms- the two obviously whispering into each other's ears.
"Bakura?" Ryou whispered- his silver haired yami ignoring him as he began to nibble on the young woman's ear- she was purring.
"Bakura-chan.." She whispered once again- Emiru moaning lightly. Ryou could feel warm tears streaming down his cheeks.
"How could you..?" He mumbled under his breath- his chest was burning. "How- how could you?" And then instantly- it seemed as if the couple finally noticed him- Ryou's eyes widening but not ending their tears.
"How could I?" Bakura nuzzled the woman's neck. "You were the one who made his possible." The girl giggled. "You wanted us together." Ryou took a step back- it was true. He'd shoved the woman into his yami's arms and now he felt empty and lost. He couldn't deny that his urge to push the woman aside was strong- he wanted her out of the picture to run freely into the man's arms. It was HIS dream.
Then the face of the woman smirked at him, mischievous smile playing curiously across her face, Bakura leaned in again, kissing the neck of the female- Emiru's face flushing a light pink.
"Let him go." The real Ryou whimpered- hand reaching out in an attempt to stop the pair. "Let him go! LET BAKURA, GOOOOOO!"
Has it ended before it's begun?
You hold on and I try to run but-*
His dark eyes flashed open, tears streaming down his face- he was crying uncontrollably and his entire body was shaking underneath the single cotton sheet. The vivid vision of his dream flashed in his eyes.
'Doshite.? Doshite.?!' He put his head in his hands, weeping silently into them. Ryou's body shook harder in his place in bed- silent night broken only by the whimpers he was chocking back. 'He was. he was holding. her-' His eyebrows contorted in anger at her face of approval and he hated it all.
But his expression of anger and frustration passed- and all he was left with was the empty feeling of regret and loneliness that seemed to be threatening to overwhelm him ever since Bakura and Emiru had begun to see each other. Well. since Emiru had started to be persistent about his yami. Ryou hugged his sheets to his chest, rocking forward and backward in his quiet room- eyes seeming to have glazed over in blinding tears that didn't want to fall.
He was jealous. He was jealous of how simply she talked to Bakura- jealous of the smile that she carried with ease around him- jealous of how she'd been accepted by the yami.
'Why am I like this..?' Acting like a zombie, he slid off his bed, opening the door of his room and slowly making his way into the kitchen. His pale white hands opened the refrigerator and pulled out several containers of leftovers- mashed potatoes, spaghetti, pot pies, roast beef, teriyaki chicken. The same question seemed to repeat in his mind: Why had Bakura betrayed him like that?
He felt empty- he felt alone- he felt as if his dream was reality while everyday life was the illusion. Ryou walked back upstairs- into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Sitting on the tile floor, he spread the containers around him, opening all of them neatly- lid underneath the Tupperware in an organized way. Ryou's internal emptiness not only filled his mind and heart- but it seemed to be bearing deeply into his stomach as well; he started eating it all.
His motions were automatic- he wanted to not feel alone or lonely anymore. Bakura had left him- Bakura had been with someone else- was kissing someone else- Ryou was alone- the food was filling- the food tasted good against his tongue- Bakura hated him- he was starting to dry heave- Bakura was happy- the feeling of the acid burning his throat was strong as he leaned over the toilet bowl.
'He hates me.'
"Ryou!" The sudden surprised tone hurt the young man's ears as he slowly looked up, wiping his bottom lip slowly of excess fluids. Chocolate orbs barred into him- flashes passed in front of the hikari's eyes. The rape- the hospital- the school- Tea screaming at him- explosions. "Ryou, why?!" Bakura yelled; the hikari couldn't see the tears threatening to slide down the yami's face- all he could see was how angry he was.
"Just." Ryou mumbled out, grabbing the container of mashed potatoes. "Just let me! YOU DON'T CARE ANYWAY!"
*Anybody headin' in my direction- away from the city.
Anybody wanna change the way they feel- step inside.
Doesn't really matter where you wanna take me-
Away from the city.
I wanna start again. I wanna start again.
I wanna take it back- I wanna start again.*
'He hates me even more now.' The young man walked silently through the spring morning on his way to school. The night had ended with Bakura storming into the bathroom, kicking the food containers out of the way and knocking him unconscious with a hit on the side of the head. Ryou really didn't know what happened to him. he'd been dreaming something horrible- he suddenly had to urge to.. Do that again; he hadn't done it ever since Bakura had actually started to remotely care for him. But the feeling had been uncontrollable- and he'd done it to try and make the dream disappear; it only made things worse.
