DISCLAIMER: If I owned Fushigi Yuugi or Sandman, why would I be posting to ff.net? ;)
And to any of my regular readers--sorry it's been so long! I've actually written most of this in Hotmail, since I've got to steal Library time on the computers when I can.
New chapters on other stuff soon. ;)
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Blood.
And it was so cold.
*Someone's crying--Miaka?*
Nuriko tried to say her name, but he was so tired, too tired to even move his lips. Eyes closed, he listened to the sound of her fade away, felt the cold and the pain give way to a weariness that had nothing to do with flesh.
"Ryuen?"
The voice was familiar. A man's voice, soft and low, a voice that knew things. "Ryuen, open your eyes."
He did so, not knowing why.
"I'm very tired, lord." he said, chiding him gently as he sat up.
The snow was gone, Miaka was gone, and he sat in a place of mists. Standing by him was a man dressed all in black, his kimono sombre and of rich fabric. His face was as pale as that of any geisha, but without the thickness that spoke of makeup--and his eyes told that he was no mortal creature. He had eyes that were wells of stars; the universe looked at Ryuen with those eyes.
*They're not eyes at all.* Ryuen thought vaguely, trying to fight free from their gaze.
"You are asleep, Ryuen. You are passing through my realm, for an instant, before you are visited by my sister. And I thought--you deserve a moment's peace, before moving on."
Ryuen was on his feet, though he didn't remember rising the rest of the way. He sighed, and ran a regretful hand through his too-short hair. "So this is it, then." He said flatly. "I hope they won't need me later on. Gods know, they're going to need everything they have."
The Emperor of All Night's Dreaming was still, more still than any living thing. "I can tell you, if you like. I can stretch this moment for you, make it last a thousand years, if you want me to." There was some emotion in that white face that Ryuen couldn't identify.
Ryuen considered, cocking his head to one side.
"Did Hotohori ever--No. I don't want to know that. Wouldn't help me much now, anyway." His heart twisted. "Will Miaka come out of this all right?"
"Would you like to see?"
Without waiting for his consent, Dream...moved them. Did something, so that they were suddenly somewhere else. Somewhen else. The first thing Ryuen noticed was that the heavy feeling in his heart--the 'alone' feeling--melted away.
Miaka stood there, smiling.
There were tears and sunlight on her face, and with a start Ryuen realized that he was standing on a grassy hill, that it was warm and sunny, and that the scent of honeysuckles hung on the air like a thought. "Miaka? Are you--is this real?" he turned to face the Dreamlord, who nodded ever so slightly and stepped *back,* twisting reality as he did so, vanishing behind the dream.
"Nuriko."
Her voice trembled, and she threw herself into his arms. "Oh, God, Nuriko! I miss you so much!" She held him tightly, daring the universe to take him away. "Miaka, how--I mean--are you--"
"She lives, na no da."
Ryuen spun to face the monk, whose maskless face smiled faintly. "I miss you too, Nuriko." he said softly. Miaka wailed as she saw Chichiri, and pulled him to them. "Chichiri! Are you okay? You're not dead, you can't be dead, not you too..." long-fingered hands on her shoulders stilled her, and she looked up into Tasuki's eyes.
"Nah, don' be stupid!" He said, baring his fangs in a smile. "W're dreamin', dummy."
Ryuen grinned despite himself as the bandit embraced him. "'ey, Nuriko! Long time no see! Ya missed a hell of a battle, man. Wish ya coulda been there."
Ryuen felt his stomach lurch. "Who else?" he asked softly. "I was only the first. I wasn't even the first, not if you count Tama's family and all the others...Who else, Tasuki-chan?"
The old familiarity brought tears to Tasuki's eyes too, and he furiously rubbed them away. "Oh...well, we lost..."
"Me, Nuriko-kun." a young voice said. Nuriko closed his eyes in pain.
"No. Chiriko, what--" his voice broke. "Fuck." He pulled the child close.
"I, also, I am afraid." a velvety voice said regretfully. Ryuen stiffened in horror. "Oh, gods." Hotohori stood there, shaking his head. "I am sorry that I could not be there for you, Nuriko-kun." he said. "I was...most hurt...when I learned of your death." Ryuen shook his head. "I could feel you, Hotohori-sama, that's okay, I knew you were there, really." Hotohori's amber eyes held his. "I care, Nuriko-kun, and it was my foolishness that I could never tell you so."
Miaka's voice interrupted Ryuen's shock. "If--if--if we're all here, where are--" she said, trying to speak around the sobs.
