How Far?

Chapter Sixteen: Illusion

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

Matt lay curled up in a ball on his bed. He tried to absorb everything that day that had been said to him. He was overwhelmed with pain as salty tears ran down his cheek. It felt like his head was spinning out of control. He was so confused. Everything that Gordo had said was a hard blow to his mind. He didn't know what to think or feel, except pain. He hurt because Melina killed herself. He hurt because Melina loved Gordo. He hurt because he was confused and lost.

Why did this have to happen? Everything seemed to be going so smoothly between Matt, Lanny, and Melina. Sure, they didn't spend as much time together as they did during Junior High, but that change was kind of expected when you go to high school. The three of them were taking different courses and levels of their courses. Matt took accelerated Drawing and Painting, while Melina took Studio in Electronic Arts, and Lanny took Symphonic band. The only time really that they got to spend time together as a trio was during lunch, but Melina had been drifting away from the three. She kind of isolated herself from them. Matt and Lanny had become closer as Melina seemed to drift away. She was more hostile than she had been and she really didn't talk much anymore, but she didn't seem depressed.

"Yeah, things aren't always what they seem," Matt mumbled to himself.

Melina had turned into an illusion. At times she seemed like she was her old, cynical self. At times she seemed to be a different person. Matt didn't know what to believe anymore. The only thing he could wrap his mind around was that Melina was dead. Melina had been cut out the picture.

A flood of thoughts came into his mind. Did Melina want to die? Why did she want to die? Was she so stupid that if she didn't have Gordo that she thought life wasn't worth living? Did anyone know about her obsession? Why didn't he know about it? Did Melina not trust him with something like that?

All of these questions and thoughts flooded his mind. All of the questions he couldn't answer. Only Melina could answer them. Only Melina would know the answers to the questions he needed to find the answers to. He wanted so desperately to know Melina again. This year he felt like he didn't know Melina. She was so mercurial. He never knew what her reaction would be to anything someone might say. One minute she might be Miss Mary Sunshine and the next she might lash out on him for god knows that reason.

Knock.

Matt heard a knock at the door and asked, "Who is it?"

"Lanny is here," Lizzie called from the other side of the door.

"Let him in," he said in a monotone voice.

The door creaked open slightly and in came Lanny who had a sad expression on his face. He walked over to Matt's bed and sat down next to him Matt, who was still curled up in a fetal position.

"How did you find out," Matt asked.

Lanny looked at Matt. Matt knew exactly what Lanny was trying to say.

"Oh," Matt said sadly. "I know this is going to sound odd, but, did you know about her crush on him."

Lanny looked down at his feet, while Matt who currently looked like death warmed over, eyed him angrily.

"Answer the damn question, Lanny," he yelled furiously.

Lanny's eyes met Matt's after an awkward silence. Lanny then nodded, and Matt's eyes narrowed and his fist clenched.

"Why didn't you tell me?! You knew how I felt about her! You were the only one who knew! I thought the three of us told each other everything! In case you didn't know Lanny, it's called friendship! The funny thing about it is you're supposed to be able to tell each other everything! Everything! Everyone has turned against me. What did I ever do to any of you, besides being there for you guys? If you guys needed a shoulder to cry on, I was there! If you guys needed an ear to listen to your problems, I was there! I would have done anything and everything for you guys. I had your backs. Neither of you had mine," Matt's words started out angry, but they began to become sad and serious.

Lanny looked at Matt and shrugged. Matt's eyes weren't narrowed anymore and his fist became unclenched. He looked embarrassed.

"Oh. I guess I'm a hypocrite. Why did this happen, Lanny? Why," he asked confused.

Lanny looked at his feet and shrugged. He looked into Matt's eyes and put his hand on his shoulder.

"I know we didn't do anything to make her kill herself, but we didn't anything to stop it," he said tearfully. "I wanted to ask her to homecoming. I wanted to dance with her. Now, the only thing I want is for her to come back and tell us we're idiots."

He put his head on his pillow and cried into the pillow. Matt's cries were muffled by the pillow and Lanny looked at Matt sadly and sighed. He left his best friend who was now an emotional mess and left. None of them had exactly been the best friend they could have. Maybe, it was all of their faults or no one's fault at all. No one really knew anything at all, except Melina was dead, and it was as plain as day. And as much as Matt, Lanny, and anyone else wanted to change it, they were all helpless, and they all hated feeling helpless.

[A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I've been home sick for two days and have been working on this and other various things. It's a shame really that I'm home sick, but I've had time to work on this, so I guess it's all good. Please review with your thoughts, thank you.]