A/N: If you want some spectacularly good molesworthian fic, go and have a
read of "ho for hoggwarts" by Agent 99. It is much better than this chiz
chiz.
--
1: lapine
well i mean to sa wot sort of clot need to be told how to speke lap? it is easy pappy anyone can do it even hawkbit who kno 0 and hav a face like a squished lettis. so wot is the point of this leson eh? i put this produkt of mi ever-fertile mind hem hem to the cheif rabit WOUNDWORT who stand fixt in steadfast gaze posh prose and then turn upon me a gharstley smile. rabits are not suposed to do this but somehow he seme to manage it well enuff.
"ah," he sa, "at last a kiten hav asked an intelligent question there is hope for the waren yet. the point is to further the cause of edukation and create a hapy band of bucks who wil do their duty in the owsla not to mention the does now that we hav embraced the joys of coedukation. and you forget that there are 2 types of lap."
"but surely sir," come mi wity ripost, "no one speke the old lap. now except for dandelion who is uterly wet and a weed and prance about saing hello clouds hello sky hello prince rainbow."
"that is true," repli WOUNDWORT, "but it have 0 to do with the mater in hand. now go to yore burow or you wil get hrair."
i know when i am beaten and lolop sloly away. from behind me come the sound of WOUNDWORT praktising his wimpering he wil atrakt a squirel or rat out of pity and then lepe upon it and brake its neck. silver sa he is heding for a fall but i canot see it, unless he is distrakted by thorts of DOES hem hem hem like the luvvly hyzenthlay who is not bad aktually and hav something about her that... curses wot am i saing?
when i get back to the honeycome i here a mitey din it is louder than a hrududu at ful throtle. FIE! is it the black rabit of inle? no it is just my bro fiver who is not bad realy but hav a tendency to lepe about and tell everyone that the waren is doomed just last sumer he said the roof was made of bones which is a prety silly thing to sa becos if there were any bones about kehar would have eaten them.
anyway now i wil show you how to be top in yore lap. lesons usualy you wil get a sentence something like this:
uthowai pathun a tardrayn u methil vao u marlil.
you can se that this is old lap. which the swots like dandelion call naylte éan becos the verb go at the begining. this is not a very sensible place to put it if you ask me becos no-one kno what to do with it but that is gramar for you. uthow mean "to listen" as any fule kno, but wot is that ai on the end eh i here you sa. i wil tell you it is the infleckted plural third- person marker this is another stupid thing becos we are rabits and not people but it is wot mi lap. book tell me. aktualy mi lap. book do not tell me much at all thanks to all the lettis leaves dab-bob-stones skorecards bits of fur ect which cover its pages but let us procede.
pathun a tardrayn - this bit is pappy as it simply mean "bluebel and bukthorn". they are both terible oiks but they are biger than me so i had to giv them a part here somewhere.
next we ma consider u methil vao. methil come from meth which here mean "voice" but can mean prety much wotever you like as lap. do not hav many words so each one have about 1000000000 deffinitions i do not kno wot 1000000000 mean but blakbery who is a grate brane sa that it is like hrair but more. how you are suposed to hav more than hrair i canot imagine methinks he has been at ye olde vilthuril's herb store agane. vao is another word which mean a lot of things but here it mean "swete" tho not like one of those white things with holes in men drop on the ground alas.
finaly, u marlil is strateforward and translates as "the does" it can also mean "the mothers" but why would anyone want to listen to them eh? so the whole sentence rede:
"bluebel and bukthorn are listening to the swete voices of the does."
tho to be honest the chance of bluebel doing this are less than 0 as he canot go neorsé without telling the sort of joke that noble brave bucks cheers cheers cheers find funy but get him chased halfway across the Down by the does. i am lost in this reverie when a gharstley voice brake the spell.
"get out of the way thou clot-faced wet or i wil uterly tuough you up." yes it is bigwig my grate freind which mean he hav a face like a squished carot.
"eheu," i repli litelly, for clover hav been teaching me wot lucy used to sa when she took her into skool. tho when clover eskaped from her hutch and got into the headmaster's car he used some other WORDS like hem hem condukt mark hazel.
"eheu to you, o mitey weed," sa bigwig. "hav you seen wot campion hav done now?"