"Here, Miaka-sama." said Mitsukake. "Miaka, honey, it's all right." Tamahome's voice said softly. She turned to him, choking, and Ryuen straightened in rage. "No. Not you, Tama-chan. Not a chance in *hell,* Suzaku wouldn't let that happen!" Tamahome held up a forestalling hand. "He didn't. Miaka and I are in her world now, happy. All is well with us." Ryuen settled a bit. "Good." he said, mollified. He looked around. "Well. We're all here, then."
"The tall man is doing us a kindness." Chiriko said. "We don't have much time--Miaka, Tamahome, Chichiri, Tasuki, you have the least time of all of us, for you still live. I just want you to know that I love you, all of you, more than my family, and it was worth it. I would die a thousand times before I'd give up my memories of any of you." The child's eyes blazed, and Ryuen found himself nodding in agreement, along with the others.
"Yes, Miaka-chan." he said. "I hope you don't feel guilty. I died knowing that what I had done was right." He smiled sheepishly. "It hurt, a lot. But--it felt right. Not the dying, but what I did." He leaned forward through the tight knot of gathered bodies and kissed her cheek. "I love you." he said. "I love all of you." Quickly, before he lost the courage--*Though it's not like I have anything at all to fear now...*--he kissed each of them then, Mitsukake, Chichiri, Tasuki, Chiriko, on whatever parts of them were closest; cheeks, shoulders, foreheads. He turned to Hotohori and paused.
"I love you too, Nuriko." The Emperor said, reaching forward to run a hand through the young man's shortened hair. "Though I think I preferred you with the braid."
*Hotohori? JOKING? * Ryuen's shock held long enough for the Emperor to lean over and kiss him gently, sweetly, on the forehead.
They all knew then, suddenly, that this was it. Time to say what had to be said, or let it rest unspoken forever. His chest tightening painfully, Nuriko began to speak.
He told Miaka how much he admired her. How her strength inspired him, made him push forward when he thought his heart would break. He told Tasuki that his friendship had meant more than anything he'd known since his sister died. He told Chiriko how seeing him had always brought hope, since if Suzaku could allow someone that clarity and purity of spirit, anything was possible. Chichiri he hugged tightly, and told that it was true that all pain could be surmounted in the end, if one kept going. When he came to Mitsukake, he smiled broadly. "You're going to have Shouka, next time around, aren't you?" The healer blushed. "I'll get the chance." he rumbled. Tamahome grinned when Ryuen clapped him on the back and admonished him to keep Miaka fed. Hotohori was still, almost as still as the Dreamlord. "Um." Ryuen said, falling silent at the look on the Emperor's face. "Hotohori-sama." he said respectfully.
"You always seemed so lonely." he said, his words falling into the stillness like pebbles into a pond. "I mean--that's not what I meant to say. I always wanted you to know that you weren't alone. You were never alone, as long as you had all of us."
Tears glittered in the emperor's eyes, turning them topaz.
"But then you left me." he said softly. "I needed you so much, and you left me."
There was no condemnation in his voice; he wasn't laying blame, just stating a fact.
"Never, Hotohori-sama!" Chichiri said fervently. "Is this not proof that you will never be truly alone? After everything, after the war, after death, we are still brought together again. None of us needs to be afraid any more."
There were other words then--Miaka told them, over and over, how much they all meant to her.
Tamahome spoke haltingly about the things he'd learned from them--strength, humor, what it felt like to have a family that he could rely on to support him when he was weak.
Chiriko, surprisingly, spoke little--he seemed to prefer to be held, his huge eyes taking everything in with a seriousness that pained Ryuen's heart.
Chichiri spoke words that made sense, as ever, soothing them and holding them as he would not do physically--and as he did do, then, startling them all. The monk reached out with his ki and caressed them all even as he hugged them tight.
Mitsukake smiled and said simply "You all know how I feel about you. You gave me light when all I could see was darkness. How could I repay that?"
Hotohori sighed and played with his hair. Biting his lip, he said "You taught me about love. I knew affection, from my mother, but that was patronizing, the kind of love that keeps you from growth. You uplifted me. I can't let you go without telling you that." He fell silent again as Tasuki cleared his throat.
"Fuck. This is it, isn't it? I mean, it's fuckin' GREAT that I get ta see ya'all again, it makes me so happy I wanna fuckin' dance. An'...I guess this means I'll see ya'all again, won't I? That's even better. I guess I just want ya'all ta know how happy that makes me."
