Ch. 10
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Dreams
They say everyone needs to dream. It has been proven physiologically that without REM sleep, subjects go insane. What is in these dreams, what are they? Some say they are your mind venting, some say they are random neurons firing. I think they are echos of what should be, but never is, a glance at what we once were, but can never again
"Hahaha" this voice belonged to Ayane, she was about 3. It was the day of a festival and the streets were lined with colorful decorations. It was a lovely evening, and the whole day had been spent having fun. Now they were making their way twords central square, to watch the fireworks.
Ayane was amazed at the magic everywhere. The way the streets looked, the way everyone acted, and she thought that this truly must be a special day, a day she shouldn't forget, but she did forget, eventually. She looked down, even she had been touched by the magic, she was allowed to wear the special comono that here mom had made her. The streets were lined with normally buissy vendors, now empty, but colorfully decorated...
" Your it" This voice was Kasumi. Anyane was too young to have the hardened hatred for her. To young to know what it was to hate, and so they played together, running at their parents feet. She was also to young to notice the looks that she was given by most of the people in her village, too young to understand that she was an outsider.
Anyane looked at Kasumi, she looked small, and although the women she would grow into was caste over her like a shadow, it hadn't materialized yet. The traits that would eventually be called 'beautiful' were called 'cute'. Her hair was in a poney tail, not very long at all. She too wore a comone, her's was blue, and Anyane's was red.
This immediately brought laughs from her as she started frantically chasing her sister. Her parents loving smiled at each other, looking on this little display. Then Kasumi ran up to Hayate, to hid. Of corse Anyane fallowed. They all fell over, the girls laughing hysterically.
" No more of your stupidness" This was Hayate. He was far to dignified and old to 'play' with them. He had been walking slightly ahead, thinking. He was always far too serous, but he walked ahead mostly for attention, he liked the way people called him all those good things, even though he wasn't sure what they meant. " You guys are so juvenile"
" You don't even know what that means" said Kasumi, knowingly.
" Do to" He said, " It means, something you wouldn't understand, your too little."
She stuck out her tongue, and Anyane fallowed suite. Then they ran off, still playing in the happy innocence of youth, free from the cold cruel world. The true horror of life had not yet set in, and do to their purity, they were free to play together...
Now this happy scene left, for a far more morbid one. One that would change everything, one moment in time that would forever separate her and her sister. One moment that would make her fall in love with her brother. One moment that she would use to define reality. One moment that would eventually be forgotten in her mind, but never by her heart.
She looked around again, unbelieving. The room was dark and the day was clouded. What struck her as odd was the fact that everyone was crying. They all seemed so sad. There was a man at the front of the room, speaking an ancient dialog that she didn't understand, and she just stood there, wondering.
Her sister poked at her, and she sinkered, slightly. This, of corse, brought reprimanding stares from the people who were dressed in dark cloths. She heard them say something like, 'even in there death, she is a burden to them', but she was to young to understand, and so she hung her head, not because of what happened, but because she was yelled at.
The strange event went on for another hour, the ones it was meant to comfort, completely missing the point. Not understanding that their parents weren't coming back from their jouny. After the 'party' started. This was the part the sisters had been looking forward to. They thought it would be like another festival, fun.
It wasn't fun, not at all. After the old man was finished, some youkey big people food was brought in. Her sister and her set off together, but were immediately separated, as people flocked to Kasumi and told her how brave she was, and other such things. Anyane wondered why:
why didn't people tell me things like that... wait, this must be Kasumi birthday. That was what was going on. People always cry on her birthdays, and tell her nice things. I wonder why I never get told nice things on my birthday, I wonder why we go to the temple for her's, but we stay home for mine? Oh well, I must get her a gift, because these grown ups are doing this whole party thing wrong. They are making it boring, poor Kasumi! I will save her birthday.
She decided that she would go off and get a present. No one noticed she was gone, or if they did, no one cared. She wondered through the empty village, looking for something. Then she saw flowers growing in a field. "I will pick her flowers" She said to no one in particular.
She came back a little later, and forced her way to her sister, armed with the bestest birthday gift she had ever given. She got close when a furreous voice said " How dare you bring flowers to such a mournful ceremony, do you not even respect your parents, even when they have past?!!!"
At that a furry of voice said mean things to her. Things she didn't understand, and new words like 'mistake' and 'bitch' came at her. She broke down and wept, 'Why, why do I get yelled at? Why doesn't anyone say anything to Kasumi? She is the one who poked me.' She thought desperately. She looked over at Kasumi, who was frozen with fear, and, for the first time, was angry at her. Anyane always watched out for, and when the big people were mad, she would do something to make them less mad. But Kasumi just stood there, and stared. It was at this moment that the hatred for her sister was born, an anger that would later be fanned by the winds of corruption and suffering into a raging fire of loathing. She ran away, and no one fallowed her, or so she thought.
