Title: Love Doesn't Have to Hurt
Author: Luisa
Email: leyjd@hotmail.com
Pairing: B/G
Rating: PG-13
Distribution: Dword, Kattie, Dee, TL... all the usual archives. Anyone
else, who wants it, just let me know where!
Summary: AU after Flooded. Buffy visits Angel. [Slight BtVS/AtS
Crossover]
Spoilers: Everything through Flooded, S6
Disclaimer: Not mine - Buffy, Giles and Lorne belong to Joss & co., "Love
Doesn't Have to Hurt" is by Atomic Kittenalthough I wish they were. All I
own is an overactive imagination. Buffy, Giles and anything else from the
BuffyVerse belongs to Joss.
Feedback: please, please, please, please, please!
Notes: *Emphasis* [Thoughts] #Lyrics#
Thanks: A huge thanks goes out to Kristin for the quick beta, even in the
midst of working on two fics at once. You amaze me!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy stared into the bottom of her glass - feeling as empty inside as the glass itself. For the umpteenth time she silently questioned why she was here in this seedy club with that dreadful racket going on up on the stage. After all, when he'd rung, insisting on the need to see her, touch her, know that she was real, she'd dropped everything for him. The urgency in his voice made it sound like he'd be there waiting for her with open arms. And she hadn't even known where 'there' was. He'd told her "not L.A." - yet here she was. A frown of confusion crossed her face. He was supposed to be the man she loved, and she was meant to be the one girl he loved. So why wasn't he here?
She sighed, pushing the glass away from her, not even able to remember the name of the drink and wondered if Angel was planning on showing up at all. Why he'd claimed this was the ideal place to meet, she really didn't understand. As she pondered further, she noticed a tall green demon approaching.
"Hi there, sweetie. How was your drink?"
[oh,[Oh, yeah... the barman...demon...thing] She smiled weakly at him. "Uh, fine thanks."
He gave a small, sympathetic smile in return. "You want another?"
She shook her head gently in response. "No, that's okay. I'll just... I'll just wait for my friend."
The demon sat on the chair opposite, laying his arms across the table to cover her hands gently with his. "Angel? Oh, that fun kid will be awhile - Cordy's got him out on a mission, again. Are you sure you don't want another while you wait?"
Buffy could only stare at him in shock, barely hearing the question. "Angel?" Her voice was barely a whisper. She coughed slightly, clearing her throat and trying again. "You *know* Angel? A-and Cordy?" She paused as he nodded, the information sinking in. "And she's got him on a what?"
He chuckled good-naturedly. "A mission... mercy mission... well, call it what you like. She gets visions of people in trouble and he goes out to rescue them. And that's where he is now. She just called to tell you he'll be a little longer." He smiled as her eyes widened at the revelation. "I'm sure he'll fill you in when he gets back. You *are* Buffy Summers, aren't you?"
She nodded slowly, processing the information she had just been given. "Wow. I wonder why they didn't tell me any of this before." Her eyes narrowed slightly, her focus zooming in on the demon once more. "So, now you know who I am. And I know you know Angel and Cordy... which means you probably know Wes, too." He nodded and smiled, showing off perfect pearly- white teeth. "So, who are *you*?"
"Lorne. And no grass jokes, please."
The Slayer bit her lip to keep from smiling in amusement, and tried for a change for subject. "So what's the deal with the singing demons?"
"I read them."
She blinked in surprise. "You...what?"
"I read them. They sing, and I read their... auras. Tell them what their problem is, advise them to sort it out."
"Uh-huh." She just nodded slowly again, this time unable to hold back the small smile that broke out on her lips.
"Hey, you want to give it a try?"
"No." She shook her head emphatically to emphasise her point.
"Look Honey, if you want my advice..."
"Don't need it." Buffy withdrew her hands from his, pulling them into her lap. "I don't need to be 'read' and I don't need your advice. Uhh... no offence, or anything."
Lorne pulled his hands back too, and leant back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as he surveyed the petite blond before him. "None taken. I know what you've been through..."
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You do? God, you really *do* know Angel, if you know what I've been through."
