What do tacos, pies, the Predacons, and the Maximals have in common?
Overdose, of course!
Hasbro owns the Beast Wars, but I own Overdose and the plot. Only Hasbro's making a profit, though. This fic was written for Yunyin-Chan's writing contest, so I had to include certain things in it. That just increased the weirdness...
Kiss/Kill the Cook
by Lady Dementia
dementedangel@hotmail.com
* * * * *
Rampage found Overdose on a beach, frying something in a pan over a fire. Despite the fact that he had been searching for her for days, she merely waved a fin in an absentminded greeting as he came on shore.
"What are you doing, now?" he asked testily. All that searching, and not even a word...
The crazy femme was bent over the frying pan, stirring the contents. Whatever it was spitting grease and smelled...well, Rampage had never smelled anything like it before.
Overdose took the pan off the fire and yelped. Sticking her now-burned finger in her mouth to suck on, she turned to him. "Mmphbltamch," she explained around it.
"Uh, right." Now that was informative. Rampage walked up the beach towards her.
"Mmph! Lomtph!" She gestured frantically for him to stop, her fins changing color with alarm, but it was too late.
*Crunch!*
Rampage lifted his foot to see the shattered remains of some weird-looking U-shaped structures. "What in the Pit..?"
"My taco shells!" Overdose wailed after finally pulling her finger from her mouth. She ran over and looked at the broken shells. "I spent all morning making those, and you STEPPED on them!"
He shrugged. "Sorry."
"Sorry." She eyed him evilly. "I'll show you sorry...you broke 'em, you can make more of 'em!" She pointed to where the beach ended against some cliffs. There was a table set up there. "The recipe's on the table. You can use the fire I have going now."
"No!" Rampage shook his head determinedly. "I will NOT cook!"
She nodded just as determinedly. "Yes, you will."
"No, I wo--" Overdose smacked him upside the head, and he snarled in anger. "You dare!"
"Yep!" Overdose turned to walk back to the fire, but Rampage grabbed the back of her fins. "Lemme go, Rampage."
"I'll teach you to--"
*Thud!*
Rampage found himself flat on his stomach, spitting sand. Overdose had lunged backwards, put her shoulder under him, and thrown him in the same fluid motion. She knelt on his back, digging her knee into the middle and twisting his arms up behind himself. He attempted to struggle, but she simply twisted harder, sending stabs of pain up his arms if he moved.
"Yay! Are we gonna play?!" Overdose giggled happily, her eyes and fins swirling with brilliant colors. "We haven't played in a long time!" she continued, still calm over being attacked by the crab. She paused to think for a minute. "Um, not since prison, I think."
"No, we're not going to play," Rampage said casually, hoping she wouldn't decide to go ahead, anyway. Overdose's idea of 'playing' involved fighting and torture...and she was more experienced than him in those two 'sports'.
"Aaaw..." She let him up, her colors dulling to a disappointed, mudlike muddle. "Well, I suppose you have to go cook, anyway." With that, she bounced away, her colors returning as she forgot why she had been disappointed.
"Yeah, sure," Rampage sighed. He turned to go find the recipe, wondering what he had been thinking of to attack her. He usually wasn't THAT insane...
* * * * *
In the prison where the then-X had been sent, only the strong survived, despite the efforts of the guards. The weak guards died, too. It kept the place a LITTLE less cramped. The really strong prisoners received special privileges from the other prisoners. X recognized the system as soon as he was brought into the prison.
If he had stopped to think it over, he would have wondered why the cell he was thrown in only had one person he had in it when some of the cells he had walked past had up to six each. In a prison pressed for space, a single-occupant cell was nearly impossible to find. There was only one, in fact. The one he was in, that now had two inmates.
But he hadn't stopped to think it over; he had attacked the smaller femme...and gotten the slag beat out of him. She was faster, more experienced, and stronger than she looked, and she used her advantages ruthlessly. He had still been wondering what in the Pit had happened when she was tying him up. Then he was taught the hard way why this insane bot was by herself, and why there had been so many guards standing around outside her cell.
His screams had brought the guards running, but he had been incredibly lucky. Instead of fighting with the guards while he suffered, the femme had stepped back from the fight and calmly leaped to the top bunk. She had curled up there, watching the guards warily drag X from the cell. She had smiled and called after him, "I like you, Goomba-boy."
He still hadn't found out what a 'Goomba' was...
* * * * *
Rampage set the last of the shells on the plate Overdose was holding and sighed in relief. Cooking was harder than it looked! Especially since his only experience in the art was the one time Overdose had lit a fire in their prison cell and tried to teach him the basics...using an unfortunate prison guard as the 'food'. The other guards had broken through the barricaded cell door before the inventive chefs had a chance to try their creation, Prison Guard Fricassee, though.
"Now I just have to reheat the taco meat, and we'll be done!" Overdose said happily. She found the frying pan and swung it back over the fire.
"What exactly are you doing this for?" Rampage asked curiously. "There's more food on that table! You can't eat it all!"
Overdose blinked. "Oh, that's right. I was gonna..." She trailed off, staring at nothing, but then shook herself and turned back to him. "Well, I had all that organic stuff that I had stole--um, bought a while back, and I noticed it was getting pretty close to spoiling, so I decided to make lots of food! I mean, now that I can eat the stuff instead of cooking it and then throwing it away like I usually do, because I liked cooking but I couldn't eat it, but now I have this really cool organic body that digests it. Doesn't that make sense?" She looked at him expectantly.
Rampage stared at her, picking through the general babbling until he understood. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, but I still don't understand how you expect to eat all of that stuff."
"I'm not, of course!" She smiled brightly. "I'll be right back." The loony femme jogged to the table and back, bringing a plain gray rectangle with her. She set it by Rampage as she stirred the food in her frying pan. It was reheating nicely. Somehow her stirring turned into an impromptu dance around the fire.
He watched her for a second, but then he poked the rectangle. "This isn't food, is it?" He jumped as it beeped at him. "What the slag?!"
"Like, crab-dude."
"You!"
"Like, yeah."
Overdose giggled. "Rampage, meet Bob. Bob, his name is Rampage, not crab-dude." She grinned. "Although, that works, too." She giggled again as Rampage glared at her. "Hey, if I have to put up with it, so do you!"
"Bob?" he repeated doubtfully.
She shrugged. "It was the only thing I could think of." She picked up Bob and sat down cross-legged, putting him in her lap. "Okay, Bob, will you please tap into the Maximal and Predacon radio frequencies?"
Rampage's eyes widened. "You're not going to--"
"Like, radio tap, like, complete, dude."
