Disclaimer: None of this is mine. Please don't sue me. I'm poor. You won't
get anything, anyway, and it's really not worth your trouble.
Author's Note: Okay, where are all my reviews? Thank you, Lovely Lucrecia, for reviewing. That was most depressing, but I will still write!! Sooner or later all of you who used to read this will say 'Oh look! That lady who never writes is writing! I must catch her while I can!' and I will reply 'I'm the gingerbread man!' o_0;;; Whatever. Read and review, PLEASE!!!!! I make no promises about what any of my future chapters will contain. There is no guarantee about anything.
This chapter is taking place BEFORE the previous one. Sorry about that. Heeheehee.
Chapter 24:
Forgetting to Breathe
Light footsteps echoed down the hallway. One after another, they were the only sign of life in the usually exuberant and welcoming home. Rooms which should have been occupied with the daily morning hubbub were vacant. The almost ritualistic routine of breakfast was left undone, while uncharacteristic dirty plates were still left from last night's meal. Normally, the windows were open, a gentle breeze gliding through. Today they were sealed shut, and there was no respite from the discomfort of stuffy air.
These were things that might have gone unnoticed. True enough, if you had walked through the house that morning, you might have seen a happy home. You might have seen the mantel full of pictures of a happy family, light pastel patterns on the walls and carpet, or perhaps a handmade blanket lying on the couch. You might have noticed the beautiful view of a well-kept garden, flowers of many varieties living and breathing in a picturesque setting. There was a distinct possibility you would have glanced at all of this briefly, and gotten the impression of a loving home. A happy, healthy environment for anyone to live in.
If you kept walking, however, you may have come across a staircase. Curiosity wins, and you begin to climb the staircase. No sooner than the first step, and you hear a faint sound. A small noise that many would pass off as a figment of the imagination, or perhaps something blowing around in the wind. Looking around at first, then shaking your head, you proceed.
Then again, the sound comes to you. Faint. Incomplete. Perhaps not really there, but almost sounds sad. Once again you hear it, and you peek over the top of the stairs to see where it's coming from.
If you would have done all of that, you would have noticed something very startling. A small girl, barely old enough to go to school, standing at the top of the staircase. She walks slowly up to the door which, to her, looms unending up in the sky. One small knock, then another, as she tries to stifle the quiet sniffles that you recognize. Her small voice pleads with someone on the other side to answer, but there is no response. The child turns away, and you flee down the steps, unsure of where to go or what to do.
The uncertainty you feel would have been extreme discomfort. You would have known something was wrong. You would have seen the tear-streaked face of the little girl and wondered what could upset her so much. This little vision of beauty, with her emerald eyes and auburn hair. What could have happened to make her cry?
But you don't have to worry about this. Because, in reality, you were never there. You never saw the quaint house with its picturesque garden and pastel walls. You never were curious about what was upstairs. You never heard a small sound- was it crying?- that made you unsure of how to act. You never witnessed the little girl with the striking eyes and face streaked with tears. In fact, you never witnessed any of it. It was just a dream.
So why do you feel nervous? Why do you feel uncomfortable? There's no reason for it.
But the little girl. she was real. She was there, in that house, at the top of those stairs, making that sound, with her striking eyes and tearful face. But you were not there. No one was there, besides that faceless person behind the door. And so, she was all alone.
Or at least, she felt all alone.
~*~*~*~*~*~
She opened her door and walked slowly outside. The day greeted her brightly, as it usually did. Everything greeted her brightly, although they all knew what had happened. The planet always was there for her, even when something horrible had happened. The planet would always be there. It was a small comfort to know that. But, at that moment, she could receive no comfort from anyone. Even so cherished a friend as the planet was pushed aside.
Aeris didn't know how to deal with her grief. Although she had never met him, Elmyra's husband had been like a surrogate father to her. He had been the only father she ever knew. She had never seen him, or talked to him, but there had been one or two letters that she had cherished.