"Actually, it's fairly radiating off you in waves. Angel hasn't told me a thing. He's a closed book. I can tell where you've been, and the hurt you've suffered." Still her eyebrows remained raised, her eyeballs almost popping out of their sockets. He grinned. "I told you I read people."
"Then why...?"
"Why sing? Because the fact that you died, and the fact that you're in pain is obvious to pretty much anyone with eyes. The question about what you're gonna do now... and more importantly who you choose to be your saviour is up to you. And *that* is what I read - your heart."
Tears welled up in those wide grey-green eyes as he spoke and she swallowed nervously. "So what do I do?"
He smiled encouragingly, taking her hand and helping her up. "Just choose a song from the selection and sing into the microphone. I'll do the rest." He led her over to the stage.
"But I... I can't..."
"Sing? That doesn't matter, hon. Just let your heart sing, that's all that matters." He laughed, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "Besides, do you *really* think you could be any worse than those two?" He cocked his head, indicating the purple and blue demons finishing their duet, dreadfully out of tune.
Buffy gave a watery smile in return. "I... I guess not." As he gave her hand one last encouraging squeeze, she turned to the song selection and he left her to choose.
Looking down the list of songs, a title almost seemed to jump out at her, although she didn't have a clue what the melody or lyrics were. Yet, feeling compelled to go with it, the Slayer made her selection and moved to take her place on the stage, now that the previous duo had vacated it.
The intro played over the sound system, and Buffy found herself caught up in the lyrics that appeared on the screen before her, finding the clear melody on the backing track easy to pick up.
#I learnt a lesson in my life And I learnt the hard way
I don't know why I used to fall in love
With the wrong kind#
Buffy felt a pinprick of tears touch her eyes at the truth of the words. [That's me... Always falling for the wrong guy. God, will I ever learn?]
#Why I suffer so much pain But I only had myself to blame#
She frantically swiped at her eyes, brushing the threatening tears away before they had a chance to reveal themselves. [It's my fault. I always bring it on myself. Crap. I can't believe that just one verse can get me like this. This was a bad idea.]
#Then you came And you make a time to show me#
[Giles, you save the day again. Whoa. Where did that thought come from? Giles? Well, I guess you did kinda turn up just at the right time...] She sang bravely on, the thought of him bolstering her courage.
#Love shouldn't have to hurt To feel good It's such a revelation With you I can be myself And I know it should#
[And I can. Oh, God, I really can. Everyone's always expected something of me - and what have they given me in return? Pain. Abandonment. Yet you're always there for me, and I saw you with Jenny. Saw what it's like to love someone and be happy. If you can do it, so can I.]
#Don't have to cry Don't have to fight Don't have to die Not after tonight#
[I shouldn't have left you, should I? You showed me today what it could be like to be free, and I ran to Angel instead of letting you be the anchor you've always promised you'll be] A lone tear escaped, making it's way down her cheeks.
#Show me Love (Love) Doesn't have to hurt to feel good#
[Show me love? Giles? Umm... maybe...] inmaybe... ] In milliseconds her mind went through the years they'd shared,shared; the laughter, the anguish, the support and devotion. [Yeah, maybe...]
#Well darling now it seems to me Like I've always known you But I still shudder When I think back On the lonely times#
[Everytime I've been hurt, I shut him out. I could've let him in;in, let him help me, look after me. I went through the pain alone, felt more lonely than I could've possibly imagined. And he could've saved me.] A shudder really did go through her at the realisation, yet she still sang; the truth of the words before her, filling her heart with hope as yet more flashbacks went through her mind.
#I used to keep all my feelings inside From your eyes I have nothing to hide Baby you came And you make a time to show me#
[I have absolutely nothing to hide from him. Nothing. All my other guys... I had to pretend I wasn't the Slayer, 'til I was sure they could be trusted. But... Giles? He knows me better than I know myself.] A small smile graced her lips as a few more tears leaked from her eyes.
#Love doesn't have to hurt To feel good It's such a revelation With you I can be myself And I know it should#
[And he always took time to care for me, even when he should've had a life of his own. He protected me, defended me, cared for me... he never left my side. Not once. Not even when Olivia was here. Not really. His conscience, his heart still belonged to me.] She stumbled slightly in the song as the realisation hit her.
