Disclaimer Unfortunately, we do not own Mountain Dew, Lara Croft, or Pikachu. Fortunately, we don't own Seventeen. But we have borrowed them and will return them mostly unharmed.

"Lola, you are going to help us save the world." Lola looked at Melvin. Lola's head jerked up from where she'd been reading the latest issue of Seventeen. Her eyes were wide behind her thick glasses.

"What do you mean, Mel? How will I do that?" Melvin stood and cleared his throat.

"You, Lola, are going to infiltrate his secret Headquarters, and then you are going to convince him that violence is not the answer." Lola looked at him.

"But why me? Why not send Zelda? Or why don't you go?" Mel sighed and put his head in his hands in mock exasperation.

"Lola, Lola, Lola. Don't you see? Haven't you ever watched any action movies? The good guys (that's us) always send a secret agent to infiltrate the enemy's base. You are our secret agent."

Lola thought for a second. She wasn't so sure she could carry out the task she'd just been assigned. Ever since she'd first laid eyes on him, she had had the biggest crush on Jebediah Sprankle. His pale, acne-speckled skin, his huge feet and buck teeth. The way he ran his tongue over his braces to dislodge some stray particle of food. Just seeing him made her wheeze, and even at that moment as she was merely thinking about him, her hand made its way to where she had put her inhaler.

"All right, I'll do it. I'll save the world from most evil of foes, Jebediah Sprankle."

Jeb sat in his office thinking. He had heard some nasty rumors as of late that a certain group of people had been plotting against him. He knew exactly who they were. They were the three who had gotten away, Melvin and Zelda the saxophonists, and Lola. He had to do something immediately. They had to be stopped. They were the only three people on Earth he didn't control absolutely. His brilliant mind worked quickly, trying to come up with a way to assimilate them as well. Unfortunately, his brilliant mind had missed one minor but very important detail. He didn't know where they were.

"Francis! Get in here now! I have a job for you." Almost immediately, Francis appeared, drooling as usual. He held a pickle in one hand and a can of Mountain Dew in the other.

"Yes sir?" As he saluted, brine from the pickle flew into his eye, and he squeaked with pain. He frantically tried to rub it out of his eye, but that only made things worse. Jeb sighed impatiently. It was hard to get good help these days.

"Francis, there are only three people standing between me and total world domination. They are hiding somewhere. I am sending you to find them, and when you do, you must bend them to your will. They may be armed and very dangerous, so be careful." Francis looked confused.

"Uh, sir, where should I start? The world is an awfully big place to look for three people."

"You should start in Oregon."

"Why Oregon, sir?" Jeb shrugged.

"It sounds like a good place. Remember, you must move fast. You have the whole planet to cover, and I'm sure even as we speak, they are plotting to overthrow me." Francis snapped to attention.

"Yes sir!' Then as, as he turned sharply on his heel to leave, he smacked face-first into the doorjamb, he collapsed rather limply to the floor. Jeb put his head in his hands and sighed.

Lola was busy surfing the web on her laptop( surprisingly, the cave had a phone line) when she came across a news bulletin.

SPRANKLE'S ABSOLUTE CONTROL 99.999999999995% COMPLETE!

Angry dictator still pursues the three who got away

Lola gasped in horror. Jeb was after them! She jumped off of the milk crate that was serving as her chair, her knee upsetting the second milk crate which was serving as her desk. She managed to grab her laptop before it hit the floor, and for a few seconds she simply stood there, making sure it wasn't damaged.

Mel and Zelda came running in, hand in hand. Zelda looked frightened.

"Lola! What's going on? Are you okay? Where's the intruder?" Lola blushed.

"Um, sorry Mel, but I just knocked over my, er, desk." She motioned to the crate. Mel breathed a sigh of relief. Lola opened up the laptop to show him the news. When Mel saw it, his eyes went wide.

"He's after us! We need to put our plan into action as soon as possible. Lola, your infiltration training begins today."

A few days later…

Francis stepped off his plane and looked around. He wasn't exactly sure where he was, but in the distance, he could see a huge oil derrick. He picked up his bags, and began to walk. Now, where would three people trying to thwart the plans of an evil overlord be hiding. He was brought out of his thoughts by a squeak down by his left ankle. He looked down, and saw a small, yellow rodent-ish creature with a long tail in the shape of a lightning bolt.

"What are you?" he asked.

"Pika?" The thing replied.

"Pika? Whassa Pika?" Just then, the thing's eyes went huge. A look of fear crossed its face. It quickly turned and began to run. Wondering why the animal had suddenly fled, he turned around in the direction it had looked. He saw a woman running, screaming.

"You stupid little rodent! Get back here!" Gunshots danced around his feet, and Francis jumped back.

"What the…?" As she came nearer, he recognized her. It was the famous archaeologist, Lara Croft. When he got a better look at her, his salivary glands began working overtime, and he had to wipe his chin. She ran right by him, guns blazing.

"Wait," he called. However, she didn't hear him. Disappointed, he turn back around resumed wondering how he was going to find what he was looking for. As he looked around, his eye caught a blinking sign. Though his French was rather bad, he knew the wording meant "food," and where there was food, there was Francis.

"Ah, Jeb can wait. I'm in Paris, and I'm hungry!" With that, Francis made a beeline to the restaurant.

Author's Notes Many thanks to the reviewers. But remember, the more the merrier. Also, for those of you who did not understand the random entrances of Lara Croft and Pikachu, there are two very wonderful stories (that just so happen to be written by us) that explain it all. So, since you took the time to read this story, might as well take the thirty seconds to leave a donation in the little box at the bottom of your screen!