A Samurai Jack Fanfic
By Laura McDaniel
The Grand Tour
"How are we supposed to know where this person is?" Jack asked.
"It appears that there's a radar display now that somebody's nearby," Jill said, tapping Jack's watch. "The person we're looking for is just east of us." She glanced around and nodded, "They're headed for that boat ride."
She pointed in the direction of a group of people who were lined up in front of what appeared to be a small, artificial cave. A sign on the cave read, "Tunnel of Love...for AKU!" The line ended outside the mouth of the cave where the people clambered onto small boats that looked like Aku transformed into the form of a swan. "Those are some unusual-looking boats," Jack said.
"Aside from the Aku colors, they're just the sort of thing you'd find in a theme park," Jill said, shrugging slightly.
"What's in the cave?"
"Considering that this is Aku's park, I can't really say for sure, and I really don't know if I want to find out what's in there, but that's the way we've got to go. But one thing before we go. If we find someone over there, I think they'll find all this beeping distracting..." She hit a button on the side of her watch marked "Sound" and the beeping ceased. Jack was watching carefully, so he was able to quickly deactivate the sound on his own watch. Then, they walked over to the long line in front of the ride.
Once they got closer to the line, the display on the watches changed, showing a closer view of the area. There were several small dots on the screen representing the people in the line, and a single red dot at the very end of the line was blinking.
"I think that's the person we're looking for," Jill said, pointing to a young man with short brown hair.
"Do you recognize him?" Jack asked.
"No," Jill said, "but I still think we should interrogate him."
Jill tapped the young man on the back. "Excuse me, sir."
The man turned around and glared at Jill.
"Uh, hi!" Jill nervously said. Looking at the man, she noticed that he was probably a few years younger than she.
"You must be new around here."
"Yes. Um...how did you guess?"
"You didn't great me with, 'PRAISE AKU!'"
"Should I do that now?"
"I'lll let you off the hook this time."
"Soooo...what's your name?"
"Well, I choose to exist only for Aku, so I don't go by my own name. I just go by my Guest ID Number: 06718."
"Your sector number is 2716 and you're from Kemui City, correct?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
"I'm from Kemui as well."
"How is that possible? I was but an infant when I was taken here, but my parents told me that Aku cleansed Kemui City!"
"Cleansed?" Jill nearly yelled. "That's a nice way to put burning down the city!"
"Calm down," Jack said, resting a hand on Jill's soldier.
"He a friend of yours?"
"Yeah," Jill replied. "And I'm sorry about my outburst. Anyway, after Aku 'cleansed' the city, there were a few of us left and we've built a small village in its stead."
"I guess that makes sense. I remember hearing that I could get out of Pit of Hate world if those remaining in Kemui could build him a monument...or something. But that was a while ago."
"Do you ever think about getting out of here?"
"No way! I like it here. Those people back in Kemui can take their time on that monument for all I care."
"You like being here, surrounded by images of that terrible demon?" Jack asked.
06718 looked at Jack and Jill disapprovingly and shook his head. "It's no wonder Aku sent you here. You two have obviously been brain-washed by the anti-Aku crowd."
"We've been brainwashed?" Jill whispered to Jack.
"I hate to say it, Jill, but I don't think we can learn much from this boy," Jack whispered back.
"What are you two whispering about?" 06718 asked.
"Uh...nothing," Jill said.
"I think this ride will do you two some good," 06718 said.
Jack and Jill looked in front of them and noticed that it was almost their turn to get on the ride. "I was hoping we could avoid it," Jill mumbled.
"Could we get out of the line?" Jack whispered.
"I guess so. Talking to this boy might be good simply because I'm sure he knows a lot about this park, but there have to be other people around...but I really don't want to know what's in that cave..."
"I know you two are up to something," 06718 said.
Jill sighed. "I've guess we've got no choice but to go along for the ride..."
"How many in your party?" the robotic attendant at the front of the line whirred.
"Three," 06718 replied.
"Be seated."
06718 sat in the front of the boat while Jack and Jill sat in the two seats in the back. The robot pressed a button on the side of the boat and a metallic bar locked in place over the passengers to secure them into the ride. "May your mind be filled with the glory of Aku!" the robot creaked. "And remember to keep your hands, feet, and other objects inside the boat at all times." After this short speech, the boat started moving forward, into the dark cave.
