Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 7 does not belong to me. I just want you all to
know that. It's very important you all understand that as I continue
writing.
Author's Note: WAIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! No one loves me!! 1 review for my last chapter!! ONE!!!!! Thank you, Chocobo_Goddess!!!!! At least I know someone cares..
Seriously, you guys, I need reviews to write. I'm in classes all day, then I come back to see how my story was liked, and no one liked it. If you're reading this, and not reviewing, SHAME ON YOU!!!!! I need reviews. I'll still write without them, but I write faster and better with them. If I was a car, reviews would be my oil change. -_-;;;;;
Also, thanks to Jymaii, who I did not thank yesterday for reviewing. Woo- hoo!! Someone else cares.
Chapter 25:
Little Tragedies
Laughing. He could have sworn he heard it. Some evil being somewhere possessed great powers, and its sole purpose in life was to come up with new and inventive ways to torture him. That was it. That had to be it.
Yes, he nodded to himself, that was it. He knew fate couldn't have been so cruel. After all, chances were that sooner or later something would go in his favor. It was impossible for so many irritants to suddenly pop up at once.
Not that he actually considered it an irritant. Far from it, if he would have given himself time to think, his ultimate conclusion would have been of extremely good fortune. He never knew life could be so good to him, yet so cruel at the same time.
Ah, but then, what was life without a little irony?
And how ironic his situation had become. Sitting next to Aeris, feeling her pressed against him, weighed on his mind. Not that pressed was the correct word. perhaps touching? Brushing? Barely there, except in his keen sense that showed itself strongly wherever she was concerned? Well, no matter how light the feeling was, she alone was the cause of it. And how he blushed when he thought of that. He could have kicked himself. Who was he, to be acting like some lovesick schoolboy?
Yes, who was he indeed? No one- at least, not yet. Don't forget that. Even with your potential, you still manage to be distracted by such an insignificant, worthless object as this girl? Really, you are hopeless. It would be better if you got rid of her now, while she's still weak. Zack wouldn't mind, if you presented it to him carefully. Tactfully. Or, you could just not tell him. But you might not want that information to come out later, thereby damaging your-
He shook his head lightly. That voice was getting louder. It was getting harder to ignore. Maybe becoming a SOLDIER would help him to stop hearing it? Fool. Nothing can get you to stop hearing me. I am in you, as much as your ordinary blood cells are. We are a part of each other. Your thoughts become obscured every time that girl is mentioned. You really must dispose of her, as soon-
He shook his head once more, violently this time. Would that voice ever shut up? Unfortunately, the girl who was preoccupying his thoughts had noticed the action. He felt a small finger poking in his side, and he looked over at Aeris. Her brilliant green eyes immediately caught his gaze, so much so that he missed the question she had asked him.
"Sorry?" Sephiroth asked, forcing himself to concentrate on her mouth. . That wasn't any better..
Aeris tried to hide her surprise. It wasn't like him to be so out of it. She wondered what was wrong, and ventured to ask him again. "Are you alright?"
"Huh?" Not her mouth, dammit, her words. Her words! What she was saying.
"Well, you just shook your head really hard, so I thought that.," Aeris said, trailing off when she wasn't sure how to continue.
"No, I'm fine. I just." Think. Use your mind. ". There was a bee."
"."
"."
"Oh."
Sephiroth mentally smacked himself. What was wrong with him? He was sure she had some strange sort of effect on him. He was never as unsure of himself as when he was around her, and, even if he discounted that, he lost all of his capabilities when she was near. Just now, what was that?! He sighed.
Aeris giggled. "What's wrong?" she asked. She was surprised at the mood he was in. What was going on inside his mind? It would be too much to hope for him beginning to consider her a friend, but why was he acting so strange? And, she noted to herself, she got a distinct pleasure in talking to him like this.
"Nothing, ummm. I.."
Aeris giggled again, and softly asked, "Another bee?" Faint washes of red came over his cheeks, and Aeris found herself giggling again.