"Thanks Bob," Overdose said, ignoring Rampage. She cleared her throat. "Hiya, Maxis and Preds! It's Overdose! I'm at these coordinates," she pressed a button on Bob, "and would you please come and join me? I'm having a picnic! Um, can you not fight? That would be bad. I mean, how can you eat if you're fighting? It doesn't make sense. Oh, can someone bring napkins? I couldn't find any, and I looked really hard, I really did! I made tacos! Uh, I don't have any hot sauce, though. Sorry! I used the last of mine in a casserole, um, a long time ago. I didn't get anymore, 'cause, well, actually, I don't know why I didn't. Oh! I just realized that I'm the hostess of a party, now! Isn't that neat? Hostess, hostess...why does that word--Oo, I forgot! I also have Hostess Twinkies! Um, they're kinda old, but I don't think they're stale yet. A word to the wise, though: don't use Twinkie filling on your taco instead of hot sauce. It doesn't taste very good; trust me, I tried it already. Um, what else, what else...Hey, I made pies, too! Lots and lots of pies! I made a French chocolate pie for me and Blackarachnia, 'cause we're femmes; I made a banana cream pie for, um, that big shiny ape-guy, 'cause, well, don't apes like bananas? Or maybe that was monkeys. Oh, well, too late now. I made a lemon meringue pie for that purple guy who's always saying, 'Yesssss,' 'cause he's a sourpuss, so I thought he'd like that, and I made an octopus pie for Rampage, 'cause, um, I forget why. Seafood, maybe? I dunno, but I made a coconut cream pie out of fresh coconuts, so we can make bongos out of the shells! Won't that be fun? Er, I forget who I made it for, though. Oh, and I made a piranha pie for the kitty, but it bit me after I was sure it was done cooking, so I put it back in, and now it's a little burned, and I made a--"
"Overdose, shut up! You're rambling!"
"--I had better go, 'cause Rampage is spazzing out. He does that a lot. Maybe he has emotional problems! Is there a psychiatrist somewhere? We could take him to the doctor, but then they'd say he has 'problems' and put him on those funny tasting drugs they gave me, and he'd get all dopey and start drooling or something 'cause--"
"Overdose!"
"--See what I mean? So everybody come to my picnic and eat all the food I made! I even made taco shells, but then Rampage stepped on them, so he had to make more. Wasn't that nice of him? So you had better come, 'cause Rampage might be unhappy and start crying if no one likes his taco shells, what with his emotional problems and all that. Uh-oh, now Rampage looks mad. I wonder why? Oops, gotta go! Bye!"
Rampage ripped Bob away from Overdose and flung him across the beach. There was a fading, "Duuuuuuuude..." as he flew off.
"What is wrong with you?!" he yelled at Overdose.
She looked at him confusedly. "Why are you so concerned with how I am? Oh!" She clapped her hands. "Can I ask you a personal question? I bet I know why you're so upset!"
"Huh?" Rampage was taken aback, his anger dissipating into the normal exasperation with her. "Well...I guess so..."
Overdose leaned forward conspiratorially. "Are you gay?"
* * * * *
Rattrap was rolling on the floor with laughter. Cheetor wasn't much better. Silverbolt just looked confused. Even with her confined to her quarters, everyone on the salvaged Axalon could hear Blackarachnia screaming with laughter.
Rhinox was stifling a smile as he turned to Optimus. "Are we going to go to this...picnic?" he asked. "It could just possibly be a trap. Overdose did say that Rampage was there, but I don't think it very likely that the Predacons would organize something like this."
Rattrap sat up partially. "Hehehe, I wouldn't miss dis for da world! Rampage wit' 'emotional problems'..." He lapsed back into incoherent laughter. Cheetor just giggled harder.
Optimus sighed and smiled. "Yes, we'll go. Who knows what would happen if the Predacons showed up and we didn't?" He looked at the bewildered fuzor. "Silverbolt, you and Blackarachnia are on guard duty, just in case this is a Predacon trick. Everyone else, let's go!"
* * * * *
Tarantulas curled into a ball on the floor and tried to calm down.
When Overdose's voice had reached him in the storage room, he had thought that she had somehow gotten into the room! He had whirled around, convince that he was going to die, only to collapse in relief as she announced her location and her picnic, whatever that was. She had invited all the Maximals and Predacons to it, though, so there was a good chance someone would mention his name, even just in passing. That would have...bad...results for him.
Tarantulas shivered in fear for the future.
* * * * *
Megatron glowered at Waspinator and Quickstrike as they futilely tried to muffle their laughter. They ducked their head apologetically, but couldn't stop. Inferno fumed at their disrespect.
Dinobot snarled. "Are we going to go to that insane female's...picnic?" The raptor's contempt for Overdose was clear, but there was also an undertone of...fear, perhaps? His injuries from the loony femme had been shallow and small, but the CR Tank had still taken twice as long with him as any major injury. He wasn't likely to forget the pain any time soon.
Megatron nodded slowly. "We shall go, yess--" he caught himself, but the wasp and fuzor still burst into fresh peals of laughter as he drew the word out. He directed a glare at them. "You two will stay behind and guard the base," he snarled.
They watched the other Predacons leave with disappointment.
* * * * *
Depth Charge cursed to himself as he swam towards the surface. It figured that Overdose's location was the farthest from where he was searching. Just his horrible luck, so far. Even if he transformed to his flight mode, he was still far enough away that she would probably be gone by the time he got to the coordinates.
Which didn't mean that he wasn't going to try.
* * * * *
"WHAT?!"
"Are you gay?" Overdose patiently repeated.
Rampage sputtered, completely taken off guard. "Why, who, how did--"
"--I figure it out?" she filled in for him. "I was just wondering about how you were asking about what was wrong and how good you are at cooking, and it all fell into place! You're gay!" She giggled and bounced herself up and down, fins rippling with colors. "This is so neat! I've never had a gay friend before!"
"I'm not gay!" Rampage finally got out.
Overdose nodded wisely. "Well, I think homosexual's such a long word to say, but if you insist..."
"Don't call me that!"
She sighed. "Well, then I guess I'll have to call you a fairy, then, 'cause you didn't like the other names."
"Fairy?! Never associate that word with me!"
"Is 'gay' better?"
"Yes!" Rampage snapped automatically. Then his eyes widened. "Wait! No!" He fell silent, struggling to understand how he had gotten into this argument in the first place. He was completely confused.
Overdose happily chattered on. "So, do you have a crush on anyone? Oo, I could play matchmaker! Um, how about the purple guy? No, he's too stupid, and he'll call you 'my dear' like he did with me. How about the rat? Um, Rattrap? He'd be okay if he just went to an orthodontist and got braces for those buck teeth of his, and, oh look! The taco meat's done! Come help me set up the table!" She grabbed the pan and Rampage's arm, hauling him towards the cliffs.