He grinned toothily. "Means we get ta spend the next thousand years makin' trouble! Fuck yeah!"
He paused. "And--Nuriko. I'm damn sorry I wasn't there. I was so fucking *close,* you know? And I just--"
Nuriko smiled and shook his head, reaching out to squeeze the bandit's hand. "You didn't need to be there. I knew everything you could have said."
"Time is passing, little dreamers." The voice of the Dreamlord came to them then, quietly enough that it did not interrupt, only informed. "Living dreamers should not linger overlong--other dreamers have a visitor to see."
Miaka, weeping, held them all one last time as she and Tamahome, Chichiri and Tasuki faded.
"I love you! I love you all so much!" She said, disappearing from view. The warm, grassy hill also faded, and the others were back again in the comforting mists, still together.
The Emperor of All Night's Dreaming stood there, and at his side was a woman, as pale as he, though her eyes were warm and human. The strange silver pendant she wore over her ebon kimono shone with a cool light, and Ryuen found his eyes falling to it until she spoke.
"You've earned a good rest, you folks, until the others arrive." she said. "And then you all get sent on together, which is as you would have it, isn't it?" Chiriko blushed at her wink, and closed his mouth. "You know who I am." She said in a teasing voice. "No need to make a fuss about it, now."
Ryuen started as Hotohori slipped a hand into his. "Together is correct." he said, showing no deference to the woman, looking at her as an equal instead. She smiled at his daring, and at their interlocked hands. "It is, in your case. You lot could be born together a thousand times and never would ill come of it. But! That is a topic for another time. For now, you are going to a place where you may rest, where minds may heal, where all is peace and beauty. A waiting place."
The Dreamlord bowed, a knowing smile touching his thin lips. "Farewell." he said. "It is rare that the Dreaming is graced with dreamers like yourselves--you have touched it, which surprised me. This was the least I could do in thanks." He reached out one bone-white arm and ruffled Chiriko's hair, then vanished.
"My brother likes children." Death said unnecessarily. "Well! Time to go! Are you all ready, now?" She arched one eyebrow, daring them to say no.
"Yes?"
Hotohori adjusted his grip on Ryuen's hand, and nodded.
"Then take my hand."
Together, they all reached for her, and peace.
And to any of my regular readers--sorry it's been so long! I've actually written most of this in Hotmail, since I've got to steal Library time on the computers when I can.
New chapters on other stuff soon. ;)
.
.
.
.
.
Blood.
And it was so cold.
*Someone's crying--Miaka?*
Nuriko tried to say her name, but he was so tired, too tired to even move his lips. Eyes closed, he listened to the sound of her fade away, felt the cold and the pain give way to a weariness that had nothing to do with flesh.
"Ryuen?"
The voice was familiar. A man's voice, soft and low, a voice that knew things. "Ryuen, open your eyes."
He did so, not knowing why.
"I'm very tired, lord." he said, chiding him gently as he sat up.
The snow was gone, Miaka was gone, and he sat in a place of mists. Standing by him was a man dressed all in black, his kimono sombre and of rich fabric. His face was as pale as that of any geisha, but without the thickness that spoke of makeup--and his eyes told that he was no mortal creature. He had eyes that were wells of stars; the universe looked at Ryuen with those eyes.
*They're not eyes at all.* Ryuen thought vaguely, trying to fight free from their gaze.
"You are asleep, Ryuen. You are passing through my realm, for an instant, before you are visited by my sister. And I thought--you deserve a moment's peace, before moving on."
Ryuen was on his feet, though he didn't remember rising the rest of the way. He sighed, and ran a regretful hand through his too-short hair. "So this is it, then." He said flatly. "I hope they won't need me later on. Gods know, they're going to need everything they have."
The Emperor of All Night's Dreaming was still, more still than any living thing. "I can tell you, if you like. I can stretch this moment for you, make it last a thousand years, if you want me to." There was some emotion in that white face that Ryuen couldn't identify.
Ryuen considered, cocking his head to one side.
"Did Hotohori ever--No. I don't want to know that. Wouldn't help me much now, anyway." His heart twisted. "Will Miaka come out of this all right?"
"Would you like to see?"
Without waiting for his consent, Dream...moved them. Did something, so that they were suddenly somewhere else. Somewhen else. The first thing Ryuen noticed was that the heavy feeling in his heart--the 'alone' feeling--melted away.
Miaka stood there, smiling.