Zack was, of course, watching all of this with fascination. It was something to behold, how easily Sephiroth was undone when Aeris was with him. His eyes darted over the scene before him, memorizing every aspect. Exactly how Aeris had leaned slightly more towards Sephiroth when she had first sat down, how her finger was still touching his side, although Zack doubted either knew it. He also saw the blush that crept up Sephiroth's face and the laughter that shone in Aeris' eyes. Aeris probably didn't realize she was teasing him, and who was he to point it out to her? It was much more fun to sit back and watch the show.
Somewhere in his mind, he realized that Sephiroth almost certainly had a crush on Aeris. That was problematic, yet predictable. From the day he came here, he could tell that they had a unique bond. Both sets of eyes would consistently roam between the other person and the teacher. Zack was amazed that they could actually keep up with all of their schoolwork, considering the lack of effort both put into listening to the teacher. It was a lucky chance that both were especially intelligent, otherwise neither would have had a chance.
Zack tried to focus on analyzing their relationship, or lack thereof, as opposed to understanding his own feelings. Jealousy would come out soon enough, no need in bringing it up so soon. And, why was he even jealous to begin with? There should be no reason for it. Technically, Aeris hadn't yet said who she preferred, Sephiroth or him. Part of him didn't want to know. The other part cursed her for being so. pretty. Beautiful, even. And unaware. Completely unaware of the situation she had unwillingly gotten herself into.
Sephiroth felt completely stupid. He hated it when he acted this way. And it wasn't that often either, just every now and again. Normally, he was quite capable of actual conversation with her. What was wrong with him?? He hated the thought that it was even possible that he could act so. so. ignorant. It disgusted him.
"Seph?"
The small voice made it past his self-degradation, and he replied, "Yes?"
"Sorry."
Sephiroth looked at her once more and saw her downcast eyes. "You did nothing wrong."
She shrugged. "Yeah, but, you seem like you're in a bad mood, and I'm just making it worse." She sighed. That was all she could do lately, wasn't it? Make things worse for other people. She couldn't help her mother that morning, she hurt Lily's feelings, and. and. well, and she was just a horrible person in general! It's no wonder everyone was staring at her before. She felt like a freak. What was wrong with her?
A finger touched her finger lightly, and she realized she had still been touching his side. She drew back her hand, or would have, if not for the warm hand that held hers. She looked up, then back down again. He was acting so different today.
"As I said, you did nothing wrong." If he had been thinking properly, he would have been amazed at his own forwardness. As it stood, however, he had stopped thinking completely. The only thing he noticed was how cold her hand felt. He wondered if it always felt this cold, or was the something that was bothering her more serious than she let on.
He wouldn't have been surprised. She never did tell him what had been wrong this morning. Or Zack, for that matter. On that thought, he briefly looked at Zack, who looked back at him. A smirk formed on his friend's lips. Just like him, Sephiroth thought.
Aeris was still in a state of shock. But, oh, how she had wanted someone to hold her. Someone to care about her. It would have been nice to always feel loved, but she knew she wasn't. Her mother was too preoccupied, and she felt useless. Who was she, anyway, to be thinking about such selfish things when other people were hurting? No thanks to her.
"Don't."
Aeris looked up at him quizzically, and he just stared back at her.
"Don't think about it."
Aeris blinked. "About what?"
Sephiroth gave a tiny shrug. "Whatever is bothering you." When she didn't reply, or even move, he felt like he should say something. "Can you tell me?"
She looked at him and thought about it. Really thought about it. Could she tell him? Was she able to tell Sephiroth exactly how she felt? Would he understand her?
Yes, she decided, he would understand. He wouldn't laugh at her, or think she was being stupid. He would take her seriously. At least, she hoped he would take her seriously. But somehow, she doubted that Sephiroth would ever make her feel bad.
She nodded. "But not now. At lunch?"
He nodded as well, and that, as they say, was that.
~*~*~*~*~*~
At lunchtime, Aeris led Sephiroth over to the corner. She had invited Zack to join them, but he had declined. If she was not so preoccupied, she would have seen the reason why he declined on both boys' faces. But her mind was elsewhere, and the silent communication between the two had gone unnoticed.
Sephiroth felt amazed. He didn't know what to expect. He just hoped he knew how to help her, or at least how to comfort her. That was the most important. So, when she sat down right where the outside fence met the building, he sat down right next to her.
