Sorry this part took a while.
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed please carry on and tell me what you think of the new chapters, and any ideas about what should happen next would be gratefully accepted.
Okay, here's the deal, I write, you review.
Chapter 4
I'm trying to sleep now, note the trying to. The doctor finished tending to my cuts a while ago, Kristin also tried to talk to me but I ignored her, pretended I was tired. That was fine as an excuse but now she's left me alone to sleep, and I'm not sleepy.
I know what I need, I need jenny, I always need jenny when things get bad, and she's always been there before. I've known jenny since I was five years old, she was six then so she's a year older then me, but it never seemed to matter, we where always there for each other. She's not a super genius like me or anything, I mean she's not dumb but she's just, average. I know everything about her and she knows everything about me, that's why I need her now, because she knows all my secrets, and she knows how to make everything better.
I'll get hold of her, that's what I'll do, I'll phone her and ask her what I should do and she'll tell me and everything will be fine, maybe I can even get her to come visit me here on seaquest, I don't care what the captain says about it, she's my friend and I need her. There's just one problem, how do I get back to my room to use the vidlink?
Oh damn it, I don't care anymore I think as I pull myself off the bed and walk, actually kind of stumble cos my legs seem to have gone numb or something weird, out of medbay. I'm heading for my room, I expected to have about fifteen heavily guarded men jump on me the moment I set foot out of medbay, but apparently they didn't think I'd try to make a break for it.
I'm heading to my room when the pain comes, really sharp, but its not in my arm where the cuts are, its in my chest, right in the middle, just below where the hollow of my throat is. I remember this pain, I remember the way that, even though it starts off sharp, it'll soon just grow into a dull ache that will settle itself in the middle of my chest till I forget what its like not to feel that way, till I forget what it feels like to just feel normal. But have I ever-felt normal, what does normal feel like?
I've reached my room so I stop this trail of thought, I pull open the door and quickly go over to my desk and sit down in front of the vidlink. If I'm gonna do this I need to do it now, Kristin's probably already discovered me missing and its just a matter of time until the captain or someone comes to find me here.
I reach over, switch on the vidlink, type in her number and wait, I here the buzzing that means its connecting, then I hear a click which means someone's about to answer it. Oh god there's no turning back now.
The screen in front of me flashes into light and I see her, a dark haired princess is how I've always thought of her, and nothings changed, her dark auburn hair hangs gracefully around her shoulders, and her eyes, staring, look like the darkest chocolate you've ever seen, they seem to penetrate my soul.
"Hello" she calls out
"Hi jenny," I stutter, I have this terrible fear that she might have forgotten me, after all these months on this tin can maybe she's made new friends, other people to share herself with.
"Lucas, wow, oh my god its really you, I've missed you so much, what's been going on what's happening with you?" she looks excited and my fears are pushed away, of course she hasn't forgotten me, this is jenny here, she'd never forget me.
"Umm. nothing much really, I mean.there's been a few problems but. I mean..I" god I don't know what to say, how do I explain to her that the only people I actually care about on this damn ship have just found out I'm a basket case.
Well its easier then you'd think actually,
"They found out" I blurt out at her. She looks shocked and slightly disappointed.
"Lucas I thought you'd stopped, you promised me that you'd stop!" I feel bad, I know I promised her that I would stop, but when your all alone, and your not feeling good and your chest seems to have that continuos ache that seems to never go away, you forget about promises and you forget about every other person in the world, you forget about everything except for the pain, that pain that takes everything else away if only for a little while.
"Yeah and I'm really sorry but right now I don't know what to do and I need you to help," I tell her
"Ok. What do need me to do?" she asks, sounding sad and defeated.
"I need you to come see me, here on the seaquest," I say, praying she'll hear me out before hanging up. But instead of arguing and telling me how stupid this is she simply says,
"Ok. How?" and when I get over my shock I inform her of my plan which includes me hiring a shuttle in my fathers name for her to get here on and then me meeting her when she arrives.
"Ok. Lucas I'll be there soon, stay safe till I get there" stay safe is our secret phrase which we invented when we were thirteen, that's when I first started hurting myself, it was just scratches then. I would phone her if I was feeling bad and wanted to cut and say, "I'm not feeling safe" and she would then know what was happening and drop everything to come help me out.
"Yeah okay I will, bye" I say,
"Try Lucas please try, well goodnight, I love you"
"I love you too" I whisper back as she hangs up the connection.
I hadn't realised it was night time, but it is in fact pretty late, I lay down on my bed just as I hear a knocking on my door, and the Captains voice yelling through the steel door.
But I just ignore it and roll over to go to sleep, cos my chest hurts and I'm so god damned tired.