"well," i repli thortfuly, "he is alredy head of the owsla and hav won the marli éveer prize for whiskerwork for the last four months runing. hav he been swiming in the secret river agane? or perhaps sliped a skool thistle into the owslafa's feeding grounds?"
"no," sa bigwig, "it is none of those things o thick one."
"then i canot guess. tell me bigwig o go on you grate clot."
"he hav told WOUNDWORT the cheif rabit that it is about time that a few of the kitens were taken out on wide patrol, and he hav chosen both of us to go with him tomorow."
tremble tremble tremble this is apaling news. i may be the gorila of the outskirters (wotever a gorila is dandelion sa it is a huge fierce animal but i fear he mite be ragging me) but this is a diferent mater. when a homba come over the hill you are told to stand yore ground as it is only a buly. but if you stand up to bulies like hombil where are you then eh i wil tell you you are in their mouth and v. dead.
but i must return to the leson. sometimes you have to go in the other direcktion ie you are given an ordinary sentence like this:
""the owsla atacked the hole with teeth and claws"
of corse anyone can see the flaw in this at once viz. that you canot atack a hole it just sits there and 0 hapen but it it not worth arguing with the master as you wil only get deten or yore ears chewed. if in fakt this mean the rabits in the hole i neither kno nor care.
"atacked" well this is the same word as "fought" in lap. so the root of the word is fran. but now you have 2 problems. aktualy you have a lot more than 2 if you have not done yore prep but that is another mater. the sentence is in the past tense so the coreckt marker for that is nt, but frannt look ridickulous so you hav to sa franant. "owsla" is a sing. word but becos there is more than one rabit in an owsla at least i joly well hope so you hav to use the pl. marker which is ai which is the sound you make when you hav to do these translations.
most of the rest is self-evident (as silver sa when he hav no idea of the answer) except that "with" canot be translated as it is thort by masters that asith is an ugly word for the delites of old lap. and therefor must be ignored. it would be nice if this aplied to ugly masters as well but such is life. so you just pile the words up any old how like in the blesing of elahraira which result in this:
franantai u owsla thrayessil zelil u tuhl.
and now good reader i must away to beddy-byes as dere nana used to sa.
--
1: lapine
well i mean to sa wot sort of clot need to be told how to speke lap? it is easy pappy anyone can do it even hawkbit who kno 0 and hav a face like a squished lettis. so wot is the point of this leson eh? i put this produkt of mi ever-fertile mind hem hem to the cheif rabit WOUNDWORT who stand fixt in steadfast gaze posh prose and then turn upon me a gharstley smile. rabits are not suposed to do this but somehow he seme to manage it well enuff.
"ah," he sa, "at last a kiten hav asked an intelligent question there is hope for the waren yet. the point is to further the cause of edukation and create a hapy band of bucks who wil do their duty in the owsla not to mention the does now that we hav embraced the joys of coedukation. and you forget that there are 2 types of lap."
"but surely sir," come mi wity ripost, "no one speke the old lap. now except for dandelion who is uterly wet and a weed and prance about saing hello clouds hello sky hello prince rainbow."
"that is true," repli WOUNDWORT, "but it have 0 to do with the mater in hand. now go to yore burow or you wil get hrair."
i know when i am beaten and lolop sloly away. from behind me come the sound of WOUNDWORT praktising his wimpering he wil atrakt a squirel or rat out of pity and then lepe upon it and brake its neck. silver sa he is heding for a fall but i canot see it, unless he is distrakted by thorts of DOES hem hem hem like the luvvly hyzenthlay who is not bad aktually and hav something about her that... curses wot am i saing?
when i get back to the honeycome i here a mitey din it is louder than a hrududu at ful throtle. FIE! is it the black rabit of inle? no it is just my bro fiver who is not bad realy but hav a tendency to lepe about and tell everyone that the waren is doomed just last sumer he said the roof was made of bones which is a prety silly thing to sa becos if there were any bones about kehar would have eaten them.
anyway now i wil show you how to be top in yore lap. lesons usualy you wil get a sentence something like this:
uthowai pathun a tardrayn u methil vao u marlil.