He waited for her to speak. He knew she had to start when she felt comfortable, but he didn't know what to do to make her feel more comfortable. So, he moved a little closer to her. He felt her arm brush against his, then he looked down at her hands. She was playing with her fingers, circling them around each other and flicking them back and forth. He smiled and moved his hand down to join in. She stiffened at first, but soon fought against him in an imaginary finger war. He ended up winning, maybe because his fingers were much bigger than hers. Letting him hold her hand, she felt like she would be able to tell him what had happened.
"Seph." She waited, but no response came. "My mom got this letter in the mail yesterday. Her husband was fighting in Wutai, in the war, you know?" He nodded, so she continued. "Well, while he was fighting, he somehow got. got." She felt tears forming in her eyes, and tried blinking them away.
"Killed?" Sephiroth said softly.
She nodded, then continued. "But that's not the bad part. I mean, it's bad, of course, and I feel sad, but I never really knew him, you know? I do feel bad for him though. I'm not happy he's dead. You get it, right?" He nodded, and she exhaled. "Well, so my mom got really upset when she found out. I knew she would be upset, but this was really, really, really upset. I've never seen her that upset before. She was crying and," Aeris sniffled. She hated to think of her mother crying. It made her feel really sad. "And she got really upset. I hugged her, but it didn't help. Then she ran up to her room and closed the door. I couldn't get in. I tried knocking, but she was crying a lot, so I just went to my room. But I could hear her crying in there, too. I got really sad. Before school today I tried knocking, but she didn't answer." She sniffled again, and felt tears running down her cheeks. She took a deep breath, then went on. "I got to school, and Lily got mad at me because I wouldn't tell her. But, she wouldn't understand. She doesn't understand this sort of thing, you know?"
Sephiroth nodded. He did know. He knew all too well that other people didn't always understand little tragedies. But, he understood them. He lifted his other hand and gently wiped away the tears that were forming beneath her eyes. She looked up at him and sniffled.
"Is that the whole story?" he asked.
She nodded, then shook her head, then thought for a moment, then sighed. "I don't know. I mean, I guess so, but there's something else.."
"What?"
She shook her head. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
"Well, I sort of knew the letter was coming." When he didn't say anything, she rushed on. "I can sort of tell when important things happen, because I. I. well, it's kind of hard to explain."
"I'm listening."
"Okay, see, you know the planet has energy?" He nodded. Of course he knew that. Everyone knew that. "Well, I can sort of talk to the planet. Not the planet, like the dirt, but like, its energy. I know it sounds weird, but-"
"So, you're a Cetra?"
She looked at him, shocked. She didn't even realize other people might know what the Cetra were. She was sure she was the last surviving member of the ancient race, and even the knowledge of their existence had disappeared with time. The planet had told her all of this, so why should Sephiroth know about the Cetra?
She might have been worried, but the planet whispered in her ear. It was alright to trust him. She should trust him, and befriend him. It might be the only way. The only way to what, she asked. The planet remained silent.
Sephiroth looked at her. He asked his question again, in softer tones. "Aeris, are you a Cetra?"
Aeris nodded. "But, it's a secret. You can't tell-"
"I won't. I wouldn't have, even if you hadn't asked."
A silence passed between them, comforting in nature. Aeris was sure she would never be able to figure out why Sephiroth acted the way he did, and why she felt so. nice when she was around him.
Sephiroth didn't know how to act. The fact that she was a Cetra was astonishing, but it didn't change his opinion of her. In fact, it gave more insight into why she cared about everyone the way she did. And it was a good reason to keep talking to her. A very good reason. If that girl was a Cetra, there was a whole realm of possibilities open to them. As long as she remained useful. At the moment, she showed no sign of having extra powers, but why rush? Maybe she'll be useful to you one day.
He shut his eyes tight and shook his head slightly. But Aeris was speaking again.
"It's hard, sometimes, hearing the planet. It's like, I can hear it, but no one else can. So, maybe it's not real? But I know it is. It's hard to describe."
"I know exactly what you mean."
Aeris glanced back up at him, and although he still had his eyes closed she could make out intense concentration on his face. "Hmm?" she asked, confused by his answer.