She could get past that. Her feelings for him were mostly because she was an empathic child, not because she harbored any strong love for him. But her mother.
Her mother was acting like she never had before. It was frightening. What could she do to help? There was nothing she could think of. The only thing she had been able to do was be there when her mother had cried, but it didn't seem to be enough. There was definitely something that her mother needed, but what?
The memory of this morning came to her again. She shivered, despite the fact that it was quite warm outside. Aeris had tried to talk to her mother before leaving for school, but it seemed impossible. She would not open the door for her. Why was she shutting her out? If her mother wanted her to stay away, then Aeris would have done it. Although she felt sad at the idea, if that was what her mother needed she would be willing to cooperate.
The school came into view, and Aeris tried to block out some of her depressing thoughts. But as she met up with her friends, they immediately noticed something was wrong.
"Aeris?" Lily asked her.
"Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
Aeris looked at her and smiled. "What d'you mean?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Come on, Aeris, we've been friends for, what, TWO years? I can tell when something's wrong with you."
Aeris sighed. She should have known Lily would figure it out. Lily understood everything about her, except why she wanted to be friends with Sephiroth and Zack. But that was something she would think about later.
"My mom feels sad," Aeris said.
"Why?"
She opened her mouth, then shut it again tightly. For some reason, she didn't want to tell Lily about the letter. Maybe it was because Lily wouldn't understand. Her parents were always together, and they only got into arguments over little things, like who ate the last cookie. Lily never had any big problems, so how would she know what to do?
"You don't want to tell me?" Lily asked, hurt in her eyes.
"No, it's just-"
"Fine. I think I'm going to sit next to Kakumi today." Lily huffed of to walk with Kakumi, a new girl with pretty black hair and golden eyes.
Aeris found herself alone. She sniffled once before she could help it, but stopped right after. What good would crying do her? After all, hadn't she come to school to try and figure out ways to stop all the crying that was going on? But Lily was being so mean, and there wasn't even anything she had done wrong to deserve it.
A warm arm slid over her shoulders, and Aeris looked up in surprise. There was Zack, with his kind eyes and cocky grin. And just beyond him stood Sephiroth, glancing askance at them from the corner of his eye.
"Hey," Zack greeted warmly. He had immediately noticed her, which wasn't surprising, given the fact that he had spent most yesterday thinking about her. Not just her, but also of SOLDIER. It would be great, to be in SOLDIER. She would be so impressed, he was sure. But there were other, more important things to think about right now.
Like why exactly she looked so sad. He could tell even from a distance that her usual cheerful demeanor was gone, replaced with a look of sadness. He needed to go over there to comfort her, and he said as much to Sephiroth. The other boy looked and nodded. Seeing her up close made it that much worse. He could just make out faded streaks on her face that were surely there from tears. His heart ached, and he wondered what he should do for her.
A similar thought had been circling around Sephiroth's mind. Aeris was always so energetic, so full of life, that he wondered what could have made her so depressed. He was vaguely reminded of a night when he was crying in a dark alley. Was the same situation happening to her? Was Aeris also having some trouble that would be hard to get over? He certainly hoped not. But, it would be just like her to hide behind a façade of a smile. She never did tell others when something was bothering her. She kept her true feelings well hidden. And her constant caring for others left her own resources to care for herself depleted. Why should she work herself up so much over others, he wondered, when what she so obviously needed was to care for herself?
And why should he care if she didn't care for herself? Why should he care about her at all? Because she was his friend no longer seemed like an appropriate answer. What then? What was it that she meant to him? It would have to be given more thought than he had the time to give it. More pressing matters presented themselves every day, with his recruitment into SOLDIER and now Aeris. He would have to consider a time management strategy. There must be a way.
And he would have to stop looking at Aeris while he was doing it. Because every time he looked at Aeris, he completely forgot what it was he was trying to say. Or do. One time, he had caught himself forgetting to breathe for a full minute. When he gasped in oxygen roughly, his face turned an interesting shade of red that Zack laughed at. But, it couldn't be helped. She affected him strangely.