She sat down, by herself, in sight of the people, but not near enough for them to yell anymore. She put her head on her knees, like she always did when she was sad and wept. She wanted her mom to sooth her.
" Are you alright?" It was Hayate's voice. He looked genuinely concerned, and, for once, didn't seem to mind being forced to be with her.
" Why did they yell at me, Hayate? What did I do that was bad?" She said, tears rolling shamelessly down her now red cheeks.
" I.. Don't know. I wish mom and dad were her, they would tell us, but whenever I ask anyone, they either cry and hug me, or say something about moving on. I don't know what is going on. Grown ups are weird."
" Why do the people love Kasumi bestest? Is it cause of her hair? I just want them to be nice to me, not even to love me."
" Well, just between us, I love you bestest, your much more, mature then Kasumi. And those other people are just bug brains." He said this, mainly to get her to stop crying. But he said it with love. This was the birth of hope. It might have been twisted, and this particular moment was forgotten, but t his was her hope. Then he heard his name, and started back. He stopped, and offered her his hand, ready to bare her burden with her.
" I want to be alone, just for a little" She siad naively, God have mercy on those who get what they want.
Life just got worse after that. In time, the only one who fed her was Hayate, who would save some of his food and hide it for her. No one would even look at her. She was not aloud near the temple, or in anyone's house. They all didn't want her dishonor on them. They thought that she would leave, eventually, and she did. She left to discover what she had done some bad that they hated her, that her parents left her. She gave Hayate a note, and gave him one for Kasumi, and set out into the bleak and hopeless world, that eats dreams, alone...
Her eyes fluttered and opened slowly, into the harsh light. She looked around, this room was strange to her. She tried to think, but couldn't, her head was still floating. She looked around, she was in an empty game hall. She blinked and it slowly came into focus, slot machines, video games, a bar, and a huge window facing the sun. It was tinted of corse.
Then she looked down and saw him. He was passed out on the edge of the pool table. His glasses seemed to be carelessly caste aside, and it looked as though he hadn't meant to sleep. Next to him, hanging next to him was an IV needle. She looked at her own arm and saw the other end was in her. His breath was rythmatic. Then what had happened hit her like a freight train.
'What did I try to do' she thought, disbelieving. And then there he was. 'He stayed her all night, he did all this for me?! Why, why did he help me?' She looked at him at awe, and then noticed what she was wearing. Draped over her was the Have a nice day shirt, he had nothing covering his chest. 'He doesn't even know me, why?'
She reached out, hesitated, then poked him. He moved, but was still asleep. She poked him harder. This time he shot up with such force that the chair he sat in flew back and he landed with a thud on his back.
" Son of a.. Mother.. Honestly" He said, sleepily. She couldn't help but laugh. Instead of yelling, he laughed too.
" Please, never do that again," Vic said. He got up and walked to the frig. He got a glass of Oj and walked over to her. He picked up his chair, and sat down. " Drink this, it will make you feel better."
" Why?"
" "your blood sugar is low, OJ is a great source of sugar. You lost a lot of blood, for awail I wasn't sure you'd make it."
" I guess this is the part where you tell me what a bad choice that was, about how stupid I am for trying it." She said, without any malice, she knew she dissevered this lecture
" Now what kind of a human being would I be to do that? Your hurt enough, why should I add to your pain, I have done enough already. I am not god, I have no right to judge or condemn you. What you did is between you and Him, I... If I was going to say anything, it would be welcome to the club." At that he showed her his wrists, they both had deep scares, and a lot of them.
" Why.."
" I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to to leave this stupid world, full of all this bull."
" Yea, I know what you mean."
" You know, I didn't poison that juice." He said, kindly. She drank it. " You shouldn't move, you'll still weak. I... am sorry." He glanced down. Then he reached into his pocket and produced a gun. He flipped it, so that the handle was facing her. Then he used his other hand to put her's on the trigger. He then got on his knees, and put the gun ageist his temple. " This is all I have to offer, I am truly sorry for what I did, for the pain I have caused you. I didn't want to hurt anyone. If there is the least amount of doubt, or hatred in you, pull the trigger. It is all I have left to give you." At that he shut his eyes.
She stared at him. 'This is what it comes down to.' She looked at him and, for the first time, realized that they were the same, they were both running from demons. " No" was all she said, and she broke into tears.
He spoke to her, told her it was alright. He took back the gun. " If you change your mind, let me know," he said this with a smile, and she laughed, through her tears.
" Look I got some shit to do, gotta do some stuff I have been avoiding. Go right to bed, alright?" He said.
She nodded, " Why do we do these things?"
" Because we are driven to, take care, my friend" At that he turned and left. She stared after him, wondering...
