Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this story. There are NO OCs for me to claim ownership over, and it's easier for me to just fuggin say I DON'T OWN ANYTHING but the plot (if we ever figure out if one exists) Also, the views expressed on the similarities between Akiko Mishima and Nabiki Tendo are my own, they do not truly reflect an Anime conspiracy.
Part III (REVISED)
No Need for a WAR!
"Forward!" Tenchi cried. Ryouko hung on his shoulder like a decoration.
"Thou attacks the Tendo home?" A guy with a dress and a wooden sword asked. "I, Upperclassman Kuno, forbid it!"
"That devil-woman is hugging Lord-Tenchi? I won't allow it!" Aeka cried.
She and Kuno paused . . .
"I forbid it!" Kuno cried.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka snapped.
"I forbid it!" Kuno argued.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka argued.
"My god, Aeka has met her soul mate!" Ryouko said in honest shock.
"I forbid it!" Kuno snapped at Ryouko.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka agreed.
"Forget them!" Tenchi cried. "ATTACK!"
And so the small army of Tenchi-Extras and his female generals charged forward towards the happy little Tendo home . . . it's only defender arguing with Aeka over what he would and would not forbid and Aeka simply not allowing anything at all.
"Hold up!" A boy with a pigtail cried.
"Run him down!" General Tenchi cried.
"Howzat? Hey!" The boy cried as the Tenchi-Extras ran him over.
"Victory is in our grasp!" Tenchi shouted, he was amazed, he could see that he might actually capture the Tendo home!
Then the unexpected happened. A tall beautiful woman with long hair stood in the doorway with a frying pan. "What? Guests for dinner?"
"It's their queen! Kill her!" Tenchi cried.
"Queen?" The woman asked. She looked around. "Queen?" She repeated.
However Tenchi had lost control of his army. At the mere sight of food . . . they defected and started eating.
"Dammit!" Tenchi cried. "I'll be back!"
"I forbid it!"
"I won't allow it!"
"Stop that already!" Kiyone cried. "I have a headache!"
"I forbid it!"
"I won't allow it!"
"Akane, quick, help Kasumi cook and we'll clear out at least half Tenchi's army!" The pigtailed boy cried.
"You Ranma One Half jerks!" Tenchi cried.
"You incest promoting Tenchi jerks!" Ranma snapped back.
"I'll sick my six pack on you!"
"Well I may only have a four pack, but I'll sick em on you too!"
Tenchi grabbed a Pokeball and threw it. "Mihoshi! I choose you!"
"Go Shampoo!" Ranma cried, throwing his own Pokeball.
The two fought in a big mud pit wearing only very thin string bikinis. Eventually Mihoshi lost.
"Okay, I choose . . . Aeka!" Tenchi cried, grabbing Aeka by the collar and throwing her into the pit.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka cried as she barreled into Shampoo.
Shampoo was pinned and she gave Aeka a kiss. Tenchi got a bloody nose and had to be rushed to the hospital.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka cried after she'd been kissed.
"I forbid it!" Kuno agreed.
"Shampoo KILL!" Shampoo cried, smacking Aeka across the face with her giant beach ball weapon thingy.
"Yay!" The crowd of Tenchi's ex-soldiers cheered as they ate Kasumi's food. (Their numbers were now thinning as they ate Akane's cooking)
"Aeka!" Sasami cried, jumping into the ring.
"Hey!" Ranma cried. "No fair, that's two on one! Kodachi, I choose you!" Ranma shouted, throwing a Pokeball. However it turned mid-toss, hit him instead and Kodachi popped out with a long rope which she used to tie up Ranma.
"Yay!" She enthused. "I have my love!"
"Crap!" Ranma cried.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka snapped.
"I forbid it!" Kuno snapped. Apparently he and Aeka hadn't figured out which was the more stubborn yet.
About Two Months Later . . .
"So wait a second . . . you two are married?" Tendo demanded his middle child.
"Yes. Believe me, if Ryoga were worth anything I'd have widowed myself long ago and collected. I'm waiting for the finalizations on his life insurance."
"Hey!" Ryoga protested.
"What!" Tendo cried. "How did this happen?"
Ryoga shrugged. "It wasn't intentional, I didn't understand a word those freaky little gnomes were saying!"
