Summary: Life has been disastrous for both Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter ever since the day they left Hogwarts for the holidays. Desperate to escape their intolerable pain, both Draco and Harry make a wish that will lead them towards each other. Songfic. Slash. Angst.
Features lyrics of Evanescence song's Bring Me To Life. This fic also uses quotations from Phantom F. Harlock, David Weatherford and Traci Brown.
Dedications: To my lovely and ever-so-patient betas, Julia (I am forever grateful to you) and Billie, you guys rock!
Disclaimer: The characters do not belong to me as they belong to J.K Rowling, Warner Bros, Scholastic, Bloomsbury and others. No infringement is intended as no money is made.
****
Dreams are wishes casted upon stars, so catch a shining one and hold on forever.
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run Before I come undoneSave me from the nothing I've become
The night was pitch black without the presence of illuminating stars. The sky exhibited an ambience that was subdued and depressive; it was the aftermath of a raging storm. Draco Malfoy looked out from his bedroom window staring at the vast above, oblivious to the cold wind blowing harshly against his cheeks. His grey eyes, which were a shade deeper and darker than the heaviest of smoke were a picture of unhappiness. They unknowingly exposed the smouldering loneliness that engulfed his entire being. He looked down and gazed at the vast grounds of the Malfoy Mansion, lightened only by a single torch which stood in the middle of the grounds. He was not really concentrating on anything as he was too distracted by the turbulence that was residing deep in his soul.
Sometimes at times like these, he wished there were someone who could understand him, someone who could listen and interpret the uncertainty in his heart, someone who could feel his pain.
He would never allow himself to feel this vulnerable if he were at Hogwarts. None of his schoolmates and fellow Slytherins would ever imagine the fact that he was capable of being lonely. He was always viewed as the Ice Prince; cold and indisputable. His confidence and perfect composure were the envy of several Slytherins and probably many others. This act of serenity could be credited to the pleasant vacancy of the demanding shadow of his dominant father lingering over his shoulder while he was away at Hogwarts. He was independent and he made sure that he stayed that way. That was one of the many reasons why his fellow Slytherins treated him like a king. He was a hero to them. An inimical, poised prince adored by many of the same nature.
If only they knew, he sighed. But he vowed to not let anybody find out this humiliating secret of his.
"Master Malfoy?"
Startled by the voice, Draco snapped his head towards the opened door. He frowned at the intrusion of his privacy and threw a severe glare at the Malfoy's personal butler, who gulped nervously. The butler regained his composure and continued with his duty.
"Your father asked me to give you this book. For light reading," he said.
Draco's face was weary.
"Put it on my table." He commanded contemptuously with a curt nod at the table.
The butler placed the heavy, tattered book on the polished oak table beside Draco's bed. He gave an anxious bow and hurriedly went out the door.
Draco walked over to the table and picked the book.
Advanced Hexes and Curses for Dark Wizards. Again. My father and his never-ending quest to turn me into a Death Eater. He became crueller ever since Voldemort came back into his father's life, three years back.
He remembered their fight yesterday. Lucius Malfoy had placed a hex on him just so he could feel first hand the torturous agony many his father's victims have felt.
"Taste the pain, Draco. Experience the torture that I had given to my foes. I want you to do the same to all of your enemies. Let them suffer, let them know who's in control."
Draco screamed deafeningly in his mind through the suffering and agonising pain. He dared not scream out loud, afraid of his father branding him as cowardly and weak. After his father had taken the curse off him, he wanted to put another one much to Draco's dismay. Draco had immediately leapt out of the way, denying his father the enjoyment of his pain. This slight show of disobedience resulted in Draco's being banished to the sealed dungeon of his room, where he was still sitting many hours later.
Jolted from yesterday's painful memory, Draco then pushed the big book onto the floor. This resulted in a mass of torn pages which flew onto the floor like a deluge of hot ashes after a volcanic eruption.
He lay down onto his bed and closed his eyes, wistfully wishing again for a companion who could douse the scorching fire of destruction in his mind.
He never saw the lone star gracefully descending from the sky outside his window, granting his very wish.
****
I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything
Without a thought without a voice without a soulDon't let me die here
There must be something more
Harry closed his eyes tightly and covered his ears with his hands as he tried to shut Dudley's ear-splitting screams out of earshot. Two days ago was Dudley's seventeenth birthday and he was throwing a tantrum because one of his demands had not been fulfilled. Forget that his father had exchanged the family's van for a smaller car so he could buy his cherished son a silver Volkswagen Beetle. The car was a compensation for not granting his son's wish to have supermodel, Gisele Bundchen as his girlfriend. Harry had laughed quietly the day he had heard of his cousin's ridiculous demand. Even a blind, ugly old hag would refuse the offer.