#Don't have to cry Don't have to fight Don't have to die Not after tonight Show me Love (Love) Doesn't have to hurt to feel good#
[It really doesn't. He loves me. And I... wow... I love him. Angel hurt me. Parker hurt me. Riley hurt me, and God knows the other losers I've gone out with hurt me. But lovelove - real lovelove - the sort Giles offers, really doesn't have to hurt to feel good.]]
#Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Baby Lying here besidebeside you Feels so fine Talking about everything in this heart of mine#
[I want to. So much. I want to lay beside you. Feel fine beside you. Talk to you; open up my heart to you] For the first time since returning from Heaven, she felt alive and she sang with a renewed confidence, suddenly eager to get home to Sunnydale; home to Giles, her meeting with Angel forgotten.
#Love doesn't have to hurt To feel good It's such a revelation With you I can be myself And I know it should Don't have to cry Don't have to fight And in your arms Not after tonight Show me Love (Love) Doesn't have to hurt to feel good#
As the backing track faded, she leapt off the stage, handing the mic to a grinning Lorne.
"Thanks, Lorne. You really helped."
He continued grinning. "I did nothing, sweetie. You did it all yourself. And yes," he continued,anticipating her question, "feel free to use the payphone in the corner."
On impulse, she leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. This odd demon was really growing on her. "Thank you." you." With a half-skip in her step, she made her way to the phone and dialled her home number.
"Hi, Dawnie? Put Giles on, would you?"
The teenager mumbled something about 'nice to speak to you, too' and she passed the phone to the man in question.
"Buffy?"
"Giles... I..."
"Is everything okay?"
Buffy smiled into the phone at his soft but concerned voice. "Everything's fine, Giles. I worked a lot of stuff out."
"Oh." She could almost hear his shoulder slump. "So Angel was able to help?"
"I haven't seen Angel, Giles." She smiled again, mentally picturing his eyebrows raise in wonder. "I worked it out on my own."
"And what would this be?"
She took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. "I'm in love with you."
He drew a matching breath;breath, shocked to hear the words come from his Slayer's lips that he'd never imagined ever hearing. For several long moments there was silence, until finally Giles allowed a wide smile of happiness to alight his face. "I love you, too."
A squeal in the Summer's house caused Buffy to smile too, and she at last let out the breath she'd been holding. "I know. And Giles? Don't go anywhere. I'm coming home."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy stared into the bottom of her glass - feeling as empty inside as the glass itself. For the umpteenth time she silently questioned why she was here in this seedy club with that dreadful racket going on up on the stage. After all, when he'd rung, insisting on the need to see her, touch her, know that she was real, she'd dropped everything for him. The urgency in his voice made it sound like he'd be there waiting for her with open arms. And she hadn't even known where 'there' was. He'd told her "not L.A." - yet here she was. A frown of confusion crossed her face. He was supposed to be the man she loved, and she was meant to be the one girl he loved. So why wasn't he here?
She sighed, pushing the glass away from her, not even able to remember the name of the drink and wondered if Angel was planning on showing up at all. Why he'd claimed this was the ideal place to meet, she really didn't understand. As she pondered further, she noticed a tall green demon approaching.
"Hi there, sweetie. How was your drink?"
[oh,[Oh, yeah... the barman...demon...thing] She smiled weakly at him. "Uh, fine thanks."
He gave a small, sympathetic smile in return. "You want another?"
She shook her head gently in response. "No, that's okay. I'll just... I'll just wait for my friend."
The demon sat on the chair opposite, laying his arms across the table to cover her hands gently with his. "Angel? Oh, that fun kid will be awhile - Cordy's got him out on a mission, again. Are you sure you don't want another while you wait?"
Buffy could only stare at him in shock, barely hearing the question. "Angel?" Her voice was barely a whisper. She coughed slightly, clearing her throat and trying again. "You *know* Angel? A-and Cordy?" She paused as he nodded, the information sinking in. "And she's got him on a what?"
