Author: Taz

Title: My Daddy Says... - Uncle Spike Said You Wouldn't Mind...

Summary: Uncle Spike's in the doghouse again... seems sending the little guy to school with a crossbow and a stake in his backpack didn't go down well with his parents...

Disclaimer: See previous chapters if you haven't got the gist yet.

Author's note: This was supposed to come before the last chapter (i.e. after Colm's show and tell experiences), I thought I'd deleted it and then found it again so it only makes sense if you assume the last chapter happened after this one. Got that? Good...

"Angel!" Buffy hollered the moment she entered the hotel, dragging a reluctant Colm behind her.

"What's wrong?" he appeared from behind the main desk, an armful of folders and two mugs weighing him down.

"Colm's been suspended from school."

"WHAT?!" The mugs hit the tiled floor with a crash, the files with a weak, papery thud.

"Seems he had an offensive weapon or two in the classroom," Buffy continued, holding up the stake and crossbow for Angel's inspection.

"Colm," Angel turned to his son angrily. "Why the hell did you take those to school?"

"It was show and tell," Colm explained. "The teacher said we had to bring an heirloom into class and Uncle Spike said-"

"Spike," Angel growled. "I might have known he'd be behind all this. WILLIAM!"

"Bloody hell, what do you want?" Spike groaned, running a hand through his dishevelled hair and pulling on a black t-shirt as he descended the stairs.

"Why did you send my son to school with a crossbow in his schoolbag?" Angel asked angrily, stalking towards the younger vampire.

"Nibblet needed an heirloom, it was that or your legacy of empty hair gel tubs. What?" he looked in confusion between Buffy and Angel. "He didn't cause any harm did he?"

"Ah contraire," Angel growled. "In fact, he's been suspended."

"What, like, kicked out?" if it were possible, Spike would have gone pale, he knew how much effort and money it took to get a child a place in that fancy private school Colm was enrolled in. Angel and Buffy hadn't slept for weeks during the enrolment and selection process and the pride they'd felt when he'd gained entry... Spike ruefully bid a mental farewell to his limbs.

"No, fortunately for you, otherwise you would have no arms right now," Buffy informed the blonde icily. "He's not allowed to attend classes for a week, do you have any idea how this'll affect his grades? He needs schooling at his age."

"Aw Nibblet's ahead in all his classes, we all know that, he's bloody bright," Spike said, relaxing slightly before adding under his breath. "Which is more than can be said for the poof... pull my arms off indeed."

"That's not the point!" Angel exploded. "And by the way I heard that!"

Spike swallowed nervously and glanced down at Colm. The child grinned back at him easily, obviously enjoying causing so much havoc.

"And you can wipe that smile off your face young man," Buffy snapped suddenly.

Colm's demeanour changed instantly, his eyes dropped to the floor, his shoulders sagged and he looked every inch the martyr.

"Go to your room Colm and think about what you've done," Angel said to his son crisply.

"Aw but dad..."

"Now!"

Colm climbed the stairs and stomped to his room, slamming the door and knocking several pictures off the walls in the hallway.

"He's so damn strong," were the last words he heard, spoken nervously, from his mother, before he flicked on the TV he had in his room.

Just as he was getting into a cartoon, his ears still straining for the sound of his parents and Uncle Spike arguing downstairs, he was interrupted by a gentle tapping at his window. Glancing up he felt his face break into a broad grin as he recognised the dark haired apparition at his window. Scurrying across the room he flung the window open and stood back as the shadowy figure dropped stealthily into his room, shooting him a little smile before grabbing him suddenly, clapping a hand over his mouth to stop him squealing.

"Shh... I'm not gonna hurt ya," came the Boston twang in his ear.

He wriggled until he could wrap his arms around the beautiful young woman's neck in a bear hug.

"Faith!" he yelped, when she let go of his mouth.

"Hiya Colm! I woulda come in downstairs but it sounded like your mom and dad were having a minor incident with Spikey boy."

"Yeah, I got 'spended."

"No kidding?" She didn't seem remotely perturbed by this, merely picked a scrap of dirt from under one nail.

"Yeah," he had the grace to look a little ashamed. "I took a crossbow to school..."

"Serious? Christ kid! Not even I was that blunt..."

"I didn't mean to hurt anyone," he insisted. "I just wanted to show them it, you know? But the teacher's eyes went all strange and her face went a funny colour and then she sent me to the principal when I showed them Mister Pointy..."

"You showed them your mom's favourite stake?"

Colm nodded.

"Christ kid," Faith began to laugh heartily until tears streamed down her face in mirth. "You... you actually... took.... you took a crossbow and a stake... and your teacher... your poor mom and dad! How do they cope with you..."

"It's not funny," Colm growled, crossing his arms and glaring at the woman. "Dad grounded me."

"I always knew he'd be an old hen when it came to his kids," Faith chuckled, sitting up and wiping her eyes. "Aw c'mon Colm, you know they're just worried you'll get yourself kicked out of that fancy pants school and have to go rough in a public school... although you'd be able to stick up for yourself... a crossbow!"

She collapsed into giggles once again and Colm huffed over to his games console and began playing a game, completely blanking her.

"Faith?" Buffy's voice came into the room from the other side of the door.

Colm leapt away from his computer and threw himself towards his desk, pulling out a book and making it look as though he'd been studying. Buffy entered the room and allowed him a slight smile when she saw him apparently slaving over his books.

"I thought I heard you," she addressed her sister slayer. "How long have you been here?"

"About ten minutes," Faith replied.

"Has he been studying the whole time?"

"Yeah, he only stopped to tell me what's happened," Faith shot him a sly wink and he smiled gratefully, knowing things would only get worse if his mom thought he'd been watching TV or playing on his computer.

"He's been suspended... Angel's driving himself insane downstairs picturing him being educated at the local school... he doesn't realise how privileged he is to attend a nice private school."

"Aw c'mon B, the kid was just doing a presentation, he didn't mean any harm... anyway, it's not like he'll actually need school... uh I mean."

Faith backtracked furiously as Buffy bestowed her most evil glare upon her and Colm shot her a hopeful look.

"Unless he wants to get a good job and work with his dad some day," she finished, thankful she'd been able to think on her feet.

"Uncle Spike didn't go to school," Buffy said to Colm, her voice hard. "And look at him. He can't look after himself and he relies on your father and I to put a roof over his head and a few mugs of blood a day in front of him. In short, he's become a moocher."

"I heard that," Spike's voice floated up from downstairs.

"Now, if you were a sensible little boy, which I think you are, you'll write a letter apologising to your teacher for scaring her and in future, you'll never let Uncle Spike prepare your school projects for you, always run them past me or your dad. Okay?"

"Okay mom."

"Good boy, come on Faith, I'll go get you a coffee."

"Mom?"

"Yes, Colm?"

"Does this mean I'm still grounded?"

"Yes Colm."

"But mom..."

"I don't want to hear it."

"But you didn't ground daddy and he said a dirty word this morning."

"Your father doesn't say dirty words," Buffy said, looking at her son with a puzzled frown.

"He did," Colm insisted. "I heard him this morning in your bedroom he told you to go faster then he shouted the 'F' word."

Faith had begun giggling again as she realised what Colm was talking about, Buffy had gone bright red and was trying to drag the brunette from the room.

"Uh... daddy's grown up, he can say what he wants," Buffy finally reasoned, slamming the door and dragging her near hysterical friend with her.

Colm shrugged and pulled out a stubby pencil and a piece of paper. Sometimes grown up's were weird...