"Not intentional!" Tendo cried. "You marry my daughter without my permission and now you say it was UNINTENTIONAL?"
"Well . . . okay, see Ryoga had to take these video game characters to video game land. I went along because they had gold coins and they were practically giving them away. Gold daddy! Gold! Anyway, when we got there we had to figure out how to leave. And we went to this big mountain place full of these sick green perverts who wanted us to get married before they'd let us leave."
"We later learned that we could leave at any time," Ryoga added. "It's just that only married couples could leave through the particular door Nabiki wanted to use."
"Dammit I thought it was the only exit!" Nabiki hissed. "And the way they kept screaming 'Rally Ho' freaked me out, I was expecting them to whip out butcher's knives or something stupid like that at any second!"
"Sure ya did." Ryoga scoffed.
"Okay, and why were you in such a stupid place to begin with?" Soun asked.
"Tenchi chased us." Nabiki said.
"Okay, okay, you'd better explain from the beginning . . ."
One Month Earlier . . .
"Run!" Ryoga cried.
"MEOW!" The space ship . . . meowed.
"There, the big stone place, go there!" Nabiki cried.
"Wait, I remember something about this place from playing FFIX!" Ryoga protested. "I remember . . . something really stupid about this place . . ."
"No time!" Nabiki snapped. They regretted it later. "Inside!" Nabiki shouted.
"Rally ho!" A chorus of weird little green things cried.
"Outside!" Nabiki shouted. She and Ryoga threw themselves out the door and ran for Tenchi.
This seemed to confuse the incest-promoting warrior. He fired on them to remind them WHY they had gone into the freaky gnome's palace. Nabiki (using a confused Ryoga as a human shield) leapt back into the gnome's habitat.
"Rally ho!"
"AAHHH!" Nabiki cried. She jumped out again, Tenchi fired on her again. She jumped in and out of the Gnome's palace several times before the usually ingenious Tendo girl realized that it was one evil or the other.
"Rally ho!" The dwarves cried, no less enthusiastically as the first time they'd shouted it.
"Stop that!" Nabiki snapped. "From now on, anyone to shout Rally ho pays me five thousand gil!"
"Rally ho!" The gnomes cried and paid Nabiki.
------------------------------
"Hey!" Ryoga protested. "That's not how it happened, you never thought to demand money, when they started shouting 'Rally Ho', you went into a fetal position and started crying!"
"Who's telling the story!?" Nabiki snapped.
------------------------------
So anyway . . . Nabiki inspected the little gold gil coins. "Acceptable." She said. "Now, how do we get out of here without Tenchi finding out?"
"We want to pay you more money." The president of the gnomes cried. "Rally ho!"
"Rally ho!" His people agreed.
------------------------------
"That's it!" Ryoga said. "Lemme tell the story!"
"No! You're gonna tell him something stupid!"
"Like what? Like how you were running around in circles screaming that the end was near?"
"Yes!" Nabiki cried.
"Did she do that?" Soun demanded.
"Yes." Ryoga said.
------------------------------
Anyway, RYOGA stood firm and unafraid of the little green things. "My companion and I are trying to find a way out of here." He said calmly.
"Dunna interfere wit our drinking time." The mayor said. "Only married couples can pass the Trail of Hell, which we've recently renamed to reflect the nature of married life."
"Oh Ryoga-honey, marry me!" Nabiki said in panic. "Marry me and let's get the heck out'a here!"
"What? Calm down, we don't have too-"
"Take me I'm yours!" She cried.
"Rally Ho!"
"AAAHHHH!" She jumped onto Ryoga's shoulders and they both fell over.
------------------------------
"Okay, now THAT couldn't have happened!" Soun cried. "I cant imagine Nabiki panicking like that over some silly little dwarves."
"Eh . . . actually . . ." Nabiki trailed off. "That's pretty accurate . . ."
"Oh god!" Soun cried.
------------------------------
So anyway, Ryoga and Nabiki got married and passed through the Trail of Hell. They fought a big ugly giant thingy, or rather Nabiki had fought the giant by throwing Ryoga at him. Then eventually wondered into a really big closet and met this faun. They were now having tea at his cozy home.
"Okay, I'm not saying you're not crazy . . . but I know I'm not crazy . . ." Nabiki said to Ryoga. "But I still refuse to believe any magical land exists in my closet."