Redirecting his anger, Uncle Vernon had taken his anger out on Harry by locking him up in his bedroom upstairs. He was forced to starve and had to drink from the bathroom's tap to satisfy his thirst. Not only that, Harry was devoid of any companions as his uncle took away his pet owl; Hedwig, his wand, plus all of his magical books and equipment from Hogwarts.
He missed his friends, Ron and Hermione who must have been having a blissful time with their families. They had never forgotten him because he was always bombarded with letters and presents that they had owled him. He often got messages and gifts from his godfather, Sirius too. But not anymore as Uncle Vernon had nailed his window shut leaving him only a tiny space for him to stare out.
He remembered yesterday when his bedroom door had been kicked by Dudley and his bunch of insipid friends. Unable to torment him physically, they had violated him mentally, shouting harsh abuse and profanities outside his door. All the things they had said kept running though his head, particularly when they hurled abuses about his parents. Harry seethed quietly shutting them out with his mind. He was mature enough to know that it would be no use for him to retaliate with them. But oh how he wished he had his wand with him at that time…
Harry sat up from his bed and looked out at the small gap on the window. A loud crash was heard outside his door, causing Harry's heart to jump from shock.
"You stupid freak!"
Dudley was heard to scream as he kicked the door. Harry let out a loud sigh and continued looking out of the window. Typical of Dudley to direct his anger towards him whenever things did not go his way. As his cousin grew older and as his body got broader, his brain seemed to shrink more and more.
Harry felt the tumultuous pain his soul was suffering from extreme hunger. But he did not really crave for food, all he wished for was to have someone to talk to, a companion to feel his ache, someone that understood the situation that he was in. He wished to have the aching void in his heart filled. He peered out the window and saw a shooting star in the sky. As Harry climbed back into his bed, he gave a small smile and prayed for his wishes to come true.
****
Wake me up insideCall my name and save me from the dark
The lake was as iridescent as a polished pearl; softly lit by the moonlight above. There were little waves swirling across the surface creating a sense of tranquillity and comfort.
White rose petals fluttered amidst the footsteps of Draco as he dreamily walked across the silver path illuminated by the soft moonlight. He had woken up five minutes ago under a big oak tree and had been wandering around ever since. He sat beside the lake and inhaled the heavy fragrance that the roses around him had pervaded. The intense scent intoxicated his mind and he closed his eyes for a moment to steady himself.
"Malfoy? What are you doing here?"
Caught off guard, Draco's left hand unconsciously strayed to his left pocket, where he kept his wand. He turned and met the gaze of a pair of blazing green eyes as intense as his own steel grey.
Harry blinked his eyes again. What is Malfoy, of all people, doing here? He glared at his blond nemesis, whose face was filled with disdain. Harry's eyes travelled to Draco's left hand which was holding the wand. He took out his own, just in case.
"No, Potter. What the fuck are you doing here?"
Enmity sparked between the two boys. A second passed then another. Both boys stood still until Harry turned and walked away. For a moment, Draco was shocked by Harry's sudden movement. Then he chased after Harry.
"Hey Potter, you haven't answered my question. What are you doing here?"
Harry closed his eyes briefly, ignoring Draco.
"Cowardly aren't you? Trying to run…"
Before Draco could even finish his sentence, Harry stopped walking and jerked his attention back to Draco.
"Shut up Malfoy. Can't you see, I'm trying to make you go away. I'm trapped in a terrible nightmare."
For a moment, Harry could see the hurt on the other boy's face but it was gone within a blink.
It was replaced by fury instead.
"Well, go to hell then."
A wave of guilt descended upon Harry as Draco walked away. Maybe I was a bit too mean, he thought.
"Wait, Malfoy."
Draco did not even turn, in fact he was so busy walking that he didn't even notice Harry catching up with him. Harry put his hand on Draco's arm.
"Get your filthy hands off me, Potter!" Draco growled as he shoved Harry, who fell onto the ground. Harry, obviously angered by the violence perpetrated by Draco, stood up and chased after the blond boy.
As Harry harshly pulled Draco's left arm, the left sleeve of the blond boy's robe lifted up revealing a pattern of healing scars maiming the otherwise perfect skin of Draco's. Harry looked at the disfigurement on the Slytherin's arm incredulously, his anger forgotten.
