Title: Only human 2
Author: Amaroqwolf82
Synopsis: Matt Hardy thinks about his Brother's attempted Suicide. And
wonders was it his fault?
Authors Note: I'm still not depressed, I'm just in a weird mood. Anything
in these ** are Thoughts.
Authors Dedication: To My Friend Barbara, you have to remember who your
true friends are. And as always to my Three B's.
------ *I watched him laying there lost to the world his hazel eyes which were usually so full of life, and happy sparkling with the mirth that is life. It wasn't there though there was just a dark haunted look in his eyes. I would have never left him alone if I had known what it would do to his fragile soul. God, what have I done to my Little brother. I promised mom I would protect him keep him safe from the pain that was the world. But, No I had to be too concerned with making it on my own. I didn't even think about it. How many times did they tell me, yo something's wrong with your brother. And I didn't listen. God why didn't I listen. When he had called me, sobbing crying telling me he was going away and never coming back I was scared shitless. I hadn't seen him cry sense I was 16 and he was 14. Damn it I should of known he would do something like this.I should of known. *
Matt Hardy sat silently looking at his sleeping brother. He had hurried here as soon as Helms had told him what had happened to him. Twice sense he had come back his brother had broken down crying. Begging Matt to just leave him alone. But, He wasn't going to. He slowly reached out and touched his brother's shoulder to wake him up.
"Jeffy." He said softly.
Jeff stirred and opened his eyes they were devoid of life and emotion "What?" He asked softly.
"Come on and eat bro." Matt said looking in concern at his brother.
Jeff sighed and slowly sat up looking thinner then he had in the last week. He was barely eating and was rapidly loosing weight. He slowly stood up standing there in just his boxer. He looked totally miserable. "Alright." He said.
Matt Handed his brother a sweat shirt and jeans. He watched as he slowly dressed himself then slunk downstairs. It appeared he was avoiding the sunlight. Matt followed him downstairs and watched his brother again silent as he ate the luke warm pizza that had been delivered an hour ago.
*I'm worried sick, even with me here to talk to he won't open up. He won't tell me what's killing him inside. I want to help him so much, so bad it hurts to see it eating him up inside. Every minute whatever it was his soul is being slowly extinguished. I can't stand this anymore I can't watch my brother slowly kill himself. God what do I fucking do? What do I fucking DO? TELL ME? God, I can't take this I want to fucking help him but if he won't let me I can't help him. When I first brought him home from the hospitable he cried to me he clung to me. He wanted my help. God Damn it then he shut himself off again. Just like he did all those years ago.after Mom. God, what do I do? I can't fucking watch him slowly kill himself. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do! *
Matt woke up to the sound of a door slamming shut. He jerked up right and yanked on his sweat pants. He padded down the stairs and looked around.
"Jeff?" He called into the darkness.
He headed towards the front door hoping to god that, it wasn't the door he had heard opening and shutting. He reached it and saw that the door was unlocked. He yanked it open and stepped out into the howling wind.
"JEFF!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. "JEFF!"
He rushed off the porch trying to think. If he was suicidal where would he go. He stood there thinking trying to remember. God, where would he go if he wanted to kill himself? He froze and looked up over the roof of the house. The woods, the deck, Oh God no! Matt ran, he ran for all he was worth he had to make it in time. He just had to. He ran his breathing coming heavier. He broke from the trees and stopped his eyes wide as he saw Jeff standing on the deck facing out towards the ravine.
"Jeff?" Matt said gently walking slowly closer.
Jeff turned his head and looked at his brother silently. His green and red hair whipped in his face.
"Why did you die it green?"
"Christmas is coming."
"Oh,"
Matt blinked back tears rapidly. "Jeff come on lets talk about it." He whispered.
Jeff shook his head and looked again out into the ravine seeming to study the ground. "Nothing to talk about Matt."
"There's lot to talk about Jeffy come on down here please?" Matt pleaded with his younger brother. "Please come down here." He whispered.
Jeff turned and looked back the look in his eyes froze Matt to his very core. "No, Matt, its time for me to go." He whispered. There were no tears this time just death cold unfeeling death.
"Jeff, no it's not time for you to go." He said loudly trying to keep his brother's attention. "We need you Jeff!"
Jeff shook his head and Matt almost let a sigh of relief escape his lips as he saw the silver glow on his brothers face marking tears. "No, you don't need me." He whispered. "No one needs me." He sobbed his body shaking.
He turned back and looked out into the rocks looking like he was going to toss himself forth but his hands tightened on the railing his knuckles white as if he was fighting a battle with in himself. Trying to keep from falling. Falling into that dark abyss that was screaming to him calling his name ever so temptingly. Matt watched him watched his brother fight for his mind, his soul. He wanted to run forward and wrap his arms around Jeff and hold him close.
Matt continued watching trying to decide what to say to convince his brother not to let go. He could see the white of his brother knuckles turning red from the pressure of holding onto the railing. Jeff suddenly gasped for air and doubled over and slumped down towards the ground. Matt moved forward and kneeled next to his brother and pulled him close rocking him gently. "Its alright Jeffy," He whispered holding him close.
