I talked to a Christian yesterday. In a way, it was an enlightening moment of my own belief.
I had been ranting to the teacher when she came over, bored since she had finished her physics work. The topic of the rant was an anti-non-Christian who thought that since Communists advocated atheism, atheists were responcible for the atrocities committed by communist leaders. And he had been railing it on a messageboard and bitching everyone out. It was a venting subject.
The girl, who for privacy's sake I shall call Sara, sat down close to me and listened to the end part of my rant. She commented that it wasn't fair for people to do such thngs, and I wholeheartedly agreed. I went into a shorter, less vehement rant about people who in general screw up religions by using God as a shield for heinous and hateful acts. And somewhere I mentioned the faith vs. works debate. Which actually got her speaking - she's a fairly listener type.
We conversed a while about the subject, including the "faith alone" subject, the beatitudes, the sheep and goats, and stuff like that. Then there was a bit about Paul and legalism and the gospels. It was an honest, open discussion. The fact she wasn't trying to convert me or anything was cool, and it was a lot easier to talk about the subjects from the two sides of the Christian view. I enjoyed it.
Then, when we'd paused a moment, she asked me what faith I was.
I blanched a bit. My atheism is pretty well hidden, like my sexual orientation. She noticed it and, grinning, promised she wouldn't go conversionist. So, quietly, I told her.
She paused a moment, and asked why I was one.
So I explained. My previous faith, my faith simply evaporating, the pain of loss, then the healing, emphasizing that it was only my personal belief. I told her as simply as I could.
And she told me she was ... well, she was sorry that I had had to gone through that. Not from a hellfire view, not condescendingly. She knew from my story that God was important in my life, and loss of faith was an agonizing thing. And for a few moments I spoke about my previous faith in Christianity again, how I had believed (not orthodox here, I was pretty much a "Jesus and God are cool and love me and love my friends and aren't gonna hurt them because they're Jewish or Wiccan, I bet Jesus says it's all cool" Christian) in God's true omnipotence, that he wouldn't allow torture simply because he could not allow himself to be dirtied. She nodded unjudgementally.
And then, as the period seemed soon to end, she asked me what kept me going through life. And I answered first with humor, "Well, I wake up every morning and think...DAMNIT I WANNA SLEEP!!" Then, honestly, I said the people I loved, my family, the beauty in the world everywhere. Pretty goofy, but that's what it is.
She asked, then, what would keep me going if that had all dissapeared. I knew her unspoken thought - she knew she had God to keep on, what kept me up?
And I thought a moment, looking out the window, but it was only to name the feeling that has held to my heart every day of my life.
"Hope."
And as the bell rang, I smiled and picked up my bag, for I had to rush to the next class to get a computer.
"Hope springs eternal."
.
And now that I write this down, it sounds kinda goofy... Oh well. Comments & criticism appreciated, flames used to toast marshmellows, spellcheck reviews or be deleted. Conversion attempts will be MSTed with help from Mercuria. Got it? Thankies!
I had been ranting to the teacher when she came over, bored since she had finished her physics work. The topic of the rant was an anti-non-Christian who thought that since Communists advocated atheism, atheists were responcible for the atrocities committed by communist leaders. And he had been railing it on a messageboard and bitching everyone out. It was a venting subject.
The girl, who for privacy's sake I shall call Sara, sat down close to me and listened to the end part of my rant. She commented that it wasn't fair for people to do such thngs, and I wholeheartedly agreed. I went into a shorter, less vehement rant about people who in general screw up religions by using God as a shield for heinous and hateful acts. And somewhere I mentioned the faith vs. works debate. Which actually got her speaking - she's a fairly listener type.
We conversed a while about the subject, including the "faith alone" subject, the beatitudes, the sheep and goats, and stuff like that. Then there was a bit about Paul and legalism and the gospels. It was an honest, open discussion. The fact she wasn't trying to convert me or anything was cool, and it was a lot easier to talk about the subjects from the two sides of the Christian view. I enjoyed it.
Then, when we'd paused a moment, she asked me what faith I was.
I blanched a bit. My atheism is pretty well hidden, like my sexual orientation. She noticed it and, grinning, promised she wouldn't go conversionist. So, quietly, I told her.
She paused a moment, and asked why I was one.
So I explained. My previous faith, my faith simply evaporating, the pain of loss, then the healing, emphasizing that it was only my personal belief. I told her as simply as I could.
And she told me she was ... well, she was sorry that I had had to gone through that. Not from a hellfire view, not condescendingly. She knew from my story that God was important in my life, and loss of faith was an agonizing thing. And for a few moments I spoke about my previous faith in Christianity again, how I had believed (not orthodox here, I was pretty much a "Jesus and God are cool and love me and love my friends and aren't gonna hurt them because they're Jewish or Wiccan, I bet Jesus says it's all cool" Christian) in God's true omnipotence, that he wouldn't allow torture simply because he could not allow himself to be dirtied. She nodded unjudgementally.
And then, as the period seemed soon to end, she asked me what kept me going through life. And I answered first with humor, "Well, I wake up every morning and think...DAMNIT I WANNA SLEEP!!" Then, honestly, I said the people I loved, my family, the beauty in the world everywhere. Pretty goofy, but that's what it is.
She asked, then, what would keep me going if that had all dissapeared. I knew her unspoken thought - she knew she had God to keep on, what kept me up?
And I thought a moment, looking out the window, but it was only to name the feeling that has held to my heart every day of my life.
"Hope."
And as the bell rang, I smiled and picked up my bag, for I had to rush to the next class to get a computer.
"Hope springs eternal."
.
And now that I write this down, it sounds kinda goofy... Oh well. Comments & criticism appreciated, flames used to toast marshmellows, spellcheck reviews or be deleted. Conversion attempts will be MSTed with help from Mercuria. Got it? Thankies!