Disclaimer: I don't own Time magazine, for the rest, see chapter one and onward.
Part VI (REVISED)
No Need for Albino Guerillas
About a month has passed since chapter 4 . . . or was it 5?
Gohan glared at Ryoga. "I will take revenge for my father Goku! He was a great hero!" They stood just outside the Tendo training hall, staring each other down, glaring at one another with nothing short of utter hatred.
"This again?" Ryoga cried. "Now I know how Ranma feels!"
"'Sat mean yer gonna let up on the duels?" Ranma shouted from the Tendo doorway.
"Of course not! I'll make you pay for my curse, my suffering, and just about everything else that's wrong with my life, Saotome!" Ryoga shouted.
"You won't mock me!" Gohan cried. "I am Gohan! Son of Goku!"
"Ryoga!" Nabiki shouted from the doorway, shoving Ranma aside. "Come inside, its time for dinner honey!"
"AAAHHH!" Ryoga cried. "I can't get used to that! She has to stop calling my 'honey' it just isn't right! Okay let's fight Gohan, before she comes out here to get me!"
"Wait, I have to power up first!" Gohan cried.
"What!? Do it faster, she's coming!" Ryoga pleaded.
"Ryoga!" Nabiki shouted. "I didn't actually cook for nothing!"
"Wanna bet!" Ryoga scoffed. "Gohan, finish powering up!"
"Wait! I've almost run out of time and I'll have to wait for the next episode!" Gohan cried.
"Curse you Dragon Ball Z jerks!"
"Don't worry Jerk from the Ranma Cast!" Tenchi shouted. "If it's a fight you want, then a fight you shall have!"
"Oh thank you!" Ryoga said, tears in his eyes. "You've got no idea what it is like being married to Nabiki Tendo-Hibiki! She buys the cheapest food and condiments, and puts them together in the quickest and cheapest way possible. Then forces me to eat it off of dishes washed with the cheapest soap possible, the sort of cheap soap that doesn't actually come off because we use the cheapest water possible in the smallest amount! She wont even cook the food because it uses power and we can't spend too much money on power, even though we have the cheapest Power Company--"
"Okay! Okay! We get it!" Inuyasha cried. "Now let us sic our monkey army after ya! My hair is ruined!"
"That is something I would expect Kagome to say . . ." Miroku sighed.
"It is something I should be saying." Kagome agreed. "Get these monkeys out of my hair!!!"
"CHARGE!" Tenchi cried and the monkey army lunged forward.
Ryoga braced himself for the attack, but was caught off guard anyway. It's just so hard to focus when you're charged by a hord of albino guerillas. And one normal guerilla running up front with an electronic glove that makes words like an idiot (No, I WONT just drop it!)
Ryoga prepared to suffer greatly for his failure to learn any techniques that involved fighting off a hord of albino guerillas. (Honestly now, how could he have seen it coming?) He waited patiently for death, expecting it, and feeling grateful because he wouldn't have to eat dinner. While Nabiki's cooking was worlds better than Akane's, Akane at least cooked the food.
Suddenly to his horror Nabiki stood in front of him, her eyes glowed red, she had this strange aura like a super saiyan and she grabbed him by the shirt. "I told you to come in for dinner!" She hissed.
"I eh . . . er . . . I was busy." Ryoga said.
"With what!?" She demanded. Ryoga pointed at the advancing army of ugly guerilla things. Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Is that all?" She asked. She turned and whacked them all with a single punch.
It hit the first guerilla who threw his arms out and caught the two behind him, both of whom did the same thing and caught the three behind them, and so on and so forth, causing a chain reaction and sent the entire army flying.
"Wow! How'd you do that?" Ryoga asked.
"A month of pent up sexual frustration makes women crazy!" She informed him. "Now get inside and eat your dinner my husband dear, or I'll show you just how crazy I am!" Nabiki said, sounding dangerously serious.
Everyone shuddered, then Miroku explained that if Nabiki had a month's worth of pent up sexual frustration it meant Ryoga hadn't been scoring for a whole month, and then everyone pointed at Ryoga and laughed so hard that the surviving guerillas died out.
