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Chapter 3
I'm sitting on top of a bed in medbay, the Captains outside talking to Doctor Westphalen, he's probably telling her about everything I did and said on the bridge. I can't believe I swore at them like that, that's not like me, well not like the me I want these people to know.
Ben's standing looking at me from the other side of the room, I don't know where Ford's disappeared to, and at the moment I don't care. In my mind I blame him for what's happened, if he hadn't told the Captain about me not doing that damn stupid security project then this wouldn't have happened in the first place.
I know this is a stupid way to think, and I realise that he had to grab my arm in case I'd hurt Ben, oh god, I wonder if Ben's alright, I don't know how hard I hit him. I'm looking at his face trying to see if I've caused a bruise when he suddenly looks up and catches me staring intently at him, he stands up and walks over to me, he sits down next to me on the bed. I just stare down at my arm, which I'm still cradling to my chest, I don't know why, it doesn't even hurt anymore, I was making a fuss over nothing as usual.
He starts to speak,
"Lucas, don't worry that feeble little punch didn't do any damage, we'll have to work on your right hook later though" there he goes, straight into it with all his charm, somehow he just makes me feel safe.
" I have a feeling that you don't want the Doctor or anybody else to look at or treat your arm" he asks questioningly, he's looking at me intently, like he's trying to read my mind through my eyes.
"Well, am I right?" he wants an answer, I realise, I dunno what to say, so I try to mumble out a reply.
"It.it's just I," god, what the hell am I on about, he's still looking at me so I force myself to continue,
"I just, I do this thing sometimes, and they cant see my arm cos then they'll find out about it, and then it'll all go wrong and that cant happen, I don't want that to happen!" my voice breaks on that last bit, damn I'm close to tears, that's the last thing I need right now, to break down crying in front of Ben.
He's looking worried now, and he keeps glancing down at my arm, I know he's looking at the blood that's soaked into my T-shirt.
He starts to speak, soft and slow, like he's frightened he'll scare me away,
"What do you do Lucas? You need to tell me or somebody else, it doesn't have to be me, you just need to let somebody know you're alright?"
I shake my head. I can't tell him I can't tell anybody, I wouldn't even know how to get the words out.
"Come on Lucas, you can trust me you know you can,"
When I continue to shake my head no, he reaches over to take my arm and says,
"I'm just gona take a look at your arm, you don't have to say anything, its alright,"
I try to pull away but he's really strong and he's got a good grip on my arm and I just can't get away,
"Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I scream at the top of my voice, I've shocked him enough to make him let go for a few seconds, and I take my opportunity and jump off the bed, but what I haven't realised is that Doctor Westphalen and the Captain had re-entered the room, and I fall straight into the doctors arms.
"Shhhhh, its alright Lucas, come on everything's gona be just fine, come on calm down," she whispers soothingly into my ear as she places her arms around my shoulders and leads me back to the bed.
Ben moves and helps her to lye me down, I feel like I should say something but I don't know what, I'm crying now, really badly, tears blurring my vision. Why do I always have to be so useless, why cant I ever do anything right.
" Lucas I'm gona take a look at your arm now, ok. I think I know what's happened but I need to see for myself," the Doctor says as she reaches down and picks up my left arm, slowly, slowly ever so slowly I see her edge the sleeve of my T-shirt up bit by bit. I cant look, but I hear them all gasp as they see the marks there, I look now and see them, hundreds of them there are, old ones which have turned white and look like little worms on my skin, and the newer ones which are bright pinks and reds, and then there are the latest ones which are still open and wet and gaping.
"Lucas, how could you do this to yourself?" it's the captain asking me this in a bewildered voice.
"Easy, the same way you can just go and rat me out to my father every time you don't think I'm doing well" I blurt out.
I'm waiting for an answer, but he doesn't offer me one, instead, the Doctor, Kristin, is what she told me to call her the first time I met her, I don't know if it still counts now I'm her patient but I don't ponder over the subject for to long. She speaks up now,
"Ok. Everybody out of here except Lucas, he needs to rest and I need to clean up those wounds, so Captain, Lt Krieg if you'd be so kind as to leave then I'll get on with my job." She sounds so determined when she speaks, that they obey.
I wouldn't believe that they would take an order from the ship Doctor, but I saw it with my own eyes, they both turned and left, with a few last glances at me, which I avoided eye contact with by keeping my eyes firmly glued to the ground.
And I'm left with Kristen, my Doctor, who I'm pretty sure wants to do more and go deeper then just these few simple cuts.
Well, my secrets out now.