"I'm such an idiot." Ryou mumbled under his breath as his feet carried him slowly to school through the familiar streets. "I wish." He bit him bottom lip- he wished for a lot of things. That he'd never had the dream; that he'd never pushed Emiru into Bakura; that he'd never let Bakura see him getting rid of all that food like that.
It was draining; he wished all of those things so at least he could have the illusion that Bakura was there for him and not angry and upset.
*Funny how those friends forget you when you tire of their games.
You miss a show or a party that blows- and they've- they've forgotten your name, yeah.*
Ryou could feel the pair of eyes on his back; was Emiru starring at him? The last bell rang and everyone was gathering their things, leaving happily for their lives outside of school.
"Ryou." He looked up to see Emiru standing next to his desk; her face was serious and lacked any form of her usual self.
"Yes?" And pain spread through the flesh of his face- the woman's slap had been completely unexpected. In her eyes was anger and hatred.
"How dare you?! I really liked Bakura and then he dumps me because of you?!" Her castigating tone was scarring the silver- haired young man who sat frozen in his seat.
"Na- nani?" Ryou chocked out, hand going to his red cheek.
"He called me last night and told me that he couldn't see me anymore because he needs to take care of you! I would have normally just let it go- but I really liked him! How could you take him away from me, Ryou?" Tears were wheeling in her eyes, a single tear falling before she turned and ran out.
'WHAT?' He looked down at his desk, trying to hold back his own tears. 'He did that- for me?' His hands were trembling as Ryou slowly gathered his things in the empty class room; apparently events from the night before were going to remain on everyone's mind. He stood up, starring down at his pile of books.
Ever since the rape, things seemed to have skidded to a halt for Ryou. It still amazed him that Bakura no longer hit him and that there were tinges of concern in everything he did, and he seemed to love every minute of it. The way he'd taken care of him and helped him when he couldn't move, couldn't bathe- had barely started to eat normally again. And only now could he fully admit to it: He loved Bakura. It seemed foolish to skip around it for much longer. and Emiru being with him had only made him break down inside. But why had he pushed the two together? The question instantly appeared: he wanted to try and deny the feeling once again. do the same as when Bakura was with Anzu. Love him from afar- but this time it would be different. He didn't have to please his yami with blood and pain, but with human compassion that was actually starting to become mutual between the two.
But Bakura dumped her? It seemed the sinking feeling in his stomach had disappeared and it had been replaced with elation. The cold exterior on his yami wasn't the same. and only now could he be comforted. Yet he still felt any feelings he held had to be hidden.
*And you wonder what you've become-
They pull me back when you try to run, well-*
Bakura tapped his fingertips against the arm of the couch, music filling the entire house as he sat by himself; the sounds washing over him in its fast pace soothing waves.
He'd finally done it- he'd said "no" to that girl that Ryou had been persistent about. and now all he could concentrate on was his hikari: the young man that he'd finally started to care for, the one who always seemed so distant, the "weak" one, the one he'd caught throwing up on purpose the night before.
The yami sighed, closing his eyes while his fingers tapped faster in the rhythm. He had to push Ryou into unconsciousness because of how lost he was. Bakura could sense the troubles through their mind link- an imbalance. It was the only reason he'd even gotten up at night- the only reason he'd seen been able to see his young light place his face over the toilet in an attempt to "heal" himself. And Bakura had been afraid.
'He's doing it again.?' The thought had flashed instantly in his mind as he starred in horror at the young man gag and release everything he had consumed. Then he'd been defensive and harsh in his reply- it was obvious Ryou wasn't himself in how he'd yelled. so Bakura did what was necessary to control and ultimately benefit his hikari: hit him. But the strike wasn't in anger or held any type of hidden intention. The act of violence had been his response to Ryou's state and how he needed to rest and get well once again. right? His reasons still seemed hazy even in his mind.
Then he'd told the woman that he no longer wanted to see her- and she seemed upset, she let out a whimper of sadness, hung up the phone on him. and Bakura was happy. He didn't have her burden on him and he could think of no other than his hikari.
With his "freedom" restored, Bakura wanted nothing but to hold his other half and cradle him in his arms- telling him that his dream from the night before had been a nightmare and that they could sleep together buried in each other's embrace.
But it shouldn't be on his mind- at least that's what the yami forced himself to think. Ryou was lost and he needed to be found at all costs- and that woman Emiru hadn't helped him get any closer to the one he truly longed for.
*Anybody headin' in my direction- away from the city.