"I'm not gay!" Rampage protested weakly, still too bewildered to think straight.
Overdose dropped the pan onto the table and turned to face him, putting her hands on her hips. Her fins darkened. "Now, you stop that! Denying it won't change who you are, and I won't hear it!"
"But--"
"I can't heeeeeear yooooou! Lalalalala!" Overdose warbled. She began making tacos and setting them out. The louder Rampage protested, the louder she sang. Finally, he sullenly stopped in the interest of his hearing.
She flashed a crazy smile at him while her eyes swirled brightly. "See? That wasn't so hard!"
He snarled at her.
She giggled and turned her attention back to the food. "Now, lemme see," she said absently while shredding lettuce for taco toppings, "who would share your interests? You're a psychopathic mass murderer who enjoys torturing people as a hobby." She paused to think that over. "Um, maybe we should do this on looks, instead. Who do you think is cute?"
"I'm not interested in guys!" Rampage bellowed.
Overdose whirled and glared at him. "Cut that out! You're only hurting yourself by denying what you are."
"I--oh, I give up." Rampage flung his hands up in disgust. What harm could there be in letting her keep her delusion?
She smiled cheerfully. "That's good! Now we just have to find you a date..."
He groaned. "Let's not." He wearily leaned against the table, only to tip a tall pitcher of some blue liquid over. "Oops." The fluid spilled across the table, some of it dribbling off onto his leg. He brushed at it. It didn't come off. "Overdose, this stuff isn't coming off!" Now some of it was on his hands!
Overdose blinked at the blue stains, then at the pitcher it had come from. "Why in the Pit did I put a jar of Gertajin dye out? I thought that it was a soft drink..." She rummaged around under the table, where there was a bucket of cleaning supplies. Pulling out something, she unscrewed the top and took out a tablet. She twisted it and spinkled the powder inside it over the stains. They foamed up.
Rampage stared. "Isn't that one of your pill bottles?" At Overdose's nod, he asked, "Why are you..?"
"I used all the pills," she explained. "Now I store Industrial Strength Cleaner in it. Thrifty, aren't I?" She grabbed another container off the table and dumped the liquid inside it over the foam. The stuff washed away, taking the stains with it.
*Ding!*
"Time for more drugs!" Overdose put the open bottle on the table and took out a clipboard. "'How did this drug affect you?' Um..."
"You were definitely crazier than normal," Rampage muttered.
"Is that a compliment?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, I'm going to take it as one." Overdose threw her arms around Rampage's neck and half-strangled him in a hug. "Thank you! Now, where was I..." She let him go and turned back to her clipboard, pulling out a new pill bottle and setting it on the table.
"Air..." Rampage gasped.
Overdose began randomly filling out the questionnaire, skipping questions she didn't feel like answering at the moment. "Oo, did I tell you I had a vision of pickles this morning? That's what started this whole cooking spree of mine. It gave me the idea!" Overdose chattered on and on. "There were big pickles and little pickles and dill pickles and short pickles and long pickles..."
"I hate pickles. Just because of this, I hate pickles. They've just replaced Depth Charge as my ultimate mortal enemy." Rampage thought for a second and sighed. "What's a pickle look like?"
Overdose reached across the table and set a plate of pickle relish in front of him. "Meet your enemy, O Rampagish One. May you fight with honor," she intoned in a mock-solemn voice. She spoiled the moment by adding, "But don't add it to your taco; it tastes kinda funny and makes the taco shell all mushy."
* * * * *
Rhinox and Optimus came to the edge of the cliff and stopped next to Rattrap and Cheetor. They were looking down the cliff face at the scene below.
A femme was laying on the ground, kicking her feet in the air and giggling madly (literally). Her backdrop of multicolored fins made her easy to pick out against the plain sand beneath her. Towering above her, Rampage was apparently glaring down at her. She looked past him to the Maximals standing above and waved vigorously.
"Hellooooo!"
Cheetor transformed and waved back as Rampage whirled around and looked up at them. He drew his missile launcher, but Overdose sprang from the sand to grab his arm. They talked tensely (well, Rampage did, anyway) while the Maximals watched alertly. The Predacon hesitated, glancing up at them again, but he reluctantly put his weapon away.
Optimus sighed in relief. "Well, let's get down there."
"Eh," Rattrap muttered, "time ta fly Air Optimus. What fun."
* * * * *
"See?" Overdose exclaimed triumphantly as the Maximals began ferrying down to the beach. "This will work!"
"Right. And what about the Predacons?" Rampage reminded himself yet again that the Maximals weren't targets at the moment. But it was soooo tempting...
She shrugged. "They can't fight ALL the time, can they? I mean, they can relax just this once. Oo, and speaking of relaxing..." she turned a speculative eye towards the Maximals, who had regrouped on the beach and were walking towards them, and then back at him. "...see anybody particularly cute?"
Rampage groaned. "You are not going to drop that, are you? For the last time, stop saying that I'M GAY!" He realized that in his frustration with the crazy femme, he had just shouted the last two words. "Oops..."
The Maximals had frozen in shock and were all staring at him.
* * * * *
"Um, did Rampage just say he was gay?" Cheetor asked no one in particular.
Rhinox frowned. "Well, that's different."
"Now I've got twice as many reason ta stay away from him," Rattrap mumbled.
Optimus frowned at the rat. "All beings have the right to choose what they do with their lives." He shrugged uncomfortably. "At least Rampage admitted it..."
* * * * *
Overdose giggled. The Maximals gradually edged closer, keeping the table between themselves and Rampage.
Rampage actually envied mortals at the moment. THEY would have been able to die of embarrassment. HE had to live through it.
"Hi!" Overdose said to the Maximals as she bounced over next to them. "Isn't it SO cool that Rampage can admit that? Anyway, the tacos are over there, and you can add whatever you want to them. Just beware of the..."
Rampage wanted to kill her. He really did. Unfortunately, the uncontrollable urge to laugh that was building in him at the confounded looks the Maximals' faces were getting as Overdose babbled on was winning over the urge to kill her. Besides, her rambling was distracting them from him and his...er, problem. The Overdose-induced problem. Maybe if they listened to her long enough, they'd figure out that he really wasn't gay!
The Maximals began picking out their food, and Overdose came over and plopped a taco in his hands. He blinked.
"Here! You have to eat one, too!" She watched him expectantly, then thought of something. "Um, it might be easier if you eat in your crab mode. That way those funny-looking mouth-thingies of yours won't get clogged with taco meat."
"Funny-looking mouth-thingies?" Rattrap echoed from behind her. "Hehehe, dat's ONE way ta describe dem!" Rampage glared at the rat, but the vermin turned to Overdose. "Eh, what's dis stuff?" He held up a bowl of brown mush.
