Chapter 5
All my Horses and Giant Rabid Hamsters
Mean while.
Back in Rivendell.
Merry and Pippin were throwing a huge keg party. Beer was everywhere and the house smelled of weed like there was no tomorrow. The whole group had begun to settle down though when their favorite soap opera began playing. Every one gazed at the TV with hypnotized glances. Then in big bubble letters came the words 'All my Horses and Giant Rabid Hamster'. The words were read by some drunk elf and in the back round you could see the set falling apart.
The TV started to say, "Mean while, back in Vailnor, Feanor was about to murder his half brother when all of the sudden his wife ran in, screaming 'I want a divorce! You've restrained the excesses of your passion on me too long, mister!' "Ooooohhh!" said everyone who was watching.
Then some anonymous hobbit who had not seen the show before asked, "What the heck does this have to do with horses and rabid hamsters?!?!?!?"
But everyone just looked at him and then said in unison, "SSSHHHHH!!!!!"
The Tv continued:
" 'Seven pregnancies! Seven! What do you think I am, a sex machine????'
'Shut up, woman! I have to kill this traitor.'
'Look, Feanor, I think we have to work out our differences once and for all. So what if our hair is a different color.'
'Shut up, idiot! I have to kill you.' (triumphant music)
'We, the Valar, officially declare you, Feanor son of Finwe, the direct source of the revolt of the Noldor!'
'WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE STOP INTERUPTING ME! I'M TRYING TO KILL MY HALF BROTHER UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THE (dun dun dun) DARK LORD!!!!!!!!!!!'"
All the viewers gasped. Then suddenly the phone rang. Pippin groaned then got up and answered the phone, "Hello? Please be quick because I'm trying to watch the season finale of my Soap Opera and its very vital that I see it!" "Pippin?" It was Elrond.
Pippin gasped. He looked around Imladris. God had they trashed the place. Then curiosity filled him. "You're making a long distance phone call from Rohan!? That's got to cost millions!!!"
"Yeah.. Is Aragorn there? I know he was supposed to be watching the place."
"Uhhhhh.. I have to go to the Bathroom!!!!" He said then quickly dropped the phone and pulled the reluctant Merry away from the TV.
"What the hell do you want?!?!? I'm trying to watch my soap! It was just as the sky was about to fall and..."
"Elrond's on the phone!" Pippin interrupted.
"Shit!" Merry cried.
"What the hell are we supposed to tell him?"
"Humor him! Say a joke or something!"\
Pippin ran to the phone and picked up the receiver. "Elrond, I have one thing to say to you: What did the fish say when he swam into the cement wall? Damn! Get it? Dam, damn..?"
The other line gave a typical, exasperated Elrond-like sigh. "Ha ha ha. What have you done now? How much is it going to cost to fix?"
"Nothing." Pippin said as somebody knocked over a very expensive 2nd age carving of Gil-galad in the hallway.
"Pippin! That sounded like a very expensive 2nd age carving of Gil-galad that is located in the hallway smashing!"
"No it wasn't...that was, uh, Merry, yeah! That's it! He's uhhh *cough* brushing his umm.. *cough* teeth?" Pippin said Awkwardly.
"Oh! Ok!"
'Thank god he's so gullible!' Pippin thought.
"I heard that!"
Pippin had forgotten he could read minds.
"Oh shit." he thought.
"Foul language will get us nowhere! Now where the hell is Aragorn?!?!?! What have you done to him! You better not be hurting my Arwen!!!!!"
Pippin hoped that they weren't dead, or kidnapped or, even worse, hanging out in a super-cool bar in Rohan smoking pot. He would get in biiiiiiiiiiig trouble.....
Then Pippin heard Merry cry out "Pippin! Get your ass over here!!!!"
"Uhhh. that would be my mother in law! Better get going!" Pippin said.
"But you're not married." *click*. Pippin smashed the phone down, before picking it up again and dialing Legolas' cell.
TBC
Will Pippin get through to Legolas' cell? Will Aragorn, Legolas and Arwen ever wake up? Will Elrond finally figure out what's going on? Will Merry and Pippin ever finish watching their Soaps?!?! Find out in the Next Chapter!!!! -Two High Hobbits
Mean while.
