A/N: I have to admit that I'm considering giving these four their own world and writing a nov- er, Book of Negotiable Affection about them. If and when it would be published, I haven't the faintest idea who would buy it, but I would just love to write a whole BOOK about the ladies, just to get it in the mail with the knowledge that I've written a book. I absolutely love them to bits.


Chapter 2 - Please Enjoy Your Stay


"So this is a cruise ship," Theodora purred, stroking the back of a richly upholstered chair with her fan.

"Yeah," said Wilhelmina, from her position inside the drink cabinet. "We've been here for a whole hour, and already it feels like home."

"Ohhh, not for me," Roberta tittered, perched precariously on the edge of a wooden chair. "I do feel so very uncomfortable."

"Look! They've got scumble! 'Each bottle aged a whole 14 minutes' it says! That was a good hour, lemme' tell you."

Louisa sighed in a long suffering way, collapsing into an overstuffed armchair. "Theodora, DO stop purring over heverything," she scolded, "and don't be so hworried, Roberta. hWe're perfectly safe. BLAST IT, hWILHELMINA SKURT, hIF AI SEE hYOU hWITH hYOUR HEAD STUCK IN THAT DRRRINKS CABINET hONE hMORE hTIME..."

Wilhelmina backed out hurriedly.

Louisa smiled. "hThat's better," she said. "Now take hyour hestrogen."

"Yes, Louisa."

"All of hyou should, actually."

"Yes, Louisa."

"So should Ai, come to think of hit. That houtburst hwas hrather hmasculine of hme."



It had been last week. They remembered it well. Louisa had come marching into the Get A Room Room, one hand held high over her head...

"hLook!" Louisa cried happily, nearly tripping over her stiletto heels. "Ay hletter from hmai hmother!"

"I'm so glad you two are back on speaking terms," Roberta giggled weakly, adjusting the yellow skirt that did such a fine job of making her look decadently sickly.

"Oh hyes, hisn't it hwonderful?" Louisa gushed. The Ladies all giggled and huddled closer around Louisa as she opened the letter. She tore out the folded piece of paper with a flourish, snapping it open in one smooth movement.

"'hMy dear hLouis'," Louisa read, and glared at the letter. "That's hme," she added. "'hAi am glad to hear hyou are hwell. hAi am hwell halso. hAi thought hyou hwould like to know that hyour cousin hWilfred is getting hmarried!'" She giggled. "hNever thought he had it hin him," she whispered to the Ladies. "'The hmarriage is planned for this Grune 7th. Hope to see hyou there, hmuch love, hMummy.'"

"How wonderful!" Roberta squeaked.

"hWe shall attend!" Louisa cried.

There was a horrified silence.



**Back to the Present...**


"hWhere's the bloody dining hroom?!" Louisa grumbled, marching down the corridors with the three Ladies in tow.

"It's called a mess hall," Roberta ventured, dabbing at her damp forehead with a blue-embroidered silk handkerchief.

"Mess hell, more like," Wilhelmina muttered darkly, still sulking from the estrogen incident. "I've been in one before."

"Sounds like... fun," Theodora giggled, fanning herself languidly. ("I think I feel warm," said Roberta. "Do I feel warm to you? Maybe I have a fever... oh dear...") "I wonder if there are any well-brought up young men there?"

"You mean rich?" Wilhelmina asked. Theodora wiggled her eyebrows. "I wouldn't be surprised; this is a classy joint."

"SOPHISTICATED, hWilhemina," Louisa sniffed. "Please, use proper vocahbulary."

"Yeah, right, sure. SOPHISICATED joint."

Louisa glowered at Wilhelmina, who gave the taller Lady a cheshire cat grin.

"So how is your cousin, Louisa?" Roberta quavered, trying to change the subject. "Do you know his fiancee?"

"hMai cousin is hin perfect health, Roberta," Louisa replied, adjusting her bustle. "And Ai have hnever had the chance to hmeet his fiancAY."

"Is she cute?"

"Shut hup, hWilhelmina."

"Yes, Louisa."

"And help hme find the bloody mess hell."

"Hall, Louisa."

"hWhatever."