Liz: Hey Matt.
Matt: What?
Liz: Are either of us rich and famous from one of the most popular anime's of the century?
Matt: Uh, no.
Liz: Are either of us related to Douglas Adams.
Matt: Again, and sadly, no. Though we are both of British descent…
Disclaimer: Matt and I do not own DBZ or Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Although, both have been major influences in our lives.
A/N: I really hope someone out there is reading this! Matt and I are working very hard on this, and we would really like it if you reviewed for us!
Chapter 7: Parachute Pants and Spandex Boy
"Maybe so." Liz said coyly. She reached up and pulled Matt towards her, kissing him fiercely. She leaned back, lying back on the bed, taking him with her. Still kissing passionately, she started to pull off his shirt. His hands were all over her. Once his shirt was off, she looked at him and said, "Do whatever you want. I'm all yours."
Matt just smiled, and reached for her shirt…
Matt jerked awake, sitting up in his bed, alone, fully clothed, and as sexually frustrated as ever. Groaning, he fell back against his pillow. Damn, not again. Why do I torture myself with these dreams? he asked himself. Well, maybe if he went back to sleep now, his dream would continue and he would finally get some…but, alas, no, a god somewhere was laughing at him. No sooner had Matt started to drift off, than a pair of super charged demi-Saiyans came charging into the room and onto the bed.
"Ooofff. What do you want?" Matt asked.
"Come on, get up! It's time for breakfast!" Goten said, pulling on Matt's arm.
Matt looked at the glowing numbers by his bed. 6:45. No way was he getting up. "It's not even seven. I haven't gotten up this early in years. Go away." Matt growled. Then his inner evil side kicked in. "Hey, have you woken up Liz yet?" knowing she was still about eleven or twelve hours short of a full night and a half of sleep.
"Well, no."
"If you can get her up and awake now, I'll get up too. Have fun." Matt then pulled the sheets back up over his head as the two shot out the door.
Seconds later, a shrill shriek filled the Son house, followed closely by a string of cursed worthy of Vegeta. Matt came out of his sheet-shell long enough to see two golden streaks pass his door, closely followed by Liz. "If you ever do that again, you will not live long enough to see puberty!" she screamed at them. Matt laughed quietly. She immediately whipped around to look at him. "You told them to do this didn't you?" she yelled at him. Just then, Gohan emerged, smiling brightly.
"Good morning! How are you today?" he asked at Liz.
"Don't talk to me." She stormed off.
Gohan turned to Matt, staring blankly. "What did I do?"
"She's not really a waking up in the morning type person." Matt answered. Then, true to his word, he got up, cause after all, he was a sitting duck for Liz as long as he stayed in bed.
*~*~*
Several hours later, and several of Liz's curses in a string later, they were all at the mall. Bulma had decided it would be a whole day adventure and had brought everyone along. By everyone, that meant Vegeta, who was decidedly not happy with the current situation.
Chichi had taken charge. "Now, first off, Matt and Liz need a new wardrobe, because it just won't do to have them running around in the same clothes everyday," she looked at Goku and Vegeta, who were, in fact, both in an orange gi and blue spandex suit, respectfully, and apparently about to wage war on the fountain in the mall, "so first on the agenda is clothes. Boys will go one way, girls the other. We will meet at the food court at 1:30."
"Food? Can't we eat there now?" Goku whined.
Chichi shot him a glare. "NO! Now, teams, get to work."
Bulma handed Vegeta a credit card, with strict instructions to buy whatever anybody wanted and not to blow anything up. Then they parted their separate ways.
Gohan led the way, and then stopped at the front of the men's section and turned to face Matt and the others.
" So Matsu, what kind of clothes are you looking for? They have any style you can think of here. You could go preppy like me, monochrome like my dad, or sporty like Vegeta here." Vegeta growled and pointed out that he looked 'manly".
Matt looked at his new friends, who, though he wouldn't say it to their faces, all looked like they had walked out of an era that had died 15 years ago.
"Um, I think I'd rather go for my own unique style. I'll just look around and pick off the things I like."
An hour passed, and afterwards, Matt had a full assortment of comic book and banc tee shirts. He pondered for a second how Spider-man and Reel Big Fish could exist both in his universe and here, but then decided that worrying about it would not do any good, and just accepted it.
He also had a full array of what he called "ska" shirts, which, he would admit, also looked like they had come from the 80's, but the difference was he made the look work, unlike parachute pants and spandex boy.
Goku, Vegeta and the others had found things to occupy themselves with while Matt was in the fitting room. Goku and Piccolo had tried on full golfers uniforms. Strangely enough it was Piccolos idea to buy them, as he had taken up the game of golf after years passed and there was nothing more he could do to improve his martial arts skills. He found the pastime of hitting a little ball into the air, trying to find it, and eventually putting into a small hole in the ground skillful enough to hold his interest, and just aggravating enough to make his anger rise to the point where he could generate a sizeable firkblast. He had gone through three caddies since he began playing, and the local course would no longer provide him with the employee's assistance.
Vegeta was arguing with the sports wear rep. " How could you not have full suit spandex outfits!! Everyone wore them on my home planet!"