Back in Rivendell.
Merry and Pippin were throwing a huge keg party. Beer was everywhere and the house smelled of weed like there was no tomorrow. The whole group had begun to settle down though when their favorite soap opera began playing. Every one gazed at the TV with hypnotized glances. Then in big bubble letters came the words 'All my Horses and Giant Rabid Hamster'. The words were read by some drunk elf and in the back round you could see the set falling apart.
The TV started to say, "Mean while, back in Vailnor, Feanor was about to murder his half brother when all of the sudden his wife ran in, screaming 'I want a divorce! You've restrained the excesses of your passion on me too long, mister!' "Ooooohhh!" said everyone who was watching.
Then some anonymous hobbit who had not seen the show before asked, "What the heck does this have to do with horses and rabid hamsters?!?!?!?"
But everyone just looked at him and then said in unison, "SSSHHHHH!!!!!"
The Tv continued:
" 'Seven pregnancies! Seven! What do you think I am, a sex machine????'
'Shut up, woman! I have to kill this traitor.'
'Look, Feanor, I think we have to work out our differences once and for all. So what if our hair is a different color.'
'Shut up, idiot! I have to kill you.' (triumphant music)
'We, the Valar, officially declare you, Feanor son of Finwe, the direct source of the revolt of the Noldor!'
'WILL YOU PEOPLE PLEASE STOP INTERUPTING ME! I'M TRYING TO KILL MY HALF BROTHER UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF THE (dun dun dun) DARK LORD!!!!!!!!!!!'"
All the viewers gasped. Then suddenly the phone rang. Pippin groaned then got up and answered the phone, "Hello? Please be quick because I'm trying to watch the season finale of my Soap Opera and its very vital that I see it!" "Pippin?" It was Elrond.
Pippin gasped. He looked around Imladris. God had they trashed the place. Then curiosity filled him. "You're making a long distance phone call from Rohan!? That's got to cost millions!!!"
"Yeah.. Is Aragorn there? I know he was supposed to be watching the place."
"Uhhhhh.. I have to go to the Bathroom!!!!" He said then quickly dropped the phone and pulled the reluctant Merry away from the TV.
"What the hell do you want?!?!? I'm trying to watch my soap! It was just as the sky was about to fall and..."
"Elrond's on the phone!" Pippin interrupted.
"Shit!" Merry cried.
"What the hell are we supposed to tell him?"
"Humor him! Say a joke or something!"\
Pippin ran to the phone and picked up the receiver. "Elrond, I have one thing to say to you: What did the fish say when he swam into the cement wall? Damn! Get it? Dam, damn..?"
The other line gave a typical, exasperated Elrond-like sigh. "Ha ha ha. What have you done now? How much is it going to cost to fix?"
"Nothing." Pippin said as somebody knocked over a very expensive 2nd age carving of Gil-galad in the hallway.
"Pippin! That sounded like a very expensive 2nd age carving of Gil-galad that is located in the hallway smashing!"
"No it wasn't...that was, uh, Merry, yeah! That's it! He's uhhh *cough* brushing his umm.. *cough* teeth?" Pippin said Awkwardly.
"Oh! Ok!"
'Thank god he's so gullible!' Pippin thought.
"I heard that!"
Pippin had forgotten he could read minds.
"Oh shit." he thought.
"Foul language will get us nowhere! Now where the hell is Aragorn?!?!?! What have you done to him! You better not be hurting my Arwen!!!!!"
Pippin hoped that they weren't dead, or kidnapped or, even worse, hanging out in a super-cool bar in Rohan smoking pot. He would get in biiiiiiiiiiig trouble.....
Then Pippin heard Merry cry out "Pippin! Get your ass over here!!!!"
"Uhhh. that would be my mother in law! Better get going!" Pippin said.
"But you're not married." *click*. Pippin smashed the phone down, before picking it up again and dialing Legolas' cell.
TBC
Will Pippin get through to Legolas' cell? Will Aragorn, Legolas and Arwen ever wake up? Will Elrond finally figure out what's going on? Will Merry and Pippin ever finish watching their Soaps?!?! Find out in the Next Chapter!!!! -Two High Hobbits