"Refried beans," she replied promptly.
Rattrap stared, and then whirled around. "Rhinox! Don't put dese things on your taco!"
* * * * *
The picnic was going pretty well, with even Rampage admitting that the tacos were okay, when the Predacons arrived.
Megatron landed on one end of the table, Inferno, who was carrying Dinobot, landed on the other end. Megatron's tail flicked, sending food and containers flying. A pill bottle landed in Overdose's third taco.
"Hey, thanks!" she yelled delightedly. "I forgot to take these!" So saying, she chugged the contents, since the cap was already twisted off.
Megatron gave her a long look. "Right..."
She burped and smiled. "Guess what?"
He ignored her and spoke to the gathered Maximals. "It seems that the Predacons are party-crashers, ye--"
"Rampage is gay!"
"--WHAT?!" The three Predacons did double-takes at the crab at her side.
Rampage covered his face with his pincers and moaned in mortified humiliation. "Why me?" he asked faintly. Only Rattrap dared to laugh at that.
"Um," Megatron stepped off the table, a lot of his bravado gone. "That's certainly...interesting." He shook himself and transformed. Stomping over to Rampage, he glared down at the embarrassed crab. He glowered back. Overdose edged away from them and skipped over to the ruined table, apparently wanting another taco. The Maximals watched cautiously, but the Predacons hadn't really attacked them yet.
"Why aren't you attacking these Maximals?" Megatron growled.
"Because. And I'm not gay."
The Predacon tyrant beckoned to Dinobot, and Rampage howled in pain as his half-brother put pressure on his spark, a sadistic smirk on his face.
"Stop that! What are you doing to Rampage?!" Overdose screamed from beside the table. When no one answered her question and Dinobot didn't stop, she reached down into the wreckage of the table.
*Splat!*
A banana cream pie took Dinobot by surprise as it hit the side of his head, and the raptor stopped tormenting Rampage in order to find this new threat. The Predacons and Maximals all spun to face the table.
Overdose stood there, a pie in each hand. She looked angry and sad. "How come you had to spoil my picnic?!" she yelled at Megatron. "It's not fair!" She launched another pie at the tyrant, but he ducked. That was okay, since her second pie splattered on his chest.
The Maximals burst into laughter. Megatron looked absolutely ridiculous, standing there with a huge blotch of pie on his front. Dinobot was attempting to wipe the whipped cream out of his eye with his talons. It wasn't working very well.
"My Queen!" Inferno shouted. He charged Overdose, waving his flame-throwers. "For the Royal--ouch! For the--ow! For--ack!" Inferno began coughing as one of the taco shells Overdose had been pelting him with went into his open mouth and choked him.
"Food fight!" Overdose shrieked. She turned her attention back to Megatron and started flinging food at him again.
The Maximals laughed and joined in, battering Dinobot and Inferno, too. The Predacons attempted to fight back, but the moment they started to use weapons, so did the Maximals. Overdose just continued to throw food. The Predacons were outnumbered, since Rampage had slipped away into the ocean when Dinobot had stopped torturing his spark, and they were forced to retreat. Optimus flew up to the top of the cliff to make sure they were really gone.
"We won!" Overdose announced grandly. Then she hiccuped. "Ooh, I don't feel so good..." Another hiccup, and a bubble popped out of her mouth. "Pretty! I wonder why--hic! Cool! Another one--hic! Hic hic hic HIC!" Lots of bubbles were floating around...
Cheetor pounced on one, and it burst. "Ultra gear!" He started chasing bubbles around.
"Eh, I don't get it," Rattrap said. "Did da tacos have soap in dem?"
Rhinox picked up the pill bottle Overdose had dropped after she was done swallowing the contents. "Probably another one of the those drugs you mentioned."
Overdose snatched the bottle out of his hand and gave it a dismayed look. "This isn't--hic! This isn't my--hic! My--hic! Hic hic hiccidy-hic!"
"You're what?" Optimus asked as he landed on the beach.
"Hic!--drug!" Her fins changed into distressed colors.
"Well, what is it, then?" Rhinox asked practically.
"Cle--hic! Cleaner! Hic hic!" Overdose bent over and coughed. Foam came out of her mouth, and she giggled through her hiccups. "Look! I'm--hic!--foaming at t--hic!--at the mouth! I--hic!--I'm rabid!"
"I think we had better get you to a CR Chamber," Rhinox said worriedly.
Optimus nodded. "I'll get you three to the top of the cliffs first, though. Rattrap, c'mon." He lifted off with the rat.
Overdose stumbled across the beach. "I'll--hic!--be rig--hic!--right back."
By the time Optimus finally came back for her, she was waiting for him, a plain gray rectangle in her hands.
"Let's--hic!--go! Hiccidy-hic hic!"
* * * * *
Depth Charge walked up onto the beach and did a double-take.
Food was splattered on the cliffs and the sand. Blackened marks showed where weapons had been used. The remains of a table lay crumpled in the sand, with more food and shattered containers in the wreckage.
What had gone on here?!
The ray-bot shook himself out of his astonishment and went back into the water. The destruction was fresh. Overdose should still be around. He'd have to search the entire area...
* * * * *
Megatron got out of his 'hot-tub' and frowned. For some reason, his chest was completely dull, all the finish gone. What could have caused that?
The door buzzer sounded, and Megatron absently waved whoever it was into the room. It was Dinobot and Inferno.
The tyrant looked up from his de-finished chest, and his eyes widened in shock. Half of Dinobot's face was dull, just like his chest! Inferno was also splattered with the dull patches!
Dinobot snarled. "In case you wanted to know, we figured out that whipped cream doesn't react well with paint."
Megatron's hands curled into fists. "Where's Rampage?"
* * * * *
Overdose looked at the CR Chamber and then back at the waiting Maximals. "Hic! I don't wanna get in the--hic!--in there."
Optimus sighed, striving for patience. "Why not?"
"Because--hic!--you'll mess around with my--hic!--my circuitry or--hic!--something! Hic!" Overdose was becoming increasingly frustrated with her inability to get a full sentence out. She did like the bubbles, though.
Rhinox shook his head. "No, we won't."
"Well, can I--hic!--can I hook Bo--hic!--Bob up to it, just in--hic!--just in--hic!--just in case?" She held up the gray rectangle.
"Dude."
"Huh?" The Maximals stared at it.
"Dude, like, you need, like, repairs," Bob said.
"Hic! Duh."
Optimus shook his head in exasperation, only now understanding why Rampage had gone along with her picnic idea. Resistance was futile... "Fine. You can hook, er, Bob up to the CR Chamber."
"Hic!"
