Cas stood frozen for what seemed like eternity. There, above him, was
another like him. The ears and eyes, and when he forced himself to look
fully at the other, he saw the body was the same as well.
"You're like me." He whispered and the older of the two smiled down at him.
"Yeah, I guess I am. Does that surprise you?" Cas nodded.
"Yes! I've never met another, I had almost lost hope that another existed." He looked away, still not fully believing what was happening. This was just too fast. First, he now knew that 'they' had found him again and now he had found another of his kind.
It was his dream and nightmare all in one.
Shaking his head he tried to back away but was grabbed again. Cas watched his savior warily, not quite trusting him. What if it was a trap? He would die before going back there!
"Let me go!" A shake of the head was his response.
"No, I can't leave you here right now. If those things have caught your scent then they'll hunt you down and you don't want to go there." Cas watched his face closely as he spoke his next words.
"I've already been there, this is my freedom." He watched the other's eyes widen and his face contort in shock. Cas was released but he didn't back away, not now. "I was there my whole life, alone in the shadows and madness." He looked away as the darkness threatened to take his mind again and flashes of voices screaming rang through his ears once more.
-'Help me! End it! Kill me before they come back'-
A common occurrence. To hear those voices, but never finding them in time and wondering if it had been your own voice screaming.
Arms wrapped tightly around his now shaking form and Cas leaned into the support, letting himself relax and feel safe for this moment, knowing it couldn't last, that it would never last, that it never did.
"I'll take you home, I'll take you where you belong." Cas smiled when he heard this and would have followed willingly as the man led him down the hall, but something stopped him, reminded him of why he was here.
Arian.
He couldn't leave him, not now. Arian had dared the darkness to bring him back and Cas knew it had hurt the Companion even if he hadn't been willing to admit it. The darkness fed off the light and Arian was 'his' light. He was now a part of Cas, one he wouldn't leave behind. Digging in his heels, he pulled his arm from the other's grip.
"I can't leave now. I'm Chosen and I will not leave Arian."
"You're insane! They're human and they'll send you back there." Cas smiled sadly at his kin, and shook his head.
"No, they won't, not with Arian here." Their eyes locked but Cas wasn't the first to look away.
"Fine, stay if you can, but remember, that you can come home when you're ready. My name is Deemer. Call for me when you've come to your senses." Cas watched Deemer turn and walk away, leaving him alone once again. He slumped against the wall and closed his eyes.
Immediately Arian met him and he let the love he felt wash over him.
'I made the right choice.' And now he would live with it. He shook his head and continued on his path. He was now really hungry.
***
Entering the common room took a lot more effort than he would have thought. So many people crammed together in one room, made him nervous, especially since they were all human.
: They won't hurt you. :
'I know but they still make me nervous.' Taking a deep breath he braced himself and opened the doors, entering the room. Conversation continued around him, but he could tell they were watching him, curious, but not scared.
Yet.
"Cas! Over here!" He turned and found Tori waving her arms and then pointing to a seat beside her. Thankful for a place to rest he made his way quickly over to her. She smiled as he sat down and started filling a plate for him. "So, what took you so long?" He looked at her, trying to figure out whether to tell her the truth or not.
"I saw my reflection." She nodded and took it one way, while he meant another. It was the easiest thing to do at the moment, until he knew for sure what was going on.
"So, now you know what you look like right?" He nodded and smiled at her than turned to the food, his jaw dropping. Never had he eaten a meal outside of the darkness. He didn't think food could smell, or look so good. He shook his head and dived right in, devouring everything on his plate, still fearing, in the back of his mind, that someone would try and take it away from him.
"Man, you must have really been hungry!" His ear twitched at the unfamiliar voice and he stopped, turning to the left and the young man sitting there. He had short dirty blond hair and warm brown eyes and he was smiling. Good sign. "Well, there's always lots to eat around here, they know how to feed growing kids." He nodded and finished everything on his plate before turning back to the boy, a thought entering his mind.
"Is there a price for eating all this?" The idea made him nervous, he had no money, and doubted he ever would. But the boy shook his head.
"Nope. We do chores instead, hope that's not a problem for you." Cas blinked.
"Chores?"