Meanwhile Goku was with Freeza's distant cousin Ice-ah. Ice-ah was puzzled as to how Goku ended up in the DBZ Reject universe.
"I'm here because I wasn't good enough for the show . . . but you're the star, how did you end up here?" Ice-ah asked.
"I'm lost." Goku sighed. "I don't suppose you can tell me how I can get home?" He asked.
"Use my scouter to track down your son's power level if you like!" Ice-ah said. "Just put in a good word for me with Saban okay?"
"Sure!" Goku said. He put the scouter over his eye and scanned around. "I found it!" He cried. "I have Gohan with his power level 15,000,000,000. With him is Krillin with his power level at . . . 10. Oh, and there's that Ryoga guy with a power level of 200 and . . . hey, I wonder what could have a power level of 99,000,000,000,000! Oh, it's gone now . . ." Goku frowned. "That was strange, as if some incredible power came forth, launched a single punch that destroyed an army then disappeared again."
"Like that's ever going to happen." Ice-ah sighed.
"is it raining guerillas?" Goku frowned.
"Parts of them." Ice-ah said.
Soun pounded his gravel on the table. Family court was fun because he always got to be the judge.
"Family court is now in session!"
"Rally Ho!"
"Silence!" Soun cried. As the judge Soun Tendo was not afraid of the dwarves. "First order of business, we now have ten very strange little dwarf things. We must find a way to kill them. Second order of business, the divorce of Nabiki and Ryoga!"
"Never going to happen." Nabiki said calmly.
"So . . . hungry . . . need . . . real . . . food . . ." Ryoga panted.
"Rally Ho! Gimme ach pint!"
"Rally Ho! Where ish de bar wench?"
"Kasumi!" Akane shouted. "They want to know where you are!"
"No! No! I'm never coming out of this closet again! They're like an army of little perverts!"
"Oh my god!" Ranma screamed. "It's a Happi army!"
"Rally Ho! What a haul! What a haul!" One of them cried, bouncing by with some of Kasumi's bras in its grubby fists.
"No, no, no! You did it all wrong." Happosai sighed. "You leap around and chuckle, and you don't take bras alone, you need their panties too since panties will be the source of your strength."
"Bolgott not understand." The dwarf confessed.
"I know you don't. I know you don't." Happi nodded. "Now let's try again!"
"Funny how they all focus on you Kasumi." Akane said. "Now I guess you know how I felt at school."
"Rally Ho! Ish another bar maid!"
"Dish un ish a oogly un!"
"Why you! How dare you say that!" Akane cried. "Now I'll make you pay!" She cried as she punched Ranma in the jaw.
"Ouch! Akane, what did you do that for?"
"Well I don't want to touch them!" Akane cried.
"Listen, Daddy, It's pretty obvious that every time we cut them up their genes get weaker. I mean . . . just look at number ten! He's a she!" Nabiki said. Soun nodded.
"Looks can be deceiving sweet cheeks!" The . . . female (?) dwarf said, batting his/her eyes at Ryoga.
"Mine! No touch!" Nabiki hissed.
"I think what Nabiki is trying to say is, if we keep cutting them up there wont be enough left of them to regenerate, is that it Nabiki?" Ranma asked.
"You want my Ryoga too don't you? Well you can't have him! He's mine!"
"Riiiigght." Soun nodded. "Okay, on to the next order of business which I now think is taking priority over even the annoying dwarves. Nabiki, as patron of this household I demand you divorce Ryoga or at least, for heavens sake let him eat something decent!"
"I praise you master Tendo!" Ryoga cried.
"I'll never give him up! I've already given him my body, I can't love another!" Nabiki proclaimed.
"WHAT!" Soun cried.
"What?" Ryoga cried. "You never gave me anything! Be it your body, or a decent meal!"
"Hmm . . . oh yeah . . . that was Kuno . . . I remember now . . . I think he paid me too . . ."
"ACH!" Ryoga fainted.
"That's gross!" Ranma cried.
"Relax." Nabiki said calmly. "I was kidding, there are some things even I wont do for money. Sleeping with Kuno is one of them . . . but if it were Kinnosuke who offered, it'd be a whole different story . . . eh . . . anyway now that Ryoga has fainted, let me tell you all about my hideously evil plan!"
