How Far?

Chapter Seventeen: Differences

Disclaimer: I do not own Lizzie McGuire.

Note: There is a scene from "Lizzie's eleven" in this chapter; it may not be word for word because I haven't seen the episode in awhile.

On Sunday, Gordo sat in his room listening to the rhythmic guitars and beating drums of 80's hair bands boomed from the speakers of the speakers of his stereo. His head beat rhythmically to the sounds of Skid Row's "I remember you." His parents had given him a two hour lecture on how love can influence someone to do something as drastic as suicide and that Melina was probably a basket case to begin with.

All though his parents' words were meant to give him a false sense of security, he just felt worse. If Melina was supposedly a basket case to begin with, then he pushed her over the edge. If Melina was perfectly sane, he still pushed her over the edge, but to a greater extent. No matter how they put it, he would still feel guilty, and Matt wasn't making it any better.

Last night while he was on the phone with Lizzie, who had called him to see how he was doing, Matt had picked up the phone in his room and yelled at Gordo. His exact words were, "I wish you hadn't been born! Then Melina wouldn't have loved you and killed herself! If anything she would have loved me and killed herself for me, but no, she had to love you, the person I look up to, the person who I hope to be my brother-in-law someday, the person who I would have given anything to be because Melina loved you, not me."

Gordo was never faced with the problem on how not to get a girl to like him or love him. In every case it was always the opposite. He helped Brooke with her studies to get her to notice him. He wore cowboy boots to appear taller for Parker. He tried everything in the book to get Lizzie to notice him. He helped her try to woo Ethan. He was a complete jerk during the murder mystery to impress her. He pushed Larry into the fountain during the Rome trip to get her to notice him, even though all she did was yell at him and ask Larry if he was okay. It was actually staged though; Gordo paid Larry to let him push him into the fountain, Larry agreed because at the time George Lucas had a book coming out that Larry wanted, but he had blown all his money on the Lord of the Rings DVD with hours and hours of commentary.

All Gordo had done, didn't even amount to what Melina had done the day before. Gordo couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Melina killed herself for him. Melina never seemed to be one to give a shit about Gordo. All he thought he was to her was another worthless body to talk to. He thought of it this way, he didn't like Ethan Craft that much, but he still talked to him. He thought it was the same situation with how Melina was with him. He never thought in a million years that Melina would have a full blown "Lifetime movie of the week" obsession with him.

He heard a knock at the door and he jumped because he had been in a zombie mode for the past two days.

"David," he heard his mother call.

"Yeah," he asked in a monotone voice.

"There's someone here to see you," she sang sweetly.

The door creaked open to reveal Miranda at the other side. He glared at her and went over to his stereo to turn it off.

"Hey," she said awkwardly. "How are you doing?"

"Fine, considering Melina shot herself because of me in the middle of my living room," he snapped sarcastically.

Miranda sat down on his bed as he sat in his computer chair. There was a tension between the two because it seemed like the only time they were going to have a serious, friendly conversation would be after something devastating happened.

"How did you find out," he asked not looking at her.

"Well, Matt called me in the middle of the night and told me the whole thing. He started to scream and yell at me to do something because he felt so helpless," she sighed.

"Oh," he said coldly.

"Just an 'oh'? Gordo, Matt is most likely on the verge of an emotional breakdown and all you can say is 'oh'! Do you even give a shit," she screamed angrily. Gordo felt his blood boil with anger. He had never gotten this way with Miranda. All of these buried feelings and emotions were coming out because of Melina's death.

"What about me? Melina killed herself right in front of my eyes because of me! No one ever considers my feelings, I'm always an afterthought. Matt hates me, Lizzie is a two timing slut, you're taking Matt's side, and Melina is dead! Does your valley girl brain need me to spell it out for you?! D-E-A-D spells dead! This is what Melina is because she killed herself because of me," he screamed furiously. Miranda glared at him. She looked like she wanted to strangle him.

"Valley girl? I'm the valley girl? I'm sorry, I'm not the idiot getting screwed over by Lizzie McGuire the slut," she mocked.

"Get out of my room, get out of my house! Don't ever speak to me again," he yelled as he stood up and pointed towards the door. Miranda stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

"What the hell is my problem," he asked himself with a sigh.

~*~*~

Matt sat sprawled out of the couch staring blankly at the ceiling. He looked like he was sleeping with his eyes open. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep the night before and had dark circles under his eyes.

"Matt, honey, want to beat me at some video games? You always get a kick out of that," Jo chuckled weakly as her son was still in his blank state.

A flood of memories came to him. The first time that Melina had come over his house and ruined his father's lawn gnome, they played video games on his new Playstation. He heard his father scream about how hard he was working on the gnome. He saw Melina's sinister smile on her face and tried to get Melina out of his mind.

"Nah, how many dots are there on the ceiling," he asked in a monotone voice. He was completely blank with emotion. His face held no emotion. His voice held no emotion, but if you looked deep enough into his brown eyes, you saw confusion, hurt, and loneliness.

"I don't know, why don't you count them," she asked shyly with a smile.

"Lanny counted them, there are 218,978 dots."

"Oh," she chuckled nervously. "That's a lot of dots. Want to play black jack?"

Monte Carlo night 2003

"High on the hill was a lonely goatherd," Melina said as Gordo stood on bottom of the stair case.

"Give me the key" he demanded.

"You give us the counter sign," Matt said with a slight chuckle.

"There is no way I'm giving you the counter sign!"

"No counter sign, no key," Melina said diabolically.

"Fine," he sighed.

"High on the hill was a lonely goatherd."

"Yo-de-lay-de, yo-de-lay-de, yo-de-lay-de-hoo!"

They both started laughing as the proceeded towards Gordo.

"It was so worth it," Melina said between fits of laughter.

"No blackjack," he said still occupied with the ceiling.

"Tell me if you need anything," she said as she walked away to go upstairs.

"How about a new life," he mocked sarcastically as a tear trickled down his cheek.

[A/N: Blah, I have pneumonia. Bad news for me, but good news for you guys, you'll probably get lots of updates today on my stories. Please review with your thoughts, thank you.]