Pain
By: Krissy Muffinhead
Lita glanced over at the photograph of her mother and father that she
kept at her bedside for the thousandth time that night. She sighed, and rolled
over again. She lay there for a moment before rolling onto her stomach and
burying her face in her pillow. She stayed like that for a moment, but then
turned her head to the side and glanced at the photograph again.
She sat up in bed and picked up the picture, taking a closer look. Her
mother was smiling happily, entwined in her father's arms. Her father was
gazing down at her mother with such love in his eyes, Lita couldn't bear to
look at it anymore.
Lita shoved it under her pillow and began to cry softly. She scrubbed
roughly at her eyes, angry at herself for crying. Why am I even crying? She
asked herself. Lots of people have it worse than me. I have a nice home,
I'm passing in school, and I have great friends.
Maybe too great, she considered. Amy, she was a genius! She was
really nice too, even when people called her a geek, she was willing to be
friends. Or Raye, she was beautiful and in control. She never let a guy drag
her down, and she was proud to be independent. Mina had fun no matter
where she went, and she never let anything get her down. Guys were always
after her wherever they went. And Serena had the biggest heart of anyone
she'd ever met. She was willing to look past anything to see the good inside
someone, and somehow she was always able to bring it out in people.
And then there's me, she thought bitterly, barely noticing a tear slide
over her cheek. The strong one. I'm good for beating up people and seeing
my old boyfriend in every boy I see. Sometimes she got so tired of playing
her little role. She did think of other things besides Freddy, but it didn't
seem like anyone ever wanted to look any deeper.
She heard the whispers of the kids at school. 'Hey, watch out! Here
comes the Karate Maniac!' Or the rumours about her old school, her
personality, even her height. It seemed like no one really noticed or cared
what she did.
She stared at the wall with blurry eyes, feeling exhausted to the point
where she would never be able to sleep. But she didn't want sleep anymore.
Slowing standing up, she went to the bathroom and looked at herself
in the mirror for a while. Then, she splashed some cold water on her face.
Switching off the light, she continued her journey into the kitchen.
She slid open the utensil draw and pulled out a steak knife. She
looked at it for a moment, feeling a tremor of fear in her stomach and hating
herself all the more for it. Suddenly, the sobs were coming fast now, and
she violently slashed the knife across her arm before throwing the knife into
the sink.
Sobbing inconsolably, she slid to the floor. What am I doing? Why
am I like this? Nobody else ever seemed to have these problems. Everyone
was always happy. They never seemed to be affected by the heavy pull of
darkness that she felt.
She put her forehead against her knees, which were drawn up to her
chest. She tried to calm her breathing, hiccoughing and sniffling. You
always do this, her mind screamed at her. You always wreck things! She
knew she would have to wear a long-sleeved shirt tomorrow so no one
would see. She felt a shame deep in her. What would Serena think? What
would Mama and Papa think?
I hate you so much! Her mind screamed at her over and over. She
cringed, and stood up to go back to bed. Sliding under the covers, she felt
the burning in her arm worsen. She clicked on the lamp at her bedside to see
what she had done.
Angry pink scratches jagged their way across the soft flesh under her
forearm. None of them were too deep, she noted, but they burned with the
acid of her own self-loathing. Why do I have to be like this? She thought
desperately. Why does this always happen?
***
AN- Well, that's it, this was just a shorty story. I was thinking of making
this a multi-parter, but I probably won't (unless someone asks!) It's a little
disturbing, I know, and I'm a little surprised at myself for it. I just wanted to
say, cutting yourself does not solve anything! Lol, listen to me preach. I
hope you guys liked it, and sorry I haven't gotten out a chapter of Another
World yet, but don't worry! Chapter 6 is in progress as we speak! (OK,
maybe not as we speak, but it about half done!) Please review, then I could
do my touchdown dance . . . hey, who needs an excuse? *Stands up and
does her retarded touchdown dance* That's all!