_____________________________________________________________________________
Dreams
They say everyone needs to dream. It has been proven physiologically that without REM sleep, subjects go insane. What is in these dreams, what are they? Some say they are your mind venting, some say they are random neurons firing. I think they are echos of what should be, but never is, a glance at what we once were, but can never again
"Hahaha" this voice belonged to Ayane, she was about 3. It was the day of a festival and the streets were lined with colorful decorations. It was a lovely evening, and the whole day had been spent having fun. Now they were making their way twords central square, to watch the fireworks.
Ayane was amazed at the magic everywhere. The way the streets looked, the way everyone acted, and she thought that this truly must be a special day, a day she shouldn't forget, but she did forget, eventually. She looked down, even she had been touched by the magic, she was allowed to wear the special comono that here mom had made her. The streets were lined with normally buissy vendors, now empty, but colorfully decorated...
" Your it" This voice was Kasumi. Anyane was too young to have the hardened hatred for her. To young to know what it was to hate, and so they played together, running at their parents feet. She was also to young to notice the looks that she was given by most of the people in her village, too young to understand that she was an outsider.
Anyane looked at Kasumi, she looked small, and although the women she would grow into was caste over her like a shadow, it hadn't materialized yet. The traits that would eventually be called 'beautiful' were called 'cute'. Her hair was in a poney tail, not very long at all. She too wore a comone, her's was blue, and Anyane's was red.
This immediately brought laughs from her as she started frantically chasing her sister. Her parents loving smiled at each other, looking on this little display. Then Kasumi ran up to Hayate, to hid. Of corse Anyane fallowed. They all fell over, the girls laughing hysterically.
" No more of your stupidness" This was Hayate. He was far to dignified and old to 'play' with them. He had been walking slightly ahead, thinking. He was always far too serous, but he walked ahead mostly for attention, he liked the way people called him all those good things, even though he wasn't sure what they meant. " You guys are so juvenile"
" You don't even know what that means" said Kasumi, knowingly.
" Do to" He said, " It means, something you wouldn't understand, your too little."
She stuck out her tongue, and Anyane fallowed suite. Then they ran off, still playing in the happy innocence of youth, free from the cold cruel world. The true horror of life had not yet set in, and do to their purity, they were free to play together...
Now this happy scene left, for a far more morbid one. One that would change everything, one moment in time that would forever separate her and her sister. One moment that would make her fall in love with her brother. One moment that she would use to define reality. One moment that would eventually be forgotten in her mind, but never by her heart.
She looked around again, unbelieving. The room was dark and the day was clouded. What struck her as odd was the fact that everyone was crying. They all seemed so sad. There was a man at the front of the room, speaking an ancient dialog that she didn't understand, and she just stood there, wondering.
Her sister poked at her, and she sinkered, slightly. This, of corse, brought reprimanding stares from the people who were dressed in dark cloths. She heard them say something like, 'even in there death, she is a burden to them', but she was to young to understand, and so she hung her head, not because of what happened, but because she was yelled at.
The strange event went on for another hour, the ones it was meant to comfort, completely missing the point. Not understanding that their parents weren't coming back from their jouny. After the 'party' started. This was the part the sisters had been looking forward to. They thought it would be like another festival, fun.
It wasn't fun, not at all. After the old man was finished, some youkey big people food was brought in. Her sister and her set off together, but were immediately separated, as people flocked to Kasumi and told her how brave she was, and other such things. Anyane wondered why:
why didn't people tell me things like that... wait, this must be Kasumi birthday. That was what was going on. People always cry on her birthdays, and tell her nice things. I wonder why I never get told nice things on my birthday, I wonder why we go to the temple for her's, but we stay home for mine? Oh well, I must get her a gift, because these grown ups are doing this whole party thing wrong. They are making it boring, poor Kasumi! I will save her birthday.
She decided that she would go off and get a present. No one noticed she was gone, or if they did, no one cared. She wondered through the empty village, looking for something. Then she saw flowers growing in a field. "I will pick her flowers" She said to no one in particular.
She came back a little later, and forced her way to her sister, armed with the bestest birthday gift she had ever given. She got close when a furreous voice said " How dare you bring flowers to such a mournful ceremony, do you not even respect your parents, even when they have past?!!!"
At that a furry of voice said mean things to her. Things she didn't understand, and new words like 'mistake' and 'bitch' came at her. She broke down and wept, 'Why, why do I get yelled at? Why doesn't anyone say anything to Kasumi? She is the one who poked me.' She thought desperately. She looked over at Kasumi, who was frozen with fear, and, for the first time, was angry at her. Anyane always watched out for, and when the big people were mad, she would do something to make them less mad. But Kasumi just stood there, and stared. It was at this moment that the hatred for her sister was born, an anger that would later be fanned by the winds of corruption and suffering into a raging fire of loathing. She ran away, and no one fallowed her, or so she thought.
