A/N: Phew, finally, I updated this story. I'm sorry for the delay but I'm really tied up in work and trainings and stuff. I hope this is good enough for you guys and THANKS A BILLION, Erinn for beta reading for me. Though what I really need right now is a writer to help me out. Whatever. Here's the next chapter after the Hollywood action movie and again, I'm sorry I didn't add much Lusan or fuzz coz I'm better at writing Carby angst. Though stay tuned and I promise I'm gonna give u at least One chapter of fuzz and Lusan, of course. Enough with my crap talk.
Disclaimer: I don't own ANYONE in ER. (One day, I'm gonna create some characters and make everyone write this phrase when I can write 'Hah. I OWN them.')
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Abby
She threw the cigarette onto the snow and stomped on it. She promised herself that she would quit and she would, soon, just… give it time. Carter's number was shown clearly on the screen of her cell phone, she knew she could just press dial and hold the phone to her ears and that would be it. But she couldn't. Instead, she deleted the number and got up on her feet. She needed some Time to think.
The green screen of the phone glowed at her, taunted her. The light shone eerily in the semi-darkness of the alley that had entered, casting a halo of light over her face. She found herself staring distractedly back into the screen, too agitated to care what she was doing. She was full of unanswered questions. Her heart pounded in her chest, each throb of it causing her to want to throw up. Her throat felt tight, tears threatened to spill from her eyes. Her head spun and her knees felt weak. Fear was gradually overtaking her body as she slowly realized how perilous Brian was, how easily he close he had been. He was a hazard to her life, and to the life of her unborn child
"Where is he?" She found herself wondering aloud, more out of dread than of curiousness of Brian's whereabouts. She would have liked to hope that he was gone forever from her life, but she wouldn't allow herself to be stupid enough to believe that. He couldn't just… go away when he tried to kill her, he had been in her apartment, he had seen her, called her name. He must be lurking somewhere in the vicinity, and Abby knew her life is in danger until he was safely restrained. However, she was emotionally exhausted and battered; the only thing she wanted was to get as far away from him as possible. It was then that it became clear to her that she must talk to Carter. There were a million problems between them, but now it was clear to her that they must get through them, together. This brief encounter with death, had convinced her: that she couldn't lose loose Carter, no matter what he did. She hated herself for loving him, but emotions like these, she realized, are uncontrollable, and decisive. Either you do, or you don't.
She was going to call him.
She punched in the first number, her
heart gradually calming down and returning to its usual state.
The way she felt around Carter… Each hug, each kiss made up for all the parental love she missed as a child. It was good to know that somebody actually cared about her. She closed her eyes, flashbacks overwhelming her mind. She saw herself as a little girl, clutching her mom's dress desperately, screaming for her to stay. She saw Eric crouching in a corner, his eyes wide with fear. She saw herself as a teenager, turning down dates, not wanting a person to like her... At that age, she was already afraid of being hurt by someone she liked.
She opened her eyes and punched in the second number, her fingers already numb from the cold. If she kept going at this rate, it would be sunset before she actually phoned him. Abby took a deep breath and pressed three numbers. 5 down, 2 to go.
The throb in her head had also settled into a rhythm, slowly spinning out a unique melody of its own. Car-ter Car-ter Car-ter. Yes, she was that pathetic. Even her headache reminded her of him. She had to admit she missed him. She had believed, when they first started dating, that Carter was the one. It was a gut feeling, that kind that almost couldn't be wrong, but now, it looks like it is beating the odds. She had battled with this relationship, and its not going anywhere. Maybe other people in this situation would have already given up, but Abby wasn't a quitter.
She pressed one more button. There, one more to go.
What would she say? Maybe nothing. Maybe she could just stay quiet and listen to the way he'd say 'hello'. She pictured him frowning at the phone, his eyebrows knitting together, causing waves of lines to form on his forehead. She pictured him saying 'hello' again, this time obviously concerned, no matter who the person was. Then he would sigh and the dial tone would ring in her ear as he disconnected the phone. She knew exactly what would happen, but that didn't make it any easier for her to phone him. She knew too well that she had to say something. She couldn't ignore him, no matter what he did. He meant a lot to her, even though she may mean nothing to him.
