A Samurai Jack Fanfic
By Laura McDaniel
Suiting Up
"Jill, exactly what kind of place is that?" Jack asked.
"It appears to be an amusement park, Jack."
"What's that?"
"It's a modern facility that you thankfully haven't had the opportunity to see before," Jill replied. "Certain types of people flock to theme parks to scare themselves silly by going on really fast rides to scream their heads off, consume large amounts of junk food, and spend tons of money buying cheap souvenirs."
"That doesn't sound like a very enjoyable activity to me."
"It's not my idea of fun, but I don't really know if I'd call it torture, either, which is why I don't see what such a place is doing in The Pit of Hate. But, I guess we'll never know until we go in. So...let's go!" Jack and Jill walked through the metal gates, which shut firmly behind them once they passed.
The area they'd entered was undoubtedly an amusement park. In fact, it appeared to be a theme park devoted to AKU! All around Jack and Jill, the place was abuzz with people of all ages wearing black jumpsuits with Aku's face emblazoned on the front. Some of them also wore Aku caps and Aku jackets. Many of them clung to Aku plushies or had Aku balloons tied to around their wrists. They all had a vacant expression in their eyes that made them appear to be zombies, but they were all smiling brightly and they sounded genuinely joyful when they greeted each other with "Praise Aku!"
Neither Jack nor Jill seemed certain what to do or say. They remained silent and motionless until a robot that looked like a cross between Aku and a clown rolled up to them.
"Hello, hello, hello! I'm the official greeter hear at Pit of Hate World!" the robot creaked. "I sense you are new guests!" He scratched his head and added in a quieter tone, "Of course, no guests were scheduled to arrive for another few hours, but oh well, Aku's word is law!"
"Actually, we are prisoners here," Jack replied, hoping that perhaps the robot would have reason to believe him.
The robot laughed mechanically, "HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!" The sound of its laughter was so terrible, that both Jack and Jill covered their ears. "That is a good one! No, nobody is a prisoner here in Pit of Hate Chamber #5! Elsewhere in the Pit, yes, but not here! The All-Powerful Aku believes there is hope for you, thus he has sent you here not to punish you, but to reshape you into productive, Aku-loving members of society."
"You mean, you wish to turn us into zombies like those other people?" Jill asked.
"I know it does not look very appealing at the moment, but you will learn to love it! Trust me!"
"Why should I trust you?" Jack asked.
"Hmph, I can see we are going to have our hands full with you! Well, that's not my concern! I'm just supposed to point to the building to my right and say, 'Go pick up your uniforms if you haven't already. Go pick up your uniforms if you haven't already...'" He pointed to the right and just repeated that last phrase over and over again. Jack just stared at him blankly.
Jill grabbed one of Jack's sleeves and pulled him in the direction of the small, black building the robot was pointing to. "Come on, Jack! Let's get out of here! That thing's driving me crazy!"
They ran to that building and bolted through the entrance, careful not to be caught. A shiny, silver robotic clerk was waiting at a counter amidst the racks of uniforms that lined the walls. At first, the robot didn't seem to notice that anybody was there, but a light on its single antenna flashed the instant it picked up the signal of the two new "guests."
It automatically bleeped, "Greetings, new guests! I assume you are here to pick up your new uniforms. Let me get them for you." Slowly, one of his slender, retractable arms extended and picked up two plastic packages containing neatly folded Pit of Hate World uniforms and laid them on the counter. "They're one size fits all, guaranteed! Instructions are on the back of the bags. Please go to the dressing room to your right, and return the clothes you are currently wearing to..."
"Gah, I hate these robots that yammer on forever!" Jill muttered to Jack. "Listen, I know how to work these things. Let's just go next door like he said, and I'll show you how."
Jack appeared to be debating whether or not he should do as Jill said or if he should stay to listen to the robot. He just shrugged slightly and followed her.
The room they entered was divided into two sub-chambers, one for men and another for women. "Do you think we should go to our respected areas?" Jack inquired.
Jill looked around carefully and shook her head. "There doesn't seem to be anyone else around, and there's enough space right here, so let's just stay put." She tore open the package and then shook her uniform slightly to unfold it. It looked like it was slightly too short for her, but she didn't seem to mind. "I think it'd be best if we just put this on over our gi. Don't worry about it fitting too tight because it will automatically adjust. Will you hang onto my sword, Jack?"
"Certainly."
She carefully unstrapped her sword sheath and then handed it to him. Then, she sat down and took off her geta before slipping the uniform on over her legs. "Now watch this, Jack." Quickly, she tugged at two black, nylon cords that were sticking out of the side of the sides of the uniform. Suddenly, the legs extended so they fit her perfectly. Smiling slightly, she stretched the uniform up a bit and put her arms through the sleeves. She then pulled similar cords on the arms so they neatly fell into place. She put her geta back on and stood up. "Hmm, not bad," she said, turning around some. Jill took her sword back and strapped it on again.