"Admit it!" Ryoga scoffed. "I was right!"
"No, I'm not saying that." Nabiki said calmly. "I'm saying that we just happen to be in a wilderness resembling the one you described . . . and that has nothing to do with my closet. If anything you've just sucked me into your little dream world, I'm not really here, I'm a figment of your imagination."
"Would you like some tea?" The faun asked.
"AAAHHH! It talks!" Nabiki cried, throwing herself on the ground, going into a fetal position and weeping. "Mommy! Mommy!"
"Eh . . . newly weds." Ryoga explained.
"Ah. Poor girl." The faun shook his head.
"Yeah-eh hey! What's that supposed to mean?" Ryoga demanded.
"Well, there's the White Stag, if you capture it you get a wish granted. Go catch it and you can be back in your homeland." The nice Faun said.
"To hell with that!" Nabiki cried. "I'll catch it and be rich!"
"Eh . . . you'll have to forgive her." Ryoga said. "She's eh . . . she's very tired."
"Come back white stag!" Nabiki cried. "I must feast on your soft flesh!"
------------------------------
"And so you found the stag and it let you come home?" Tendo demanded, getting bored with this unrealistic story. It was obvious the two had snuck off to Las Vegas and been married by an Elvis Impersonator.
"No, we got lost in the forest thanks to Ryoga, and then came out through my closet." Nabiki said.
"I don't believe a word of this." Tendo cried.
"I thought you wouldn't." Ryoga nodded. "So I brought back proof of our trip."
"You what?" Nabiki demanded.
Ryoga reached into his enormous bag and pulled out a little green thing. "Rally ho!" it shouted.
Tendo screamed like a woman, went into a fetal position and wept. "Mommy! Mommy!" he cried.
"So that's where you get it from." Ryoga observed, giving Nabiki a look of pity.
"Rally ho!" The green bugger agreed.
"I forbid it!" Kuno cried.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka screamed.
All things going on, Soun Tendo barely noticed when a weirdo wearing red with cat ears and long white hair jumped through the window.
"Hand over that piece of the sacred jewel!" the guy snapped, pointing a ridiculously large sword at Nabiki. "Or do I have ta take it?"
To Be Continued . . .
Part III (REVISED)
No Need for a WAR!
"Forward!" Tenchi cried. Ryouko hung on his shoulder like a decoration.
"Thou attacks the Tendo home?" A guy with a dress and a wooden sword asked. "I, Upperclassman Kuno, forbid it!"
"That devil-woman is hugging Lord-Tenchi? I won't allow it!" Aeka cried.
She and Kuno paused . . .
"I forbid it!" Kuno cried.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka snapped.
"I forbid it!" Kuno argued.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka argued.
"My god, Aeka has met her soul mate!" Ryouko said in honest shock.
"I forbid it!" Kuno snapped at Ryouko.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka agreed.
"Forget them!" Tenchi cried. "ATTACK!"
And so the small army of Tenchi-Extras and his female generals charged forward towards the happy little Tendo home . . . it's only defender arguing with Aeka over what he would and would not forbid and Aeka simply not allowing anything at all.
"Hold up!" A boy with a pigtail cried.
"Run him down!" General Tenchi cried.
"Howzat? Hey!" The boy cried as the Tenchi-Extras ran him over.
"Victory is in our grasp!" Tenchi shouted, he was amazed, he could see that he might actually capture the Tendo home!
Then the unexpected happened. A tall beautiful woman with long hair stood in the doorway with a frying pan. "What? Guests for dinner?"
"It's their queen! Kill her!" Tenchi cried.
"Queen?" The woman asked. She looked around. "Queen?" She repeated.
However Tenchi had lost control of his army. At the mere sight of food . . . they defected and started eating.
"Dammit!" Tenchi cried. "I'll be back!"
"I forbid it!"
"I won't allow it!"
"Stop that already!" Kiyone cried. "I have a headache!"
"I forbid it!"
"I won't allow it!"
"Akane, quick, help Kasumi cook and we'll clear out at least half Tenchi's army!" The pigtailed boy cried.
"You Ranma One Half jerks!" Tenchi cried.
"You incest promoting Tenchi jerks!" Ranma snapped back.