****
How can you see into my eyes like open doorsLeading you down into my core
Where I've become so numb without a soulMy spirit sleeping somewhere cold
"Damn it, Potter! Mind your own business!" Draco snatched his arm away from Harry's grip and walked briskly into the forest. Harry scrutinized Draco before rushing after him.
"Stop it Malfoy. Can't you see, there must be a reason why both of us are here."
Draco looked weary. Harry gazed into his eyes and he could see turmoil building in their stormy grey depths. He reached for Draco's hand and pulled him closer. Harry gently pulled Draco's left sleeve up his arm. His face was a picture of utmost sadness as his fingers traced the scars on Draco's skin.
"Who did this to you?" Harry's voice was low and intense. "Was it your father?"
Draco's face was faintly traced with outrage, for a moment Harry's hand fled to his wand, preparing for retaliation in case of an attack. But all Draco did was shake his head.
"No I did it to myself. It was an accident." He lied. His expression then changed into one of scorn. "Why Potter? Trying to play mother hen? Spare me the sympathy, I don't need it, especially when it comes from you." He emphasised "you" with utmost distaste.
Harry gave an exasperated sigh.
"You know Malfoy, sometimes you have to remember that the world doesn't revolve around you alone."
Draco gave a snarl before tackling Harry down to the ground. Before Harry could recover from the blow, Draco had both of his hands on Harry's shoulders, griping him hard. The next thing he knew, the blond boy had his mouth pinned onto his. Immobilised by his shock, Harry just sat still as Draco ravished him with his lips. It was in the midst of the kiss that Harry responded back. He could feel the electricity that seemed to explode between them. Everywhere they touched Harry could feel the sparks. As Harry dwelt deeper into the kiss, he felt an ache and noticed a flash of light – he felt their minds turning into one, intertwining with each other.
Suddenly, a horrible scene was playing in Harry's mind. He could see Lucius Malfoy hurling curses at his son, injuring him and making him bleed. Harry almost fainted with pain when he suffered Draco's intolerable agony. But the pain was only momentarily as Draco suddenly broke the kiss, sweat pouring down his face.
"Wha..what was that about?" Harry managed to gasp.
Draco's face was impassive and he looked the other way. He then turned his sight unto Harry and emotions poured into his cold grey eyes, warming them.
"Potter, I didn't… I didn't know you were hurting so badly inside."
Harry opened and closed his mouth, speechless.
"And you were in pain yourself. Your father…" Harry bit his lip hard enough to draw blood. He could not bear to finish his sentence.
Draco sighed and sat down on the soft grass. He could feel the vulnerability creeping inside him. He had never felt so exposed as he was now.
Harry, who was still standing, looked up at the velvet night sky. Realisation dawned on his face.
"I guess I understand now. Our mutual hurting, the pain and the loneliness in us have linked us together. Our similarities have brought us to each other." Harry paused, took a breath and continued.
"Yesterday before I went to sleep, I wished to meet someone who would understand my pain, I never would have thought it was going to be you."
Draco's head snapped up at this last sentence.
****
Frozen inside without your touch
Without your love darling
Only you are the life among the dead
Draco stared at him, it took a moment before realisation finally sank in.
"Yesterday I wished for someone too."
Harry sat down beside him and he gently pulled Draco's arm towards him. He slowly traced the scars with his fingers.
"I wish I could spare you the pain."
Draco looked startled. He turned to face Harry, respect evidently shown on his face.
"How can be you so selfless? You were in pain yourself. Those fat bastards; your cousin and your uncle treat you like shit. I wish I could hit that fat cousin of yours in the face."
"My pain is temporary, Draco, it will gradually fade away. It is incomparable to yours. By the time I'm back at Hogwarts, all will be forgotten, I'll be happy again. But you, your pain resides deep inside you and will be with you wherever you go. Your father hurt you, he violated you, physically and mentally. I know that's hard because he is the person you should love most, the person that you look up to."
Harry swallowed hard, he stole a sidelong glance at the person beside him, the one person whom he never thought he would understand. Draco remained quiet, his face devoid of expression.
The wind blew softly. Harry pulled his robe tighter around him.
"My father never meant me harm, Harry. He was only teaching me what he thought was best. You wouldn't understand."
Harry goggled in bewilderment.
"But Draco…That's abuse."
Draco remained indifferent.
"Don't insult my intelligence, Potter. Abuse is different. I knew you would never understand." He replied with a hint of ice in his voice. You are too pure to understand, he uttered softly under his breath. Harry didn't hear him.
He stood up and started to walk away.
"We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness. We can be happy, Draco. There's still hope."
Harry took a deep breath and continued.