"Yeah, you know, cleaning, sewing, dishes, cooking, that sort of thing." He felt his shoulders slump and his ears flatten back. All he knew was what they had taught him, namely to fight and obey.
'And I didn't even get that right!'
"I don't know how." He whispered.
"Don't worry, it's pretty easy, you'll pick it up soon." He laughed. "Some prefer them even over classes." Cas smiled back, although he was still worried. He didn't know how to act like them and this proved it. "By the way, I'm Rad, one of your Year-Mates." Cas stared at him blankly. "It means we'll be in the same classes, that's why Tori dragged you over here." He turned to Tori who smiled at him and then continued a conversation she was having with a girl beside her. He turned back to Rad.
"Well at least I know I'll be with someone nice." Rad smiled and turned back to his meal. Cas, on the other hand, turned from his food and looked out a window behind him. It looked to be a beautiful day and he found himself smiling, starting to feel comfortable in these surroundings.
"Ack!" he yelped with pain and turned around quickly, ready to attack, only to find a child holding onto his tail. The little girl stared up at him wide-eyed, frozen to the spot, her hands still around his tail. It was then that Cas realized he had unsheathed his claws. Embarrassed, he quickly pulled them back in and bent down to the child's level, conscious of the fact that everyone in the room had stopped to watch them.
"Sorry." The girl whispered. She seemed really upset so Cas smiled at her.
"It's okay, that just hurt and caught me by surprise." She nodded and loosened her grip a bit.
"But, it looked so soft, an it is!" He cocked his head and watched the child pet his tail. It was a unique experience to say the least, but it felt good. She then looked back up at him and saw his ears. She reached for them but stopped quickly. "Can I touch them?" Cas nodded and bent down further so she could reach them easily. She ran her fingers gently across them and laughed when they flicked from the contact. "They're soft too!"
Cas smiled, enjoying the attention. No one had ever touched him with kindness before and these simple touches relaxed him more than anything else.
: Enjoying yourself? :
'Yessss' he was purring now, but didn't care. The girl laughed and then crawled into his lap. He looked down at her as she reached up to play with his hair.
"It seems you've made a new friend." Cas looked over at Rad who was grinning at him. He just smiled back and let the child play, not seeing any harm in doing so. By now everyone had gone back to their meals, satisfied that no one would get hurt.
"What's your name?" He looked down at her.
"Casimir, but it's easier just to say Cas. And yours?"
"Sherry." He smiled.
"Nice name." She nodded and curled up next to him.
"Why is there darkness inside of you, Cas?" Startled he looked down at her.
"What do you mean?"
"There are many dark places inside of you. Everyone else I can just see colour, but in you, it's all dark. It's hurting you isn't it." He nodded slightly, wondering what she was getting at. "Mommy says it's my gift to 'see' these things, and it's always so pretty, but you're in pain, you've been hurt. Why?" He looked down at her, staring into her green eyes, so innocent. He looked away.
"Some people just don't like others who are different."
"I like you." He smiled.
"I know." Closing his eyes he remembered the darkness, memories brought back by her questions.
***
'Why do you hate me? What have I done?!'
'You exist, that's enough reason.'
Another blow struck, a new wound appeared and he smelled his own blood trailing down his back. He knew he should have listened to them. Should have done as they told.
But he couldn't kill a child.
Another blow struck and he cried out. This seemed to please them and they struck harder. The pain overwhelmed him until the Rage took over and he saw red. It was then that they let him go, freed him from his chains and left the room, leaving only one other in there with him.
He lashed out at the nearest person, needing a release from the anger burning through him, a power he couldn't control.
It seemed hours later that he had gotten control back over himself and he looked around to see who they left as a victim. He lost his lunch as he saw the remains of the child.
The one he had refused to kill.
***
Cas shook himself away from the memory, trying to calm his stomach from the sight, but it was still branded across his site. After that he had listened to them, did as they ordered, knowing that when he was in control, he could at least give them a quick death.
'The darkness inside of me; my pain; my guilt.'
He looked back at Sherry who was watching him closely.
"They did more than hurt you, they locked you away." She seemed so sad for a minute, but Cas could say nothing. "I want to see the colours that you are. I want to see what you would look like. It'd probably be really pretty." He smiled at her. Although it didn't reach his eyes.