"I'll sick my six pack on you!"
"Well I may only have a four pack, but I'll sick em on you too!"
Tenchi grabbed a Pokeball and threw it. "Mihoshi! I choose you!"
"Go Shampoo!" Ranma cried, throwing his own Pokeball.
The two fought in a big mud pit wearing only very thin string bikinis. Eventually Mihoshi lost.
"Okay, I choose . . . Aeka!" Tenchi cried, grabbing Aeka by the collar and throwing her into the pit.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka cried as she barreled into Shampoo.
Shampoo was pinned and she gave Aeka a kiss. Tenchi got a bloody nose and had to be rushed to the hospital.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka cried after she'd been kissed.
"I forbid it!" Kuno agreed.
"Shampoo KILL!" Shampoo cried, smacking Aeka across the face with her giant beach ball weapon thingy.
"Yay!" The crowd of Tenchi's ex-soldiers cheered as they ate Kasumi's food. (Their numbers were now thinning as they ate Akane's cooking)
"Aeka!" Sasami cried, jumping into the ring.
"Hey!" Ranma cried. "No fair, that's two on one! Kodachi, I choose you!" Ranma shouted, throwing a Pokeball. However it turned mid-toss, hit him instead and Kodachi popped out with a long rope which she used to tie up Ranma.
"Yay!" She enthused. "I have my love!"
"Crap!" Ranma cried.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka snapped.
"I forbid it!" Kuno snapped. Apparently he and Aeka hadn't figured out which was the more stubborn yet.
About Two Months Later . . .
"So wait a second . . . you two are married?" Tendo demanded his middle child.
"Yes. Believe me, if Ryoga were worth anything I'd have widowed myself long ago and collected. I'm waiting for the finalizations on his life insurance."
"Hey!" Ryoga protested.
"What!" Tendo cried. "How did this happen?"
Ryoga shrugged. "It wasn't intentional, I didn't understand a word those freaky little gnomes were saying!"
"Not intentional!" Tendo cried. "You marry my daughter without my permission and now you say it was UNINTENTIONAL?"
"Well . . . okay, see Ryoga had to take these video game characters to video game land. I went along because they had gold coins and they were practically giving them away. Gold daddy! Gold! Anyway, when we got there we had to figure out how to leave. And we went to this big mountain place full of these sick green perverts who wanted us to get married before they'd let us leave."
"We later learned that we could leave at any time," Ryoga added. "It's just that only married couples could leave through the particular door Nabiki wanted to use."
"Dammit I thought it was the only exit!" Nabiki hissed. "And the way they kept screaming 'Rally Ho' freaked me out, I was expecting them to whip out butcher's knives or something stupid like that at any second!"
"Sure ya did." Ryoga scoffed.
"Okay, and why were you in such a stupid place to begin with?" Soun asked.
"Tenchi chased us." Nabiki said.
"Okay, okay, you'd better explain from the beginning . . ."
One Month Earlier . . .
"Run!" Ryoga cried.
"MEOW!" The space ship . . . meowed.
"There, the big stone place, go there!" Nabiki cried.
"Wait, I remember something about this place from playing FFIX!" Ryoga protested. "I remember . . . something really stupid about this place . . ."
"No time!" Nabiki snapped. They regretted it later. "Inside!" Nabiki shouted.
"Rally ho!" A chorus of weird little green things cried.
"Outside!" Nabiki shouted. She and Ryoga threw themselves out the door and ran for Tenchi.
This seemed to confuse the incest-promoting warrior. He fired on them to remind them WHY they had gone into the freaky gnome's palace. Nabiki (using a confused Ryoga as a human shield) leapt back into the gnome's habitat.
"Rally ho!"
"AAHHH!" Nabiki cried. She jumped out again, Tenchi fired on her again. She jumped in and out of the Gnome's palace several times before the usually ingenious Tendo girl realized that it was one evil or the other.
"Rally ho!" The dwarves cried, no less enthusiastically as the first time they'd shouted it.
"Stop that!" Nabiki snapped. "From now on, anyone to shout Rally ho pays me five thousand gil!"
"Rally ho!" The gnomes cried and paid Nabiki.
------------------------------
"Hey!" Ryoga protested. "That's not how it happened, you never thought to demand money, when they started shouting 'Rally Ho', you went into a fetal position and started crying!"
