Losers Are Weepers by biggerstaffbunch
Disclaimer: I don't own jack
After Forever Red, Jason contemplates what has been taken from him.
*Jason/Kim*
Here we are
Just face to face(ing)
Each other another day…
"Hey, babe."
The door slams, and the echo almost drowns out his greeting. In an instant, I'm jolted awake. I guess that I fell asleep for awhile there, but it doesn't matter anymore. He's here now.
"Jason," I say brightly, trying to inject a little cheerfulness in my voice. "Where were you, hon?" I leap up from the couch, my eyes focused only on him, my arms ready for the hug, the kiss on the cheek. It doesn't come. Sighing, I lower my arms and fold them. The brooding has already started, and the tension might kill me.
"Jason...?"
Who wins?
Well who cares?
He turns and for a second I see a flash of the old fire, a crackle of red lighting flash through his eyes. Then it's gone and his gaze is cloudy.
"I was…off reminiscing. Kimmie, don't worry." He coughs and shrugs off his jacket, shaking his dark hair free of the rain that is pouring down outside. The red tank top he wears almost every day is soaked and it hugs his muscles. I eye him critically, from his blood-shot eyes and frumpy jeans and work boots. He looks sorrier than I've ever seen him.
"Over alcohol?" I ask the question and again he doesn't answer-but it shouldn't matter. Because I know the truth. Jason Lee Scott isn't the type to get drunk. He's better than that, and something is eating him inside.
"Jason," I say, almost desperately, following him as he walks listlessly to the bathroom to towel his hair off. "I want to know where you were. I deserve to know where you were." I'm fighting the urge to stamp my foot, and I almost want to laugh; as long as I live, Jason will be the only person who makes me both grow and revert back to grade-school days. "Baby? I was really worried about you."
He turns and looks at me like he's debating my sincerity. He cocks his head and shrugs.
It always ends up the same
Seems I knew it would…
He's silent still.
I'm not stupid. I see the slump of his shoulders, the limp in his stride. There's a bruise darkening his left shoulder, and it shows what he's done. Not that I need to ask, anyhow, because I called Kat soon after Jason left, and she told me. He's been fighting, alongside the best and brightest of ten generations-nine other red Power Rangers, adding Jason- fighting against an evil menace. But there's always an evil menace, has been for the last decade.
Ten years it's been since at 15, he took command of the greatest fighting force on Earth.
Ten years since we first touched, since we first fought along side each other. Ten years since he has felt that important, that alive.
And suddenly I know what he's feeling.
"It hurts," he whispers hoarsely, catching me off-guard. His face is buried in the plush towel that our initials are inscribed on, the red and pink atrocity rubbing his cheeks dry of grime. "God, it hurts so damn much, and I can't even show it."
All I ever really wanted was to be the same
Equal treatment never ever comes and here we go again
I bite my lip and touch his shoulder gently, feeling the warm, damp skin shake. It's the most he has said about what he's felt in a long time.
"Jason," I say quietly, "You can, too. You've always been the strong one. Can't you let your guard down at least now-now, after ten years?"
He's silent again, and I hear his heart beat.
"I was fighting." He says this starkly; his voice holds no emotion. "Tommy called me, and we all fought the Machine Empire's leftovers-us, every red ranger since this whole thing started. I was there, with them all, and I was the red ranger once more.
The first, best red ranger."
I squeeze my eyes shut. I can hear it coming, feel it in my bones. I've seen it in his eyes often enough. "Except…?"
"Except for him. Tommy." His voice breaks. "The one thing I had in my name, the one thing I held, it was taken away. And I only just realized it." He's crying now, his face tear-stained and his mouth slack. I'm pretty sure that maybe he has been crying all day, maybe that's why he looks so half-assed. "He took it away. He did, my best friend, my brother. My bro." The term of endearment, the one that was once so loving, is now dirty. It feels sullied.
I sigh, and let my arms slip around Jason's waist, anchoring him close, bracing myself against the sink as he hugs me and cries in my hair. "Tommy."
"He took everything," Jason sobs, "Everything. My position, my color, my-Godamn it-even my haircut! Everything! And I loved him anyways. He was my family, sometimes I felt like he was my blood. Do you know how that is?"
All I ever really wanted was to be like you
So perfect
So worthless
He is shaking, and I reach around him for a red flannel shirt that's hanging on the hamper. Cooing softly, I drape it across his shoulders, tipping his chin so his forehead meets mine and I can see into his soul.
"Yes." I say simply. "I do. I really do." I hold his warm, large hands in mine for a minute, letting him cry. Then I wipe his tears.
"Jason, do you love Tommy still?" It's a difficult question and I understand his pause.
"Yes," he says after a moment. "He wouldn't talk to me after you and I got together, and that hurts, but- but I do. I do honor him, and I'm loyal to him, and godamn it again, I wanna be the bastard. Still."
Two men started walking
Started talking about better days
I smile at this admission and Jason gives me a half-hearted grin back. God, that smile used to make my knees shake, and if things would only get better, I could focus on how good it could make me feel now.
"Then let him go." I grip his arms, my eyes boring into his deep chocolate ones. "Let all that has happened go. We aren't Rangers anymore, and it hurts-God knows I wish every day I had my morpher and a coupla Putties ready to go at it-but we have to move on. We have to grow. I mean, we've done well for ourselves, Jase! A house in Cali, a nice job involved with the peace-keeping efforts, a life together. That's what's most important. We still have each other and the memories, Ranger or no Ranger."
One says to the other
He'd do it all again…
if I knew I could
Jason nods after a moment, his grin back. His eyes crinkle as he sniffs and drops a kiss on my forehead. "When'd you get so wise, Power-girl?"
I fold my arms and pretend to think. "Oh, about the time this big hulk of Red ranger decided to drop by and mend my broken heart." I arch an eyebrow. "We got trapped in a sub, and he saved me. It was highly unusual, even for a ranger."
If I was them
Then I wanna be
What I see
Jason shakes his head and I turn to go and make dinner. He catches my arm after a second and pulls me back.
"You still my girl, Harte?"
If I could pack my life in a moment
I wanna know, do you want me to go?
"Only an old fossil like you'd ask that question." I burst into gales of laughter. "Get it? Fossil? T-Rex?" It's lame, but it's the type of thing we laugh at, the type of thing that makes us smile.
Jason laughs a rich tenor sound. "Yeah, yeah. I get it, girl."
I cock my head and tap him on the nose. "Oh, and Jase?"
"Yeah?"
"There's one thing that Tommy took from you that you managed to get back."
Jason smiles wryly and passes a hand through his hair. "My 'do?"
I shake my head and kiss him soundly. "No.
"Me."
Gonna give my life never-ending
Never stop myself from pretending
That you always knew that I never could