"Matt," He whispered softly.
"Yes, Jeff?" He responded in kind.
"I'm only human." Said softly tears once again soaking into his brother shirt.
Matt held his brother soothing him, rubbing his back and smoothing his hair. "It's going to be okay, Jeff." He took a deep breath. "Everything will be okay."
Matt slowly helped his brother to his feet and gently led him down the path back to the house. He had to get his brother away from that deadly place that seemed to be calling his name. He jerked to a stop as his brother stopped and looked back towards the railing.
"Come on Jeff," Matt urged gently. "Lets go back to the house, I'll fix us something to eat."
Jeff remained where he was staring silently at the railing only inches away. Matt urged him on again trying to pull him away from the railing.
Jeff shrugged his hands off and moved towards the railing again. Matt watched him silently not sure what his brother was going to do again. He licked his lips. "Jeff?"
"You know, the Day before all this started, when you attacked me on RAW, I was up here," he whispered.
"I didn't know that." Matt said hoping to sooth his brother away from the ledge.
Jeff nodded looking down at his hands on the railing. "I knew even then that my time on earth was growing short."
"Jeffy what are you talking about?" Matt asked swallowing softly.
"Its time for me to go Matt." He said calmly tears leaking from his eyes again.
"Jeffy no, you don't have to go." He whispered stepping forward.
Jeff turned and looked at him then nodded. "Yes, I have to go.I don't belong here anymore."
"Jeff NO!" He cried out.
Jeff smiled weakly then closed his eyes and hopped up onto the railing sitting on it silently. "Goodbye Matt." He whispered tears still leaking down his cheeks.
"NO Jeff please don't do this!" Matt hurried forward but everything was moving in slow motion. The wind whipped up and buffeted his body, throwing his hair into his face. Matt reached the railing grabbing at Jeff. His hair was whipping upwards and his eyes opened and Matt saw something there for a moment that broke his heart.
Hope, pain, expectance, freedom.
Matt stepped back and slumped down pain burning in his chest it hurt to breath. He couldn't breath. He felt sick. He slowly struggled to his feet. "JEFF!" He screamed into the darkness. "JEFF!"
* I watched him fall, and I couldn't catch him. It happened to fast I couldn't catch him. It was over to fast.he's gone. And still the last words that tick in my brain. The words he said to me before he left. Before he went over the edge. "I'm only human." God why did I fuck up so bad. They never found his body. They couldn't even get down there till the next morning. They never found anything even showing he had fallen there. God why did I fuck up so bad. Why did I chase my brother away? God I hate myself. I've lost everything and everyone whose ever meant anything to me. He was only human.only human. *
------ *I watched him laying there lost to the world his hazel eyes which were usually so full of life, and happy sparkling with the mirth that is life. It wasn't there though there was just a dark haunted look in his eyes. I would have never left him alone if I had known what it would do to his fragile soul. God, what have I done to my Little brother. I promised mom I would protect him keep him safe from the pain that was the world. But, No I had to be too concerned with making it on my own. I didn't even think about it. How many times did they tell me, yo something's wrong with your brother. And I didn't listen. God why didn't I listen. When he had called me, sobbing crying telling me he was going away and never coming back I was scared shitless. I hadn't seen him cry sense I was 16 and he was 14. Damn it I should of known he would do something like this.I should of known. *
Matt Hardy sat silently looking at his sleeping brother. He had hurried here as soon as Helms had told him what had happened to him. Twice sense he had come back his brother had broken down crying. Begging Matt to just leave him alone. But, He wasn't going to. He slowly reached out and touched his brother's shoulder to wake him up.
"Jeffy." He said softly.
Jeff stirred and opened his eyes they were devoid of life and emotion "What?" He asked softly.
"Come on and eat bro." Matt said looking in concern at his brother.
Jeff sighed and slowly sat up looking thinner then he had in the last week. He was barely eating and was rapidly loosing weight. He slowly stood up standing there in just his boxer. He looked totally miserable. "Alright." He said.
Matt Handed his brother a sweat shirt and jeans. He watched as he slowly dressed himself then slunk downstairs. It appeared he was avoiding the sunlight. Matt followed him downstairs and watched his brother again silent as he ate the luke warm pizza that had been delivered an hour ago.
*I'm worried sick, even with me here to talk to he won't open up. He won't tell me what's killing him inside. I want to help him so much, so bad it hurts to see it eating him up inside. Every minute whatever it was his soul is being slowly extinguished. I can't stand this anymore I can't watch my brother slowly kill himself. God what do I fucking do? What do I fucking DO? TELL ME? God, I can't take this I want to fucking help him but if he won't let me I can't help him. When I first brought him home from the hospitable he cried to me he clung to me. He wanted my help. God Damn it then he shut himself off again. Just like he did all those years ago.after Mom. God, what do I do? I can't fucking watch him slowly kill himself. I don't know what to do. I just don't know what to do! *
Matt woke up to the sound of a door slamming shut. He jerked up right and yanked on his sweat pants. He padded down the stairs and looked around.