'Maybe once I would have been, but not now.'
Not ever.
"You're like me." He whispered and the older of the two smiled down at him.
"Yeah, I guess I am. Does that surprise you?" Cas nodded.
"Yes! I've never met another, I had almost lost hope that another existed." He looked away, still not fully believing what was happening. This was just too fast. First, he now knew that 'they' had found him again and now he had found another of his kind.
It was his dream and nightmare all in one.
Shaking his head he tried to back away but was grabbed again. Cas watched his savior warily, not quite trusting him. What if it was a trap? He would die before going back there!
"Let me go!" A shake of the head was his response.
"No, I can't leave you here right now. If those things have caught your scent then they'll hunt you down and you don't want to go there." Cas watched his face closely as he spoke his next words.
"I've already been there, this is my freedom." He watched the other's eyes widen and his face contort in shock. Cas was released but he didn't back away, not now. "I was there my whole life, alone in the shadows and madness." He looked away as the darkness threatened to take his mind again and flashes of voices screaming rang through his ears once more.
-'Help me! End it! Kill me before they come back'-
A common occurrence. To hear those voices, but never finding them in time and wondering if it had been your own voice screaming.
Arms wrapped tightly around his now shaking form and Cas leaned into the support, letting himself relax and feel safe for this moment, knowing it couldn't last, that it would never last, that it never did.
"I'll take you home, I'll take you where you belong." Cas smiled when he heard this and would have followed willingly as the man led him down the hall, but something stopped him, reminded him of why he was here.
Arian.
He couldn't leave him, not now. Arian had dared the darkness to bring him back and Cas knew it had hurt the Companion even if he hadn't been willing to admit it. The darkness fed off the light and Arian was 'his' light. He was now a part of Cas, one he wouldn't leave behind. Digging in his heels, he pulled his arm from the other's grip.
"I can't leave now. I'm Chosen and I will not leave Arian."
"You're insane! They're human and they'll send you back there." Cas smiled sadly at his kin, and shook his head.
"No, they won't, not with Arian here." Their eyes locked but Cas wasn't the first to look away.
"Fine, stay if you can, but remember, that you can come home when you're ready. My name is Deemer. Call for me when you've come to your senses." Cas watched Deemer turn and walk away, leaving him alone once again. He slumped against the wall and closed his eyes.
Immediately Arian met him and he let the love he felt wash over him.
'I made the right choice.' And now he would live with it. He shook his head and continued on his path. He was now really hungry.
***
Entering the common room took a lot more effort than he would have thought. So many people crammed together in one room, made him nervous, especially since they were all human.
: They won't hurt you. :
'I know but they still make me nervous.' Taking a deep breath he braced himself and opened the doors, entering the room. Conversation continued around him, but he could tell they were watching him, curious, but not scared.
Yet.
"Cas! Over here!" He turned and found Tori waving her arms and then pointing to a seat beside her. Thankful for a place to rest he made his way quickly over to her. She smiled as he sat down and started filling a plate for him. "So, what took you so long?" He looked at her, trying to figure out whether to tell her the truth or not.
"I saw my reflection." She nodded and took it one way, while he meant another. It was the easiest thing to do at the moment, until he knew for sure what was going on.
"So, now you know what you look like right?" He nodded and smiled at her than turned to the food, his jaw dropping. Never had he eaten a meal outside of the darkness. He didn't think food could smell, or look so good. He shook his head and dived right in, devouring everything on his plate, still fearing, in the back of his mind, that someone would try and take it away from him.
"Man, you must have really been hungry!" His ear twitched at the unfamiliar voice and he stopped, turning to the left and the young man sitting there. He had short dirty blond hair and warm brown eyes and he was smiling. Good sign. "Well, there's always lots to eat around here, they know how to feed growing kids." He nodded and finished everything on his plate before turning back to the boy, a thought entering his mind.
"Is there a price for eating all this?" The idea made him nervous, he had no money, and doubted he ever would. But the boy shook his head.
"Nope. We do chores instead, hope that's not a problem for you." Cas blinked.
"Chores?"
"Yeah, you know, cleaning, sewing, dishes, cooking, that sort of thing." He felt his shoulders slump and his ears flatten back. All he knew was what they had taught him, namely to fight and obey.