"Who's telling the story!?" Nabiki snapped.
------------------------------
So anyway . . . Nabiki inspected the little gold gil coins. "Acceptable." She said. "Now, how do we get out of here without Tenchi finding out?"
"We want to pay you more money." The president of the gnomes cried. "Rally ho!"
"Rally ho!" His people agreed.
------------------------------
"That's it!" Ryoga said. "Lemme tell the story!"
"No! You're gonna tell him something stupid!"
"Like what? Like how you were running around in circles screaming that the end was near?"
"Yes!" Nabiki cried.
"Did she do that?" Soun demanded.
"Yes." Ryoga said.
------------------------------
Anyway, RYOGA stood firm and unafraid of the little green things. "My companion and I are trying to find a way out of here." He said calmly.
"Dunna interfere wit our drinking time." The mayor said. "Only married couples can pass the Trail of Hell, which we've recently renamed to reflect the nature of married life."
"Oh Ryoga-honey, marry me!" Nabiki said in panic. "Marry me and let's get the heck out'a here!"
"What? Calm down, we don't have too-"
"Take me I'm yours!" She cried.
"Rally Ho!"
"AAAHHHH!" She jumped onto Ryoga's shoulders and they both fell over.
------------------------------
"Okay, now THAT couldn't have happened!" Soun cried. "I cant imagine Nabiki panicking like that over some silly little dwarves."
"Eh . . . actually . . ." Nabiki trailed off. "That's pretty accurate . . ."
"Oh god!" Soun cried.
------------------------------
So anyway, Ryoga and Nabiki got married and passed through the Trail of Hell. They fought a big ugly giant thingy, or rather Nabiki had fought the giant by throwing Ryoga at him. Then eventually wondered into a really big closet and met this faun. They were now having tea at his cozy home.
"Okay, I'm not saying you're not crazy . . . but I know I'm not crazy . . ." Nabiki said to Ryoga. "But I still refuse to believe any magical land exists in my closet."
"Admit it!" Ryoga scoffed. "I was right!"
"No, I'm not saying that." Nabiki said calmly. "I'm saying that we just happen to be in a wilderness resembling the one you described . . . and that has nothing to do with my closet. If anything you've just sucked me into your little dream world, I'm not really here, I'm a figment of your imagination."
"Would you like some tea?" The faun asked.
"AAAHHH! It talks!" Nabiki cried, throwing herself on the ground, going into a fetal position and weeping. "Mommy! Mommy!"
"Eh . . . newly weds." Ryoga explained.
"Ah. Poor girl." The faun shook his head.
"Yeah-eh hey! What's that supposed to mean?" Ryoga demanded.
"Well, there's the White Stag, if you capture it you get a wish granted. Go catch it and you can be back in your homeland." The nice Faun said.
"To hell with that!" Nabiki cried. "I'll catch it and be rich!"
"Eh . . . you'll have to forgive her." Ryoga said. "She's eh . . . she's very tired."
"Come back white stag!" Nabiki cried. "I must feast on your soft flesh!"
------------------------------
"And so you found the stag and it let you come home?" Tendo demanded, getting bored with this unrealistic story. It was obvious the two had snuck off to Las Vegas and been married by an Elvis Impersonator.
"No, we got lost in the forest thanks to Ryoga, and then came out through my closet." Nabiki said.
"I don't believe a word of this." Tendo cried.
"I thought you wouldn't." Ryoga nodded. "So I brought back proof of our trip."
"You what?" Nabiki demanded.
Ryoga reached into his enormous bag and pulled out a little green thing. "Rally ho!" it shouted.
Tendo screamed like a woman, went into a fetal position and wept. "Mommy! Mommy!" he cried.
"So that's where you get it from." Ryoga observed, giving Nabiki a look of pity.
"Rally ho!" The green bugger agreed.
"I forbid it!" Kuno cried.
"I won't allow it!" Aeka screamed.
All things going on, Soun Tendo barely noticed when a weirdo wearing red with cat ears and long white hair jumped through the window.
"Hand over that piece of the sacred jewel!" the guy snapped, pointing a ridiculously large sword at Nabiki. "Or do I have ta take it?"
To Be Continued . . .