They sailed into the artificial cave and were greeted by poorly assembled audioanimatronic figures of happy children that danced on stages against the wall. The children started singing!
And killer robots patrol in the mall
There's no need to despair
He will wrap you in care
ITS AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!
They continued to sing, "IT'S AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!" several times while a giant, creaking audioanimatronic Aku popped out the ground and threw his arms around the audioanimatronic children who started giggling with delight.
"Oh no," Jill moaned, "it's Aku's version of 'It's a Small World!'"
"You got a problem with that?" 06718 barked from the front seat.
"No, not at all," Jill said back to him. She turned to Jack and sighed, "It's going to be hard to keep hands, feet, and other objects in the boat, namely my sword."
In the dim light, Jill could see that Jack was smiling. "Trust me, I am having very difficult time keeping myself from attacking as well," he quietly said back. "What exactly is going on here? Are those really entranced children?"
"No, they're kind of like robots, only they don't really do anything too complicated. They can't hear us or anything."
"Oh, I see," Jack said, even though he really didn't understand.
The boat then floated into another section of the cave in which there was a city scene. A recording of children's voices started singing:
When you're feeling sad and downtrodden
City life is starting to to pall
Lift your eyes to the skies
Aku burgers and fries
ITS AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!
While the recording repeated the chorus of "IT'S AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!", neon signs advertising various Aku products lit up and flashed.
"I heard that Kemui was cleansed 'cause it didn't have stuff like that. Is that true?" 06718 asked.
"Yeah," Jill said. "There wasn't anything like that in Kemui, and Aku apparently felt neglected."
"There's really no excuse for neglecting Aku like that, after all he's given us."
"What has he given us?" Jack asked. He'd neglected to lower his voice so just Jill could hear him, so 06718 heard his question as well.
"I'm glad you asked that," 06718 replied.
The boat floated into a new section of the cave that was once again lined with audioanimatronic singing children. They were in a beautiful (artificial!) meadow and dancing around a maypole that looked strangely like Aku. Every so often, cute, fuzzy audioanimatronic animals popped their heads out of the ground and waved to the passing boats.
He nurtures you lest you should fall
So be grateful and proud
And then say it out loud
ITS AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!
While the children repeated the chorus, a giant audioanimatronic Aku came out of the ground and showered the scene with BEEF JERKY! Some even flew into the boat and 06718 started eating it eagerly.
"That's my favorite part!" he exclaimed. He looked back and noticed that neither Jack nor Jill seemed thrilled with the jerky. "Come on, don't you want some? You can't beat free jerky!"
"Err...um...I'm a...vegetarian?" Jill said, trying to cover herself up.
"Ah," 06718 said. "Well, every other hour, the jerky is replaced with a soy substitute. Had I known you were a vegetarian beforehand, we could've waited a little longer. That's just how loving Aku is!"
"I see," Jill mumbled to Jack. "Give Aku your free will and he will shower you with jerky...or a soy substitute!"
The next scene the boat floated into showed an audioanimatronic old woman in a rocking chair who was reading from a book that looked like it had a picture on the cover. However, the audioanimatronic children she was reading to didn't seem nearly as enthusiastic as she. They were singing!
Dreams of warriors handsome and tall
Take no notice of that
She's a dotty old bat
ITS AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!
Suddenly, a giant sculpture of Aku fell from the ceiling and squashed the old woman! The audioanamatronic children cheered while they sang, "IT'S AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!" over and over and over again.
Jack and Jill were speechless and just stared at the scene wide-eyed.
"That part always chokes me up, too," 06718 said.
They floated into another section of the cave that showed an audioanamatronic Aku lovingly embracing audioanamatronic children. All together, they sang:
Oh so tenderly held in his thrall
But remember don't moan
You've only got it on loan
ITS AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!
"If Aku's really that loving," Jill sighed, "where was he all of those nights I spent alone?"
Jack gently put his arm around Jill. "Yes, he certainly does send contradictory messages," he whispered to her, "but we will set things right again."
"Thank you, Jack," Jill whispered.