Send Feedback to Lady Dementia at
dementedangel@hotmail.com
Hasbro owns the Beast Wars, but I own Overdose and the plot. Only Hasbro's making a profit, though. This fic was written for Yunyin-Chan's writing contest, so I had to include certain things in it. That just increased the weirdness...
Kiss/Kill the Cook
by Lady Dementia
dementedangel@hotmail.com
* * * * *
Rampage found Overdose on a beach, frying something in a pan over a fire. Despite the fact that he had been searching for her for days, she merely waved a fin in an absentminded greeting as he came on shore.
"What are you doing, now?" he asked testily. All that searching, and not even a word...
The crazy femme was bent over the frying pan, stirring the contents. Whatever it was spitting grease and smelled...well, Rampage had never smelled anything like it before.
Overdose took the pan off the fire and yelped. Sticking her now-burned finger in her mouth to suck on, she turned to him. "Mmphbltamch," she explained around it.
"Uh, right." Now that was informative. Rampage walked up the beach towards her.
"Mmph! Lomtph!" She gestured frantically for him to stop, her fins changing color with alarm, but it was too late.
*Crunch!*
Rampage lifted his foot to see the shattered remains of some weird-looking U-shaped structures. "What in the Pit..?"
"My taco shells!" Overdose wailed after finally pulling her finger from her mouth. She ran over and looked at the broken shells. "I spent all morning making those, and you STEPPED on them!"
He shrugged. "Sorry."
"Sorry." She eyed him evilly. "I'll show you sorry...you broke 'em, you can make more of 'em!" She pointed to where the beach ended against some cliffs. There was a table set up there. "The recipe's on the table. You can use the fire I have going now."
"No!" Rampage shook his head determinedly. "I will NOT cook!"
She nodded just as determinedly. "Yes, you will."
"No, I wo--" Overdose smacked him upside the head, and he snarled in anger. "You dare!"
"Yep!" Overdose turned to walk back to the fire, but Rampage grabbed the back of her fins. "Lemme go, Rampage."
"I'll teach you to--"
*Thud!*
Rampage found himself flat on his stomach, spitting sand. Overdose had lunged backwards, put her shoulder under him, and thrown him in the same fluid motion. She knelt on his back, digging her knee into the middle and twisting his arms up behind himself. He attempted to struggle, but she simply twisted harder, sending stabs of pain up his arms if he moved.
"Yay! Are we gonna play?!" Overdose giggled happily, her eyes and fins swirling with brilliant colors. "We haven't played in a long time!" she continued, still calm over being attacked by the crab. She paused to think for a minute. "Um, not since prison, I think."
"No, we're not going to play," Rampage said casually, hoping she wouldn't decide to go ahead, anyway. Overdose's idea of 'playing' involved fighting and torture...and she was more experienced than him in those two 'sports'.
"Aaaw..." She let him up, her colors dulling to a disappointed, mudlike muddle. "Well, I suppose you have to go cook, anyway." With that, she bounced away, her colors returning as she forgot why she had been disappointed.
"Yeah, sure," Rampage sighed. He turned to go find the recipe, wondering what he had been thinking of to attack her. He usually wasn't THAT insane...
* * * * *
In the prison where the then-X had been sent, only the strong survived, despite the efforts of the guards. The weak guards died, too. It kept the place a LITTLE less cramped. The really strong prisoners received special privileges from the other prisoners. X recognized the system as soon as he was brought into the prison.
If he had stopped to think it over, he would have wondered why the cell he was thrown in only had one person he had in it when some of the cells he had walked past had up to six each. In a prison pressed for space, a single-occupant cell was nearly impossible to find. There was only one, in fact. The one he was in, that now had two inmates.
But he hadn't stopped to think it over; he had attacked the smaller femme...and gotten the slag beat out of him. She was faster, more experienced, and stronger than she looked, and she used her advantages ruthlessly. He had still been wondering what in the Pit had happened when she was tying him up. Then he was taught the hard way why this insane bot was by herself, and why there had been so many guards standing around outside her cell.
His screams had brought the guards running, but he had been incredibly lucky. Instead of fighting with the guards while he suffered, the femme had stepped back from the fight and calmly leaped to the top bunk. She had curled up there, watching the guards warily drag X from the cell. She had smiled and called after him, "I like you, Goomba-boy."
He still hadn't found out what a 'Goomba' was...
* * * * *
Rampage set the last of the shells on the plate Overdose was holding and sighed in relief. Cooking was harder than it looked! Especially since his only experience in the art was the one time Overdose had lit a fire in their prison cell and tried to teach him the basics...using an unfortunate prison guard as the 'food'. The other guards had broken through the barricaded cell door before the inventive chefs had a chance to try their creation, Prison Guard Fricassee, though.
"Now I just have to reheat the taco meat, and we'll be done!" Overdose said happily. She found the frying pan and swung it back over the fire.
"What exactly are you doing this for?" Rampage asked curiously. "There's more food on that table! You can't eat it all!"
Overdose blinked. "Oh, that's right. I was gonna..." She trailed off, staring at nothing, but then shook herself and turned back to him. "Well, I had all that organic stuff that I had stole--um, bought a while back, and I noticed it was getting pretty close to spoiling, so I decided to make lots of food! I mean, now that I can eat the stuff instead of cooking it and then throwing it away like I usually do, because I liked cooking but I couldn't eat it, but now I have this really cool organic body that digests it. Doesn't that make sense?" She looked at him expectantly.
Rampage stared at her, picking through the general babbling until he understood. He nodded slowly. "Yeah, but I still don't understand how you expect to eat all of that stuff."
"I'm not, of course!" She smiled brightly. "I'll be right back." The loony femme jogged to the table and back, bringing a plain gray rectangle with her. She set it by Rampage as she stirred the food in her frying pan. It was reheating nicely. Somehow her stirring turned into an impromptu dance around the fire.
He watched her for a second, but then he poked the rectangle. "This isn't food, is it?" He jumped as it beeped at him. "What the slag?!"
"Like, crab-dude."
"You!"
"Like, yeah."
Overdose giggled. "Rampage, meet Bob. Bob, his name is Rampage, not crab-dude." She grinned. "Although, that works, too." She giggled again as Rampage glared at her. "Hey, if I have to put up with it, so do you!"
"Bob?" he repeated doubtfully.
She shrugged. "It was the only thing I could think of." She picked up Bob and sat down cross-legged, putting him in her lap. "Okay, Bob, will you please tap into the Maximal and Predacon radio frequencies?"
Rampage's eyes widened. "You're not going to--"
"Like, radio tap, like, complete, dude."