"Eh . . . okay." Soun nodded.
"I don't really care anyway . . . but hideously evil you say? I'm interested." Ranma nodded.
Nabiki nodded back. "Here it is: I use him to achieve financial glory, I make him realize that with my help he can rule the world or something, make him appreciate-no, depend on me! We'll have a pretty house, a Dalmatian dog, and we'll have two kids. Oh, and maybe we'll hire Kasumi as our maid . . . so long as I can trust her not to have an affair with Ryoga."
"That's a wonderful plan!" Soun cried. "I wholeheartedly support your marriage to Ryoga, my dear child!"
"I'm not done!" Nabiki cried. "Because after we've accomplished all that, I'm going to divorce him, take the kids and everything he has, I'll be rich and Ryoga will have to pay not one, but two child support checks!"
Everyone paused. Even the dwarves stared at Nabiki for a moment. Kasumi even came out of the closet to look at her sister in disbelief.
Then finally, Genma spoke. "Oh come on people, don't look so surprised! Who actually thought she did love Ryoga? Honestly, I'm not surprised, you shouldn't be either."
". . . Yeah, you got a point pop." Ranma said. "Oh well . . . Nabiki, take a picture of his face when you tell him you're divorcing him! I want to see his pain and suffering!"
"Ranma!" Akane cried. "How can you be so cruel?"
"It's easy, he's my rival." Ranma shrugged.
"Oh dear . . . Nabiki . . . I suppose I should make dinner, Ryoga will be very upset when he wakes up." Kasumi said.
"Oh I'm not telling him yet!" Nabiki sighed. "I still have to make him rich, and have his kids. This is a two-year project at least. One year if I can have twins."
"Oh! Well in that case I'll mark my calendar and have a grand divorce party and a cheer Ryoga up party in two years!" Kasumi said happily. "I get to cook for two parties in two years! Yay!"
Ryoga came around after a few moments of having Genma sit on him. He wasn't sure why everyone thought that would wake him up since being crushed was just more likely to put him into an eternal sleep. Or maybe that was what they wanted! Ranma had turned them against him! He knew it! He'd always known this day would come, he should have prepared more thoroughly!
"Oh! Ryoga, you're awake!" Kasumi said cheerfully, dragging her feet because there were two dwarves attached to her legs trying to look up her skirt. They were either too content with their current position, or they were to stupid to realize Kasumi was wearing shorts.
It was very unlike her, but then again she did have ugly green dwarves hanging on her ankles talking about how much they could and could not see.
Ryoga threw bandannas at them and turned them into four. They walked off introducing themselves to one another, leaving Kasumi completely free.
"I'm Bolgott!"
"Aye, I'm Bolgott too!"
"Ack-I be Bolgott 'swell!"
"I'm Gimli!"
The other three dwarves stared at him and drew scary looking knives.
"Eh . . . I mean . . . Ach-I be Bolgott 'swell!"
"Oh Ryoga!" Kasumi said cheerfully. "You saved me! I'm so happy! When Nabiki finishes her cruel and evil plan and divorces you, I'll make sure to put extra frosting on your "Cheer Up" cake!" Kasumi enthused.
"Divorces me?" Ryoga asked.
"Oh! That's right. You weren't supposed to know!" Kasumi said. "Silly me. Forget you heard anything."
"Hey now! I wanna know what's going to happen! I thought she didn't want a divorce!" Ryoga said.
Genma put a sign in front of Ryoga which read: It's all about money with her.
Ryoga shook his head. Then Soun appeared out of nowhere and patted him on the back. "Come now my son-in-law! We need that belt-sword of yours now. I believe you know the Slice & Dice plan. Now, go cut up some dwarves!"
Ryoga nodded and started cutting dwarves in half. It lasted all through the night. To his chagrin in the morning all he'd succeeded in doing was raising a huge army of dwarves.
"Ach! I'm Bolgott!" The soldiers cried in one voice.