"Exactly," he repeated, then leaned back against the wall.
Author's Note: WAIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!! No one loves me!! 1 review for my last chapter!! ONE!!!!! Thank you, Chocobo_Goddess!!!!! At least I know someone cares..
Seriously, you guys, I need reviews to write. I'm in classes all day, then I come back to see how my story was liked, and no one liked it. If you're reading this, and not reviewing, SHAME ON YOU!!!!! I need reviews. I'll still write without them, but I write faster and better with them. If I was a car, reviews would be my oil change. -_-;;;;;
Also, thanks to Jymaii, who I did not thank yesterday for reviewing. Woo- hoo!! Someone else cares.
Chapter 25:
Little Tragedies
Laughing. He could have sworn he heard it. Some evil being somewhere possessed great powers, and its sole purpose in life was to come up with new and inventive ways to torture him. That was it. That had to be it.
Yes, he nodded to himself, that was it. He knew fate couldn't have been so cruel. After all, chances were that sooner or later something would go in his favor. It was impossible for so many irritants to suddenly pop up at once.
Not that he actually considered it an irritant. Far from it, if he would have given himself time to think, his ultimate conclusion would have been of extremely good fortune. He never knew life could be so good to him, yet so cruel at the same time.
Ah, but then, what was life without a little irony?
And how ironic his situation had become. Sitting next to Aeris, feeling her pressed against him, weighed on his mind. Not that pressed was the correct word. perhaps touching? Brushing? Barely there, except in his keen sense that showed itself strongly wherever she was concerned? Well, no matter how light the feeling was, she alone was the cause of it. And how he blushed when he thought of that. He could have kicked himself. Who was he, to be acting like some lovesick schoolboy?
Yes, who was he indeed? No one- at least, not yet. Don't forget that. Even with your potential, you still manage to be distracted by such an insignificant, worthless object as this girl? Really, you are hopeless. It would be better if you got rid of her now, while she's still weak. Zack wouldn't mind, if you presented it to him carefully. Tactfully. Or, you could just not tell him. But you might not want that information to come out later, thereby damaging your-
He shook his head lightly. That voice was getting louder. It was getting harder to ignore. Maybe becoming a SOLDIER would help him to stop hearing it? Fool. Nothing can get you to stop hearing me. I am in you, as much as your ordinary blood cells are. We are a part of each other. Your thoughts become obscured every time that girl is mentioned. You really must dispose of her, as soon-
He shook his head once more, violently this time. Would that voice ever shut up? Unfortunately, the girl who was preoccupying his thoughts had noticed the action. He felt a small finger poking in his side, and he looked over at Aeris. Her brilliant green eyes immediately caught his gaze, so much so that he missed the question she had asked him.
"Sorry?" Sephiroth asked, forcing himself to concentrate on her mouth. . That wasn't any better..
Aeris tried to hide her surprise. It wasn't like him to be so out of it. She wondered what was wrong, and ventured to ask him again. "Are you alright?"
"Huh?" Not her mouth, dammit, her words. Her words! What she was saying.
"Well, you just shook your head really hard, so I thought that.," Aeris said, trailing off when she wasn't sure how to continue.
"No, I'm fine. I just." Think. Use your mind. ". There was a bee."
"."
"."
"Oh."
Sephiroth mentally smacked himself. What was wrong with him? He was sure she had some strange sort of effect on him. He was never as unsure of himself as when he was around her, and, even if he discounted that, he lost all of his capabilities when she was near. Just now, what was that?! He sighed.
Aeris giggled. "What's wrong?" she asked. She was surprised at the mood he was in. What was going on inside his mind? It would be too much to hope for him beginning to consider her a friend, but why was he acting so strange? And, she noted to herself, she got a distinct pleasure in talking to him like this.
"Nothing, ummm. I.."
Aeris giggled again, and softly asked, "Another bee?" Faint washes of red came over his cheeks, and Aeris found herself giggling again.
Zack was, of course, watching all of this with fascination. It was something to behold, how easily Sephiroth was undone when Aeris was with him. His eyes darted over the scene before him, memorizing every aspect. Exactly how Aeris had leaned slightly more towards Sephiroth when she had first sat down, how her finger was still touching his side, although Zack doubted either knew it. He also saw the blush that crept up Sephiroth's face and the laughter that shone in Aeris' eyes. Aeris probably didn't realize she was teasing him, and who was he to point it out to her? It was much more fun to sit back and watch the show.