She sat down, by herself, in sight of the people, but not near enough for them to yell anymore. She put her head on her knees, like she always did when she was sad and wept. She wanted her mom to sooth her.
" Are you alright?" It was Hayate's voice. He looked genuinely concerned, and, for once, didn't seem to mind being forced to be with her.
" Why did they yell at me, Hayate? What did I do that was bad?" She said, tears rolling shamelessly down her now red cheeks.
" I.. Don't know. I wish mom and dad were her, they would tell us, but whenever I ask anyone, they either cry and hug me, or say something about moving on. I don't know what is going on. Grown ups are weird."
" Why do the people love Kasumi bestest? Is it cause of her hair? I just want them to be nice to me, not even to love me."
" Well, just between us, I love you bestest, your much more, mature then Kasumi. And those other people are just bug brains." He said this, mainly to get her to stop crying. But he said it with love. This was the birth of hope. It might have been twisted, and this particular moment was forgotten, but t his was her hope. Then he heard his name, and started back. He stopped, and offered her his hand, ready to bare her burden with her.
" I want to be alone, just for a little" She siad naively, God have mercy on those who get what they want.
Life just got worse after that. In time, the only one who fed her was Hayate, who would save some of his food and hide it for her. No one would even look at her. She was not aloud near the temple, or in anyone's house. They all didn't want her dishonor on them. They thought that she would leave, eventually, and she did. She left to discover what she had done some bad that they hated her, that her parents left her. She gave Hayate a note, and gave him one for Kasumi, and set out into the bleak and hopeless world, that eats dreams, alone...
Her eyes fluttered and opened slowly, into the harsh light. She looked around, this room was strange to her. She tried to think, but couldn't, her head was still floating. She looked around, she was in an empty game hall. She blinked and it slowly came into focus, slot machines, video games, a bar, and a huge window facing the sun. It was tinted of corse.
Then she looked down and saw him. He was passed out on the edge of the pool table. His glasses seemed to be carelessly caste aside, and it looked as though he hadn't meant to sleep. Next to him, hanging next to him was an IV needle. She looked at her own arm and saw the other end was in her. His breath was rythmatic. Then what had happened hit her like a freight train.
'What did I try to do' she thought, disbelieving. And then there he was. 'He stayed her all night, he did all this for me?! Why, why did he help me?' She looked at him at awe, and then noticed what she was wearing. Draped over her was the Have a nice day shirt, he had nothing covering his chest. 'He doesn't even know me, why?'
She reached out, hesitated, then poked him. He moved, but was still asleep. She poked him harder. This time he shot up with such force that the chair he sat in flew back and he landed with a thud on his back.
" Son of a.. Mother.. Honestly" He said, sleepily. She couldn't help but laugh. Instead of yelling, he laughed too.
" Please, never do that again," Vic said. He got up and walked to the frig. He got a glass of Oj and walked over to her. He picked up his chair, and sat down. " Drink this, it will make you feel better."
" Why?"
" "your blood sugar is low, OJ is a great source of sugar. You lost a lot of blood, for awail I wasn't sure you'd make it."
" I guess this is the part where you tell me what a bad choice that was, about how stupid I am for trying it." She said, without any malice, she knew she dissevered this lecture
" Now what kind of a human being would I be to do that? Your hurt enough, why should I add to your pain, I have done enough already. I am not god, I have no right to judge or condemn you. What you did is between you and Him, I... If I was going to say anything, it would be welcome to the club." At that he showed her his wrists, they both had deep scares, and a lot of them.
" Why.."
" I wanted the pain to stop, I wanted to to leave this stupid world, full of all this bull."
" Yea, I know what you mean."
" You know, I didn't poison that juice." He said, kindly. She drank it. " You shouldn't move, you'll still weak. I... am sorry." He glanced down. Then he reached into his pocket and produced a gun. He flipped it, so that the handle was facing her. Then he used his other hand to put her's on the trigger. He then got on his knees, and put the gun ageist his temple. " This is all I have to offer, I am truly sorry for what I did, for the pain I have caused you. I didn't want to hurt anyone. If there is the least amount of doubt, or hatred in you, pull the trigger. It is all I have left to give you." At that he shut his eyes.
She stared at him. 'This is what it comes down to.' She looked at him and, for the first time, realized that they were the same, they were both running from demons. " No" was all she said, and she broke into tears.
He spoke to her, told her it was alright. He took back the gun. " If you change your mind, let me know," he said this with a smile, and she laughed, through her tears.
" Look I got some shit to do, gotta do some stuff I have been avoiding. Go right to bed, alright?" He said.
She nodded, " Why do we do these things?"
" Because we are driven to, take care, my friend" At that he turned and left. She stared after him, wondering...