you can se that this is old lap. which the swots like dandelion call naylte éan becos the verb go at the begining. this is not a very sensible place to put it if you ask me becos no-one kno what to do with it but that is gramar for you. uthow mean "to listen" as any fule kno, but wot is that ai on the end eh i here you sa. i wil tell you it is the infleckted plural third- person marker this is another stupid thing becos we are rabits and not people but it is wot mi lap. book tell me. aktualy mi lap. book do not tell me much at all thanks to all the lettis leaves dab-bob-stones skorecards bits of fur ect which cover its pages but let us procede.
pathun a tardrayn - this bit is pappy as it simply mean "bluebel and bukthorn". they are both terible oiks but they are biger than me so i had to giv them a part here somewhere.
next we ma consider u methil vao. methil come from meth which here mean "voice" but can mean prety much wotever you like as lap. do not hav many words so each one have about 1000000000 deffinitions i do not kno wot 1000000000 mean but blakbery who is a grate brane sa that it is like hrair but more. how you are suposed to hav more than hrair i canot imagine methinks he has been at ye olde vilthuril's herb store agane. vao is another word which mean a lot of things but here it mean "swete" tho not like one of those white things with holes in men drop on the ground alas.
finaly, u marlil is strateforward and translates as "the does" it can also mean "the mothers" but why would anyone want to listen to them eh? so the whole sentence rede:
"bluebel and bukthorn are listening to the swete voices of the does."
tho to be honest the chance of bluebel doing this are less than 0 as he canot go neorsé without telling the sort of joke that noble brave bucks cheers cheers cheers find funy but get him chased halfway across the Down by the does. i am lost in this reverie when a gharstley voice brake the spell.
"get out of the way thou clot-faced wet or i wil uterly tuough you up." yes it is bigwig my grate freind which mean he hav a face like a squished carot.
"eheu," i repli litelly, for clover hav been teaching me wot lucy used to sa when she took her into skool. tho when clover eskaped from her hutch and got into the headmaster's car he used some other WORDS like hem hem condukt mark hazel.
"eheu to you, o mitey weed," sa bigwig. "hav you seen wot campion hav done now?"
"well," i repli thortfuly, "he is alredy head of the owsla and hav won the marli éveer prize for whiskerwork for the last four months runing. hav he been swiming in the secret river agane? or perhaps sliped a skool thistle into the owslafa's feeding grounds?"
"no," sa bigwig, "it is none of those things o thick one."
"then i canot guess. tell me bigwig o go on you grate clot."
"he hav told WOUNDWORT the cheif rabit that it is about time that a few of the kitens were taken out on wide patrol, and he hav chosen both of us to go with him tomorow."
tremble tremble tremble this is apaling news. i may be the gorila of the outskirters (wotever a gorila is dandelion sa it is a huge fierce animal but i fear he mite be ragging me) but this is a diferent mater. when a homba come over the hill you are told to stand yore ground as it is only a buly. but if you stand up to bulies like hombil where are you then eh i wil tell you you are in their mouth and v. dead.
but i must return to the leson. sometimes you have to go in the other direcktion ie you are given an ordinary sentence like this:
""the owsla atacked the hole with teeth and claws"
of corse anyone can see the flaw in this at once viz. that you canot atack a hole it just sits there and 0 hapen but it it not worth arguing with the master as you wil only get deten or yore ears chewed. if in fakt this mean the rabits in the hole i neither kno nor care.
"atacked" well this is the same word as "fought" in lap. so the root of the word is fran. but now you have 2 problems. aktualy you have a lot more than 2 if you have not done yore prep but that is another mater. the sentence is in the past tense so the coreckt marker for that is nt, but frannt look ridickulous so you hav to sa franant. "owsla" is a sing. word but becos there is more than one rabit in an owsla at least i joly well hope so you hav to use the pl. marker which is ai which is the sound you make when you hav to do these translations.
most of the rest is self-evident (as silver sa when he hav no idea of the answer) except that "with" canot be translated as it is thort by masters that asith is an ugly word for the delites of old lap. and therefor must be ignored. it would be nice if this aplied to ugly masters as well but such is life. so you just pile the words up any old how like in the blesing of elahraira which result in this:
franantai u owsla thrayessil zelil u tuhl.
and now good reader i must away to beddy-byes as dere nana used to sa.