Losers Are Weepers by biggerstaffbunch
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters.
Billy and Trini have a long-awaited conversation.
*Billy/Trini*
I had almost forgotten the way it felt
When he held out his hand for mine
My heart all a-flutter
I got the letter yesterday, caught off-guard, looking at the postmark "California" with a feeling akin to my heart being fried by electric cables. Gripping the letter between my knuckles, I walked up to my apartment and sat down, staring at the sender's address: 114 Greenleaf Lane, Angel Grove, California, 90234. William Cranston.
It's been almost 7 years since I've heard from Billy. Though we kept in touch for a good year through letters and phone calls, the last time I saw him, he was gawky and giddy about his new wire-frame glasses. That was the day before I boarded a plane to Switzerland and left Angel Grove forever.
Forget about that guy
Forget about the way you fell into his eyes
And I do mean forever. Because even now, with a letter that no doubt beckoned me "home", I refused to go. Billy probably thought I was extremely anxious to just hop a plane and fly right back to the one part of my life I'm not ready to revisit. And that, from a man who'd just spent a life-time on a far-off planet. I was not going to listen to Billy Cranston. No matter how much I wanted to.
I called him. What else could I do? Write him a letter? Yes, I'd give an eye for an eye, repay his letter with an empty, banal script of rehearsed words designed to hide emotions and make us both feel less tense. I couldn't do that. I just couldn't, not given the past that we shared. So I picked up the phone with trembling fingers and I dialed the number that I had memorized since I was ten, and I waited.
Forget about his charms
Forget about the way he held you in his arms
He picked up the phone and it was memories flooding back to me, relentless, one after another.
"Hello?" His voice, deep and warm, sleepy. Flashes of dirty blond hair, kind blue eyes, tentative smile.
"Billy?"
Forget about romance
Forget about the way your heart begins to dance
"Trini?" The sun against a boy in over-alls, carrying a book and a calculator. Thousands of putties, and that same boy doing his damndest to protect me.
The memories threatened to engulf me, to close over my head. I felt my heart beat faster involuntarily.
"Yes. Billy, God, how are you?"
Billy laughed, and I felt a thrill run through me. Don't, Trini, I warned myself. Don't forget what happened the last time you let yourself go like this. As if I could.
Walking on air's obnoxious
The thrill
The chill
Will make you nauseous
I was seventeen, fresh from a romantic week in Angel Grove with Billy. I couldn't deal, and when I got back to Geneva, I engaged in a disastrous relationship with an Asian delegate. I had just realized exactly what Billy meant to me when I received the call that he was headed to Aquitar to marry some girl. I poured my heart out to him, desperate for some feelings to be returned, but Billy dashed my hopes in the space of a day. He left that day, calling my home and leaving the obligatory pity-message.
"Trini, I'm leaving today and I think I may be gone forever. You were always by my side and I am grateful for that. In all honesty, we were only friends, though. I'm sorry, but I don't believe you really feel that way about me, and if you do, they are surely false feelings. Despite all that has happened, you have opened me up to many things, and we have shared much. It just wasn't love. Please forgive me, but don't forget me. I hope one day you can think of me fondly. Yours, Billy."
After that, I decided love was over-rated and perhaps he was right. I probably didn't love him. In the back of my mind, I knew he was wrong though. And it was just being reiterated now, in my heart, as I heard his voice once more.
"I'm fine. Really, it's great to be back home." Home. Where was home? Angel Grove? Here with me? "But how are you? I saw a picture of you recently in Geneva, and you look radiant. How have you been? Successful, of course, you couldn't be anything else."
Then you feel the blush
When he's spouting out some sentimental mush
No. I would not be drawn back in.
"I've been fine, Billy. Past seven years, I've been fine. Especially after that last phone call. You?" I made my voice curt and angry. He had some explaining to do after all.
I left Billy behind when I was fifteen, going on sixteen. Kimmie told me he spent three days denouncing "peace in general" because of my departure, so I know he missed me. And for a long time, we kept our bond strong: letters, phone calls, short visits every six months. But when Billy turned seventeen and lost his powers, he also lost touch. I tried emailing him, writing him, and I got nothing. Eventually I figured he just couldn't bother. And I knew it was true after that phone message. Somehow though, I couldn't reconcile that Billy with the Billy I knew as a child.