Somewhere in his mind, he realized that Sephiroth almost certainly had a crush on Aeris. That was problematic, yet predictable. From the day he came here, he could tell that they had a unique bond. Both sets of eyes would consistently roam between the other person and the teacher. Zack was amazed that they could actually keep up with all of their schoolwork, considering the lack of effort both put into listening to the teacher. It was a lucky chance that both were especially intelligent, otherwise neither would have had a chance.
Zack tried to focus on analyzing their relationship, or lack thereof, as opposed to understanding his own feelings. Jealousy would come out soon enough, no need in bringing it up so soon. And, why was he even jealous to begin with? There should be no reason for it. Technically, Aeris hadn't yet said who she preferred, Sephiroth or him. Part of him didn't want to know. The other part cursed her for being so. pretty. Beautiful, even. And unaware. Completely unaware of the situation she had unwillingly gotten herself into.
Sephiroth felt completely stupid. He hated it when he acted this way. And it wasn't that often either, just every now and again. Normally, he was quite capable of actual conversation with her. What was wrong with him?? He hated the thought that it was even possible that he could act so. so. ignorant. It disgusted him.
"Seph?"
The small voice made it past his self-degradation, and he replied, "Yes?"
"Sorry."
Sephiroth looked at her once more and saw her downcast eyes. "You did nothing wrong."
She shrugged. "Yeah, but, you seem like you're in a bad mood, and I'm just making it worse." She sighed. That was all she could do lately, wasn't it? Make things worse for other people. She couldn't help her mother that morning, she hurt Lily's feelings, and. and. well, and she was just a horrible person in general! It's no wonder everyone was staring at her before. She felt like a freak. What was wrong with her?
A finger touched her finger lightly, and she realized she had still been touching his side. She drew back her hand, or would have, if not for the warm hand that held hers. She looked up, then back down again. He was acting so different today.
"As I said, you did nothing wrong." If he had been thinking properly, he would have been amazed at his own forwardness. As it stood, however, he had stopped thinking completely. The only thing he noticed was how cold her hand felt. He wondered if it always felt this cold, or was the something that was bothering her more serious than she let on.
He wouldn't have been surprised. She never did tell him what had been wrong this morning. Or Zack, for that matter. On that thought, he briefly looked at Zack, who looked back at him. A smirk formed on his friend's lips. Just like him, Sephiroth thought.
Aeris was still in a state of shock. But, oh, how she had wanted someone to hold her. Someone to care about her. It would have been nice to always feel loved, but she knew she wasn't. Her mother was too preoccupied, and she felt useless. Who was she, anyway, to be thinking about such selfish things when other people were hurting? No thanks to her.
"Don't."
Aeris looked up at him quizzically, and he just stared back at her.
"Don't think about it."
Aeris blinked. "About what?"
Sephiroth gave a tiny shrug. "Whatever is bothering you." When she didn't reply, or even move, he felt like he should say something. "Can you tell me?"
She looked at him and thought about it. Really thought about it. Could she tell him? Was she able to tell Sephiroth exactly how she felt? Would he understand her?
Yes, she decided, he would understand. He wouldn't laugh at her, or think she was being stupid. He would take her seriously. At least, she hoped he would take her seriously. But somehow, she doubted that Sephiroth would ever make her feel bad.
She nodded. "But not now. At lunch?"
He nodded as well, and that, as they say, was that.
~*~*~*~*~*~
At lunchtime, Aeris led Sephiroth over to the corner. She had invited Zack to join them, but he had declined. If she was not so preoccupied, she would have seen the reason why he declined on both boys' faces. But her mind was elsewhere, and the silent communication between the two had gone unnoticed.
Sephiroth felt amazed. He didn't know what to expect. He just hoped he knew how to help her, or at least how to comfort her. That was the most important. So, when she sat down right where the outside fence met the building, he sat down right next to her.