Anybody wanna change the way they feel- step inside.
Doesn't really matter where you wanna take me-
Away from the city-
I wanna start again. I wanna start again..
I wanna take it back- I wanna start again.*
The yami's eyes followed the thin figure walk in from the front door with a blank look on his face; expressionless features didn't suit him at all. The thin young man walked directly to the stairs- not stopping at all for anything- he just walked up the stairs. Bakura stood silently at the entrance of the living room, arms crossed over his chest, then the door to Ryou's room shut quietly, leaving the yami alone once again.
'He must have heard, then.' Bakura starred at the ground, not moving from his spot. 'I can't take him like this.' Weakness wasn't an issue- it was how much Ryou had managed to pull away. And Bakura blamed himself for all of it.
Ryou had been the center of his attention for the months after the "incident" and now the two spoke almost nothing to each other. His time with the young man was lost from the first time he'd taken the young woman on a date- and Bakura wanted that time back. He didn't care what Ryou would think anymore- he didn't even care what he thought of himself.
He'd seen what Ryou had done to himself, he'd felt the pain from their mind link the night before, he'd felt himself fulfilled whenever he did anything that might aid his hikari in his everyday life. It was the truth- no matter how heinous his intentions had been from the very beginning, he only really felt content and truthfully happy when Ryou was happy. Not happy in that it was fake. but in actual joy and acceptance- like it was alright if the two were together.
Bakura really did want that time back. and he would give up anything to do that. Grabbing a nearby set of car keys, he walked up the stairs to Ryou's closed door, knocking softly.
"Come in." A short reply answered back, Bakura walking in to see Ryou sprawled atop his single-size bed with his chocolate eyes closed in rest.
"Get a sweatshirt and hurry up- we're going for a ride."
*I left the me I used to be- I wanna see this through.
I left the me I used to be- if only you'd see it too.*
Bakura's eyes starred blankly at the rode ahead of him, his hands gripping the steering wheel lightly, maneuvering with ease through the cars on the highway. Ryou sat next to him, starring out into the countryside. Bakura couldn't help but notice the way Ryou was holding the Millennium Ring tightly around his right hand- almost protectively.
'I wonder if he knows why I'm taking him out here.?' A small smile passed over Bakura's lips, but it quickly faded. 'Can't he see that I care for him? I got rid of that woman so I can concentrate on him.' His dark eyes checked the rear-view mirror and then focused on the road once again. 'I can't back away from Ryou anymore. I've hurt him so much. he's been through so much. and last night?' He heard Ryou sigh. 'I need to bring him back to me. I'm not the same person he thought I'll always be- I love him.'
*Well I wonder what you've become-
You pull me back when I try to run, well.*
Ryou sighed, his hand holding the Millennium Ring in an attempt to figure his situation out. Where was Bakura taking him? It was somewhere he seemed at ease to go. Bakura didn't seem too nervous- but it was undeniable that he sat unbelievably straight and in concentration.
'He's changed so much.' Ryou's chocolate orbs scanned the open grasslands that seemed to stretch endlessly in all directions. They had been driving for two hours- and it seemed that it would never end. 'I want him to love me.' The thought appeared out of nowhere, but it felt right to him. 'He's changed so much, but I'm scarred.' He bit his bottom lip as his eyes slipped close; he could distinctly smell lavender from Bakura's hair. 'I might never know him like I want to- and he probably hates me after what I've done.'
His hand gripped the ring tighter. 'But even if he still hates me like before- even though he was so nice to me- it'll never change how I feel about him.'
*Anybody headin' in my direction-
Away from the city.
Anybody wanna change the way they feel- step inside.
Doesn't really matter where you wanna take me-
Away from the city.
I wanna start again. I wanna start again.
I wanna take it back- I wanna start again.*
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
[sigh] one more chapter next- "Left of the Middle". The song is actually ALRIGHT. I mean- the tempo is a little blah, but the lyrics are actually sorta nice; I think they reflect both Ryou and Bakura's feelings pretty well. So- please don't get depressed over the next week ((roughly- probably less! I'm wanting to finish this up all ready!)) that I'm writing, just hold tight!
Oh! And thanks to ksya_chan, I have a livejournal account! I MAY put some info relating to my fics in there ((maybe- probably- a little here and there)) so if you have any questions that you'd like answered- or have input for future fics or anything, leave me a comment- or e-mail me or something! ((I prefer e-mailing for fan fic suggestions and all!)) Anyway:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/fy_sanctuary