It would have to be given further thought.
But for now, she needed his attention.
"Hey," Aeris replied. Thank God someone was there. She was afraid to be alone again.
Zack cupped her chin in his fingers and scrutinized her carefully. His eyes darted over her face until she blushed and tugged her head away. "What?" she asked, softly.
He shook his head. "I was just thinking."
Sephiroth watched the exchange with resentment. Why couldn't he do that? What was stopping him from putting his arm around Aeris' shoulders, and holding her face in his hand?
"What's wrong?"
The comment caught her off guard. Aeris blinked in wonder at Sephiroth. Had he actually said something to her, without a prompt? Progress, she thought happily. And, it was even a question asking how she felt. It was a wonder he even cared about her at all, the way he acted sometimes.
Aeris blushed and shook her head. "I-I don't know what you mean." Why am I lying to him? To them? They'll understand. Why?
"Don't say that." Aeris blinked. "Tell us what's bothering you."
Zack gave her shoulder an encouraging squeeze. "Come on, Aeris, you can trust us."
"Well, you see. "
But then they had reached the classroom, and they had to separate. Aeris walked over to her desk, and noticed Lily walking away. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for a lonely day.
Neither Zack nor Sephiroth missed this exchange. A look between them communicated everything.
Zack strolled over and picked up Aeris' bag, which she had just put on her desk. She looked at him questioningly.
"Well, come on," he said, and started walking to the back of the room. Aeris smiled, but immediately reddened when she realized the whole class was staring at her. She took a step towards the back, and every eye followed her movement. She would have to just ignore them. She hastened to the back, and tried to avoid everyone's stare.
Zack pulled a chair in between him and Sephiroth, and Aeris sat down. The desk was made for two people, so an extra third person meant that they were pressed next to each other. Aeris blushed when she realized how near to her the two boys were. It was a new experience, yet not entirely unwelcome.
When the teacher called roll, she felt Sephiroth's arm move up her side as he raised his hand.
She would have to remember to breathe.
Author's Note: Okay, where are all my reviews? Thank you, Lovely Lucrecia, for reviewing. That was most depressing, but I will still write!! Sooner or later all of you who used to read this will say 'Oh look! That lady who never writes is writing! I must catch her while I can!' and I will reply 'I'm the gingerbread man!' o_0;;; Whatever. Read and review, PLEASE!!!!! I make no promises about what any of my future chapters will contain. There is no guarantee about anything.
This chapter is taking place BEFORE the previous one. Sorry about that. Heeheehee.
Chapter 24:
Forgetting to Breathe
Light footsteps echoed down the hallway. One after another, they were the only sign of life in the usually exuberant and welcoming home. Rooms which should have been occupied with the daily morning hubbub were vacant. The almost ritualistic routine of breakfast was left undone, while uncharacteristic dirty plates were still left from last night's meal. Normally, the windows were open, a gentle breeze gliding through. Today they were sealed shut, and there was no respite from the discomfort of stuffy air.
These were things that might have gone unnoticed. True enough, if you had walked through the house that morning, you might have seen a happy home. You might have seen the mantel full of pictures of a happy family, light pastel patterns on the walls and carpet, or perhaps a handmade blanket lying on the couch. You might have noticed the beautiful view of a well-kept garden, flowers of many varieties living and breathing in a picturesque setting. There was a distinct possibility you would have glanced at all of this briefly, and gotten the impression of a loving home. A happy, healthy environment for anyone to live in.
If you kept walking, however, you may have come across a staircase. Curiosity wins, and you begin to climb the staircase. No sooner than the first step, and you hear a faint sound. A small noise that many would pass off as a figment of the imagination, or perhaps something blowing around in the wind. Looking around at first, then shaking your head, you proceed.
Then again, the sound comes to you. Faint. Incomplete. Perhaps not really there, but almost sounds sad. Once again you hear it, and you peek over the top of the stairs to see where it's coming from.