"This is supposed to be a dream, Draco. Forget your pain. Let it go just for one night."
Draco ignored Harry and walked towards the edge of the wood. He was still walking briskly when he suddenly stopped. He looked up and was stunned when he saw snowflakes falling from the sky.
"What the heck?" He exclaimed amazed.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned and met the sparkling jade gaze of Harry's.
"This is a dream, remember. I wished for snow and I got what I wanted."
****
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me
Harry's voice quivered when he continued his next sentence.
"I wished for you and I got you here with me."
Within a heartbeat, Harry descended his mouth upon Draco's. They kissed long and true, their physical being as well as their mind intertwined once more. Draco wrapped his arms around Harry, drawing him closer, warming him against the coldness of the snow. Both boys were oblivious to the world around them as they took their time exploring each other's minds and feelings. They became lost in themselves, both so different yet so similar. Harry broke the kiss when he felt something long and hard poking at his waist. He looked down and saw his broomstick, hanging mid air beside him.
"What the…"
"I wished for it, Harry. I guess that you miss playing Quidditch as much as me. So I wished for your broomstick and mine, as well as a snitch for us to play with."
Harry grinned widely and so did Draco. He immediately jumped on his Firebolt and flew high up into the sky. It was no longer snowing, as the velvety night once again became luminescence with the glowing of the stars. A faint trace of a rainbow began to appear in the sky.
"A rainbow, Harry? I didn't know you were that sappy." Draco teased Harry with a glint of amusement in his eyes.
"Am not."
"Are too."
"Am not."
They chased each other around on their broomsticks for the next few minutes. Their Quiddich game began as both boys turned their attentions to the tiny flying ball they called the snitch. The night was filled with their happy shouts and laughter.
As their game ended; both caught the snitch at the same time; Harry noticed a shining presence galloping silently towards him.
"What is that?"
Draco's mouth curled into a tiny smile.
"Wait and see."
Harry gave a loud gasp as the shiny animal draw nearer. It was silver stag; his Patronus.
He was too shocked to notice Draco's hand on his shoulder.
"Prongs." Harry whispered softly.
"I asked for that wish just for you."
Harry turned to him and Draco can see amazement written all over his face. The shimmering animal then stood on its hind heels and bellowed.
After Prongs had disappeared, both of them lay spent on the ledge of the lake.
"This is one of the happiest nights I've ever had in my life. I never would have imagined it would be shared with my former rival." Harry mused.
Draco glanced briefly at the boy beside him.
"I've always been intrigued by you, Harry. Ever since the day I first saw you at Madam Malkin's."
Harry gave a small smile.
Draco pulled Harry closer to him. They were close enough to feel each other's heartbeats and they just sat that way, silently enjoying each other's company.
****
Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life
The sign of dawn began to appear, as the sky became lighter and translucent as the first rays of sunlight were seen.
Harry was bewildered as everything around him was gradually vanishing from sight, including Draco.
"This place…it's disappearing, you are disappearing…"
He stared at Draco, sadness clearly displayed by his expression.
"The morning has come. Our dream is over."
Draco looked calm and poised, like he always did. He took Harry's hand and gazed into his eyes.
"Dreams do not vanish, so long as people do not abandon them."
Harry just stood there speechless as Draco began to evaporate into the air. He was left alone for quite awhile before gradually fading himself.
****
"Master Malfoy?"
Draco woke up sullenly, pushing the silky covers away from him. He groggily rubbed his eyes with both of his hands and stared at his servant.
"I am very sorry for bothering your sleep, but your breakfast is ready downstairs. Your parents are waiting for you to eat with them."
Draco gave a sullen nod.
He remembered Harry's words yesterday, in the dream;
We enjoy warmth because we have been cold. We appreciate light because we have been in darkness. By the same token, we can experience joy because we have known sadness.
Draco sat on his bed for a while, pensive. A small smile curved the side of his mouth as he got up from the bed and walked to the door.
"Thank you Harry, for the wonderful time that you gave me. Thank you for teaching me how to feel."
Draco whispered as he closed the door to his room.
****
The shrill scream of Dudley woke Harry up from his slumber. He reached for his glasses and took a look at the watch on the table beside his bed. It's only eight o'clock in the morning and Dudley was already throwing a tantrum. A typical day in the Dursley's household, he sighed. He got up from his bed and went to the window. He sat quietly, engrossed as he thought about yesterday's dream. His green eyes sparkled as he remembered Draco's last words; Dreams do not vanish, so long as people do not abandon them.
With a smile he whispered,
I never will, Draco.
Fin