"Jeff?" He called into the darkness.
He headed towards the front door hoping to god that, it wasn't the door he had heard opening and shutting. He reached it and saw that the door was unlocked. He yanked it open and stepped out into the howling wind.
"JEFF!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. "JEFF!"
He rushed off the porch trying to think. If he was suicidal where would he go. He stood there thinking trying to remember. God, where would he go if he wanted to kill himself? He froze and looked up over the roof of the house. The woods, the deck, Oh God no! Matt ran, he ran for all he was worth he had to make it in time. He just had to. He ran his breathing coming heavier. He broke from the trees and stopped his eyes wide as he saw Jeff standing on the deck facing out towards the ravine.
"Jeff?" Matt said gently walking slowly closer.
Jeff turned his head and looked at his brother silently. His green and red hair whipped in his face.
"Why did you die it green?"
"Christmas is coming."
"Oh,"
Matt blinked back tears rapidly. "Jeff come on lets talk about it." He whispered.
Jeff shook his head and looked again out into the ravine seeming to study the ground. "Nothing to talk about Matt."
"There's lot to talk about Jeffy come on down here please?" Matt pleaded with his younger brother. "Please come down here." He whispered.
Jeff turned and looked back the look in his eyes froze Matt to his very core. "No, Matt, its time for me to go." He whispered. There were no tears this time just death cold unfeeling death.
"Jeff, no it's not time for you to go." He said loudly trying to keep his brother's attention. "We need you Jeff!"
Jeff shook his head and Matt almost let a sigh of relief escape his lips as he saw the silver glow on his brothers face marking tears. "No, you don't need me." He whispered. "No one needs me." He sobbed his body shaking.
He turned back and looked out into the rocks looking like he was going to toss himself forth but his hands tightened on the railing his knuckles white as if he was fighting a battle with in himself. Trying to keep from falling. Falling into that dark abyss that was screaming to him calling his name ever so temptingly. Matt watched him watched his brother fight for his mind, his soul. He wanted to run forward and wrap his arms around Jeff and hold him close.
Matt continued watching trying to decide what to say to convince his brother not to let go. He could see the white of his brother knuckles turning red from the pressure of holding onto the railing. Jeff suddenly gasped for air and doubled over and slumped down towards the ground. Matt moved forward and kneeled next to his brother and pulled him close rocking him gently. "Its alright Jeffy," He whispered holding him close.
"Matt," He whispered softly.
"Yes, Jeff?" He responded in kind.
"I'm only human." Said softly tears once again soaking into his brother shirt.
Matt held his brother soothing him, rubbing his back and smoothing his hair. "It's going to be okay, Jeff." He took a deep breath. "Everything will be okay."
Matt slowly helped his brother to his feet and gently led him down the path back to the house. He had to get his brother away from that deadly place that seemed to be calling his name. He jerked to a stop as his brother stopped and looked back towards the railing.
"Come on Jeff," Matt urged gently. "Lets go back to the house, I'll fix us something to eat."
Jeff remained where he was staring silently at the railing only inches away. Matt urged him on again trying to pull him away from the railing.
Jeff shrugged his hands off and moved towards the railing again. Matt watched him silently not sure what his brother was going to do again. He licked his lips. "Jeff?"
"You know, the Day before all this started, when you attacked me on RAW, I was up here," he whispered.
"I didn't know that." Matt said hoping to sooth his brother away from the ledge.
Jeff nodded looking down at his hands on the railing. "I knew even then that my time on earth was growing short."
"Jeffy what are you talking about?" Matt asked swallowing softly.
"Its time for me to go Matt." He said calmly tears leaking from his eyes again.
"Jeffy no, you don't have to go." He whispered stepping forward.
Jeff turned and looked at him then nodded. "Yes, I have to go.I don't belong here anymore."
"Jeff NO!" He cried out.
Jeff smiled weakly then closed his eyes and hopped up onto the railing sitting on it silently. "Goodbye Matt." He whispered tears still leaking down his cheeks.
"NO Jeff please don't do this!" Matt hurried forward but everything was moving in slow motion. The wind whipped up and buffeted his body, throwing his hair into his face. Matt reached the railing grabbing at Jeff. His hair was whipping upwards and his eyes opened and Matt saw something there for a moment that broke his heart.
Hope, pain, expectance, freedom.
Matt stepped back and slumped down pain burning in his chest it hurt to breath. He couldn't breath. He felt sick. He slowly struggled to his feet. "JEFF!" He screamed into the darkness. "JEFF!"
* I watched him fall, and I couldn't catch him. It happened to fast I couldn't catch him. It was over to fast.he's gone. And still the last words that tick in my brain. The words he said to me before he left. Before he went over the edge. "I'm only human." God why did I fuck up so bad. They never found his body. They couldn't even get down there till the next morning. They never found anything even showing he had fallen there. God why did I fuck up so bad. Why did I chase my brother away? God I hate myself. I've lost everything and everyone whose ever meant anything to me. He was only human.only human. *