"Thanks Bob," Overdose said, ignoring Rampage. She cleared her throat. "Hiya, Maxis and Preds! It's Overdose! I'm at these coordinates," she pressed a button on Bob, "and would you please come and join me? I'm having a picnic! Um, can you not fight? That would be bad. I mean, how can you eat if you're fighting? It doesn't make sense. Oh, can someone bring napkins? I couldn't find any, and I looked really hard, I really did! I made tacos! Uh, I don't have any hot sauce, though. Sorry! I used the last of mine in a casserole, um, a long time ago. I didn't get anymore, 'cause, well, actually, I don't know why I didn't. Oh! I just realized that I'm the hostess of a party, now! Isn't that neat? Hostess, hostess...why does that word--Oo, I forgot! I also have Hostess Twinkies! Um, they're kinda old, but I don't think they're stale yet. A word to the wise, though: don't use Twinkie filling on your taco instead of hot sauce. It doesn't taste very good; trust me, I tried it already. Um, what else, what else...Hey, I made pies, too! Lots and lots of pies! I made a French chocolate pie for me and Blackarachnia, 'cause we're femmes; I made a banana cream pie for, um, that big shiny ape-guy, 'cause, well, don't apes like bananas? Or maybe that was monkeys. Oh, well, too late now. I made a lemon meringue pie for that purple guy who's always saying, 'Yesssss,' 'cause he's a sourpuss, so I thought he'd like that, and I made an octopus pie for Rampage, 'cause, um, I forget why. Seafood, maybe? I dunno, but I made a coconut cream pie out of fresh coconuts, so we can make bongos out of the shells! Won't that be fun? Er, I forget who I made it for, though. Oh, and I made a piranha pie for the kitty, but it bit me after I was sure it was done cooking, so I put it back in, and now it's a little burned, and I made a--"
"Overdose, shut up! You're rambling!"
"--I had better go, 'cause Rampage is spazzing out. He does that a lot. Maybe he has emotional problems! Is there a psychiatrist somewhere? We could take him to the doctor, but then they'd say he has 'problems' and put him on those funny tasting drugs they gave me, and he'd get all dopey and start drooling or something 'cause--"
"Overdose!"
"--See what I mean? So everybody come to my picnic and eat all the food I made! I even made taco shells, but then Rampage stepped on them, so he had to make more. Wasn't that nice of him? So you had better come, 'cause Rampage might be unhappy and start crying if no one likes his taco shells, what with his emotional problems and all that. Uh-oh, now Rampage looks mad. I wonder why? Oops, gotta go! Bye!"
Rampage ripped Bob away from Overdose and flung him across the beach. There was a fading, "Duuuuuuuude..." as he flew off.
"What is wrong with you?!" he yelled at Overdose.
She looked at him confusedly. "Why are you so concerned with how I am? Oh!" She clapped her hands. "Can I ask you a personal question? I bet I know why you're so upset!"
"Huh?" Rampage was taken aback, his anger dissipating into the normal exasperation with her. "Well...I guess so..."
Overdose leaned forward conspiratorially. "Are you gay?"
* * * * *
Rattrap was rolling on the floor with laughter. Cheetor wasn't much better. Silverbolt just looked confused. Even with her confined to her quarters, everyone on the salvaged Axalon could hear Blackarachnia screaming with laughter.
Rhinox was stifling a smile as he turned to Optimus. "Are we going to go to this...picnic?" he asked. "It could just possibly be a trap. Overdose did say that Rampage was there, but I don't think it very likely that the Predacons would organize something like this."
Rattrap sat up partially. "Hehehe, I wouldn't miss dis for da world! Rampage wit' 'emotional problems'..." He lapsed back into incoherent laughter. Cheetor just giggled harder.
Optimus sighed and smiled. "Yes, we'll go. Who knows what would happen if the Predacons showed up and we didn't?" He looked at the bewildered fuzor. "Silverbolt, you and Blackarachnia are on guard duty, just in case this is a Predacon trick. Everyone else, let's go!"
* * * * *
Tarantulas curled into a ball on the floor and tried to calm down.
When Overdose's voice had reached him in the storage room, he had thought that she had somehow gotten into the room! He had whirled around, convince that he was going to die, only to collapse in relief as she announced her location and her picnic, whatever that was. She had invited all the Maximals and Predacons to it, though, so there was a good chance someone would mention his name, even just in passing. That would have...bad...results for him.
Tarantulas shivered in fear for the future.
* * * * *
Megatron glowered at Waspinator and Quickstrike as they futilely tried to muffle their laughter. They ducked their head apologetically, but couldn't stop. Inferno fumed at their disrespect.
Dinobot snarled. "Are we going to go to that insane female's...picnic?" The raptor's contempt for Overdose was clear, but there was also an undertone of...fear, perhaps? His injuries from the loony femme had been shallow and small, but the CR Tank had still taken twice as long with him as any major injury. He wasn't likely to forget the pain any time soon.
Megatron nodded slowly. "We shall go, yess--" he caught himself, but the wasp and fuzor still burst into fresh peals of laughter as he drew the word out. He directed a glare at them. "You two will stay behind and guard the base," he snarled.
They watched the other Predacons leave with disappointment.
* * * * *
Depth Charge cursed to himself as he swam towards the surface. It figured that Overdose's location was the farthest from where he was searching. Just his horrible luck, so far. Even if he transformed to his flight mode, he was still far enough away that she would probably be gone by the time he got to the coordinates.
Which didn't mean that he wasn't going to try.
* * * * *
"WHAT?!"
"Are you gay?" Overdose patiently repeated.
Rampage sputtered, completely taken off guard. "Why, who, how did--"
"--I figure it out?" she filled in for him. "I was just wondering about how you were asking about what was wrong and how good you are at cooking, and it all fell into place! You're gay!" She giggled and bounced herself up and down, fins rippling with colors. "This is so neat! I've never had a gay friend before!"
"I'm not gay!" Rampage finally got out.
Overdose nodded wisely. "Well, I think homosexual's such a long word to say, but if you insist..."
"Don't call me that!"
She sighed. "Well, then I guess I'll have to call you a fairy, then, 'cause you didn't like the other names."
"Fairy?! Never associate that word with me!"
"Is 'gay' better?"
"Yes!" Rampage snapped automatically. Then his eyes widened. "Wait! No!" He fell silent, struggling to understand how he had gotten into this argument in the first place. He was completely confused.
Overdose happily chattered on. "So, do you have a crush on anyone? Oo, I could play matchmaker! Um, how about the purple guy? No, he's too stupid, and he'll call you 'my dear' like he did with me. How about the rat? Um, Rattrap? He'd be okay if he just went to an orthodontist and got braces for those buck teeth of his, and, oh look! The taco meat's done! Come help me set up the table!" She grabbed the pan and Rampage's arm, hauling him towards the cliffs.
