Chapter Two

          When I arrived back at the loft, music was playing, but there was no real party going on.  Angel and Collins were dancing, Maureen and Joanne were sitting apart, not looking at each other and Roger was standing over our 'wood burning stove' trying to get it started. 

          "Close the door!"  Roger yelled at me as I came in. "Fuck, Mark, the draft just put out what little flame I had."
          I shut the door quickly, "Sorry." 

          "Did you see Mimi?  She said she'd be right up."

          "Yeah… I did."  I pulled his arm to bring him to another side of the room.  "Look, Roger, you should know she was-"

          "She was meeting Benny, right?  Fuck, I knew it."

          I shook my head.  "No, not Benny."

          He looked at me strangely.  "Who then?"  I couldn't say the words.  I wished they weren't true and by saying them it would make it.  I just motioned to the inside of my elbow.  "No, you're wrong."

          "Roger… I saw her with her dealer.  The same one that only a week ago you were dragging her away from!"

          He started pacing back and forth.  "Maybe she was telling him off.  She told me she was through with it."

          "You know it isn't that easy."  I flatly said.

          He stopped and looked at me.  "You have no idea…"

          "I don't?  Wasn't I with you the whole fucking time?"
          "Don't go playing martyr with me.  I didn't ask you to be there."

          "Whatever, Roger.  You have to break up with her."

          "Fuck you.  You don't tell me what I have to do."
          "When it comes to this shit, I do.  I think I'm a pretty good authority on the subject.  I know your pattern, fall for girl, girl is into smack, Roger does smack.  I'm not going to be there for you again.  I can't do it, and I don't think you can either."

          "I'm not breaking up with her."  His voice carried just as the song ended.  The rest of the groups' attention was turned to us.  He continued in a loud whisper, turning his back to the others.  "I'll help her stop.  Mark, she means a lot to me."

          "You just met her Roger.  A week ago you didn't even know she existed."

          "It doesn't matter.  You don't understand, you'll never understand."  He stepped away and pulled me forward.  "Look at Collins and Angel, they just met a week ago too.  Can you see how in love they are?  You could never understand it, but when you got we got, you don't have a lot of time.  Rushing things… it is all we can do."

          "I know but…"
          "I'm sick of wasting my life, my time here.  Fuck that."

          "Roger, be honest with me." I looked him in the eyes, "Don't ever crave it? That quick fix to the pain you hid from all these years?  Can you honestly tell me that you can be around Mimi when she's high and not want to join her."

          He turned away from me hurt.  I knew that I got to him.  Suddenly he broke out of it, "I'm stronger than that."

          "Are you really?"  He stared at me.  "Look, how many times did you say you would stop before April killed herself?  Every fucking time you two had a fight, I would find you in bed with a needle by your side."

          "Mimi's different.  I'm different now."

          "You don't know that."

          Just then, the door opened and Mimi sauntered in.  It was obvious she was already high, by the way her eyes were wide open and the fact she automatically went to Roger and draped herself around him.  He silently pulled her away and looked at me.

          "Mims, maybe we should go to your place tonight."  He glared at me while he spoke.

          "You're not going to…"

          "Have faith, Mark.  Have faith."

          Roger walked out of the loft, basically carrying Mimi along with him.  I sunk down on the old beaten couch that we took from the sidewalk.  "I wish I could."  I whispered to myself.