Disclaimer: I don't own Peter, but I do own Sirius, he's mine all mine, oh no wait he's not
****
Dear Mr. Rat
My problem is that I was locked up in St. Mungos for about the last 12 years. It was all a set-up! Someone did not want me to raise my godson, who I have not seen since he was 11 months years old. I don't know where he is right now, it hurts I want to raise him. Also I want the head of the guy or gal who set me up! I have been looking for the other godparent, of my little guy. I'm hoping he can tell me what happened, any ideas as to how I can find SB he's the other godparent.
Ticked off and not crazy!
*
Dear crazy person
I must say you sound rather crazy to me, but anyway I know it was all a set-up, it was yet another marvellous plan of mine, but you were meant to end up in Azkaban with that big slobbery dog not in St. Mungos, so sorry about that. You should rethink your plan to raise your godson, he's a liability, he attracts deatheaters and dementors along with evil dark lords, so your life will be a lot easier without him. If you want to find SB how about shaking a large packet of dog biscuits, if you do find him you could turn him back over to the ministry and get a nice reward as well (and you'll be doing me a favour).
Good luck
*******
Wormtail, you lying sack of &$^%,
I've got a huge problem on my hands. This friend of mine killed two of our friends years ago, and now he's after my godson. What is the best way to let the little idiot know that he WILL be having a SLOW and VERY PAINFUL death as soon as I can find him?
~Mr. Padfoot
*
Dear poor confused Padfoot
What a terrible friend that man must have being, oops wait you mean me. Well if I was you, you should just give up trying to protect everybody, you already broke out of Azkaban you should be satisfied with that. Let's face it you always were a show off, always trying to beat everybody else and in the end who won? Me, not you, me, Hahaha. So just be grateful the dementors didn't kill you, forget about Harry (he'll be dead soon anyway), don't bother trying to kill me, you know how it all ended last time, do you really want to spend another 12 years in Azkaban?
From the guy who used to worship you
P.S. You should watch that temper of yours it could get you into even more trouble
*******
Dear Mr Pettigrew
I have recently become a deatheater but now wish to go back to playing Quidditch for my national team, what can I do that won't result in my very slow tortuous death at the hands of the Dark Lord?
From foreign seeker
*
Dear Vicky
It will be very hard work, but obviously I have had experience at avoiding our old pal Voldie, I would advise being really annoying so that he gets fed up with you and kicks you out, although this is risky because he may just kill you instead. Try turning up late to meetings wearing a badge saying `Dumbledore rules' or maybe even `Potter for President', you could also hum I'm a little teapot over and over again, it really annoys him a lot (he had a bad experience with a biting teacup when he was younger).
By the way Bulgaria losing to Ireland, that was hilarious, bad luck
From a fellow ex-deatheater
****
Dear Peter
I was just wondering whether you have ever read Hogwarts a History, it's a wonderful book
From library nut
*
Dear Library nut
Of course I have read Hogwarts a History, are you implying I'm stupid? It was my favourite book when I was at Hogwarts, I was always in the library reading it (even though my grades didn't really reflect how studious I was). You shouldn't believe everybody who says I'm stupid, they're just jealous of my good lucks and brains, I just made a small mistake in transfiguration once and everybody remembered it forever. In fact it was McGonagall's fault, she shouldn't have such a stupid accent, how was I supposed to know she wanted us to turn our pincushions into pigs, I thought she said to turn ourselves into pigs. And if I could only half change back that was because my wand was broken, it wasn't because I didn't know how.
From Peter Pig, I mean Peter Pettigrew
*****
That seems to be all there was in my mailbag this week, but feel free to write to me, I'll help anyone, deatheaters, ex-friends, teachers, students and even Voldie himself, because I'm such a nice caring and thoughtful guy
****
Dear Mr. Rat
My problem is that I was locked up in St. Mungos for about the last 12 years. It was all a set-up! Someone did not want me to raise my godson, who I have not seen since he was 11 months years old. I don't know where he is right now, it hurts I want to raise him. Also I want the head of the guy or gal who set me up! I have been looking for the other godparent, of my little guy. I'm hoping he can tell me what happened, any ideas as to how I can find SB he's the other godparent.
Ticked off and not crazy!
*
Dear crazy person
I must say you sound rather crazy to me, but anyway I know it was all a set-up, it was yet another marvellous plan of mine, but you were meant to end up in Azkaban with that big slobbery dog not in St. Mungos, so sorry about that. You should rethink your plan to raise your godson, he's a liability, he attracts deatheaters and dementors along with evil dark lords, so your life will be a lot easier without him. If you want to find SB how about shaking a large packet of dog biscuits, if you do find him you could turn him back over to the ministry and get a nice reward as well (and you'll be doing me a favour).
Good luck
*******
Wormtail, you lying sack of &$^%,
I've got a huge problem on my hands. This friend of mine killed two of our friends years ago, and now he's after my godson. What is the best way to let the little idiot know that he WILL be having a SLOW and VERY PAINFUL death as soon as I can find him?
~Mr. Padfoot
*
Dear poor confused Padfoot
What a terrible friend that man must have being, oops wait you mean me. Well if I was you, you should just give up trying to protect everybody, you already broke out of Azkaban you should be satisfied with that. Let's face it you always were a show off, always trying to beat everybody else and in the end who won? Me, not you, me, Hahaha. So just be grateful the dementors didn't kill you, forget about Harry (he'll be dead soon anyway), don't bother trying to kill me, you know how it all ended last time, do you really want to spend another 12 years in Azkaban?
From the guy who used to worship you
P.S. You should watch that temper of yours it could get you into even more trouble
*******
Dear Mr Pettigrew
I have recently become a deatheater but now wish to go back to playing Quidditch for my national team, what can I do that won't result in my very slow tortuous death at the hands of the Dark Lord?
From foreign seeker
*
Dear Vicky
It will be very hard work, but obviously I have had experience at avoiding our old pal Voldie, I would advise being really annoying so that he gets fed up with you and kicks you out, although this is risky because he may just kill you instead. Try turning up late to meetings wearing a badge saying `Dumbledore rules' or maybe even `Potter for President', you could also hum I'm a little teapot over and over again, it really annoys him a lot (he had a bad experience with a biting teacup when he was younger).
By the way Bulgaria losing to Ireland, that was hilarious, bad luck
From a fellow ex-deatheater
****
Dear Peter
I was just wondering whether you have ever read Hogwarts a History, it's a wonderful book
From library nut
*
Dear Library nut
Of course I have read Hogwarts a History, are you implying I'm stupid? It was my favourite book when I was at Hogwarts, I was always in the library reading it (even though my grades didn't really reflect how studious I was). You shouldn't believe everybody who says I'm stupid, they're just jealous of my good lucks and brains, I just made a small mistake in transfiguration once and everybody remembered it forever. In fact it was McGonagall's fault, she shouldn't have such a stupid accent, how was I supposed to know she wanted us to turn our pincushions into pigs, I thought she said to turn ourselves into pigs. And if I could only half change back that was because my wand was broken, it wasn't because I didn't know how.
From Peter Pig, I mean Peter Pettigrew
*****
That seems to be all there was in my mailbag this week, but feel free to write to me, I'll help anyone, deatheaters, ex-friends, teachers, students and even Voldie himself, because I'm such a nice caring and thoughtful guy