"Oh." His voice was soft. "Trin, about that. I'm-I'm really sorry about how we lost touch over the years. I never intended-well, what I mean is-after Aquitar…it was hard. I-I always kept you in my thoughts."
I felt tears sting my eyes. He could try and be a little more convincing.
"Billy, do you even want to be talking to me? Was that letter some kind of warning not to fall for you again?" I was blurting things out without thinking, without stopping. "Did I mean anything to you, Billy? And what? Why'd you write me a letter of all people when you came back?"
Love really is revolting!
It's even worse than when you're moulting
Enough of this fluff!
Just forget about love
There was silence. I wondered what he was thinking, what he was feeling. Obviously he was a bit taken aback; I would've been too.
"Trini, you know you meant something to me! You were my first friend, for God's sakes! You were the only one who understood me, the only one I truly had. After the Ranger thing, you were there for me! Of course you meant something to me. I wrote you a letter because of that, because I wanted to see you first! I thought of you often, didn't you know?"
I shut my eyes, willing myself to believe him.
"All I know is that I loved you." The answer was short and simple. "And you didn't love me back."
Had I really just said that?!
"Trin…"
Yes. I had. Way to be diplomatic, Kwon.
"I…I didn't know."
The hell you didn't!
"The hell you didn't, Billy! You and I were made for each other! Ever since we were ten, I could've sworn we'd end up together. And the only reason I left was because I was gonna come back after three years! You were supposed to wait! But you didn't…you went off and got married, for God's sakes! You forgot pretty well, didn't you? But I couldn't, all I could remember was that you used to want me, and we used to have something."
"Trini-"
I can't forget about my heart
And how it felt
To fall for you right from the start
"No, dammit! I finally realized that I couldn't wait any more, after all that time of us floundering! I decided to tell you exactly how I felt. I put myself on the line, Billy Cranston! And I ignored that you hadn't written or called me, didn't seem to want me, and I let myself hope you might love me too! But you didn't! You abandoned me. I cried for a year...a year, Billy."
I was wheezing, the sobs actually tearing through my throat. He let me cry for a moment before trying again.
"Then what?"
"Then I realized that all of what happened between us was nothing. That maybe I was just the girl you chose as your, your-standby!" I sobbed. "Did you even think of how hard it was when I came home and we-we shared all those things and did stuff…and then I left and expected you to call, but you didn't? Do you know how it made me feel?"
"Trini!" I tried to stop crying. "Trin, please, God, listen to me, okay?"
Sniffle. "Okay."
"Trini, I… was scared you didn't feel the same way I felt for so long. And when you told me you did, I was even more scared. We played these games, Trini. You kissed me, I ignored you. I held your hand, we didn't talk. We had a romantic week, and I thought things would actually turn around. But they didn't! Trini, that hurt me too! You got with Yao a week after that happened!"
"You hadn't called." Pathetic I know, but it was true. Billy and I had both had our share of immature moments.
"It didn't mean I didn't feel for you. I was so confused, Trini. I left for Aquitar because I couldn't deal with staying here and things staying the same way. So I got married to some girl who had enough honor to realize my heart was already taken. I already belonged to someone. To you. I love you, too, Trini Kwon, and I came back for you. Take the first damn flight home."
I'm still falling
Whatever we may do
I couldn't breathe.
"Billy?" I was sobbing hard, trying not to cry again. "You…you're sure?"
"I've never been surer of anything in my whole life."
Then, "Okay." That was all I could say and then he sucked in his breath.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Good. I'll be waiting for you." We were both sitting there with dumb smiles on our faces I'm sure, but I couldn't believe it had been that easy.
"Billy? Why didn't you…why didn't you come back earlier? Why didn't you tell me? It would've saved a lot of heartache."
To wish, to want, to wander
To find the sun
Through rain and thunder
"You know what it was like when you gave up your powers, Trin? That's how it felt to let you go. Like I was giving up something really precious and amazing. But I knew it was close by, and it would always be in me. And so I waited till it was destined to come about. I knew we belonged together and that it'd happen in due time…"
"Oh, Billy."
"Trin?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you a lot."
And so I said goodnight to him, and hung up the phone, ready to get a plane ticket and pack my bags. I picked up that letter and smiled. I wondered what it said.
Dear Trini, it read in Billy's neat scrawl,
I love you with all my heart and soul. Come home.
Love, Billy
We can't forget about love!