4/10/03
By: Krissy Muffinhead
Lita glanced over at the photograph of her mother and father that she
kept at her bedside for the thousandth time that night. She sighed, and rolled
over again. She lay there for a moment before rolling onto her stomach and
burying her face in her pillow. She stayed like that for a moment, but then
turned her head to the side and glanced at the photograph again.
She sat up in bed and picked up the picture, taking a closer look. Her
mother was smiling happily, entwined in her father's arms. Her father was
gazing down at her mother with such love in his eyes, Lita couldn't bear to
look at it anymore.
Lita shoved it under her pillow and began to cry softly. She scrubbed
roughly at her eyes, angry at herself for crying. Why am I even crying? She
asked herself. Lots of people have it worse than me. I have a nice home,
I'm passing in school, and I have great friends.
Maybe too great, she considered. Amy, she was a genius! She was
really nice too, even when people called her a geek, she was willing to be
friends. Or Raye, she was beautiful and in control. She never let a guy drag
her down, and she was proud to be independent. Mina had fun no matter
where she went, and she never let anything get her down. Guys were always
after her wherever they went. And Serena had the biggest heart of anyone
she'd ever met. She was willing to look past anything to see the good inside
someone, and somehow she was always able to bring it out in people.
And then there's me, she thought bitterly, barely noticing a tear slide
over her cheek. The strong one. I'm good for beating up people and seeing
my old boyfriend in every boy I see. Sometimes she got so tired of playing
her little role. She did think of other things besides Freddy, but it didn't
seem like anyone ever wanted to look any deeper.
She heard the whispers of the kids at school. 'Hey, watch out! Here
comes the Karate Maniac!' Or the rumours about her old school, her
personality, even her height. It seemed like no one really noticed or cared
what she did.
She stared at the wall with blurry eyes, feeling exhausted to the point
where she would never be able to sleep. But she didn't want sleep anymore.
Slowing standing up, she went to the bathroom and looked at herself
in the mirror for a while. Then, she splashed some cold water on her face.
Switching off the light, she continued her journey into the kitchen.
She slid open the utensil draw and pulled out a steak knife. She
looked at it for a moment, feeling a tremor of fear in her stomach and hating
herself all the more for it. Suddenly, the sobs were coming fast now, and
she violently slashed the knife across her arm before throwing the knife into
the sink.
Sobbing inconsolably, she slid to the floor. What am I doing? Why
am I like this? Nobody else ever seemed to have these problems. Everyone
was always happy. They never seemed to be affected by the heavy pull of
darkness that she felt.
She put her forehead against her knees, which were drawn up to her
chest. She tried to calm her breathing, hiccoughing and sniffling. You
always do this, her mind screamed at her. You always wreck things! She
knew she would have to wear a long-sleeved shirt tomorrow so no one
would see. She felt a shame deep in her. What would Serena think? What
would Mama and Papa think?
I hate you so much! Her mind screamed at her over and over. She
cringed, and stood up to go back to bed. Sliding under the covers, she felt
the burning in her arm worsen. She clicked on the lamp at her bedside to see
what she had done.
Angry pink scratches jagged their way across the soft flesh under her
forearm. None of them were too deep, she noted, but they burned with the
acid of her own self-loathing. Why do I have to be like this? She thought
desperately. Why does this always happen?
***
AN- Well, that's it, this was just a shorty story. I was thinking of making
this a multi-parter, but I probably won't (unless someone asks!) It's a little
disturbing, I know, and I'm a little surprised at myself for it. I just wanted to
say, cutting yourself does not solve anything! Lol, listen to me preach. I
hope you guys liked it, and sorry I haven't gotten out a chapter of Another
World yet, but don't worry! Chapter 6 is in progress as we speak! (OK,
maybe not as we speak, but it about half done!) Please review, then I could
do my touchdown dance . . . hey, who needs an excuse? *Stands up and
does her retarded touchdown dance* That's all!
4/10/03