He waited for her to speak. He knew she had to start when she felt comfortable, but he didn't know what to do to make her feel more comfortable. So, he moved a little closer to her. He felt her arm brush against his, then he looked down at her hands. She was playing with her fingers, circling them around each other and flicking them back and forth. He smiled and moved his hand down to join in. She stiffened at first, but soon fought against him in an imaginary finger war. He ended up winning, maybe because his fingers were much bigger than hers. Letting him hold her hand, she felt like she would be able to tell him what had happened.
"Seph." She waited, but no response came. "My mom got this letter in the mail yesterday. Her husband was fighting in Wutai, in the war, you know?" He nodded, so she continued. "Well, while he was fighting, he somehow got. got." She felt tears forming in her eyes, and tried blinking them away.
"Killed?" Sephiroth said softly.
She nodded, then continued. "But that's not the bad part. I mean, it's bad, of course, and I feel sad, but I never really knew him, you know? I do feel bad for him though. I'm not happy he's dead. You get it, right?" He nodded, and she exhaled. "Well, so my mom got really upset when she found out. I knew she would be upset, but this was really, really, really upset. I've never seen her that upset before. She was crying and," Aeris sniffled. She hated to think of her mother crying. It made her feel really sad. "And she got really upset. I hugged her, but it didn't help. Then she ran up to her room and closed the door. I couldn't get in. I tried knocking, but she was crying a lot, so I just went to my room. But I could hear her crying in there, too. I got really sad. Before school today I tried knocking, but she didn't answer." She sniffled again, and felt tears running down her cheeks. She took a deep breath, then went on. "I got to school, and Lily got mad at me because I wouldn't tell her. But, she wouldn't understand. She doesn't understand this sort of thing, you know?"
Sephiroth nodded. He did know. He knew all too well that other people didn't always understand little tragedies. But, he understood them. He lifted his other hand and gently wiped away the tears that were forming beneath her eyes. She looked up at him and sniffled.
"Is that the whole story?" he asked.
She nodded, then shook her head, then thought for a moment, then sighed. "I don't know. I mean, I guess so, but there's something else.."
"What?"
She shook her head. "You wouldn't understand."
"Try me."
"Well, I sort of knew the letter was coming." When he didn't say anything, she rushed on. "I can sort of tell when important things happen, because I. I. well, it's kind of hard to explain."
"I'm listening."
"Okay, see, you know the planet has energy?" He nodded. Of course he knew that. Everyone knew that. "Well, I can sort of talk to the planet. Not the planet, like the dirt, but like, its energy. I know it sounds weird, but-"
"So, you're a Cetra?"
She looked at him, shocked. She didn't even realize other people might know what the Cetra were. She was sure she was the last surviving member of the ancient race, and even the knowledge of their existence had disappeared with time. The planet had told her all of this, so why should Sephiroth know about the Cetra?
She might have been worried, but the planet whispered in her ear. It was alright to trust him. She should trust him, and befriend him. It might be the only way. The only way to what, she asked. The planet remained silent.
Sephiroth looked at her. He asked his question again, in softer tones. "Aeris, are you a Cetra?"
Aeris nodded. "But, it's a secret. You can't tell-"
"I won't. I wouldn't have, even if you hadn't asked."
A silence passed between them, comforting in nature. Aeris was sure she would never be able to figure out why Sephiroth acted the way he did, and why she felt so. nice when she was around him.
Sephiroth didn't know how to act. The fact that she was a Cetra was astonishing, but it didn't change his opinion of her. In fact, it gave more insight into why she cared about everyone the way she did. And it was a good reason to keep talking to her. A very good reason. If that girl was a Cetra, there was a whole realm of possibilities open to them. As long as she remained useful. At the moment, she showed no sign of having extra powers, but why rush? Maybe she'll be useful to you one day.
He shut his eyes tight and shook his head slightly. But Aeris was speaking again.
"It's hard, sometimes, hearing the planet. It's like, I can hear it, but no one else can. So, maybe it's not real? But I know it is. It's hard to describe."
"I know exactly what you mean."
Aeris glanced back up at him, and although he still had his eyes closed she could make out intense concentration on his face. "Hmm?" she asked, confused by his answer.
"Exactly," he repeated, then leaned back against the wall.