"I'm not gay!" Rampage protested weakly, still too bewildered to think straight.
Overdose dropped the pan onto the table and turned to face him, putting her hands on her hips. Her fins darkened. "Now, you stop that! Denying it won't change who you are, and I won't hear it!"
"But--"
"I can't heeeeeear yooooou! Lalalalala!" Overdose warbled. She began making tacos and setting them out. The louder Rampage protested, the louder she sang. Finally, he sullenly stopped in the interest of his hearing.
She flashed a crazy smile at him while her eyes swirled brightly. "See? That wasn't so hard!"
He snarled at her.
She giggled and turned her attention back to the food. "Now, lemme see," she said absently while shredding lettuce for taco toppings, "who would share your interests? You're a psychopathic mass murderer who enjoys torturing people as a hobby." She paused to think that over. "Um, maybe we should do this on looks, instead. Who do you think is cute?"
"I'm not interested in guys!" Rampage bellowed.
Overdose whirled and glared at him. "Cut that out! You're only hurting yourself by denying what you are."
"I--oh, I give up." Rampage flung his hands up in disgust. What harm could there be in letting her keep her delusion?
She smiled cheerfully. "That's good! Now we just have to find you a date..."
He groaned. "Let's not." He wearily leaned against the table, only to tip a tall pitcher of some blue liquid over. "Oops." The fluid spilled across the table, some of it dribbling off onto his leg. He brushed at it. It didn't come off. "Overdose, this stuff isn't coming off!" Now some of it was on his hands!
Overdose blinked at the blue stains, then at the pitcher it had come from. "Why in the Pit did I put a jar of Gertajin dye out? I thought that it was a soft drink..." She rummaged around under the table, where there was a bucket of cleaning supplies. Pulling out something, she unscrewed the top and took out a tablet. She twisted it and spinkled the powder inside it over the stains. They foamed up.
Rampage stared. "Isn't that one of your pill bottles?" At Overdose's nod, he asked, "Why are you..?"
"I used all the pills," she explained. "Now I store Industrial Strength Cleaner in it. Thrifty, aren't I?" She grabbed another container off the table and dumped the liquid inside it over the foam. The stuff washed away, taking the stains with it.
*Ding!*
"Time for more drugs!" Overdose put the open bottle on the table and took out a clipboard. "'How did this drug affect you?' Um..."
"You were definitely crazier than normal," Rampage muttered.
"Is that a compliment?"
"No."
"Oh. Well, I'm going to take it as one." Overdose threw her arms around Rampage's neck and half-strangled him in a hug. "Thank you! Now, where was I..." She let him go and turned back to her clipboard, pulling out a new pill bottle and setting it on the table.
"Air..." Rampage gasped.
Overdose began randomly filling out the questionnaire, skipping questions she didn't feel like answering at the moment. "Oo, did I tell you I had a vision of pickles this morning? That's what started this whole cooking spree of mine. It gave me the idea!" Overdose chattered on and on. "There were big pickles and little pickles and dill pickles and short pickles and long pickles..."
"I hate pickles. Just because of this, I hate pickles. They've just replaced Depth Charge as my ultimate mortal enemy." Rampage thought for a second and sighed. "What's a pickle look like?"
Overdose reached across the table and set a plate of pickle relish in front of him. "Meet your enemy, O Rampagish One. May you fight with honor," she intoned in a mock-solemn voice. She spoiled the moment by adding, "But don't add it to your taco; it tastes kinda funny and makes the taco shell all mushy."
* * * * *
Rhinox and Optimus came to the edge of the cliff and stopped next to Rattrap and Cheetor. They were looking down the cliff face at the scene below.
A femme was laying on the ground, kicking her feet in the air and giggling madly (literally). Her backdrop of multicolored fins made her easy to pick out against the plain sand beneath her. Towering above her, Rampage was apparently glaring down at her. She looked past him to the Maximals standing above and waved vigorously.
"Hellooooo!"
Cheetor transformed and waved back as Rampage whirled around and looked up at them. He drew his missile launcher, but Overdose sprang from the sand to grab his arm. They talked tensely (well, Rampage did, anyway) while the Maximals watched alertly. The Predacon hesitated, glancing up at them again, but he reluctantly put his weapon away.
Optimus sighed in relief. "Well, let's get down there."
"Eh," Rattrap muttered, "time ta fly Air Optimus. What fun."
* * * * *
"See?" Overdose exclaimed triumphantly as the Maximals began ferrying down to the beach. "This will work!"
"Right. And what about the Predacons?" Rampage reminded himself yet again that the Maximals weren't targets at the moment. But it was soooo tempting...
She shrugged. "They can't fight ALL the time, can they? I mean, they can relax just this once. Oo, and speaking of relaxing..." she turned a speculative eye towards the Maximals, who had regrouped on the beach and were walking towards them, and then back at him. "...see anybody particularly cute?"
Rampage groaned. "You are not going to drop that, are you? For the last time, stop saying that I'M GAY!" He realized that in his frustration with the crazy femme, he had just shouted the last two words. "Oops..."
The Maximals had frozen in shock and were all staring at him.
* * * * *
"Um, did Rampage just say he was gay?" Cheetor asked no one in particular.
Rhinox frowned. "Well, that's different."
"Now I've got twice as many reason ta stay away from him," Rattrap mumbled.
Optimus frowned at the rat. "All beings have the right to choose what they do with their lives." He shrugged uncomfortably. "At least Rampage admitted it..."
* * * * *
Overdose giggled. The Maximals gradually edged closer, keeping the table between themselves and Rampage.
Rampage actually envied mortals at the moment. THEY would have been able to die of embarrassment. HE had to live through it.
"Hi!" Overdose said to the Maximals as she bounced over next to them. "Isn't it SO cool that Rampage can admit that? Anyway, the tacos are over there, and you can add whatever you want to them. Just beware of the..."
Rampage wanted to kill her. He really did. Unfortunately, the uncontrollable urge to laugh that was building in him at the confounded looks the Maximals' faces were getting as Overdose babbled on was winning over the urge to kill her. Besides, her rambling was distracting them from him and his...er, problem. The Overdose-induced problem. Maybe if they listened to her long enough, they'd figure out that he really wasn't gay!
The Maximals began picking out their food, and Overdose came over and plopped a taco in his hands. He blinked.
"Here! You have to eat one, too!" She watched him expectantly, then thought of something. "Um, it might be easier if you eat in your crab mode. That way those funny-looking mouth-thingies of yours won't get clogged with taco meat."
"Funny-looking mouth-thingies?" Rattrap echoed from behind her. "Hehehe, dat's ONE way ta describe dem!" Rampage glared at the rat, but the vermin turned to Overdose. "Eh, what's dis stuff?" He held up a bowl of brown mush.