Her finger hovered over the last number. Hesitantly, she pressed it, hard. She had done it, she punched in his number. Her finger moved up to the 'dial' button.
Could she bear to listen to his voice again? After all he betrayed her… her heart missed a beat, and suddenly, an ache grew in her chest and spread to everywhere in her body... He had cheated on her. Anger, mixed with disappointment, flooded through her. Carter was the last person she'd think of cheating on her. Carter was the only person she trusted since Richard. Or Carter was the person she had ever trusted at all. Period.
Maybe it was her fault. Maybe she wasn't giving him what he needed; maybe that's why he had gone to another woman. Maybe she was the one to blame. After all, she was the one who had been so naïve to think that this relationship would last forever. "Things happen," She recalled Stan saying. "Things always happen…" But what exactly had happened? She racked her brain for an answer, but nothing came to her. "Things…" she needed to find the answer, she needed to seek the whole thing out.
Without thinking, her finger went downwards and she brought the phone up to her ear.
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Brian.
He came in a fraction of a second too late. As if that wasn't cruel enough, he watched as her slender form jumped out of the window, just centimeters away from his hand. He could have caught her, tied her up, and then killed her. It could all be so easy. All because he was careless and sloppy, he was running into the risk of being hunted down by the cops. He was positive that she would notify the cops. Maybe it would be best if he just disappear now. Get out of her life. Or maybe… was it possible? Can he run after Abby and kill her before she did anything? He leaned out of the window and surveyed the surroundings. No, it wouldn't work. There's no way he could commit a silent and 'invisible' murder with all those people out on the streets hurrying to work.
His gaze followed Abby's form. He stared in glee as that stupid woman walked into the alley behind the apartment building. Stupid, stupid, stupid… apparently, she fell asleep during the high school lectures on 'don't go into small, dark, narrow alleys alone because you never know who's there behind the crates'. He could kill her in that alley. No one will even notice. Hell, who would take the time and go into a dark alley when there's a chance that you'll be sacked by your boss for running late? The more he thought about it, the more the idea appealed to him, he would killer her, in the alley, and no one would hear her cries for help, until it was too late.
He rushed out of Abby's apartment and down the stairs. He knew that he probably should clean the apartment and wipe away his fingerprints, but she had already taken a nice long look at him and would have recognized him anyways, so he just didn't bother. Maybe after he finished her off. His schedule was tight at the moment.
He came up to the entrance of the alley, immediately spotting her, her brownish blonde hair sparkling in the patch of light that somehow shone into the alley. He couldn't see her face, or her front, but he had seen her enough times to know exactly how she looked. Those intense brown eyes, the all-too-nosy nose, the cute little mouth of hers that she wore in a frown and those little lines that she had next to her lips, giving her a weary look…all the same, he had to admit that she was pretty, but a pretty facet wasn't to deter him from killing her. She owed him too much.
He strode silently towards her, controlling himself not to call out to her until the right time. Don't wanna spoil the fun. She hadn't noticed him, probably too caught up in the previous melodrama to pay attention to anything. Or maybe… she was thinking of her husband… John Carter is it? He saw their wedding photo on the counter in the apartment. John Carter was going to be grieving for his loss later. The thought somehow struck him as funny and he tried not to laugh. Oh no… he couldn't laugh, he must surprise Abby.
He was close enough to her to hear her mumbling. "John…?" .Really, how vain can this woman be? He had effortlessly read her mind! She was probably missing her hubby. Good grief. Enough of this crap. He's going to kill her now; she would have plenty of time to think of John Carter in heaven.
He pulled the knife that he grabbed from the floor out of his coat pocket. He wished that he had brought a gun. That would make things easier…. however the knife was sharp enough to be lethal. He ginned as he realized that being stabbed to death was decidedly more painful that being shot. Good, let her suffer.
He raised the knife into the air, thinking of nothing killing her. The only option left for him, if he wanted to win, he must. He must win.
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Carter.
