How Far?

Chapter Thirteen: Twisted

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

Warnings: This chapter involves contemplating of killing, if this bothers you, don't read.

I hate the world. I hate everything. I seriously don't know what exactly caused me to become so morbid, probably a combination of things. Matt acting weird, not having Gordo, Lanny acting weird, and not having Gordo. I had been crying since the night before in my room. My mom didn't know. My sister didn't know. Why would they care? They're too wrapped up in themselves to notice anything that doesn't involve them. It's quite lonely. It's quite sad on their point. Actually, it's both.

I wonder what it would be like if I was gone. People wouldn't notice. No one cares about me. Matt would be the prankster king if I was gone and he would be happy. Lanny would be sad for awhile, but get over it. Gordo wouldn't notice, he's never noticed me. To him I'm probably just an insignificant speck in the seas of high school. He has Lizzie, even though Lizzie is a dirty whore, he still loves her, and maybe she loves him. I don't know. Nor do I care. I really don't. I'm in so over my head that I have truly shattered in to a million pieces, I try to put myself better, but I can't, because there will be a few pieces that I'll put in the wrong place. I ran my hand across my tear stained cheek, wiping away the evidence of my breakdown. No one knows how much I hurt. No one. All the idiots go around thinking I'm some bad ass chick who has a heart made of steel, in reality, it's made of glass.  I shatter very easily. I hurt so much. I am never happy; it's all just a painful act to uphold. It's a mask over my true self. I've hidden my true self for so long that I don't even know who I am.

"Melina," I hear my mother's saccharine voice sing.

I have to sound happy. She can't know how much I'm hurting.

"Yeah, mom," I respond happily.

"I'm going out for the night and Kelly's sleeping over at Rebecca's house, so you have the house to yourself, okay? I love you, ciao," she chirped as I heard her foot steps scamper down the stairs along with my sister's. I heard the door slam hard. The house even shook a little bit. I sighed as I looked up at my white, plain ceiling, as the Bare Naked Ladies played in the background.

It's amazing how much I love Gordo, amazing yet sad. When I told Lanny I was in love with Gordo, he told me I wasn't in love, I just liked him. As smart as Lanny is, he just doesn't fully understand love. No one does. It's so mysterious, so fascinating, and so hurtful. It can be so sweet; yet can prick you like a thorn in a rose. It's so complicated, even the smartest person in the world wouldn't even begin to scratch the surface because of the complexity of it.

I sighed as I rolled over on my bed and got up. I went to the window to look out at the rain. It was raining so hard and so fast, almost like a monsoon. It wasn't exactly "picnic in the park" weather. Yet again what exactly is picnic weather? You can have a picnic during a thunderstorm, as long as you try to dodge lightning.

The neighborhood is so desolate. No one good lives within half a mile of my neighborhood, which is Gordo. Have I mentioned how much I love him? There are no words to describe it, I should make one up, but it wouldn't even scratch the surface. It's very twisted how it works out like that. Gordo would never love me though, he loves Lizzie. They're a match made in heaven, people say. Bullshit. There is no such thing as a match made in heaven, no one belongs together, you just find someone that makes you happy, and after you start getting really pissed at them, and you throw them out like a bag of rancid garbage.

I got up from my kneeling position near the window and walked towards my closed door and slowly opened it. It creaked slightly. I walked out to my mom's bedroom and opened her door. The room was "pretty in pink" as my mom liked to call it. I call it truly revolting. I wasn't going in my mom's room to stare at its various pink shades and feel all feminine. There was something I wanted in her top left dresser drawer. Something that would help me get what I wanted. As vicious, malicious, and sinister as it may be thought to be, it was my special instrument to help me get what I wanted.

I rummaged through the drawer. I found lots of letters that it was buried under as I threw them across the room. Then I found an assorted array of decorative scarves, I threw them violently as I dug deeper in the drawer. I knew it was in there somewhere. It had to be, I needed it oh so desperately. My body trembled as I laid my tired eyes on it. It's silver, shiny exterior glowed in the light. I whispered a soft thank you as I ran my fingers over its smooth, cold surface and smiled. It glimmered and shimmered in my eyes as being great. My hurt was going to be gone. I would get Gordo in the process. It's great. Noting can go wrong, nothing can. Nothing will. Heck, I'm Melina, the sneakiest person that I know. I can get away with anything and everything. I grabbed the gun and trudged down stairs. I got on my blue slicker and slid it under it. I grabbed the key on the hook and opened the door. I slowly sleuthed out of the door and locked it.

As I started to walk outside, the hard rain ran down my face as I looked up at the sky and smiled. It was the worst possible weather on such a perfect and delightful day. It's funny how things work out that way.

[A/N: So, what is Melina going to do? Please review with your thoughts! Thank you!]