'And I didn't even get that right!'
"I don't know how." He whispered.
"Don't worry, it's pretty easy, you'll pick it up soon." He laughed. "Some prefer them even over classes." Cas smiled back, although he was still worried. He didn't know how to act like them and this proved it. "By the way, I'm Rad, one of your Year-Mates." Cas stared at him blankly. "It means we'll be in the same classes, that's why Tori dragged you over here." He turned to Tori who smiled at him and then continued a conversation she was having with a girl beside her. He turned back to Rad.
"Well at least I know I'll be with someone nice." Rad smiled and turned back to his meal. Cas, on the other hand, turned from his food and looked out a window behind him. It looked to be a beautiful day and he found himself smiling, starting to feel comfortable in these surroundings.
"Ack!" he yelped with pain and turned around quickly, ready to attack, only to find a child holding onto his tail. The little girl stared up at him wide-eyed, frozen to the spot, her hands still around his tail. It was then that Cas realized he had unsheathed his claws. Embarrassed, he quickly pulled them back in and bent down to the child's level, conscious of the fact that everyone in the room had stopped to watch them.
"Sorry." The girl whispered. She seemed really upset so Cas smiled at her.
"It's okay, that just hurt and caught me by surprise." She nodded and loosened her grip a bit.
"But, it looked so soft, an it is!" He cocked his head and watched the child pet his tail. It was a unique experience to say the least, but it felt good. She then looked back up at him and saw his ears. She reached for them but stopped quickly. "Can I touch them?" Cas nodded and bent down further so she could reach them easily. She ran her fingers gently across them and laughed when they flicked from the contact. "They're soft too!"
Cas smiled, enjoying the attention. No one had ever touched him with kindness before and these simple touches relaxed him more than anything else.
: Enjoying yourself? :
'Yessss' he was purring now, but didn't care. The girl laughed and then crawled into his lap. He looked down at her as she reached up to play with his hair.
"It seems you've made a new friend." Cas looked over at Rad who was grinning at him. He just smiled back and let the child play, not seeing any harm in doing so. By now everyone had gone back to their meals, satisfied that no one would get hurt.
"What's your name?" He looked down at her.
"Casimir, but it's easier just to say Cas. And yours?"
"Sherry." He smiled.
"Nice name." She nodded and curled up next to him.
"Why is there darkness inside of you, Cas?" Startled he looked down at her.
"What do you mean?"
"There are many dark places inside of you. Everyone else I can just see colour, but in you, it's all dark. It's hurting you isn't it." He nodded slightly, wondering what she was getting at. "Mommy says it's my gift to 'see' these things, and it's always so pretty, but you're in pain, you've been hurt. Why?" He looked down at her, staring into her green eyes, so innocent. He looked away.
"Some people just don't like others who are different."
"I like you." He smiled.
"I know." Closing his eyes he remembered the darkness, memories brought back by her questions.
***
'Why do you hate me? What have I done?!'
'You exist, that's enough reason.'
Another blow struck, a new wound appeared and he smelled his own blood trailing down his back. He knew he should have listened to them. Should have done as they told.
But he couldn't kill a child.
Another blow struck and he cried out. This seemed to please them and they struck harder. The pain overwhelmed him until the Rage took over and he saw red. It was then that they let him go, freed him from his chains and left the room, leaving only one other in there with him.
He lashed out at the nearest person, needing a release from the anger burning through him, a power he couldn't control.
It seemed hours later that he had gotten control back over himself and he looked around to see who they left as a victim. He lost his lunch as he saw the remains of the child.
The one he had refused to kill.
***
Cas shook himself away from the memory, trying to calm his stomach from the sight, but it was still branded across his site. After that he had listened to them, did as they ordered, knowing that when he was in control, he could at least give them a quick death.
'The darkness inside of me; my pain; my guilt.'
He looked back at Sherry who was watching him closely.
"They did more than hurt you, they locked you away." She seemed so sad for a minute, but Cas could say nothing. "I want to see the colours that you are. I want to see what you would look like. It'd probably be really pretty." He smiled at her. Although it didn't reach his eyes.
'Maybe once I would have been, but not now.'
Not ever.