He stared ahead, watching as the soft breeze grazed across the water, causing ripples to form. A crowd of birds flew in the sky, spreading their wings and flying up high. Carter suddenly wished to be one of them, to be able to fly away from his troubles and not care about anything but being a bird. No matter how hard he tried not to think of it, it was impossible not to. It was as if God's punishment to him for doing such a thing was to let his mind torture him every hour of the day. Every few seconds, his subconscious mind would say to him: "You screwed up man, you cheated on her." As if he didn't already know; as if he didn't feel sorry and regretful. As if he didn't want to kill himself for doing that.
"Carter." He jumped slightly, startled by the voice. The voice sounded feminine, could it be her? Was it even possible?
He turned around and found himself staring at a pretty, petite blonde. It was really her. "Ab…" He began.
"No, Carter…" She sighed, exasperated, "Susan. You should really get some sleep." The beautiful, brown haired woman faded into his sweet, blond friend. He couldn't believe he had just conjured Abby up from nowhere. But she had looked so real, that for that short moment, Carter really believed that it was Abby standing there. He missed her terribly. He wished everything was the way it used to be. He would give everything to have her in his arms again.
"Susan." He greeted her flatly, disappointment intact in his voice. He didn't bother to mask his distress, even if he did bother to, he doubted that he could.
"Hell of a greeting." She took a seat at the bench next to him, clearly not planning to leave soon. As much as he loved Susan as his friend, there were times that he hoped she would get off his case. And now was one of those times. "So, did you talk to her?"
He turned to her angrily, "Do you think that she would after what you told her?"
She backed off a little, shocked at his tone of voice. Her eyes turned a troubled green, crowding over with sadness and hurt. She gazed at her hands, focusing on avoiding his accusing eyes. "I'm sorry." She finally said, still staring at her fingers.
He turned away from her and took a deep breath. He shouldn't get mad at Susan. She hadn't done anything wrong. "Forget it." He muttered.
A heavy silence settled between them, and he felt very uncomfortable. The awkwardness became too much to bear. He hated it when Susan doesn't speak.
Even though he couldn't see her, he could feel her eyes on him. "Carter…" she started, "Abby… She isn't mad at you…"
He laughed bitterly. "You didn't see her." He turned to her. "She's mad. She has all the reasons in the world to be mad. I don't deserve her, Susan; I am the one who screwed up." He looked away from Susan and closed his eyes, careful not to let the tears spill.
"Carter, listen to me, she isn't mad at you. I think she's just confused."
He didn't reply. He saw no point in doing so. He knew Susan well enough to know that she wouldn't back down on her theories.
"I think you guys really need to talk things over." She continued. "Carter?"
He took a deep breath, and tried to control his voice. "Yeah." He said shakily.
"Call her." In one swift motion, she leaned over to him, pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, punched in Abby's number and handed it back to him. He gazed at her in disbelief and astonishment. All these years as friends, she never failed to amaze him. Any guy would be lucky to have her.
She stared at him squarely in the eye, his gaze studious and unwavering. "Call her." She repeated. It was hard not to obey her. As if hypnotized by her eyes, he reached out for the phone. It rang. He jumped.
He was dazed by the ringing of his phone, its tune harsh and ugly in his ears. He made up his mind to change that ring tone once he has the time. Who could be calling? He looked over at Susan and she half shrugged, half shook her head at him. "Answer it." She said simply.
"Hello?" He said into the phone, his voice coming out a little harsher than he'd prefer.
There was a moment of silence then a word was said, barely audible. It could easily be the breeze, or his subconscious mind playing tricks on him again. "John…" But there was no mistaking that voice, he knew who it was. Hell, he'd recognized it anywhere, anytime. It was her. It was Abby.
"Abby?" He asked haltingly, just to make sure. He knew it was her. It had to be. Abby, please, talk to me, he silently pleaded. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Susan sit straighter, straining her back and taking an immediate interest to the conversation. "Abby?" He repeated.
Abby didn't say anything, but she didn't hang up on him either. He could still hear her breathing over the phone. He couldn't help but feel a little sparkle of hope in his heart. Maybe she would listen to him. Finally, she could hear him out. He was somewhat relieved by that thought, but only for a split second. It was his next thought that scared him to death. But sometimes hope can be cruel. He didn't want to loose her again.