Ryoga shook his head. "That's it! I can't take it!" He hadn't slept all night, he was very tired. His tired mind concocted a plan so diabolical and evil that it worked! "Follow me!" He shouted. "I'm going to go and show you all how to get into Kasumi's closet, then when she tries to get dressed you can all see her naked!"
A deafening war cry went out among the dwarves, apparently they all approved. So, after several tries Ryoga led his army into Nabiki's room "accidentally". Nabiki was none too thrilled with this, and was all to willing to make her opinion known.
"Not only do you have the gal to stay up all night with the boys-"
"I was chopping dwarves!"
"Silence! Not only do you have the gal to do that, and leave me here all by myself all night-"
"We don't even share the same room anyway!"
"Silence! Not only that, but you keep me up late with the sounds of your vicious combat, and then wake me up early with your march for Kasumi's closet-which isnt in this room by the way! You know how I hate waking up early!"
Ryoga ignored her and ushered his army into her closet which caused her to start screaming and cursing incoherently. Ryoga had once heard that it was unladylike to swear, this then would have to make Nabiki very very unladylike.
"Go!" Ryoga said, ignoring her insane cursing rant. "Go and be free!" He cried.
The dwarves all went into the closet and not one came out. Ryoga closed the door and threw every bit of furniture Nabiki owned-except her bed, since she was in it and he didn't want to enter her reach for fear of painful death-in front of it.
"I'm a hero!" He cried.
"You're dead!" Nabiki screeched.
"What? What did I do wrong?" He protested.
"I'm too tired to think of an excuse to harm you!" Nabiki insisted. "But as you're wife it is my prerogative to do so at any time!" She ran out of her room, and returned with a large axe.
"Where did that come from?" Ryoga asked.
"Akane's room! She's got tons of this stuff hiding under her bed with all her dirty magazines."
"Akane has dirty magazines?"
"Yes! She's got an issue of TIME that hasn't seen a duster in years!" Nabiki chuckled. "But seriously, that's besides the point! The point is that YOU-my darling, sweet heart love muffin, have interfered with my sleeping pattern! As such, you must prepare to die!"
To Be Continued . . .
Grimm: Yay!
Part VI (REVISED)
No Need for Albino Guerillas
About a month has passed since chapter 4 . . . or was it 5?
Gohan glared at Ryoga. "I will take revenge for my father Goku! He was a great hero!" They stood just outside the Tendo training hall, staring each other down, glaring at one another with nothing short of utter hatred.
"This again?" Ryoga cried. "Now I know how Ranma feels!"
"'Sat mean yer gonna let up on the duels?" Ranma shouted from the Tendo doorway.
"Of course not! I'll make you pay for my curse, my suffering, and just about everything else that's wrong with my life, Saotome!" Ryoga shouted.
"You won't mock me!" Gohan cried. "I am Gohan! Son of Goku!"
"Ryoga!" Nabiki shouted from the doorway, shoving Ranma aside. "Come inside, its time for dinner honey!"
"AAAHHH!" Ryoga cried. "I can't get used to that! She has to stop calling my 'honey' it just isn't right! Okay let's fight Gohan, before she comes out here to get me!"
"Wait, I have to power up first!" Gohan cried.
"What!? Do it faster, she's coming!" Ryoga pleaded.
"Ryoga!" Nabiki shouted. "I didn't actually cook for nothing!"
"Wanna bet!" Ryoga scoffed. "Gohan, finish powering up!"
"Wait! I've almost run out of time and I'll have to wait for the next episode!" Gohan cried.
"Curse you Dragon Ball Z jerks!"
"Don't worry Jerk from the Ranma Cast!" Tenchi shouted. "If it's a fight you want, then a fight you shall have!"
"Oh thank you!" Ryoga said, tears in his eyes. "You've got no idea what it is like being married to Nabiki Tendo-Hibiki! She buys the cheapest food and condiments, and puts them together in the quickest and cheapest way possible. Then forces me to eat it off of dishes washed with the cheapest soap possible, the sort of cheap soap that doesn't actually come off because we use the cheapest water possible in the smallest amount! She wont even cook the food because it uses power and we can't spend too much money on power, even though we have the cheapest Power Company--"
"Okay! Okay! We get it!" Inuyasha cried. "Now let us sic our monkey army after ya! My hair is ruined!"