He chuckled good-naturedly. "A mission... mercy mission... well, call it what you like. She gets visions of people in trouble and he goes out to rescue them. And that's where he is now. She just called to tell you he'll be a little longer." He smiled as her eyes widened at the revelation. "I'm sure he'll fill you in when he gets back. You *are* Buffy Summers, aren't you?"
She nodded slowly, processing the information she had just been given. "Wow. I wonder why they didn't tell me any of this before." Her eyes narrowed slightly, her focus zooming in on the demon once more. "So, now you know who I am. And I know you know Angel and Cordy... which means you probably know Wes, too." He nodded and smiled, showing off perfect pearly- white teeth. "So, who are *you*?"
"Lorne. And no grass jokes, please."
The Slayer bit her lip to keep from smiling in amusement, and tried for a change for subject. "So what's the deal with the singing demons?"
"I read them."
She blinked in surprise. "You...what?"
"I read them. They sing, and I read their... auras. Tell them what their problem is, advise them to sort it out."
"Uh-huh." She just nodded slowly again, this time unable to hold back the small smile that broke out on her lips.
"Hey, you want to give it a try?"
"No." She shook her head emphatically to emphasise her point.
"Look Honey, if you want my advice..."
"Don't need it." Buffy withdrew her hands from his, pulling them into her lap. "I don't need to be 'read' and I don't need your advice. Uhh... no offence, or anything."
Lorne pulled his hands back too, and leant back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest as he surveyed the petite blond before him. "None taken. I know what you've been through..."
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You do? God, you really *do* know Angel, if you know what I've been through."
"Actually, it's fairly radiating off you in waves. Angel hasn't told me a thing. He's a closed book. I can tell where you've been, and the hurt you've suffered." Still her eyebrows remained raised, her eyeballs almost popping out of their sockets. He grinned. "I told you I read people."
"Then why...?"
"Why sing? Because the fact that you died, and the fact that you're in pain is obvious to pretty much anyone with eyes. The question about what you're gonna do now... and more importantly who you choose to be your saviour is up to you. And *that* is what I read - your heart."
Tears welled up in those wide grey-green eyes as he spoke and she swallowed nervously. "So what do I do?"
He smiled encouragingly, taking her hand and helping her up. "Just choose a song from the selection and sing into the microphone. I'll do the rest." He led her over to the stage.
"But I... I can't..."
"Sing? That doesn't matter, hon. Just let your heart sing, that's all that matters." He laughed, squeezing her hand reassuringly. "Besides, do you *really* think you could be any worse than those two?" He cocked his head, indicating the purple and blue demons finishing their duet, dreadfully out of tune.
Buffy gave a watery smile in return. "I... I guess not." As he gave her hand one last encouraging squeeze, she turned to the song selection and he left her to choose.
Looking down the list of songs, a title almost seemed to jump out at her, although she didn't have a clue what the melody or lyrics were. Yet, feeling compelled to go with it, the Slayer made her selection and moved to take her place on the stage, now that the previous duo had vacated it.
The intro played over the sound system, and Buffy found herself caught up in the lyrics that appeared on the screen before her, finding the clear melody on the backing track easy to pick up.
#I learnt a lesson in my life And I learnt the hard way
I don't know why I used to fall in love
With the wrong kind#
Buffy felt a pinprick of tears touch her eyes at the truth of the words. [That's me... Always falling for the wrong guy. God, will I ever learn?]
#Why I suffer so much pain But I only had myself to blame#
She frantically swiped at her eyes, brushing the threatening tears away before they had a chance to reveal themselves. [It's my fault. I always bring it on myself. Crap. I can't believe that just one verse can get me like this. This was a bad idea.]
#Then you came And you make a time to show me#
[Giles, you save the day again. Whoa. Where did that thought come from? Giles? Well, I guess you did kinda turn up just at the right time...] She sang bravely on, the thought of him bolstering her courage.
#Love shouldn't have to hurt To feel good It's such a revelation With you I can be myself And I know it should#
[And I can. Oh, God, I really can. Everyone's always expected something of me - and what have they given me in return? Pain. Abandonment. Yet you're always there for me, and I saw you with Jenny. Saw what it's like to love someone and be happy. If you can do it, so can I.]