If you would have done all of that, you would have noticed something very startling. A small girl, barely old enough to go to school, standing at the top of the staircase. She walks slowly up to the door which, to her, looms unending up in the sky. One small knock, then another, as she tries to stifle the quiet sniffles that you recognize. Her small voice pleads with someone on the other side to answer, but there is no response. The child turns away, and you flee down the steps, unsure of where to go or what to do.
The uncertainty you feel would have been extreme discomfort. You would have known something was wrong. You would have seen the tear-streaked face of the little girl and wondered what could upset her so much. This little vision of beauty, with her emerald eyes and auburn hair. What could have happened to make her cry?
But you don't have to worry about this. Because, in reality, you were never there. You never saw the quaint house with its picturesque garden and pastel walls. You never were curious about what was upstairs. You never heard a small sound- was it crying?- that made you unsure of how to act. You never witnessed the little girl with the striking eyes and face streaked with tears. In fact, you never witnessed any of it. It was just a dream.
So why do you feel nervous? Why do you feel uncomfortable? There's no reason for it.
But the little girl. she was real. She was there, in that house, at the top of those stairs, making that sound, with her striking eyes and tearful face. But you were not there. No one was there, besides that faceless person behind the door. And so, she was all alone.
Or at least, she felt all alone.
~*~*~*~*~*~
She opened her door and walked slowly outside. The day greeted her brightly, as it usually did. Everything greeted her brightly, although they all knew what had happened. The planet always was there for her, even when something horrible had happened. The planet would always be there. It was a small comfort to know that. But, at that moment, she could receive no comfort from anyone. Even so cherished a friend as the planet was pushed aside.
Aeris didn't know how to deal with her grief. Although she had never met him, Elmyra's husband had been like a surrogate father to her. He had been the only father she ever knew. She had never seen him, or talked to him, but there had been one or two letters that she had cherished.
She could get past that. Her feelings for him were mostly because she was an empathic child, not because she harbored any strong love for him. But her mother.
Her mother was acting like she never had before. It was frightening. What could she do to help? There was nothing she could think of. The only thing she had been able to do was be there when her mother had cried, but it didn't seem to be enough. There was definitely something that her mother needed, but what?
The memory of this morning came to her again. She shivered, despite the fact that it was quite warm outside. Aeris had tried to talk to her mother before leaving for school, but it seemed impossible. She would not open the door for her. Why was she shutting her out? If her mother wanted her to stay away, then Aeris would have done it. Although she felt sad at the idea, if that was what her mother needed she would be willing to cooperate.
The school came into view, and Aeris tried to block out some of her depressing thoughts. But as she met up with her friends, they immediately noticed something was wrong.
"Aeris?" Lily asked her.
"Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
Aeris looked at her and smiled. "What d'you mean?"
Lily rolled her eyes. "Come on, Aeris, we've been friends for, what, TWO years? I can tell when something's wrong with you."
Aeris sighed. She should have known Lily would figure it out. Lily understood everything about her, except why she wanted to be friends with Sephiroth and Zack. But that was something she would think about later.
"My mom feels sad," Aeris said.
"Why?"
She opened her mouth, then shut it again tightly. For some reason, she didn't want to tell Lily about the letter. Maybe it was because Lily wouldn't understand. Her parents were always together, and they only got into arguments over little things, like who ate the last cookie. Lily never had any big problems, so how would she know what to do?
"You don't want to tell me?" Lily asked, hurt in her eyes.
"No, it's just-"
"Fine. I think I'm going to sit next to Kakumi today." Lily huffed of to walk with Kakumi, a new girl with pretty black hair and golden eyes.
Aeris found herself alone. She sniffled once before she could help it, but stopped right after. What good would crying do her? After all, hadn't she come to school to try and figure out ways to stop all the crying that was going on? But Lily was being so mean, and there wasn't even anything she had done wrong to deserve it.
A warm arm slid over her shoulders, and Aeris looked up in surprise. There was Zack, with his kind eyes and cocky grin. And just beyond him stood Sephiroth, glancing askance at them from the corner of his eye.