"That is something I would expect Kagome to say . . ." Miroku sighed.
"It is something I should be saying." Kagome agreed. "Get these monkeys out of my hair!!!"
"CHARGE!" Tenchi cried and the monkey army lunged forward.
Ryoga braced himself for the attack, but was caught off guard anyway. It's just so hard to focus when you're charged by a hord of albino guerillas. And one normal guerilla running up front with an electronic glove that makes words like an idiot (No, I WONT just drop it!)
Ryoga prepared to suffer greatly for his failure to learn any techniques that involved fighting off a hord of albino guerillas. (Honestly now, how could he have seen it coming?) He waited patiently for death, expecting it, and feeling grateful because he wouldn't have to eat dinner. While Nabiki's cooking was worlds better than Akane's, Akane at least cooked the food.
Suddenly to his horror Nabiki stood in front of him, her eyes glowed red, she had this strange aura like a super saiyan and she grabbed him by the shirt. "I told you to come in for dinner!" She hissed.
"I eh . . . er . . . I was busy." Ryoga said.
"With what!?" She demanded. Ryoga pointed at the advancing army of ugly guerilla things. Nabiki rolled her eyes. "Is that all?" She asked. She turned and whacked them all with a single punch.
It hit the first guerilla who threw his arms out and caught the two behind him, both of whom did the same thing and caught the three behind them, and so on and so forth, causing a chain reaction and sent the entire army flying.
"Wow! How'd you do that?" Ryoga asked.
"A month of pent up sexual frustration makes women crazy!" She informed him. "Now get inside and eat your dinner my husband dear, or I'll show you just how crazy I am!" Nabiki said, sounding dangerously serious.
Everyone shuddered, then Miroku explained that if Nabiki had a month's worth of pent up sexual frustration it meant Ryoga hadn't been scoring for a whole month, and then everyone pointed at Ryoga and laughed so hard that the surviving guerillas died out.
Meanwhile Goku was with Freeza's distant cousin Ice-ah. Ice-ah was puzzled as to how Goku ended up in the DBZ Reject universe.
"I'm here because I wasn't good enough for the show . . . but you're the star, how did you end up here?" Ice-ah asked.
"I'm lost." Goku sighed. "I don't suppose you can tell me how I can get home?" He asked.
"Use my scouter to track down your son's power level if you like!" Ice-ah said. "Just put in a good word for me with Saban okay?"
"Sure!" Goku said. He put the scouter over his eye and scanned around. "I found it!" He cried. "I have Gohan with his power level 15,000,000,000. With him is Krillin with his power level at . . . 10. Oh, and there's that Ryoga guy with a power level of 200 and . . . hey, I wonder what could have a power level of 99,000,000,000,000! Oh, it's gone now . . ." Goku frowned. "That was strange, as if some incredible power came forth, launched a single punch that destroyed an army then disappeared again."
"Like that's ever going to happen." Ice-ah sighed.
"is it raining guerillas?" Goku frowned.
"Parts of them." Ice-ah said.
Soun pounded his gravel on the table. Family court was fun because he always got to be the judge.
"Family court is now in session!"
"Rally Ho!"
"Silence!" Soun cried. As the judge Soun Tendo was not afraid of the dwarves. "First order of business, we now have ten very strange little dwarf things. We must find a way to kill them. Second order of business, the divorce of Nabiki and Ryoga!"
"Never going to happen." Nabiki said calmly.
"So . . . hungry . . . need . . . real . . . food . . ." Ryoga panted.
"Rally Ho! Gimme ach pint!"
"Rally Ho! Where ish de bar wench?"
"Kasumi!" Akane shouted. "They want to know where you are!"
"No! No! I'm never coming out of this closet again! They're like an army of little perverts!"
"Oh my god!" Ranma screamed. "It's a Happi army!"
"Rally Ho! What a haul! What a haul!" One of them cried, bouncing by with some of Kasumi's bras in its grubby fists.