#Don't have to cry Don't have to fight Don't have to die Not after tonight#
[I shouldn't have left you, should I? You showed me today what it could be like to be free, and I ran to Angel instead of letting you be the anchor you've always promised you'll be] A lone tear escaped, making it's way down her cheeks.
#Show me Love (Love) Doesn't have to hurt to feel good#
[Show me love? Giles? Umm... maybe...] inmaybe... ] In milliseconds her mind went through the years they'd shared,shared; the laughter, the anguish, the support and devotion. [Yeah, maybe...]
#Well darling now it seems to me Like I've always known you But I still shudder When I think back On the lonely times#
[Everytime I've been hurt, I shut him out. I could've let him in;in, let him help me, look after me. I went through the pain alone, felt more lonely than I could've possibly imagined. And he could've saved me.] A shudder really did go through her at the realisation, yet she still sang; the truth of the words before her, filling her heart with hope as yet more flashbacks went through her mind.
#I used to keep all my feelings inside From your eyes I have nothing to hide Baby you came And you make a time to show me#
[I have absolutely nothing to hide from him. Nothing. All my other guys... I had to pretend I wasn't the Slayer, 'til I was sure they could be trusted. But... Giles? He knows me better than I know myself.] A small smile graced her lips as a few more tears leaked from her eyes.
#Love doesn't have to hurt To feel good It's such a revelation With you I can be myself And I know it should#
[And he always took time to care for me, even when he should've had a life of his own. He protected me, defended me, cared for me... he never left my side. Not once. Not even when Olivia was here. Not really. His conscience, his heart still belonged to me.] She stumbled slightly in the song as the realisation hit her.
#Don't have to cry Don't have to fight Don't have to die Not after tonight Show me Love (Love) Doesn't have to hurt to feel good#
[It really doesn't. He loves me. And I... wow... I love him. Angel hurt me. Parker hurt me. Riley hurt me, and God knows the other losers I've gone out with hurt me. But lovelove - real lovelove - the sort Giles offers, really doesn't have to hurt to feel good.]]
#Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Baby Lying here besidebeside you Feels so fine Talking about everything in this heart of mine#
[I want to. So much. I want to lay beside you. Feel fine beside you. Talk to you; open up my heart to you] For the first time since returning from Heaven, she felt alive and she sang with a renewed confidence, suddenly eager to get home to Sunnydale; home to Giles, her meeting with Angel forgotten.
#Love doesn't have to hurt To feel good It's such a revelation With you I can be myself And I know it should Don't have to cry Don't have to fight And in your arms Not after tonight Show me Love (Love) Doesn't have to hurt to feel good#
As the backing track faded, she leapt off the stage, handing the mic to a grinning Lorne.
"Thanks, Lorne. You really helped."
He continued grinning. "I did nothing, sweetie. You did it all yourself. And yes," he continued,anticipating her question, "feel free to use the payphone in the corner."
On impulse, she leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek. This odd demon was really growing on her. "Thank you." you." With a half-skip in her step, she made her way to the phone and dialled her home number.
"Hi, Dawnie? Put Giles on, would you?"
The teenager mumbled something about 'nice to speak to you, too' and she passed the phone to the man in question.
"Buffy?"
"Giles... I..."
"Is everything okay?"
Buffy smiled into the phone at his soft but concerned voice. "Everything's fine, Giles. I worked a lot of stuff out."
"Oh." She could almost hear his shoulder slump. "So Angel was able to help?"
"I haven't seen Angel, Giles." She smiled again, mentally picturing his eyebrows raise in wonder. "I worked it out on my own."
"And what would this be?"
She took a deep breath and leaned against the wall. "I'm in love with you."
He drew a matching breath;breath, shocked to hear the words come from his Slayer's lips that he'd never imagined ever hearing. For several long moments there was silence, until finally Giles allowed a wide smile of happiness to alight his face. "I love you, too."
A squeal in the Summer's house caused Buffy to smile too, and she at last let out the breath she'd been holding. "I know. And Giles? Don't go anywhere. I'm coming home."