Finally, the boat sailed out of the cave and out to a wooden platform where yet another robotic attendant greeted them. The metallic bars that held the passengers in place creaked as they lifted up. Jack, Jill and 06718 got out of the boat and stepped onto the platform.
"Would you like to ride again?" 06718 asked.
"Uh, no thanks," Jill said. "I...want to see what else Aku has to offer here."
"Well, all right!" 06718 said. "I think I'm going to ride it a few more times, so if you've got any questions for me, you know where to find me."
"Yeah, thanks," Jill said. She and Jack started walking down a set of stairs that was off to the side of the platform.
"That...was...disturbing..." Jack groaned.
"I'm sorry I subjected you to that. I should've given up on trying to get something out of 06718 before we got that far in the line." She pressed the sound button on her watch again, and Jack pressed the same button on his watch. "I'm not picking up anything, Jack," she said. "Are you?"
Jack looked at his watch, and then held it up to his ear. "It is making very faint sounds," he replied.
"Hmm..." Jill put her watch to her ear as well and nodded. "Yeah, I think you're right." She glanced at the radar screen. "It looks like there's someone south of us, maybe down towards the midway there." She pointed to a large metallic arch with a sign that read, "AKU'S Midway" hanging from it. "I promise that there are no disturbing rides on the midway," she added.
"That's good to know," Jack commented.
The midway was lined with people playing assorted carnival games that had been altered to Aku's liking. There was a game where people tried to throw marshmallows into Aku's gaping mouth and a ring-toss game where people tried to throw rings onto the horns of a giant paper maché Aku. Jill kept Jack from seeing a game where people threw darts at his face by showing him a plywood cut-out that with Aku sitting on his throne painted on it. Next to the painting of Aku was a painting of some sort of minion, only there was a hole cut out where the face should've been.
"And what function does that serve?" Jack asked.
"Well, if I walked over there and stuck my head through the hole, it'd look like I was standing next to Aku...kind of," Jill explained.
"The customs of this time are certainly unusual," Jack observed.
"I agree completely. I'm really not into stuff like this." However, her eyes lit up when she saw "Whack-A-Samurai!"
Little heads that looked like Jack's popped out of holes in a counter and people tried to hit them with mallets when they appeared. "Ooo! I love that game!" Jill exclaimed. "I wanna play!" But despite her sudden child-like exuberance, she remembered her quest. She glanced at her watch and said, "Well, it looks like the person we're tracking is actually coming this way. I think I could play for a bit and wait until the signal gets stronger..."
She walked over to an unoccupied Whack-A-Samurai booth and picked up the mallet. The game made a trumpeting sound, indicating that it was starting. Then, Jill eagerly started whacking the Samurai heads that popped up.
Jack looked at her with a shocked expression.
"Wanna play, Jack?" Jill asked.
"I don't think that hitting images of myself would be pleasant. Why are you hitting them?" Jack asked.
"Because it's fun."
"But you're hitting me!" Jack exclaimed.
"Shhh! Not so loud!" Jill exclaimed. "We don't want people to know who you are."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not really hitting you, anyway," Jill explained. "You know I wouldn't want to hurt you. These peg-things just happen to look like you...kind of..." She took a look at the samurai heads and smirked, "Actually, they don't really look much like you at all."
"I guess you're right."
A bell rang on the game. "Yeah! High score!" Jill exclaimed. "I wonder what I win..." The game made a clicking sound, and an Aku-shaped key-chain fell out of a compartment on the side. Jill picked it up and examined it. "Hmm, it's kind of cute, actually..."
"You're not falling victim to Aku's mind-control, are you?" Jack asked.
Jill shook her head as she stuck the keychain into a flap on her robe. "No. It's just that...well, I was so scared of Aku before, but now that I see how silly he's made himself to look in this place, I don't think I'm as scared anymore."
Jack smiled. "What if you were to meet him face-to-face again?"
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves, Jack..." Jill said, shivering slightly.
Suddenly, she noticed that the beeping on her watch was getting louder. "Just as I expected," she commented.
She and Jack hit the sound buttons on their watches and she glanced down at the radar screen for a moment. But she didn't need to look at it for long because she recognized the person coming towards her.
And her heart skipped a beat...
Big thanks to Rune for writing the "IT'S AKU'S WORLD AFTER ALL!" song!
--LM