DisclaimerYep, we own 'em all.

Zelda, Melvin and Lola had been sitting in deep thought for some time now. Though they had been trying for weeks to come up with a plan to free the people enslaved by Jebediah, they could not think of anything. Jeb was just too powerful, and besides, he had his horrible clarinet to drive away all his enemies. Mel looked around his gloomy surroundings. A few weeks ago, when Jeb had risen to power, they had fled to a cave in Afghanistan, knowing they would never be found. While it was a very nice cave, Mel missed his home, as well as hearing the English language.

"The key to getting rid of Jeb is to find his weakness. Every evil overlord must have a weakness." Zelda had a point. Lola looked at her.

"Jeb plays the clarinet. He can't have any weakness." Zelda frowned.

"She's right, you know." Mel looked at Lola and then chewed a filthy fingernail in deep thought. He seemed to remember old Jeb being especially mad when he and some other boys had made fun of him for liking a girl, way back in the fourth grade, before Jeb's superior intellect had been discovered and he was moved up two grades to compensate. The only problem was that Mel couldn't remember which girl it was…

He was pulled out of his train of thought by a loud yell from Zelda, who had been watching the events of the world on the tiny black-and-white TV they'd managed to obtain. Reception was surprisingly good, considering they were surrounded by many feet of solid rock on all sides.

"Jeb's taken over Canada! This is horrible! Now he has conquered the entire world! We should do something fast." She looked at Mel. Mel looked at Lola. They all stared at one another for a good five minutes before they realized what was happening. Mel shook himself. He hadn't previously noticed how beautiful Zelda's eyes were…such a lovely…hazel? Ahhh, the color of fresh mud on a rainy day. Then, as he was staring into Zelda's gorgeous eyes, his memory was jogged. The girl Jebediah Sprankle had a crush on was named…

"Lola…" Jeb murmured her name to himself to calm his frazzled nerves. He'd never expected Canada to put up such a fight. The name of his beloved had a calming effect on him. Just then, there was a knock on the door of his porta-potty turned office.

"It's me, Mr. Dingles, your loyal second-in-command."

"Come in," said Jeb. The door creaked open, and in stepped the former band director, Mr. Dingles. He had one hand over his eyes. Jeb rolled his eyes.

"Dingles, I'm using the porta-potty as an office…not as a porta-potty. I'm wearing pants!" Dingles dropped his hand and grinned.

"Sorry, sir. I just wanted to tell you that I've found us someone who swears his undying loyalty. He also says that he is rather enjoying your reign of absolute power, and would be honored to be made a member of your staff." Jeb raised an eyebrow.

"Well, who is he?" Dingles cracked the door and called,

"Francis, come on in!" Soon enough, in walked a large, strong-looking boy of sixteen, with blond hair. He had his hand over his eyes. Dingles tapped him on the shoulder and whispered something in his ear. Francis immediately dropped his hand. Then he saluted sharply, hitting himself square in the eye. As he rubbed the bruise, Jeb sized him up.

"Francis plays tuba, sir," said Dingles. Jeb chuckled. The boy was drooling a bit, and had a rather goofy smile.

"Well, that explains a lot," said Jeb. "Francis, you are now my personal bodyguard. Your duties consist of charging my cell phone and making coffee. And protecting me from…well whatever I need to be protected from. Understand?"

"Yes sir!" Francis grinned lopsidedly, and this time he managed to salute without bashing himself in the eye.

"Good boy," said Jeb.

In the meantime, while Jeb was busy ruling the world he'd recently acquired, and Zelda, Lola and Melvin were busy trying to get it back, the poor enslaved people suffered greatly at the hands of Jeb. They were forced to do horrible tasks for his enjoyment, such as work complex mathematical equations, or were tortured for his pleasure. Unfortunately, the torture was most cruel, and many were never the same after they had experienced the event. Many later told stories of how they had been forced to listen to Britney Spears for hours upon endless hours, or how they had to drink Diet  Mountain Dew. Jeb was indeed a cruel and heartless leader, and the millions forced into his service saw little or no hope for what should have bee a bright future.

Mel awoke with a start, and such a violent one that he nearly fell off his sleeping pallet. As weird as it sounded, even to him, his inspiration on how to defeat Jeb had come to him in a dream. He thought about it in the dark silence, and it returned to him, clear as day…

Mel was frolicking in a field full of daffodils, in the warm summer sun. A cool breeze was in his hair, and he held a cold can of Mountain Dew, that sweet elixir of life. All was well with the world. He had Zelda, he had a Mountain Dew, what could be better? Then, suddenly, into his lovely field of daffodils walked a giant pink bunny. Mel's heart was full of fear, for as a child, he had once had his favorite TV program interrupted for a stupid commercial about a pink bunny. Ever since, he had hated bunnies. Just as he was about to turn and flee for his life, Lola came into his lovely field of daffodils, and scared the bunny away. All was well again, except that he now realized that his dream had a deeper meaning. He decided that this sucked and so woke up…

Yes, Mel had now remembered who Jeb had had a crush on. Lola. Beautiful, fair, lovely…Lola?! Mel shook his head. To each his own, I suppose…but Lola? Yes, they did have a lot in common. An idea suddenly sprang into his head. To get to Jeb, they had to use Lola…but the question was, how?

Author's Notes Yes, we are well aware that Jeb is just a tad young to be a sophomore. So, instead of fixing our gross error and reposting the story, we've just covered the gaping plot hole with an equally bad explanation! Also, we mean absolutely no offense to tuba players, I live with one, therefore I can make fun of them. I mean, just because we haven't met any tuba players that also have brains doesn't mean there aren't any out there!