"Abby?" He said urgently into the phone, "Abby?" He panicked. He couldn't hear anything over the other side, except for a muffled noise, as if someone had clamped a hand over the mouthpiece, blockading out the sound. Susan was looking curiously, obviously wondering why he was repeating Abby's name over and over again.
He didn't know what to do. Should he hang up and let Abby call him back? Maybe there was something wrong with the network today; maybe he should just hang up. But he couldn't, he didn't want to give up on his last hope. "Abby?" He tried again, with no success.
Carter held the phone close to his ear, his grip so hard that it seemed possible that he might break the phone. "Abby? Is that you?" He asked again, getting horridly anxious by now, and horrendous thoughts were crossing his mind.
"John Carter." A voice that he didn't know spat into the phone, loud enough to turn him deaf. It was a male voice.
"Who's this?" He asked, confused. His ear rang.
"I believe we had never met but I think you know me through Abby."
"Who is this?" Carter furrowed his brows. What is this man doing with Abby? "What are you doing to her?"
"You won't know." The man laughed, sounding like those wicked bastard laughter from the TV shows. Whatever he was there for, it wasn't good.
"Where's Abby?"
"She's fine." He paused, and then continued, his voice dripping with venom. "For now."
Carter's heart literally jumped out of his chest. Abby. She is in danger. Where is she? "Get Abby on the phone." His voice was unbelievably calm.
"Dream on, Doctor Carter." He thought he heard Abby in the background. She was getting louder, sounding as if she's squirming and struggling to get free from whatever is holding her. "Abby!" He screamed into the phone, attracting several pedestrians' stony glares. He didn't care. "Abby!" Susan got up from her seat to stand next to him. Her questioning eyes made him impossible to think clear.
"Let go of me, Brain." he heard her cursing in the background. Brian. That name sounded somewhat familiar. "Carter!" She shouted to him, "Cart…" her voice was cut short by a hand clamped over her mouth.
"Say goodbye to your princess, Doctor." Brian whispered into the phone.
"Abby! Brian, you son of a bitch, let her go. Abby!"
"You've had your chance to say goodbye. You just blew it away." Brain laughed. "Goodbye forever, my dear friend."
Then there was nothing but the dial tone.
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So that's the sixth chapter… As usual, please R and R. Tell me it rocked, sucked, or offer suggestions. NO flames. I hate flames. They really suck. But then, so far no one flamed me except maggiemay who ALWAYS flames carby fics so I don't' really care about her flames. Thanks for the reviews everyone!
To camilacarby: Thanks. I hate carby angst too but I still write it. Heh.
CARBYfan: Here's your answer about those Brian questions, thanks for pointing out the confusing parts. I think up till now, Abby and the baby both are still okay. Thanks for reviewing!
Kla: lol. Haha. Yeah, I'm never good at action writing. Thanks for reviewing.
Xanaimb: Thanks. I'm glad that Abby got away from him too… though looks like he hot her all the same. Thanks for reviewing.
SpookyAnne: Ooh. I'm sorry about your friend and of course you can borrow Brian *hands him over to you* just make sure you return him so that I can continue my story. Sorry for not writing fuzz but I'm going to. Originally I planned to write some fuzz as a flashback here but I didn't have time so… maybe I should add it in the next chapter? Thanks for reviewing.
carbyfan: Whoops. I didn't write any lusan here. Okay, I'll try to add it in sometime in the next few chapters. Thanks for your review.
Becky: I know you reviewed in my other fic and since I won't be updating that one anymore, I'm gonna reply here. You wrote another chapter? Where? In 'Losing grip'? Omigod. Where??? I need to see it *searches* Yeah, I know ff.net is SUCH a pain in the ass lately. What is wrong with it? Feel free to email me anytime… I usually reply my emails like, the day after you send it to me but sometimes I don't' check my mail box for days. Hehe. Bad little me. Anyway, c ya and I'll look for your new chapter. Thanks for reviewing.
Until I post again,
Peace out~*
Jess.