There were tears and sunlight on her face, and with a start Ryuen realized that he was standing on a grassy hill, that it was warm and sunny, and that the scent of honeysuckles hung on the air like a thought. "Miaka? Are you--is this real?" he turned to face the Dreamlord, who nodded ever so slightly and stepped *back,* twisting reality as he did so, vanishing behind the dream.
"Nuriko."
Her voice trembled, and she threw herself into his arms. "Oh, God, Nuriko! I miss you so much!" She held him tightly, daring the universe to take him away. "Miaka, how--I mean--are you--"
"She lives, na no da."
Ryuen spun to face the monk, whose maskless face smiled faintly. "I miss you too, Nuriko." he said softly. Miaka wailed as she saw Chichiri, and pulled him to them. "Chichiri! Are you okay? You're not dead, you can't be dead, not you too..." long-fingered hands on her shoulders stilled her, and she looked up into Tasuki's eyes.
"Nah, don' be stupid!" He said, baring his fangs in a smile. "W're dreamin', dummy."
Ryuen grinned despite himself as the bandit embraced him. "'ey, Nuriko! Long time no see! Ya missed a hell of a battle, man. Wish ya coulda been there."
Ryuen felt his stomach lurch. "Who else?" he asked softly. "I was only the first. I wasn't even the first, not if you count Tama's family and all the others...Who else, Tasuki-chan?"
The old familiarity brought tears to Tasuki's eyes too, and he furiously rubbed them away. "Oh...well, we lost..."
"Me, Nuriko-kun." a young voice said. Nuriko closed his eyes in pain.
"No. Chiriko, what--" his voice broke. "Fuck." He pulled the child close.
"I, also, I am afraid." a velvety voice said regretfully. Ryuen stiffened in horror. "Oh, gods." Hotohori stood there, shaking his head. "I am sorry that I could not be there for you, Nuriko-kun." he said. "I was...most hurt...when I learned of your death." Ryuen shook his head. "I could feel you, Hotohori-sama, that's okay, I knew you were there, really." Hotohori's amber eyes held his. "I care, Nuriko-kun, and it was my foolishness that I could never tell you so."
Miaka's voice interrupted Ryuen's shock. "If--if--if we're all here, where are--" she said, trying to speak around the sobs.
"Here, Miaka-sama." said Mitsukake. "Miaka, honey, it's all right." Tamahome's voice said softly. She turned to him, choking, and Ryuen straightened in rage. "No. Not you, Tama-chan. Not a chance in *hell,* Suzaku wouldn't let that happen!" Tamahome held up a forestalling hand. "He didn't. Miaka and I are in her world now, happy. All is well with us." Ryuen settled a bit. "Good." he said, mollified. He looked around. "Well. We're all here, then."
"The tall man is doing us a kindness." Chiriko said. "We don't have much time--Miaka, Tamahome, Chichiri, Tasuki, you have the least time of all of us, for you still live. I just want you to know that I love you, all of you, more than my family, and it was worth it. I would die a thousand times before I'd give up my memories of any of you." The child's eyes blazed, and Ryuen found himself nodding in agreement, along with the others.
"Yes, Miaka-chan." he said. "I hope you don't feel guilty. I died knowing that what I had done was right." He smiled sheepishly. "It hurt, a lot. But--it felt right. Not the dying, but what I did." He leaned forward through the tight knot of gathered bodies and kissed her cheek. "I love you." he said. "I love all of you." Quickly, before he lost the courage--*Though it's not like I have anything at all to fear now...*--he kissed each of them then, Mitsukake, Chichiri, Tasuki, Chiriko, on whatever parts of them were closest; cheeks, shoulders, foreheads. He turned to Hotohori and paused.
"I love you too, Nuriko." The Emperor said, reaching forward to run a hand through the young man's shortened hair. "Though I think I preferred you with the braid."
*Hotohori? JOKING? * Ryuen's shock held long enough for the Emperor to lean over and kiss him gently, sweetly, on the forehead.
They all knew then, suddenly, that this was it. Time to say what had to be said, or let it rest unspoken forever. His chest tightening painfully, Nuriko began to speak.