"Refried beans," she replied promptly.
Rattrap stared, and then whirled around. "Rhinox! Don't put dese things on your taco!"
* * * * *
The picnic was going pretty well, with even Rampage admitting that the tacos were okay, when the Predacons arrived.
Megatron landed on one end of the table, Inferno, who was carrying Dinobot, landed on the other end. Megatron's tail flicked, sending food and containers flying. A pill bottle landed in Overdose's third taco.
"Hey, thanks!" she yelled delightedly. "I forgot to take these!" So saying, she chugged the contents, since the cap was already twisted off.
Megatron gave her a long look. "Right..."
She burped and smiled. "Guess what?"
He ignored her and spoke to the gathered Maximals. "It seems that the Predacons are party-crashers, ye--"
"Rampage is gay!"
"--WHAT?!" The three Predacons did double-takes at the crab at her side.
Rampage covered his face with his pincers and moaned in mortified humiliation. "Why me?" he asked faintly. Only Rattrap dared to laugh at that.
"Um," Megatron stepped off the table, a lot of his bravado gone. "That's certainly...interesting." He shook himself and transformed. Stomping over to Rampage, he glared down at the embarrassed crab. He glowered back. Overdose edged away from them and skipped over to the ruined table, apparently wanting another taco. The Maximals watched cautiously, but the Predacons hadn't really attacked them yet.
"Why aren't you attacking these Maximals?" Megatron growled.
"Because. And I'm not gay."
The Predacon tyrant beckoned to Dinobot, and Rampage howled in pain as his half-brother put pressure on his spark, a sadistic smirk on his face.
"Stop that! What are you doing to Rampage?!" Overdose screamed from beside the table. When no one answered her question and Dinobot didn't stop, she reached down into the wreckage of the table.
*Splat!*
A banana cream pie took Dinobot by surprise as it hit the side of his head, and the raptor stopped tormenting Rampage in order to find this new threat. The Predacons and Maximals all spun to face the table.
Overdose stood there, a pie in each hand. She looked angry and sad. "How come you had to spoil my picnic?!" she yelled at Megatron. "It's not fair!" She launched another pie at the tyrant, but he ducked. That was okay, since her second pie splattered on his chest.
The Maximals burst into laughter. Megatron looked absolutely ridiculous, standing there with a huge blotch of pie on his front. Dinobot was attempting to wipe the whipped cream out of his eye with his talons. It wasn't working very well.
"My Queen!" Inferno shouted. He charged Overdose, waving his flame-throwers. "For the Royal--ouch! For the--ow! For--ack!" Inferno began coughing as one of the taco shells Overdose had been pelting him with went into his open mouth and choked him.
"Food fight!" Overdose shrieked. She turned her attention back to Megatron and started flinging food at him again.
The Maximals laughed and joined in, battering Dinobot and Inferno, too. The Predacons attempted to fight back, but the moment they started to use weapons, so did the Maximals. Overdose just continued to throw food. The Predacons were outnumbered, since Rampage had slipped away into the ocean when Dinobot had stopped torturing his spark, and they were forced to retreat. Optimus flew up to the top of the cliff to make sure they were really gone.
"We won!" Overdose announced grandly. Then she hiccuped. "Ooh, I don't feel so good..." Another hiccup, and a bubble popped out of her mouth. "Pretty! I wonder why--hic! Cool! Another one--hic! Hic hic hic HIC!" Lots of bubbles were floating around...
Cheetor pounced on one, and it burst. "Ultra gear!" He started chasing bubbles around.
"Eh, I don't get it," Rattrap said. "Did da tacos have soap in dem?"
Rhinox picked up the pill bottle Overdose had dropped after she was done swallowing the contents. "Probably another one of the those drugs you mentioned."
Overdose snatched the bottle out of his hand and gave it a dismayed look. "This isn't--hic! This isn't my--hic! My--hic! Hic hic hiccidy-hic!"
"You're what?" Optimus asked as he landed on the beach.
"Hic!--drug!" Her fins changed into distressed colors.
"Well, what is it, then?" Rhinox asked practically.
"Cle--hic! Cleaner! Hic hic!" Overdose bent over and coughed. Foam came out of her mouth, and she giggled through her hiccups. "Look! I'm--hic!--foaming at t--hic!--at the mouth! I--hic!--I'm rabid!"
"I think we had better get you to a CR Chamber," Rhinox said worriedly.
Optimus nodded. "I'll get you three to the top of the cliffs first, though. Rattrap, c'mon." He lifted off with the rat.
Overdose stumbled across the beach. "I'll--hic!--be rig--hic!--right back."
By the time Optimus finally came back for her, she was waiting for him, a plain gray rectangle in her hands.
"Let's--hic!--go! Hiccidy-hic hic!"
* * * * *
Depth Charge walked up onto the beach and did a double-take.
Food was splattered on the cliffs and the sand. Blackened marks showed where weapons had been used. The remains of a table lay crumpled in the sand, with more food and shattered containers in the wreckage.
What had gone on here?!
The ray-bot shook himself out of his astonishment and went back into the water. The destruction was fresh. Overdose should still be around. He'd have to search the entire area...
* * * * *
Megatron got out of his 'hot-tub' and frowned. For some reason, his chest was completely dull, all the finish gone. What could have caused that?
The door buzzer sounded, and Megatron absently waved whoever it was into the room. It was Dinobot and Inferno.
The tyrant looked up from his de-finished chest, and his eyes widened in shock. Half of Dinobot's face was dull, just like his chest! Inferno was also splattered with the dull patches!
Dinobot snarled. "In case you wanted to know, we figured out that whipped cream doesn't react well with paint."
Megatron's hands curled into fists. "Where's Rampage?"
* * * * *
Overdose looked at the CR Chamber and then back at the waiting Maximals. "Hic! I don't wanna get in the--hic!--in there."
Optimus sighed, striving for patience. "Why not?"
"Because--hic!--you'll mess around with my--hic!--my circuitry or--hic!--something! Hic!" Overdose was becoming increasingly frustrated with her inability to get a full sentence out. She did like the bubbles, though.
Rhinox shook his head. "No, we won't."
"Well, can I--hic!--can I hook Bo--hic!--Bob up to it, just in--hic!--just in--hic!--just in case?" She held up the gray rectangle.
"Dude."
"Huh?" The Maximals stared at it.
"Dude, like, you need, like, repairs," Bob said.
"Hic! Duh."
Optimus shook his head in exasperation, only now understanding why Rampage had gone along with her picnic idea. Resistance was futile... "Fine. You can hook, er, Bob up to the CR Chamber."
"Hic!"
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