"I think so," Jack replied. He handed Jill his sword and quickly tore open his package and managed to get his uniform on even faster than Jill.
"Wow. I'm impressed!" she said, passing him his sword. "So, what do you think we should do now, Jack?"
"I suppose we should try to blend in with everyone else," Jack replied while they left the building.
"Eww...you mean, pretend I'm enjoying this place?"
"Trust me, Jill, that is going to be even more difficult for me than you."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Jill grumbled. "You know how scared of Aku I am. I'm just trying to remind myself that nothing I see here is real since it's just a crazy theme park, but I don't know, what if Aku really is around here somewhere? Then what?"
"Then we fight him."
"Of course..." Jill replied, sighing deeply. Since she was now officially a Samurai, she realized that fighting was to be a part of her life, but the thought of fighting Aku still troubled her and Jack's confidence amazed her. Trying to shange the subject, she asked, "How about we see about getting some jackets to cover up these swords of ours? I don't think we have to worry about the robots, since most of them seem to be function-specific and lack advanced optical sensors, but well, something tells me that the other 'guests' won't like us much if we're discovered..." Looking at Jack, she added, "And I think you're missing something!"
"What do you have in mind?" Jack nervously asked.
Jill laughed, "You'll just have to see!"
Jill caught sight of a small kiosk with a giant sign that read, "Souvenirs." She turned to Jack and said, "Well, this is where we can get the stuff."
"What do you think they take as currency here?" Jack asked.
"I'm not sure. But they can't expect much, can they?"
There were only about four other people in line in front of them, so it didn't take long for them to reach the front. The attendant was a robot much like the one in the building where they'd gotten their uniforms. "Hello," it greeted in a very monotone voice, "what do you want?"
"One Aku cap and two Pit of Hate World jackets," Jill replied.
"What size do you want the jackets in?"
"Um...a medium and," she looked at Jack and shrugged, "an extra large."
"Very well." The robot reached behind itself and retrieved the items Jill had requested However, it held its retractable arm over Jill's head, dangling the items over her almost tauntingly. "I need payment," it finally said.
"Oh...err...well..."
"Oh, new guests. Should have known. Before I give you these, both of you must say, 'PRAISE AKU!'"
"I don't know if I can do that," Jill cringed.
"What about your companion?"
Jack looked terribly uncomfortable with the idea, but remained completely silent.
"A likely excuse. Well, I have to hear somebody say it!"
Jill took a deep breath and muttered, "Praise Aku."
"Louder!"
"PRAISE AKU!" Jill yelled at the top of her lungs. Apparently, nobody was close enough to her to see the look of disgust on her face because a roar of cheers erupted from the crowd, followed by a few other choruses of, "Praise Aku!"
"I think that covers it," the robot creaked. It dropped the cap and jackets on the counter in front of it, and Jill quickly snatched them up. "Have a nice, Aku-filled day!" it added while Jill stormed away from the kiosk, Jack following closely behind.
"What's the matter, Jill?" he asked when he caught up with her.
She tossed the extra large jacket to Jack and he put it on. "I just can't believe I said that is all," Jill scoffed. "We're going to have our work cut out for us, that's for sure."
Jack then caught sight of the other item that Jill had bought. It was a ridiculous looking cap that looked like Aku's head in a dragon form. On top of the hat were googlely eyes topped with red felt "flame eyebrows." The cap's long bill served as the dragon's snout and at the end of the bill's green underside, a pair of felt "fangs" were sewn. Six "horns," three on each side, completed the look. "What...is...that?" Jack asked.
"Oh, it's a cap, Jack. You put it on your head," Jill calmly replied.
"I do?"
Jill smirked slightly. "You do unless you want people to recognize you. Your face is plastered all over wanted posters, after all."
Jack took the hat from Jill and gently set it on his head. "I feel...ridiculous," Jack said.
"Well, you look great!" Jill said, just barely managing to contain her laughter. As soon as she said that, she wasn't able to contain herself anymore, so she just burst out laughing. "Well, OK, maybe not, but it does serve its purpose."
"I suppose I should thank you for helping to disguise me, but I can't say I'm fond of being dressed in all this Aku clothing..."
Jill opened her mouth to say something, but she was interrupted by a strange beeping sound. With all the noise going on around her, it was hard to tell what was making the sound, but it suddenly occurred to her to look at her watch. It was beeping loudly and the screen was flashing. "I think we're onto something, Jack," she said. She looked at Jack's watch and noticed that it was doing the same thing. "Yeah, somebody from my city's sector must be nearby!"