Please carry on reviewing. Do I have to go into the whole begging thing again, cos you should know, I will!
Chapter 3
I'm sitting on top of a bed in medbay, the Captains outside talking to Doctor Westphalen, he's probably telling her about everything I did and said on the bridge. I can't believe I swore at them like that, that's not like me, well not like the me I want these people to know.
Ben's standing looking at me from the other side of the room, I don't know where Ford's disappeared to, and at the moment I don't care. In my mind I blame him for what's happened, if he hadn't told the Captain about me not doing that damn stupid security project then this wouldn't have happened in the first place.
I know this is a stupid way to think, and I realise that he had to grab my arm in case I'd hurt Ben, oh god, I wonder if Ben's alright, I don't know how hard I hit him. I'm looking at his face trying to see if I've caused a bruise when he suddenly looks up and catches me staring intently at him, he stands up and walks over to me, he sits down next to me on the bed. I just stare down at my arm, which I'm still cradling to my chest, I don't know why, it doesn't even hurt anymore, I was making a fuss over nothing as usual.
He starts to speak,
"Lucas, don't worry that feeble little punch didn't do any damage, we'll have to work on your right hook later though" there he goes, straight into it with all his charm, somehow he just makes me feel safe.
" I have a feeling that you don't want the Doctor or anybody else to look at or treat your arm" he asks questioningly, he's looking at me intently, like he's trying to read my mind through my eyes.
"Well, am I right?" he wants an answer, I realise, I dunno what to say, so I try to mumble out a reply.
"It.it's just I," god, what the hell am I on about, he's still looking at me so I force myself to continue,
"I just, I do this thing sometimes, and they cant see my arm cos then they'll find out about it, and then it'll all go wrong and that cant happen, I don't want that to happen!" my voice breaks on that last bit, damn I'm close to tears, that's the last thing I need right now, to break down crying in front of Ben.
He's looking worried now, and he keeps glancing down at my arm, I know he's looking at the blood that's soaked into my T-shirt.
He starts to speak, soft and slow, like he's frightened he'll scare me away,
"What do you do Lucas? You need to tell me or somebody else, it doesn't have to be me, you just need to let somebody know you're alright?"
I shake my head. I can't tell him I can't tell anybody, I wouldn't even know how to get the words out.
"Come on Lucas, you can trust me you know you can,"
When I continue to shake my head no, he reaches over to take my arm and says,
"I'm just gona take a look at your arm, you don't have to say anything, its alright,"
I try to pull away but he's really strong and he's got a good grip on my arm and I just can't get away,
"Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" I scream at the top of my voice, I've shocked him enough to make him let go for a few seconds, and I take my opportunity and jump off the bed, but what I haven't realised is that Doctor Westphalen and the Captain had re-entered the room, and I fall straight into the doctors arms.
"Shhhhh, its alright Lucas, come on everything's gona be just fine, come on calm down," she whispers soothingly into my ear as she places her arms around my shoulders and leads me back to the bed.
Ben moves and helps her to lye me down, I feel like I should say something but I don't know what, I'm crying now, really badly, tears blurring my vision. Why do I always have to be so useless, why cant I ever do anything right.
" Lucas I'm gona take a look at your arm now, ok. I think I know what's happened but I need to see for myself," the Doctor says as she reaches down and picks up my left arm, slowly, slowly ever so slowly I see her edge the sleeve of my T-shirt up bit by bit. I cant look, but I hear them all gasp as they see the marks there, I look now and see them, hundreds of them there are, old ones which have turned white and look like little worms on my skin, and the newer ones which are bright pinks and reds, and then there are the latest ones which are still open and wet and gaping.
"Lucas, how could you do this to yourself?" it's the captain asking me this in a bewildered voice.
"Easy, the same way you can just go and rat me out to my father every time you don't think I'm doing well" I blurt out.
I'm waiting for an answer, but he doesn't offer me one, instead, the Doctor, Kristin, is what she told me to call her the first time I met her, I don't know if it still counts now I'm her patient but I don't ponder over the subject for to long. She speaks up now,
"Ok. Everybody out of here except Lucas, he needs to rest and I need to clean up those wounds, so Captain, Lt Krieg if you'd be so kind as to leave then I'll get on with my job." She sounds so determined when she speaks, that they obey.
I wouldn't believe that they would take an order from the ship Doctor, but I saw it with my own eyes, they both turned and left, with a few last glances at me, which I avoided eye contact with by keeping my eyes firmly glued to the ground.
And I'm left with Kristen, my Doctor, who I'm pretty sure wants to do more and go deeper then just these few simple cuts.
Well, my secrets out now.