"No, no, no! You did it all wrong." Happosai sighed. "You leap around and chuckle, and you don't take bras alone, you need their panties too since panties will be the source of your strength."
"Bolgott not understand." The dwarf confessed.
"I know you don't. I know you don't." Happi nodded. "Now let's try again!"
"Funny how they all focus on you Kasumi." Akane said. "Now I guess you know how I felt at school."
"Rally Ho! Ish another bar maid!"
"Dish un ish a oogly un!"
"Why you! How dare you say that!" Akane cried. "Now I'll make you pay!" She cried as she punched Ranma in the jaw.
"Ouch! Akane, what did you do that for?"
"Well I don't want to touch them!" Akane cried.
"Listen, Daddy, It's pretty obvious that every time we cut them up their genes get weaker. I mean . . . just look at number ten! He's a she!" Nabiki said. Soun nodded.
"Looks can be deceiving sweet cheeks!" The . . . female (?) dwarf said, batting his/her eyes at Ryoga.
"Mine! No touch!" Nabiki hissed.
"I think what Nabiki is trying to say is, if we keep cutting them up there wont be enough left of them to regenerate, is that it Nabiki?" Ranma asked.
"You want my Ryoga too don't you? Well you can't have him! He's mine!"
"Riiiigght." Soun nodded. "Okay, on to the next order of business which I now think is taking priority over even the annoying dwarves. Nabiki, as patron of this household I demand you divorce Ryoga or at least, for heavens sake let him eat something decent!"
"I praise you master Tendo!" Ryoga cried.
"I'll never give him up! I've already given him my body, I can't love another!" Nabiki proclaimed.
"WHAT!" Soun cried.
"What?" Ryoga cried. "You never gave me anything! Be it your body, or a decent meal!"
"Hmm . . . oh yeah . . . that was Kuno . . . I remember now . . . I think he paid me too . . ."
"ACH!" Ryoga fainted.
"That's gross!" Ranma cried.
"Relax." Nabiki said calmly. "I was kidding, there are some things even I wont do for money. Sleeping with Kuno is one of them . . . but if it were Kinnosuke who offered, it'd be a whole different story . . . eh . . . anyway now that Ryoga has fainted, let me tell you all about my hideously evil plan!"
"Eh . . . okay." Soun nodded.
"I don't really care anyway . . . but hideously evil you say? I'm interested." Ranma nodded.
Nabiki nodded back. "Here it is: I use him to achieve financial glory, I make him realize that with my help he can rule the world or something, make him appreciate-no, depend on me! We'll have a pretty house, a Dalmatian dog, and we'll have two kids. Oh, and maybe we'll hire Kasumi as our maid . . . so long as I can trust her not to have an affair with Ryoga."
"That's a wonderful plan!" Soun cried. "I wholeheartedly support your marriage to Ryoga, my dear child!"
"I'm not done!" Nabiki cried. "Because after we've accomplished all that, I'm going to divorce him, take the kids and everything he has, I'll be rich and Ryoga will have to pay not one, but two child support checks!"
Everyone paused. Even the dwarves stared at Nabiki for a moment. Kasumi even came out of the closet to look at her sister in disbelief.
Then finally, Genma spoke. "Oh come on people, don't look so surprised! Who actually thought she did love Ryoga? Honestly, I'm not surprised, you shouldn't be either."
". . . Yeah, you got a point pop." Ranma said. "Oh well . . . Nabiki, take a picture of his face when you tell him you're divorcing him! I want to see his pain and suffering!"
"Ranma!" Akane cried. "How can you be so cruel?"
"It's easy, he's my rival." Ranma shrugged.
"Oh dear . . . Nabiki . . . I suppose I should make dinner, Ryoga will be very upset when he wakes up." Kasumi said.
"Oh I'm not telling him yet!" Nabiki sighed. "I still have to make him rich, and have his kids. This is a two-year project at least. One year if I can have twins."
"Oh! Well in that case I'll mark my calendar and have a grand divorce party and a cheer Ryoga up party in two years!" Kasumi said happily. "I get to cook for two parties in two years! Yay!"
