Forgotten
by
Kelsey
Disclaimer: Ha. Yeah, right. Because if they were mine, they'd be in the situation they're in now.
Author's Note: This just had to be written. Just called out. Didn't really let me have a choice in the matter.
Summary: Dawn is forgotten in the chaos of the pre-apocalypse, and remembers how Tara would never had forgotten her.
Rating: PG
Dawn can hear Willow and Kennedy some nights-- everybody can. The witch and the Potential take the quiet moments that they can-- early in the morning, late at night, but sometimes those moments are just as busy as every other, and they have to make do. The bathroom walls aren't that thick.
Most of the time, Dawn thinks Kennedy is okay. A little brash and bossy, but determined to stay alive and while she's at it, do the best job she can helping out. Certainly better than most of the scared Slayer-wanna-be's that keep piling up in the Summers' residence. Dawn wonders idly if the house can really take this many people-- after all, eventually, bathrooms reach capacity, right? Then where do they take all of these girls?
But when she hears Willow's low groans and Kennedy's light voice murmuring through the bathroom walls, watches the girls lying on her floor giggle and blush, every bit as aware of what they're hearing as she is, sometimes she can't help but hate her.
She doesn't mean to be so spiteful. Tara's gone and she should be happy that Willow's found somebody, she knows that. And she would never say anything about how she feels to the witch-- she couldn't hurt her that way. Besides, Tara would want Willow to have found somebody to fill that longing place in her heart. Dawn knows that as well as she knows that the line for the bathroom will be at least four people deep when she gets up in the morning, and that there will be no time for a shower. So she won't say anything. She'll just let it brood inside of her and she will steep in her own anger at this, at something new piled on top of the anger about how useless she feels.
But she can't seem to stop thinking about it. Tara was like another mother to her-- kind, gentle, teaching her the things she needed to know about the world when Buffy was gone, and never, ever treating her like she was inferior.
Loved. That's how Tara made her feel.
She loves Buffy more than the world, but she knows, as much as Willow and the others still think it was the First, that it was her mother who came to her that night. Came to her to tell her that, when it was bad, her sister wouldn't choose her. Wouldn't choose Dawn over the world again.
Dawn supposes she can't blame her for that. Look what happened the last time Buffy gave up everything for Dawn? She was abruptly pulled from Heaven five months later to continue a fight she didn't want anymore. Her sister has hardened since her resurrection. She's less Buffy now, and more the Slayer. These past few months have only cemented that. And the Slayer is all about the mission. She's heard it more times than she can count in the last few weeks.
Which means that Buffy isn't able to be there for her. Not in the huge, world-ending, life-threatening way she thinks her mother meant, but in the little, 'can't make toast for you, I'm too busy training the girls,' or 'can't help you get the bloodstains out of your shirt, I have to patrol,' or 'can't find time to give you a hug, there's only three minutes until sunset' ways.
And all this makes her miss Tara so much that sometimes she cries herself to sleep. The other girls know well enough to leave her alone when she does that-- it only took one night of snapping and harsh comments to train them.
So, while she doesn't always really want to, Dawn can't help but hate Kennedy sometimes, for making Willow move on. Because as long as Willow didn't let Tara be dead, she wasn't. Not really. Willow is strong enough, powerful enough that Dawn knows she would have found a way to bring her lover back. But Willow's let go, she's accepted that Tara is gone, and Dawn is powerless in the knowledge that she'll never see the blond witch again. And it's all Kennedy's fault.
She drifts in her thoughts, sometimes, and usually ends up on Tara. After all, there's next to nothing written on the First, and she useless for anything else. That's al that Dawn can do, after all. Research girl, and good for absolutely nothing else.
Tara was more than a mother to her. She was a friend, a confidant, a mother and big sister and protector rolled into one. She had so much love, for everyone and everything. When Dawn thought she was the only person who could tell Spike wasn't an ordinary vampire, Tara surprised her and said she felt it, too. When Dawn cried about some silly teenaged problem that didn't warrant more than a five-second dismissal from an adult, Tara took her outside and showed her the world, and told her about how magic was intertwined in everything, to make Dawn realize that her problem wasn't important.
Most of all, Tara had been the one person Dawn had been able to count on at every turn. She was always there for her, always had time. She was always loving, even when she did get impatient or annoyed. She'd never gone evil or killed anybody, and she didn't place a 'mission' above the Slayer's kid sister's life.
Tara had been beauty, to Dawn. She had been love. Basking in the radiance of those gifts had made the fragile teenager strong, and she blessed the witch every day for that gift. But sometimes, no matter how strong you are, you aren't strong enough. Living life as Buffy's little sister has taught her that, if nothing else. And now she would give anything if she could just feel the glow of Tara's sweet presence one more time. If the witch could just appear for a minute, and grant her the strength that she will need to get through this. Because honestly, Dawn isn't sure she has it. And if she doesn't, no one is coming to help her, not this time.
There is nobody left for her. When Glory had wanted to wreak chaos on the earth, she'd been the cause of it. She'd been protected and coddled and loved and surrounded by strength in every way possible. But this time? It wasn't about her, this time. It wasn't about her, and no one had time to be there for her. This time, everyone's energy was focused on the Potentials. Every bit of strength that anyone had to give, was given to them. Because this time, it was about them, and keeping them alive.
This time, there would be nobody to save Dawn but Dawn. And she didn't know if she could do that. Didn't know if she was strong enough to stand on her own and not be blown over by the hurricane of the First. Because there would be no one to grab onto, this time. This time, if she started to lean, she was a loss that could be tolerated. There was a greater purpose to transpire, before any one human life could be worried about.
And even in this time, Dawn knew that Tara wouldn't have forgotten about the people. Buffy, Willow and Giles had forgotten that power. They only remembered the 'unit', now. Only remembered the people in this fight as a whole. Didn't remember that each of those people was their own person, that they all needed to be coddled the way that they were coddling the group.
Tara would have remembered that a whole can't be strong if any of its parts are broken. Buffy didn't. And now, Dawn's only hope for bringing Tara and all of her wisdom back is gone, because Willow has given up. Given in.
The bathroom wall rattles, and the girls look everywhere but at each other. Dawn watches impassively, neither embarrassed nor amused by the events transpiring next door.
There's a sharp crack as something hits the walls, and they start to giggle. Dawn rolls over in her bed and tries to shut them out.
Then there's a gentle sigh that carries all too well through the thin walls, and Vi starts to whisper to Rona, the two of them close in the sisterhood of having been some of the first girls here, back when there were few enough that Dawn could actually learn their names.
Incensed, Dawn sits up, thwacks the wall behind her head, the one that adjoins the bathroom, and then glares at Vi and Rona. They fall instantly silent, Rona with a rebellious frown on her face and Vi totally cowed.
"Kennedy..." comes a soft sound from the other side of the wall.
Tara, thinks Dawn. Why can't you be here, still? Everything's falling apart without you.
Back to A Little Part of the Buffiverse
Back to A Little Part of the Buffiverse Fanfic