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed please carry on and tell me what you think of the new chapters, and any ideas about what should happen next would be gratefully accepted.
Okay, here's the deal, I write, you review.
Chapter 4
I'm trying to sleep now, note the trying to. The doctor finished tending to my cuts a while ago, Kristin also tried to talk to me but I ignored her, pretended I was tired. That was fine as an excuse but now she's left me alone to sleep, and I'm not sleepy.
I know what I need, I need jenny, I always need jenny when things get bad, and she's always been there before. I've known jenny since I was five years old, she was six then so she's a year older then me, but it never seemed to matter, we where always there for each other. She's not a super genius like me or anything, I mean she's not dumb but she's just, average. I know everything about her and she knows everything about me, that's why I need her now, because she knows all my secrets, and she knows how to make everything better.
I'll get hold of her, that's what I'll do, I'll phone her and ask her what I should do and she'll tell me and everything will be fine, maybe I can even get her to come visit me here on seaquest, I don't care what the captain says about it, she's my friend and I need her. There's just one problem, how do I get back to my room to use the vidlink?
Oh damn it, I don't care anymore I think as I pull myself off the bed and walk, actually kind of stumble cos my legs seem to have gone numb or something weird, out of medbay. I'm heading for my room, I expected to have about fifteen heavily guarded men jump on me the moment I set foot out of medbay, but apparently they didn't think I'd try to make a break for it.
I'm heading to my room when the pain comes, really sharp, but its not in my arm where the cuts are, its in my chest, right in the middle, just below where the hollow of my throat is. I remember this pain, I remember the way that, even though it starts off sharp, it'll soon just grow into a dull ache that will settle itself in the middle of my chest till I forget what its like not to feel that way, till I forget what it feels like to just feel normal. But have I ever-felt normal, what does normal feel like?
I've reached my room so I stop this trail of thought, I pull open the door and quickly go over to my desk and sit down in front of the vidlink. If I'm gonna do this I need to do it now, Kristin's probably already discovered me missing and its just a matter of time until the captain or someone comes to find me here.
I reach over, switch on the vidlink, type in her number and wait, I here the buzzing that means its connecting, then I hear a click which means someone's about to answer it. Oh god there's no turning back now.
The screen in front of me flashes into light and I see her, a dark haired princess is how I've always thought of her, and nothings changed, her dark auburn hair hangs gracefully around her shoulders, and her eyes, staring, look like the darkest chocolate you've ever seen, they seem to penetrate my soul.
"Hello" she calls out
"Hi jenny," I stutter, I have this terrible fear that she might have forgotten me, after all these months on this tin can maybe she's made new friends, other people to share herself with.
"Lucas, wow, oh my god its really you, I've missed you so much, what's been going on what's happening with you?" she looks excited and my fears are pushed away, of course she hasn't forgotten me, this is jenny here, she'd never forget me.
"Umm. nothing much really, I mean.there's been a few problems but. I mean..I" god I don't know what to say, how do I explain to her that the only people I actually care about on this damn ship have just found out I'm a basket case.
Well its easier then you'd think actually,
"They found out" I blurt out at her. She looks shocked and slightly disappointed.
"Lucas I thought you'd stopped, you promised me that you'd stop!" I feel bad, I know I promised her that I would stop, but when your all alone, and your not feeling good and your chest seems to have that continuos ache that seems to never go away, you forget about promises and you forget about every other person in the world, you forget about everything except for the pain, that pain that takes everything else away if only for a little while.
"Yeah and I'm really sorry but right now I don't know what to do and I need you to help," I tell her
"Ok. What do need me to do?" she asks, sounding sad and defeated.
"I need you to come see me, here on the seaquest," I say, praying she'll hear me out before hanging up. But instead of arguing and telling me how stupid this is she simply says,
"Ok. How?" and when I get over my shock I inform her of my plan which includes me hiring a shuttle in my fathers name for her to get here on and then me meeting her when she arrives.
"Ok. Lucas I'll be there soon, stay safe till I get there" stay safe is our secret phrase which we invented when we were thirteen, that's when I first started hurting myself, it was just scratches then. I would phone her if I was feeling bad and wanted to cut and say, "I'm not feeling safe" and she would then know what was happening and drop everything to come help me out.
"Yeah okay I will, bye" I say,
"Try Lucas please try, well goodnight, I love you"
"I love you too" I whisper back as she hangs up the connection.
I hadn't realised it was night time, but it is in fact pretty late, I lay down on my bed just as I hear a knocking on my door, and the Captains voice yelling through the steel door.
But I just ignore it and roll over to go to sleep, cos my chest hurts and I'm so god damned tired.