"I'm sure that they did sir, but you won't find them in this department. You might try the women's dance section if that's your sort of thing"
" Are you implying that my sense of fashion is feminine!! ARE YOU!!!!!"
At this point Gohan intervened, and reminded him that he was not allowed to damage public property, or the public themselves.
Seeing as they had nothing else to shop for, they all headed to the food court, when they all saw the ultra hyper mega sale in the electronics department.
The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy has this to say about Saiyans:
It is a little known fact about the Saiyan race that they all have a secret fetish for electronics. In fact, on of the reasons that they destroyed the other race on their planet, the Truffles, was that Saiyans had no idea how their electronics worked, and were quite resentful of the fact that the Truffles did. To this very day, Saiyans still have no idea how electronics work, but still like messing with them, especially those that make beeping sounds and have lots of buttons. Their favorite things to mess with include televisions, stereos, electronic keyboards, computers, video games and, strangely enough, most kitchen appliances. However, this last fetish still does nothing to alleviate the fact that all Saiyans males are extremely lousy cooks, and without a mate, would either starve to death, or meek out a meager existence on Ramen noodle and raw meat.
"Wow," said Goku "………… look at all the televisions………… hey. Who is that guy on all of them?"
"That's you dad," said Gohan, "see, this camcorder is pointed at you."
Goku waved dumbly at the camera, and was amazed that the Goku's on the screens waved back at him. "Hey Vegeta! Come look at this!"
Vegeta stormed over angrily "This had better be good Kakarott, I was watching Pulp Fiction for free across the room. The surround sound was so great I could feel the bullets!!" He stopped stiff when he walked in front of the camera and 25 Vegeta's appeared on the wall. "Whoa! This is simply amazing!! Never before have I seen such a startling use of this planet's technology!" Vegeta waved his hand back and forth, very slowly.
*~*~*~*~*
Meanwhile, on the other end of the mall, Liz was having her own adventure. Chichi was just as much a slave driver when it came to shopping as well, any other point time. She and Bulma had already loaded Liz down with dozens of outfits, including one with so much ruffles and lace that Liz thought she might have an allergic reaction. As neither of them had a daughter to shop for, they were having a heyday. Videl, meanwhile, had disappeared. Thanks a lot, Videl. Liz thought at her friend.
After an hour of trying on the outfits that had been picked out for her, Liz decided to get the gumption to ask if she could pick out her own clothes. "Oh sure, sweetie. I guess we just got overzealous." Bulma said. At that point, Videl showed back up and took them all to her and Liz's age section.
Unfortunately, to get there, they had to pass through the baby section. "Oh, I remember when Gohan was a baby." Chichi said, in her airy little nostalgia voice. "I used to dress him up in the cutest little pink outfits. His favorite was the one with bunny ears! I would put that one on him and he would just be so proud of himself." Liz just kinda walked off, away from memory lane. Bulma chimed in. "I had an outfit for Trunks a lot like that. Except his was more like a cat. I don't think he like it much, though."
Videl and Liz escaped into their department. "Are they always like that?" Liz asked. Videl rolled her eyes. "Yes. And it's getting worse as time goes by. If Chichi says one more thing to me about grandchildren, I might have to punch her."
"VIDEL!!!!" Chichi yelled across the way, "Do you like this outfit? It will look great on your's and Gohan's first child!"
"Oh Kami, Liz, it looks like a raccoon." Videl said, her face a mask of horror. Liz couldn't stop laughing. Pretending they didn't here Chichi, they turned and fled deep into the depth of baby tees and short skirts.
Two hours later, they found Bulma and Chichi still in the baby department. "Hey, I think its time we met the guys for lunch." Liz said, shuffling her bags.
"I hope they didn't buy anything too frivolous. My Vegeta has a tendency to do stuff like that, despite how controlled he tries to act. One time he went out and bought a lifetime supply of pudding, just because he liked it. Of course, I mean a human lifetime. It lasted him a week."
Chichi nodded. "Goku doesn't go out a buy stuff, but he brings home stuff from the woods a lot. Mostly lizards. Then he wants to keep them as pets. By lizards, I mean the kind that are twenty feet tall."
Then they saw the guys walking towards them, juggling what appeared to be at least two dozens televisions, camcorders, and the apparatus that went with it. Chichi and Bulma's eyes narrowed.
"What did you buy this time, Vegeta?" Bulma's voice was rock hard and laser thin.
"Mom! It's awesome! You can set it up and see twenty-five of yourselves at once! And it only cost 100,000 zeni!" Trunks exclaimed from beneath three televisions.
"Vegeta…." Bulma asked again.
"I couldn't resist it. Twenty-five of me at once! It was a dream come true. And you told me I could buy whatever anyone wanted. I wanted this." Vegeta defended himself and his purchases.
"How are we gonna get all this home?" Bulma yelled, already aware of the looks they were getting, as most of the guys were holding up five TV's and a camcorder a piece, which just wasn't possible by human standards.
"Easy, I'll take them home for you!" With that, Goku disappeared, along with Goten, whom he'd had to attach to his gi to keep him from breaking everything in the electronics store.
"Well, that was inconspicuous." Gohan said.
"I give up! We are all leaving, now!" Bulma said, stalking off towards the parking lot. Everyone else just followed.