Ryoga came around after a few moments of having Genma sit on him. He wasn't sure why everyone thought that would wake him up since being crushed was just more likely to put him into an eternal sleep. Or maybe that was what they wanted! Ranma had turned them against him! He knew it! He'd always known this day would come, he should have prepared more thoroughly!
"Oh! Ryoga, you're awake!" Kasumi said cheerfully, dragging her feet because there were two dwarves attached to her legs trying to look up her skirt. They were either too content with their current position, or they were to stupid to realize Kasumi was wearing shorts.
It was very unlike her, but then again she did have ugly green dwarves hanging on her ankles talking about how much they could and could not see.
Ryoga threw bandannas at them and turned them into four. They walked off introducing themselves to one another, leaving Kasumi completely free.
"I'm Bolgott!"
"Aye, I'm Bolgott too!"
"Ack-I be Bolgott 'swell!"
"I'm Gimli!"
The other three dwarves stared at him and drew scary looking knives.
"Eh . . . I mean . . . Ach-I be Bolgott 'swell!"
"Oh Ryoga!" Kasumi said cheerfully. "You saved me! I'm so happy! When Nabiki finishes her cruel and evil plan and divorces you, I'll make sure to put extra frosting on your "Cheer Up" cake!" Kasumi enthused.
"Divorces me?" Ryoga asked.
"Oh! That's right. You weren't supposed to know!" Kasumi said. "Silly me. Forget you heard anything."
"Hey now! I wanna know what's going to happen! I thought she didn't want a divorce!" Ryoga said.
Genma put a sign in front of Ryoga which read: It's all about money with her.
Ryoga shook his head. Then Soun appeared out of nowhere and patted him on the back. "Come now my son-in-law! We need that belt-sword of yours now. I believe you know the Slice & Dice plan. Now, go cut up some dwarves!"
Ryoga nodded and started cutting dwarves in half. It lasted all through the night. To his chagrin in the morning all he'd succeeded in doing was raising a huge army of dwarves.
"Ach! I'm Bolgott!" The soldiers cried in one voice.
Ryoga shook his head. "That's it! I can't take it!" He hadn't slept all night, he was very tired. His tired mind concocted a plan so diabolical and evil that it worked! "Follow me!" He shouted. "I'm going to go and show you all how to get into Kasumi's closet, then when she tries to get dressed you can all see her naked!"
A deafening war cry went out among the dwarves, apparently they all approved. So, after several tries Ryoga led his army into Nabiki's room "accidentally". Nabiki was none too thrilled with this, and was all to willing to make her opinion known.
"Not only do you have the gal to stay up all night with the boys-"
"I was chopping dwarves!"
"Silence! Not only do you have the gal to do that, and leave me here all by myself all night-"
"We don't even share the same room anyway!"
"Silence! Not only that, but you keep me up late with the sounds of your vicious combat, and then wake me up early with your march for Kasumi's closet-which isnt in this room by the way! You know how I hate waking up early!"
Ryoga ignored her and ushered his army into her closet which caused her to start screaming and cursing incoherently. Ryoga had once heard that it was unladylike to swear, this then would have to make Nabiki very very unladylike.
"Go!" Ryoga said, ignoring her insane cursing rant. "Go and be free!" He cried.
The dwarves all went into the closet and not one came out. Ryoga closed the door and threw every bit of furniture Nabiki owned-except her bed, since she was in it and he didn't want to enter her reach for fear of painful death-in front of it.
"I'm a hero!" He cried.
"You're dead!" Nabiki screeched.
"What? What did I do wrong?" He protested.
"I'm too tired to think of an excuse to harm you!" Nabiki insisted. "But as you're wife it is my prerogative to do so at any time!" She ran out of her room, and returned with a large axe.
"Where did that come from?" Ryoga asked.
"Akane's room! She's got tons of this stuff hiding under her bed with all her dirty magazines."
"Akane has dirty magazines?"
"Yes! She's got an issue of TIME that hasn't seen a duster in years!" Nabiki chuckled. "But seriously, that's besides the point! The point is that YOU-my darling, sweet heart love muffin, have interfered with my sleeping pattern! As such, you must prepare to die!"
To Be Continued . . .
Grimm: Yay!