He told Miaka how much he admired her. How her strength inspired him, made him push forward when he thought his heart would break. He told Tasuki that his friendship had meant more than anything he'd known since his sister died. He told Chiriko how seeing him had always brought hope, since if Suzaku could allow someone that clarity and purity of spirit, anything was possible. Chichiri he hugged tightly, and told that it was true that all pain could be surmounted in the end, if one kept going. When he came to Mitsukake, he smiled broadly. "You're going to have Shouka, next time around, aren't you?" The healer blushed. "I'll get the chance." he rumbled. Tamahome grinned when Ryuen clapped him on the back and admonished him to keep Miaka fed. Hotohori was still, almost as still as the Dreamlord. "Um." Ryuen said, falling silent at the look on the Emperor's face. "Hotohori-sama." he said respectfully.
"You always seemed so lonely." he said, his words falling into the stillness like pebbles into a pond. "I mean--that's not what I meant to say. I always wanted you to know that you weren't alone. You were never alone, as long as you had all of us."
Tears glittered in the emperor's eyes, turning them topaz.
"But then you left me." he said softly. "I needed you so much, and you left me."
There was no condemnation in his voice; he wasn't laying blame, just stating a fact.
"Never, Hotohori-sama!" Chichiri said fervently. "Is this not proof that you will never be truly alone? After everything, after the war, after death, we are still brought together again. None of us needs to be afraid any more."
There were other words then--Miaka told them, over and over, how much they all meant to her.
Tamahome spoke haltingly about the things he'd learned from them--strength, humor, what it felt like to have a family that he could rely on to support him when he was weak.
Chiriko, surprisingly, spoke little--he seemed to prefer to be held, his huge eyes taking everything in with a seriousness that pained Ryuen's heart.
Chichiri spoke words that made sense, as ever, soothing them and holding them as he would not do physically--and as he did do, then, startling them all. The monk reached out with his ki and caressed them all even as he hugged them tight.
Mitsukake smiled and said simply "You all know how I feel about you. You gave me light when all I could see was darkness. How could I repay that?"
Hotohori sighed and played with his hair. Biting his lip, he said "You taught me about love. I knew affection, from my mother, but that was patronizing, the kind of love that keeps you from growth. You uplifted me. I can't let you go without telling you that." He fell silent again as Tasuki cleared his throat.
"Fuck. This is it, isn't it? I mean, it's fuckin' GREAT that I get ta see ya'all again, it makes me so happy I wanna fuckin' dance. An'...I guess this means I'll see ya'all again, won't I? That's even better. I guess I just want ya'all ta know how happy that makes me."
He grinned toothily. "Means we get ta spend the next thousand years makin' trouble! Fuck yeah!"
He paused. "And--Nuriko. I'm damn sorry I wasn't there. I was so fucking *close,* you know? And I just--"
Nuriko smiled and shook his head, reaching out to squeeze the bandit's hand. "You didn't need to be there. I knew everything you could have said."
"Time is passing, little dreamers." The voice of the Dreamlord came to them then, quietly enough that it did not interrupt, only informed. "Living dreamers should not linger overlong--other dreamers have a visitor to see."
Miaka, weeping, held them all one last time as she and Tamahome, Chichiri and Tasuki faded.
"I love you! I love you all so much!" She said, disappearing from view. The warm, grassy hill also faded, and the others were back again in the comforting mists, still together.
The Emperor of All Night's Dreaming stood there, and at his side was a woman, as pale as he, though her eyes were warm and human. The strange silver pendant she wore over her ebon kimono shone with a cool light, and Ryuen found his eyes falling to it until she spoke.
"You've earned a good rest, you folks, until the others arrive." she said. "And then you all get sent on together, which is as you would have it, isn't it?" Chiriko blushed at her wink, and closed his mouth. "You know who I am." She said in a teasing voice. "No need to make a fuss about it, now."
Ryuen started as Hotohori slipped a hand into his. "Together is correct." he said, showing no deference to the woman, looking at her as an equal instead. She smiled at his daring, and at their interlocked hands. "It is, in your case. You lot could be born together a thousand times and never would ill come of it. But! That is a topic for another time. For now, you are going to a place where you may rest, where minds may heal, where all is peace and beauty. A waiting place."
The Dreamlord bowed, a knowing smile touching his thin lips. "Farewell." he said. "It is rare that the Dreaming is graced with dreamers like yourselves--you have touched it, which surprised me. This was the least I could do in thanks." He reached out one bone-white arm and ruffled Chiriko's hair, then vanished.
"My brother likes children." Death said unnecessarily. "Well! Time to go! Are you all ready, now?" She arched one eyebrow, daring them to say no.
"Yes?"
Hotohori adjusted his grip on Ryuen's hand, and nodded.
"Then take my hand."
Together, they all reached for her, and peace.