I read a book once, can't remember the name of it or the author or anything. It was a pretty good book. Well written, nice characters, very little plot flaws. There was a spelling error though, towards the end. Ironic that I should remember a spelling error in some insignificant portion of the book but not the important stuff of it. I think it was my first magical book. I read it way back when I was in the orphanage, right before I got my letter. Toni gave it to me.
Her real name was Antoinette. Antoinette Pierce. She had really blond hair back then. Everyone in the orphanage would talk about it. Blond hair and sort of light brown eyes. The sister in charge of us used to call her Sunny. I called her Toni, of course. I used to tell her everything, even when I was really young. We pretended we were twins, and we could read each others' minds. We actually could... sometimes.
We used to imagine we were serial killers. We would run away from the orphanage one day and go learn magic from Mrs. Figg. And then we would bring all the people we killed back from the dead and apologize to them. We only did it 'coz it seemed fun at the time. All the people on the news were doing it. Toni was really close to her—Mrs. Figg I mean; they talked a lot more. Petunia would always come to get me before they said anything important.
Petunia is married to Vernon now. They sent me a post. They're in Greece. If I know my sister, it's probably their fifth honeymoon or something. She's pregnant, obviously; with all the hints she's dropping, either she's pregnant or Vernon's mental enough to go off and live in the spare nursery they're redecorating. I pray for the kid, really, just hope it doesn't turn out too ugly. I wouldn't be too surprised, either way.
Mr. Smeltings got arrested for possession of illegal items yesterday. I figure he finally got busted for the Basilisks he was trying to raise. He was moaning about not being able to speak Parseltongue: I could hear through the wall. I probably should get Remus to put some Silencing Charms on this place. I mean, if I can hear him, it must work the other way around too. Not that there's anything that important to hear anyway. James and the others (even Dumbledore) like to pretend there is, but sometimes I wonder: if in the end, everything is still the same, if James's mother is still not his mother, even if she's dead, if I'm still an orphan, and if James and I still die at Voldemort's hand, what's the point in fighting for that extra minute in this mundane world? El mundo. That's the Spanish word for World.
Spain wasn't mundane. I wish I could see Joanna again. For someone that I only knew for about two months, and spoke to only for about an hour a day, Joanna seems to be the person who really knows me the most out of anyone in this world. That's not true actually: Toni was like that too. But now Toni is Ashley. Ashley Potter, used to be Antoinette Bottom. I suppose Mr. Potter's sister was only so imaginative. Thank goodness they hadn't named her Ophelia or anything like that. I'd get quite a giggle out of that one.
James is staring again. All I did was giggle! Wait, now the lawyers are staring. Why does that boy have to go and make a spectacle out of every single damn thing that I do? Speaking of spectacles, I really don't like that one with the thick black frames on. He keeps whispering things to James. I couldn't help but laugh again. What does he think, that I'm a bad influence on his client? Oh God, now I can't breathe. Dumbledore just came in. He has that "Poor Ms. Evans" face on again. Fine then. I'll just stop now. Pretend I didn't do anything. . .I didn't, actually.
James understands me too.
I think I must be crazy. I really really love him. To the point of insanity. It's unexplainable, like something explicit, porn... but we don't do anything. He came to see me on my birthday. He came and kissed my forehead and sat down, holding my hand. I was pretending to be asleep. He scampered off when I woke up. Like I was some kind of monster.
Is he scared of me? I love him, I do crazily. I always have, I guess, if what I'm feeling is love. Sure doesn't feel like it, compared to all those Hollywood explanations. I don't have any butterflies, and I don't ever stutter, or do any of those ditzy things. I did think about him a lot though... It seems ages away when I used to have those childish fantasies. Of me and him talking and snogging in the Prefects' Bathroom. I remember thinking that he was some kind of God. If only he were as he was in my infatuated dreams. The perfect gentleman, with impeccable manners. Not that he isn't all those things, of course, it's just different, somehow.
I hate him, in a sense. He's obnoxious and possessive, and very annoying. I could always tell what guys were thinking. And I've slept with every guy I...er, went with so far, but I have never slept with James. Does that mean I should stop feeling these...feelings?
I'm sleepy. Someone is knocking on the door. The glasses guy just snorted. I guess they expect me to get that.
Snape?? Oh spare me the ingenious comebacks, the last thing I'd want to do today is bash your face in with Dumbledore's beard.
"Lily! How are you?" he says. He hugs me. Did that just sound as awful as I think it did? I don't know what's wrong with him.
"Yes, Dumbledore, sir, I have some good news." There: now I've finally lost that last ounce of interest that I had. He hands me his smelly cloak, soaking wet and dripping all over the floor. Two words, I wanted to say: Magic, Idiot! But of course, I couldn't interrupt the almighty Dumbledore.
"I have succeeded in getting Ashley to change her name." Fat lot of good that's going to do for her. I'll investigate anyway: I mean she was my best friend.