"Hey," Zack greeted warmly. He had immediately noticed her, which wasn't surprising, given the fact that he had spent most yesterday thinking about her. Not just her, but also of SOLDIER. It would be great, to be in SOLDIER. She would be so impressed, he was sure. But there were other, more important things to think about right now.
Like why exactly she looked so sad. He could tell even from a distance that her usual cheerful demeanor was gone, replaced with a look of sadness. He needed to go over there to comfort her, and he said as much to Sephiroth. The other boy looked and nodded. Seeing her up close made it that much worse. He could just make out faded streaks on her face that were surely there from tears. His heart ached, and he wondered what he should do for her.
A similar thought had been circling around Sephiroth's mind. Aeris was always so energetic, so full of life, that he wondered what could have made her so depressed. He was vaguely reminded of a night when he was crying in a dark alley. Was the same situation happening to her? Was Aeris also having some trouble that would be hard to get over? He certainly hoped not. But, it would be just like her to hide behind a façade of a smile. She never did tell others when something was bothering her. She kept her true feelings well hidden. And her constant caring for others left her own resources to care for herself depleted. Why should she work herself up so much over others, he wondered, when what she so obviously needed was to care for herself?
And why should he care if she didn't care for herself? Why should he care about her at all? Because she was his friend no longer seemed like an appropriate answer. What then? What was it that she meant to him? It would have to be given more thought than he had the time to give it. More pressing matters presented themselves every day, with his recruitment into SOLDIER and now Aeris. He would have to consider a time management strategy. There must be a way.
And he would have to stop looking at Aeris while he was doing it. Because every time he looked at Aeris, he completely forgot what it was he was trying to say. Or do. One time, he had caught himself forgetting to breathe for a full minute. When he gasped in oxygen roughly, his face turned an interesting shade of red that Zack laughed at. But, it couldn't be helped. She affected him strangely.
It would have to be given further thought.
But for now, she needed his attention.
"Hey," Aeris replied. Thank God someone was there. She was afraid to be alone again.
Zack cupped her chin in his fingers and scrutinized her carefully. His eyes darted over her face until she blushed and tugged her head away. "What?" she asked, softly.
He shook his head. "I was just thinking."
Sephiroth watched the exchange with resentment. Why couldn't he do that? What was stopping him from putting his arm around Aeris' shoulders, and holding her face in his hand?
"What's wrong?"
The comment caught her off guard. Aeris blinked in wonder at Sephiroth. Had he actually said something to her, without a prompt? Progress, she thought happily. And, it was even a question asking how she felt. It was a wonder he even cared about her at all, the way he acted sometimes.
Aeris blushed and shook her head. "I-I don't know what you mean." Why am I lying to him? To them? They'll understand. Why?
"Don't say that." Aeris blinked. "Tell us what's bothering you."
Zack gave her shoulder an encouraging squeeze. "Come on, Aeris, you can trust us."
"Well, you see. "
But then they had reached the classroom, and they had to separate. Aeris walked over to her desk, and noticed Lily walking away. She closed her eyes and prepared herself for a lonely day.
Neither Zack nor Sephiroth missed this exchange. A look between them communicated everything.
Zack strolled over and picked up Aeris' bag, which she had just put on her desk. She looked at him questioningly.
"Well, come on," he said, and started walking to the back of the room. Aeris smiled, but immediately reddened when she realized the whole class was staring at her. She took a step towards the back, and every eye followed her movement. She would have to just ignore them. She hastened to the back, and tried to avoid everyone's stare.
Zack pulled a chair in between him and Sephiroth, and Aeris sat down. The desk was made for two people, so an extra third person meant that they were pressed next to each other. Aeris blushed when she realized how near to her the two boys were. It was a new experience, yet not entirely unwelcome.
When the teacher called roll, she felt Sephiroth's arm move up her side as he raised his hand.
She would have to remember to breathe.