"Lily, darling, Calm Down. Yes, Toni is fine. Didn't you know I was engaged to her?" Calm Down? I'm really about to puke now. He shows me his little marriage symbol thing that they had to brand on him in the Ministry. Yeah, I was thinking the same thing...Branded: just like the cows they both were.
"Wait a second, how the hell did you get her to agree to it?" You greasy Slytherin PIG! Or snake...whatever.
"Well…she was the one that proposed." I'm sorry, I just couldn't control myself. Don't kill me now...
"So what has she changed her name to, then?" Dumbledore asks Snape. They deserve each other. As for me: I'd like to deserve some sleep.
James is staring again. Remus and Sirius are off work. I think I'm just going to close my eyes and pretend I'm asleep again. I love him...
***
"So you need my help with some monkshood tea infusion potions?" He nods. Wakes me up at three in the morning for some damned tea?
Obviously, I wouldn't mind helping, Potions was my favorite subject in Hogwarts. I liked Transfiguration a lot too, and I was wonderful at Charms, but Potions. . . Potions was just on a different level. I guess I sounded a bit more eager than I intended. I lit the kerosene stove that we were using. He didn't want the enchantment of the magic of the Potion fire to fiddle with the effects of the potion.
"Ok," he instructs me in his raspy voice, "The telluride cauldrons should be used in this case, we need some of the trace metal."
"Where did you get this, Snape? Tellurium cauldrons are. . . costly!"
"Never mind, add the Water Solutions, Are you sure that you checked the ionic content? It is high-altitude Alpen, right?" Never knew he was this bossy. Bossier than kumquats if I do say so myself.
I did appreciate what he was doing though. He's working on that Wolfsbane Potion that Dumbledore was talking about yesterday. Should I feel honoured that he was actually seeking my help? Trusting me with his most beloved potion-work? Whatever his ulterior motive, I suppose I should put the speculation aside, this stuff would really help Remus, poor fellow. I put the shielding charm on my hands, here comes the good part.
"Be careful when we pull out the flowers, the white substance is highly potent," he adds, "even though we only need the white stuff." No, Duh.
"No, Duh Snapey-poo, I'll just eat it and die and put you out of your misery," I say. I hope I sound venomous enough. He chuckles, guess it didn't work.
"I'd rather you wait until the potion is finished, I need someone to test it on." Gosh be darned, was this Snape's humorous side poking out? I tried, but I couldn't laugh, lest some excessive amount of essence fall in the cauldron.
"So tell me Snape," I initiated, it would be another hour or so until the first stage of the potion was complete. After this we had to add the Hibiscus and Billywig Ear brew reduction (which would take another four days). "Why do you like Potions so much?"
He looked at me strangely for a second. "Same reason as you, I suppose."
"Oh," I reply. I'm trying to make conversation here, help me out.
"So. . ." Snape almost has a cheery look on his face, "Why this sudden change in. . . er-demeanor?"
"I dunno. I've always asked you to do Potions with me. Until you started hanging out with the two brats."
It was true. Back when my life was simple, Snape and I were Potions partners. So what? Kiss my ass, James Potter. I was your worst enemy's potions partner. We weren't even friends, really, Snape just wanted some Potions apprentice who knew the school well enough to steal supplies from the Potions stores and not get caught. Luckily, I knew all the secret passageways in the school.
"If you mean about Ashley," he begins again, I jump a little, "I just. . . expected she would be the er….. Gryffindor sort, but she wasn't."
"Oh?" So what was the Gryffindor sort, then?
"Just because I was in a house known for its ambition doesn't mean I'm…..Inhumane or something. I mean, I'm fighting for truth and justice and all that other crap, right?"
"No offense, Snape, but even though you have the trust and support of the "truth and justice" side, it doesn't make me any less perceptive of your true colours." Snape is gawking at me. I suppose he thought he'd covered it up so well. "You're just as transparent as anyone else."
"So tell me, Evans, what are my true colors, then?"
"Dumbledore. Even you have to give him due credit. You see that though Voldemort is making all this show of being the most powerful sorcerer of all eternity nonsense, you see Dumbledore's power for what it is. You think sucking up to him is somehow going to make you his heir or something." Snape actually has the ignominy to smile. Idiot that he is besides, I thought he'd be atleast a bit surprised.
"And I suppose you think that I'm striving to become Headmaster of a boarding school and suddenly I'll have world domination?"
"You're still power-hungry, Snape, I just can't figure why you're after Arabella. Unless you're really good in bed, and loaded." Snape's expression suddenly shifts, he stops smiling in that irritatingly omniscient manner of his. He really loves Toni, after all, then?
"I hate to break this to you Evans, but..." I guess I'm doomed never to find out because he stops suddenly and looks behind him. His wand glowed and buzzed; we now had about thirty seconds to freeze it to absolute zero before it began eating away at the cauldron. I've had enough of this formal banter that I've been exchanging with Snape for the past two hours. He can take care of the rest of the potion himself. I need a bit more sleep. No doubt James and his lawyers would be up and arguing anytime now, I must relish the time, however little, that I have.